Tuesday, February 28, 2006

And about the book

Sorry no post the last few days. It was our anniversary. Which was not so stellar since our babysitter decided to share five minutes before she was supposed to be there that she had the flu. Nice.

Anyway, so one of the new chicks on my full critique board read it. And liked it enough to read it all in one go. Which is good. And she caught several small glich problems that are technical things like a bad it's vs its and an impromptu name change that my find/change didn't get. So all fixable. On the other hand, she says that I don't have enough regional flavor. Which sort of got me to thinking. Do we even have regional flavor in suburban Atlanta? I think not. Well, not unless Bed, Bath and Beyond has gotten regional and Starbucks has changed headquarters. I see what she means though. She's thinking grits and greens and Scarlett and Tara. But we just don't have that here so much anymore do we? And that is so sad. I mean now we're not all Old South which is all charity balls, The Masters and lunching where we will be seen. Instead, we are New South which is all Nascar, chain restaurants and Target. So let's make a list of what Southern women do so that I can work this in, tell me if I miss some:

  1. Cope.
  2. Join the Junior League.
  3. Sit on charity committees especially the Hospitality Committee since that's where you get to make centerpiece and menu decisions.
  4. Drive expensive cars in happy colors like yellow or red.
  5. Have big, blonde hair held in place with gallons of Final Net which you are still bitter about no longer coming in an aerosole can.
  6. Grits, fried chicken, cheese straws, cake (but not rum cake since that would be inappropriate to take to a church social) which has a name like Aunt Flo's Chocolate Choo Choo Cake or Nana Anna's Banana Extravaganza Cake.
  7. Cook Coca Cola Hams, Coca Cola Cakes and know how to clean gunk off of windshields using...Coca Cola. Also, own stock in Coca Cola.
  8. Funeral Casseroles made of Velveeta, Durkee's french fried onions and green beans.
  9. Go to Church.
  10. Do not associate with weird groups that may be Communist, cults or bizarre exercise crazies. Yoga has Communist undertones.
  11. Diet (always some odd thing like the Gulf Coast Grapefruit Diet and then next week it will be the All Potato Salad Diet followed by the Dolly Parton Soup Diet).
  12. Enough plates, silverware and serving pieces to have a small European nation over for a buffet dinner. But none of it matches since it's all inherited (ie bought at garage sales). Not so much the deviled egg platter these days I think. Deviled eggs are probably packed full of carbs. Or fat. Or carbs and fat. Better to serve crudite which no one will eat and everyone will snigger at because it's "cheap".
  13. Bless her heart. This can be said after anything you say about another person and it immediately is NOT gossip. Example: "Jo Beverley's tweezed her eyebrows so much they're non-exsistent anymore, she's got this weird surprised look all the time now like someone just told her that Leo Mullins screwed up Delta. She looks awful. Bless her heart.
  14. All ailments should begin with The. It's just not dramatic when you announce that grandmother has bursitis but if Grandma has The Bursitis family members will rush in from all over the south-eastern United States with casseroles at the ready. Grandpa doesn't have gingivitis. He has The Gingivitis. See, much more dramatic!
  15. Grandma style cookin'. I myself was doing a whole flush out the system thing last week and was standing at the stove frying up my steak in about two pounds of butter in my cast iron skillet. That is some Gandma Cookin'. If I'd had some biscuits and grits I really would have been in good shape. Sadly, those items are not well known as system cleaner outters. Grandma is not interested in whatever spray butter is, fat free dairy products or why you would ever want to eat something called bok choy or tiramisu (since they sound Chinese and they are Communist).
  16. A subscription to Southern Living magazine.
  17. The complete inablility to understand why anyone would want to hang a Picasso or a Pollack on the walls of their living room. They are not attractive and rarely go with the sofa. We want pictures of flowers, kids and oceans. And if you can throw all three in the mix that's all the better.
  18. Referring to your mother-in-law as "Mother". For instance, Mother Smith or Mother Wilson.
  19. Themematic sweaters and acessories. Sweaters with santas, easter bunnies, university logos and dogs that light up. Jewelry with bulldogs, easter baskets, shamrocks and hairbows that sing Rocky Top.
  20. Heels. You won't catch a lot of Southern Belles in Birkenstocks or Doc Martins. In Keds or Tretorns but not Birks. Those heavy shoes look like something military. No one will ever marry you if you wear ugly shoes.
  21. The ability to turn a shower curtain, a water bottle, two carrots and a pile of popsicle sticks into an attractive and functional centerpiece in ten minutes or less.
  22. Whole hearted embracement of whatever crappy circumstance you are in. Blizzard? Let's have a neighborhood potluck so all this food doesn't go to waste and we'll do it by CANDLELIGHT! Flu? I needed to loose weight. Bankruptcy? Shopping at Goodwill is the new black!
  23. Martha Stewart was railroaded because she's a woman. Martha Stewart should not have gone to jail, it was a terrible waste of resources. But she did. And she coped beautifully as everyone at my Free Martha Party agreed. The jury was packed full of Communist men who probably do yoga and eat tiramisu because they live in New York City and are Yankees. Bless their hearts. Those people do not understand or deserve her. She should move down here where she can be appreciated.
  24. Family history. Everyone's family owned a plantation at one point. It doesn't matter that your family migrated from Poland in 1949 and your last name was Wavpolinokski before you married your husband. Relatives in the Civil War? You bet. You've got Great-great-great Uncle Cosmo's sword in the attic somewhere and you'd get it to show but you're having terrible squirrel problems up there at the moment and they may be rabid so you really don't want to take the chance one might escape and bite your guests. Related to a President? What could be less Communist then that? You can trace your family directly back to President's Madison, Hayes and Wilson. Yes, of course you could show the family tree but you're having it reframed.
  25. Hopelessly romantic about media arts and technically inept enough to avoid them. Titanic, Chocolat, Memoires of a Geisha, Cinderella and all romance novels? Yes. The Good Girl, Munich, anything written by Wally Lamb, all things directed by Oliver Stone (who interviewed Castro who is a Communist) or Roman Polanski(who is banished to Europe for being a pervert and is probably a Communist)? Blah.

Seattle Barbie Dream House

It is not secret to any of you who know me, that I harbor a strong, bordering on obsessive need to move away from Atlanta. I was not cut out for suburban living. It's just that simple. Ideally, I want to move to Seattle or San Francisco. First choice is Seattle. I want a loft downtown, I want to walk to Pike Place Market and I want my daughter in the awesome Seattle City school district. I want my husband to have the option to walk to work to get a little fresh air and no commute and have season tickets to the Mariners if he desires. And I want all of this for a very low price tag. Well, that part won't happen. But today I did discover my Seattle Barbie Dream House. Excuse the fact that some idgit didn't get the call that 1989 wants it's color scheme back.

http://www.seattlecondos.com/Nav.aspx/Page=Http://seattlecondos.nwibc.com/srch_mls/pickpage.php?mode=mp&sort_order=DESC

It's on Pioneer Square, I can walk to everything, it's practically sitting on top of SAM and has a rooftop garden. Yes, many of you are all, but your child needs a yard. Whatever, it's too hot to use the one we have now and we go to the local playground (which we must drive to) anyway. So it appears to me that not having a lawn we do not have to pay someone to keep up and not use is more desirable. The rooftop garden we can...er, garden in fifteen minutes and walk to the local playground. And the master bath? To die for. Of course, this comes with a swell Barbie Dream House type price tag. Which is not in the Staci Tract Housing budget sadly. Well, when my book hits the bestseller list....

Friday, February 24, 2006

Update and today's Friday Fun

First of all, I got a package yesterday with my PRO pin in it. Very exciting. I have it stuck on my office wall.

I've gotten my editing Fu on and am about a hundred pages a way from having my book cleaned up. Except I'm still not sure the mystery portion is holding together well. I'm SOOOOO not a mystery plotter. But I should be done today and can send it along to one of my critique cronies.

And here is today's Friday Fun....


http://www.tomatonation.com/warning.shtml

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I've picked bad days to edit my book. I'm doing this whole cleansing diet thing for two days and all I can eat is protein and drink water and this gross juice (read diuretic). The juice gives me an awful headache. And while being able to eat nothing but meat, eggs and green veggies sounds great, after the first day you are so over it. Anway, I'm editing for commas but then finding places where I need to spiff things up. I've now decided I've writeen the worst book in history. Even worse then the last worst book ever I wrote. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhh. Stupid book.

And again, I found myself forced, FORCED to make a political comment. Today, President Asshat said that he would veto any legislation put forth to keep the deal he has made for the middle eastern run company to do security on our ports. AND that he felt people were upset about this because of racial bias. You think? No, really. You think Joe Bob Redneck is ever going to get over people from some vague sandy land somewhere blowing up the Twin Towers? Do you think he knows or cares that these weren't those people? Do you think that a group that has been profiled as Muslim Extremist for years by every media outlet will not be confused with the peaceful Muslims that are not fringe groups by 95% of the population? Hey, thank God no one is freaking out about how our country is being run by a pretend Christian extremeist and confusing him with the rest of us who are, for lack of a better word, not nuts. Darn straight it's racial bias.

But the part I love, really love, is that now suddenly his major supporters are all "but I don't understand why he's acting like this! When did he start channeling Stalin?" Right. It's like when people find out a serial killer has been living next door and watering their plants while they were on vacation for ten years, "He seemed so normal." How could anyone think that George Bush and his pseudo-religious faux-conservative dictatorship would ever yield a moment where he refused to listen to every citizen of the US and do his own thing? Gee, anyone conscious. I'm going to say that if you were to take a peek behind the large painting of Anglo-Jesus that he has defiled the Oval Office with (And folks, I'm a Christian. I'm not against visual representation of our Savior under any circumstances except when rendered on velvet or as religious props for politicians), we would see a small picture of Pol Pot taped to the back with a heart circled around it in red Sharpie. Many historians and political scholars believe that The Khmer Rouge dictatorship in Cambodia was the product of the combined influence of Stalinism and American imperialism. So, I'm not that far off base here. Am I comparing Pol Pot and Bush? Not really. Yet.

But the thing is, I'm not opposed to the deal. I recently took a cruise that left out of Houston. There we dealt with people who were supposed to be keeping our ports safe. And I guess they were in fact keeping them as safe as a bunch of over-weight, high school dropouts recruited from the local trailer parks and government housing projects could. Have you been to an airport lately? Do you feel safe knowing THOSE people are in charge of making sure you are safe? Apparently, they can't even be trusted to handle an attack that might come out of nowhere that involves tweezers or nail clippers or Heaven forbid, an entire mini-manicure set. So, really, could this group do worse? Probably not. And honestly, if anyone would be an expert on trying to keep people safe from terroristic action it would be people from the middle east where that is an everyday life concern.

Okay, I'm crawling down from my soap box and going back to editing out the smart quotes from the worst book ever written now.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Friday fun on Monday

I wasn't home to give you the Friday funny. So here is my belated present to you...

Notes From The Esquire Meeting Where Jessica Biel Was Named The Sexiest Woman On Earth

http://fametracker.com/blue_moons/misc_esquire_biel.shtml

Chick-Lit Writer's of the World

I'm apparently becoming addicted to joining RWA off set groups. I joined these ladies today http://www.chicklitwriters.com/. I hope it's funness! And yes, I know I owe two more agent queries. I'm getting there but my child has been ILL. I am currently reviewing my manuscript and tweaking the quote marks. Since I use a fantastic program called WriteWay to get the scrip together www.writewaypro.com but Word at the office with my jump drive I have to download and piece them together. Sadly they have a difference of opinion about smart quotes and I keep forgetting to turn them off on Word. As a result my formatting looks weird. And since one of my new Diva board ladies is all waiting to read it I am trying to zip through and correct them. You know, this book is funny. No, really. The midget is somewhat hilarious as is the purple dyed chiuaua (spell?). I hope an agent actually reads the darn thing.

So, national conference coming up in July! Woo-hoo! One of my favorite things is hanging with a thousand like-minded women and men (yeah, you wouldn't think but there are quite a few NOT GAY ones. I didn't realize it but in Dallas, James Patterson was in the Story Magic seminar with me. By the way, if Robin Perrini brings that seminar within driving distance to you, GO! If you ever hope to write a book but can't plot your way out a wet paper bag, this is for you! And me!). You can hang with all your favorite authors and go to awesome workshops and best of all, you get an agent and editor appointment! Five whole dedicated minutes to talk your heart out about your fabulous piece of work! Sure, it doesn't sound like much but you write your pitch on index cards and memorize it and time yourself with a stopwatch and you get it down to about three minutes which leaves two for questions. Then they slide over the all important business card to you and say, send it! And you get to write the coveted REQUESTED MATERIAL on the outside of your envelope. I get so overwhelmed at the thought I have to lay down.

So, goal for today and possibly part of tomorrow, finish quote review and get off to critique partner.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Some fun news

I have some fun news. Well, first I've received no more rejections so that's fun, right? But the real thing is that I have a new critique partner! Go me! My Kiss Of Death Chapter critique fairy godmother has found my perfect soul mate. She claims. I'm excited!

And then...I started my own web board. Several people on the Clues and News board were having trouble finding anyone with fresh eyes to read their entire WIP front to back. Critique partners are awesome but they tend to be with you through the whole struggle so it's hard for them to really get in there and say, you characters arcs are arching, your mystery is indeed...mysterious. Anyway, since they know the whole thought process behind the book and in many cases came up with about a third of it themselves, you often need an unbiased third party. So I have created that http://groups.yahoo.com/group/CritiqueDivas/ here.

I have seven members. You get one chance to submit your agent ready manuscript, anyone who wants to can read it, fill out the critique score sheet (which I cobbled together from several different ones) and post their findings. Pretty good, huh? Oh, and you have to be a PRO/PAN member of RWA since I will waste no time reading things destined to be unearthed in panty drawers by future generations. I can say that now since I am! See, dude did me a favor! Really, he did!

So, I'm off for the weekend to give a bridal shower and then I'll be back at the grindstone tossing out inquiry letters on Monday.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Welcome to the Asshat Millinery...

I generally try to steer clear of expressing my political opinion, like that the President is an asshat, on my blog. That generally the domain of my pal DorkyDad (Dorkydad.blogspot.com). But today's headlines have so intrigued me that I must give an opinion on three of them.

1) Florida Child Killer begs for mercy. Staci Says- Dude, we can give you mercy all you want but we can't delay the inevitable, you are going to hell. If Satan will have you. Which he may not and is currently preparing some sort of off-sight location for you so that you don't contaminate the other Damned with your ignormous perversion. You can hang around this mortal coil and get gang raped and beaten with plastic sporks turned into nunchakus and shanked with sharpened up bars of Dial by the kind men of your local Super-Max until the end of your miserable little life as far I'm concerned but that's not going to change the outcome.

2) Dick Cheney Wishes Shooting Victim Speedy Recovery. Staci Says- I love how the attitude toward this is, well, it's not like he's DEAD or anything. If I'd shot someone I would have gone to jail no matter how briefly. It doesn't matter how accidental, as if there are grades. People who shoot other people need to go to jail and just based on the fact that they need to think about how stupid they are for shooting someone by "accident". I mean next thing you know gangbangers nationwide are going to be like sorry, dude, my AK-7 got jammed in the window of the Caprice and I accidentally shot all those kids. What? It was an accident. Do we even know this was an accident? They've been hiding Dick Cheney for the last five years and only duisting him off for brief campaign appearances. How do we know he hasn't gone all Howard Hughes and his secret service guys aren't being required to wear Kleenex boxes on their feet and they aren't covering it up? I'm just saying...

3) Foreclosure Rates Soar, States Surprised by Trend. Staci says- What could possibly, possibly surprise someone about people who make less then a 100,000 a year, buying houses over a million dollars, financing them on interest only three years ARMs and now facing the end of those ARMs and having to refi at a higher interest rate and not being able to sell the house because interest rates are higher and they have no equity in them now losing that million dollar house? I'm shocked. Shocked.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Half full

In thinking about this (since I have inherited some of my mother's OCD), it seems that there may be a good thing to come out of my rejection from Writer's House.

When you join RWA (Romance Writer's of America) you are a general member. You pay your dues, you get the magazine, you get to go to the national conference, you can join your local chapter, etc. When you complete your first full manuscript and send it off to an agent or editor on the recognized list and they either send you a yes, no or send the rest letter, you can take that, a copy of your manuscript and send it all in with your application to the RWA and you become a PRO. PRO is the next tier. It means you are really serious about your career. You busted through the three chapter curse, you birthed the baby and now you're sending it off to college. So with Daniel Lazar's kind thank you no thank you, I have become a PRO. And await the arrival of my pin to prove it. So what do I get with that? Well..the pin. But also, PRO has it's own website, newsletters, seminars, conferences and best of all, the second crack at the editor/agent appointments at the national convention. So this year I might get to see an agent or editor who actually works in my genre! The next level is PAN for the published. It's the Holy Grail. One day...

So thanks, Daniel! When I am terribly famous and you are kicking yourself for rejecting me, I'll still give you props for this.

That's a good one...

I couldn't help noticing on television this weekend the Victoria's Secret ads.
The Valentine's tagline is....Give her something you both want! Hoooooooo! Hahahahahha! Now that? Is funny. I mean I guess if you're a hooker and you wear it professionally. Or if you're like twenty. No, I do believe that is the gift that he will enjoy. The only thing even mildly enduring about that gift? The man went into the store and braved the sales women. Not that I mind getting the occasional nice nightgown or whatever but not exactly the gift that keeps giving nor actually says anything about our relationship. I always think lingerie the gift for the unimaginative man, the last act of desperation on Christmas Eve when the panic has set in.

Although, this does tie in nicely with my thoughts on Battlestar from Friday (admit it, you never saw the segueway coming). Having watched it, and every episode, some enterprising Caprican needs to open a Galactica branch of VS. Cause 1) these people are seriously getting around and 2) after seeing Starbucks underwear...esh. And BTW, where do people keep digging up Dana Delaney and for God's sake WHY? Let her and the sister go gently into that good night. Please.

And a belated thank you to all of you who have expressed your sympathy for my first rejection. Somewhere there is a brilliant agent out there just waiting for this thing to hit their desk. I just have to dig that agent up. So, fingers crossed. And since I am so confident of this, I have started a sequel. I read that Nora Roberts and Sherrilyn Kenyon both had a massive backlog of books from being rejected for so many years which is how they got like eight books out in a year. I can do that too. I know, I know! You're just busting with curiosity about the plot. I will only say that part of the story was inspired by The Rascal scooter I saw sitting near the door at the Target the other day. No, that's all I'm going to say so stop trying to bribe me with lingerie!

Friday, February 10, 2006

It's Friday...

Enjoy...

http://fametracker.com/hey_its_that_guy/wong_victor.shtml

Rejected

Well, the inevitable has happened. Daniel Lazar at Writer's House emailed me and said he didn't so much handle chick-lit. I suppose it was inevitable and I wasn't unprepared for Writers House to say no. And truthfully they do not have an inventory of chick-lit. He was very gracious about it as opposed to the reports I have heard about other agents who have in fact said things like very disappointing or needs a complete rewrite to my writer friends so I guess all in all not a terrible start. Still I was hoping he thought my manuscript was the best thing since Harry Potter. But I understand that J.K. Rowling was turned down a bit. Still stings though.

Well, better luck with the next one I hope.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I did it, I did it, I'd said do and indeed I did!

For those of you who did not grow up with old movies, this is part of a song from My Fair Lady. Anywhoodles. I sent my stuff to Writers House. Seriously, Daniel Lazar, prepare to be blown away. Or to delete my email. Either way I did it. I also have my package ready to hit Jennifer Jackson at Donald Maass although this is via snail mail so I could include the first ten pages per her website. I actually put it in a photo mailer envelope. I'm not trying to be deceptive but it had a cardboard thingy so it wouldn't get bent and it's water proof. Next? Lowenstein-Yost I think. That is tomorrows goal.

But I was stressing over Writers House since I feel like that's the holy grail and that every interview I've seen with them, minus the one I recently read with the above agent, they display no sense of humor at all. If I'm sharing money with someone they need to be funny. Warped might be better.

I have to go prepare lunch for my toddler now. Sometimes the reality of having a child who will not eat meat or sweets is not all that fun. I continually have to search new and exciting vegetarian options for her. Today for instance she's having pasta with mushrooms and a side of oranges. Do not get me wrong, I would far rather have a child interested in whole grains and fresh veggies then one addicted to Sunny Delight (should be outlawed) and cookies (which my daughter is completely convinced are whole wheat saltines).

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

And on the mindnumbing television note...

We watched Gilmore last night. Not bad. Discounting the abscence of my beloved Gil. And I'm not sure I spied the awesome Paul Anka either. But I love Paris. I'm ready for a Paris spin-off. Like Paris in Paris or something.

On the other hand, Flavor of Love and Beauty and the Geek are turning out to be everything I could have hoped for and MORE.

I've been too busy to peruse my TWOP boards but I assume everyone is all tingly with excitement at the possible killing off of MR. ME too! Of course, I'm sure JJ is just messing with us as usual but it would be so nice. Well, I'm going to see Lost live and in person tonight instead of TIVO since a miracle (my daughter puking) occurred and I'm home.

Creepy

My mom is reading my blog now (hi mom). It's way creepy. It's like having someone read your diary. And I always thought I had about that many people interested, which is to say none. I mean who reads these things? No one. Except your mother apparently.

So I bought expensive 100% cotton stationary (hope they don't wash it in hot water) and envelopes and business cards for moi. So when I do snail mail I will walk tall among the professional. I was messing around with business card design earlier today and I finally decided just plain black lettering on the ivory card. And to just say what I am which is my name and my address and that I write chick lit. I guess that's sort of boring. But I saw a business card with a glamour shot of the women on it one time. At the moment I thought it was sort of inventive (I was young) but looking back I'm relatively sure that wouldn't be considered super professional. Or professional. Or anything more then worthy of contempt. And I used to wonder why people didn't get published. I guess between the inability to finish more then three chapters and the lack of business savvy I'm beginning to see. Which is a shame because I think a lot of these ladies have compelling ideas.

Also, I sent out another inquiry. Yeah, I did. And I've retinkered the first ten pages to be pretty good. I may be in a done tinkering mood for the short term. So, here is the question of the day...Should I REALLY just send off a query letter or should I send off a packet with the first chapter? Jayne Ann Krentz told me once that you should never send just the letter. She said that any agent or editor worth anything would not be able to resist taking a tiny peek at what you sent them. But then I think it would go into the SLUSH PILE OF UNSOLICITED MANUSCRIPTS OTHERWISE KNOWN AS DEATH VALLEY. A letter on the other hand might just wander in. But the concept that may not sound scintillating in a letter might be awesome on page with a voice. Or vice versa I guess. Decisions....


Anyway, tomorrow I am getting things off one way or another to The Writer's House. Because rejection can't be welcomed soon enough.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

The Leap

And now I've jumped and it's OUT THERE.

God speed, query letter, God speed...

The Three Chapter Curse

There is one. Seriously, it wraps it's evil cloak around you and it screws you over. For like twenty years. When you send in a manuscript many, many times agents will write you back about a query letter unless it is utterly inappropriate for what they represent ( a Regency sent to an agent that handles Paranormal usually or something) and ask for a full synopsis and the first three chapters. Knowing that your status as published or not published and al the bragging rights that entails will be made in those first three chapters it becomes The First Three Chapters. I've known people who can screw with those chapters for ten years. And I'm not kidding. I belong to an organization (or maybe my membership is up) where there is a large percentage of women who have been writing away faithfully, attending meetings, going to conferences and they NEVER PROGRESS BEYOND THE FIRST THREE CHAPTERS AND THEY NEVER WILL. It's the curse. Of course, often it's the product of ADD. But if you can make it to chapter four you're usually good. The problem is you can finish your whole book and then tinker with The First Three Chapters endlessly. As I am an example of this neurosis.

Yes, my friend Kathy, the blogless wonder, has corrected and returned my letter (with two comma changes and a misspell which I think is pretty good). I have done a folder worth of agent research. I have addresses, emails and submission criteria at the ready. And what am I doing? Blogging. I'm so pathetic.

So, baby steps. I'm going to send out the query letter to an agent who only wants the letter emailed to her (Kristin Nelson) TODAY. First step is the hardest and then it will be easier. I may need to draw up a schedule of submission since I am good with lists. Okay, I'm great at making lists, somewhat mediocre in completing them. So here we go...

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Changed my mind...

As a girl is apt to do. I've decided to go for broke and send in a query to Writer's House. I mean if you're getting rejected, you should get rejected from the best in the biz. And they have an agent there who appears to have a sense of humor about him. I've heard not complimentary things about them in the past but when one considers that 99.8% of everything they are sent is tripe, perhaps it's just sour grapes I'm hearing.

Does anyone know what happened to the Jane Rotrosen Agency? They seem to have gone up in smoke per the web. And I know they rep the awesome Jenny Crusie.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Crap!

I've lost my jump-drive. No seriously. I can hear the Maelstrom of you now all saying in chorus why the hell wasn't it on your keyring? And to this I reply, shut up. Anyway, I shall reward you if you return my red jumpdrive thingy. It's OK, people, the jump-drive has been located. I repeat stand-down , we are downgrading to DEFCON 2.

I asked my dear friend Kathy (who has no blog or it would be inserted here) who is a former school teacher and is all at the ready with her red pen to review my agent query letter. I feel this is a step closer to my goal. I have indeed set myself a goal. I am going to send out my agent query letter to one lucky agent Monday. MONDAY! Good, bad or ugly, it's out of here. I am approaching this as I would a job search. It's a numbers game and eventually I am bound to stumble over someone who recognizes my awesome talents. OR someone desperate. Either way, I'm fine. So one query a day I think. Again, why not? I'm targeting my list of unattainable agents and sending it to them. HAHAHA! Reject me if you will, I am above your petty answers! Okay, not really but I'm trying to develop thicker skin.

And if you are one of these agents reading this, look for my query letter and prepare to be awed!

Okay here are the blessed...

Trident Media (agent to a little author called Janet Evanovich)
Kristen Nelson (cause she reads every proposal sent her way, God love her!)
Lowenstein-Yost (for having a sense of humor on their bios)
Ethan Ellenberg (cause he reprsents a whole slew of people I enjoy)
Jane Rotrosen (for representing the always hilarious Jenny Cruise)

Naturally, I have specific victims in mind at each place but this is my current holy grail. And yes, I know, Writer's House is not represented here. I'm not THAT crazy.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Agent Angst

If you are or even if you are not on the Brangelina Uterus Watch Team, read this. No really, just read it. It might be the funniest thing ever. No, I actually think it is. The funniest thing ever.

So, we watched Battlestar last night. What the heck was that? Anyone? I don't know either. I rarely walk away from a program saying I have no idea what any of that meant but that? Was a train wreck in slow motion with flashbacks. I shudder even now.
You ever stand at the edge and don't jump? I find myself doing this lately a lot. I've never been a no jump girl, I'm frequently noted for jumping then checking to see if there are any available landing spots. And these aren't mondo jumps. Not really.
The book thing I suppose is a little larger. I mean once you send something to an agent then it's OUT THERE and you can never make it be NOT OUT THERE. And if the agent (or every agent) says it sucks and don't contact them again what do you do? Do you know that there is one of those unwritten but people who know what they are doing do it rules that says that if you submit something and it is turned down you can never submit it to that house again under that name? Do you know if you send a number of bad submissions in you eventually get blacklisted by that person? So you give up? Every J.K. Rowling, every Sherrilyn Kenyon, every Nora Roberts has a box full of rejection slips I know. So you should be persistent, I know.
I've been researching a lot of agents. I'd like to find one with a good house that is young and hungry. You know, the perfect agent. I thought I was really onto something the other day when I discovered an agent at Trident (an agency with kick ass clients) who goes to a lot of conferences which says to me that she's looking for someone fresh and new. I did a lot of research which eventually led me to her website (her very very own) on which she stated that first she is no longer taking unsolicited manuscripts. I actually thought that was weird since she is an agent and thereby the very nature of her job would suggest that they be unsolicited but maybe that's why she goes to all those conferences. Anyway, then she gave out this whole huge list of stuff that you should have done before submitting any manuscript to anyone. Like have a bunch of articles published, give workshops, etc. This sort of thing makes me think I should just shuffle my work off to some unknown agent who may know someone who may know an editor. I have a friend who got a good book deal through an agent whose web site features a lot of pictures of her wearing polyester and bad hair and talks a lot about her church. But the agent thing is that you will have that person in your life FOREVER. It's like having a child with someone. They are entitled to your royalties on that book for eternity. But then I just think, well, my B list will be there. Why not send it off to the really really big guys first? It's sort of like playing the lottery. You spend your buck, you get your ticket. You don't expect to win and if you don't then it's just a dollar gone but if you do... So if I send it out to the big five and get rejected then I never thought they would mess with me anyway so that doesn't seem such a big deal. Onthe other hand, getting shot down by the B list would. So maybe I will send a query off to Nora Robert's agent (The Writer's House).
Goal du Jour-> Finish screwing with query letter. I did mess around with my first chapter the other day until I do believe I am done. Well, you are never done but I may be satisfied. Well, you're never satisfied...

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

So about the book...

Okay, goal for Monday done. Also, tinkered with the query letter and selected four agents to send it too. I'm still messing with the first chapter but I think it's pretty good at this point. GOal for tomorrow- Finish tinkering with chapter. Not lofty but doable I think.

Have you met Mr. Snarky McSnarkster?

The only time I am mentioned on your blog and it is to point out that I stutter... nice!

This was my husband's reply to my last post. So let me list some of his better qualities. I personally never think of stuttering as a quality good or bad but here we go:

  • He doesn't snore often. This is a highly under rated quality.
  • He loves our daughter to distraction. Another utterly important quality. He never minds giving her a bath no matter how long his day has been and that the inevitable outcome will be a screaming toddler who does not want to leave the tub.
  • He goes to concerts with me he would rather chew off a limb then admit to being at. Olivia Newton John? Yep. Rick Springfield? You betcha. Bette Midler? Yeah.
  • He supports my fledgling writing career utterly with absolutely no doubt that I am the most brilliant writer since...whoever originally started Sports Illustrated and I will no doubt be published the moment it hits an agents desk.
  • He has stayed at jobs that he completely hates to support us. I've been in jobs that really suck. This is a big deal.
  • He lives with four cats and cleans the litter boxes.
  • He thinks I'm thin and that my boobs still look good after breast feeding for a year.
  • He could care less about authority over the remote control. Of course, I have flawless taste so that isn't really an issue. Mansquito? Oh, shut up!
  • He often functions as my memory. Part of my bi-polar is that I sometimes have total memory loss for everyday things.
  • I feel not so freaked out by life with him.

Okay, so just a random sampling there.

Are we happier now?

Anymore snarky comments and I bring out the clown story...