Movie Time

First of all, I've gone back and re-critiqued some of my scripts that were sent to me. I realized I'm trying to grade them on what I would write, no what's written. So I feel much better about most of them. On the other hand, I still have the one that is just so bad that I wouldn't line the cat crates with it for fear they would possibly read a page or two, go blind and I would have to invest in a seeing eye dog for them which would add another whole dimension of walking, feeding and defleaing. I'm trying to critique it in tiny doses to save my sanity.

In other goings on, we switched satellite companies the other day. Why? Because DishNetwork is a bunch of cheap, stupid assboobies who wouldn't know customer service if introduced it's self to them at a cocktail party and then spent the night with them. But in doing this we had to let go of what we had recorded on the recorder thingy (yeah, so I didn't go to MIT). So I scratched out some of them on a napkin. This led me to think not only of the random and bizarre collection of things my husband, my daughter and I find amusing media (including but not limited to: 6 episodes of Airline (I keep asking my husband how many hours of drunk people in LAX he can watch but apparently the answer is...a lot), Wiggles, random episodes of the Gilmore Girls, various movies we've recorded off of Sci-Fi/USA/HBO and never got around to) but of other movies that I have known and in some cases loved. Indulge me as I list a few.

Roxanne-Yes, Steve Martin did roam about for a fair amount of time in the 70's with an arrow sticking out his head and making movies like "The Jerk" but he has more then redeemed himself with this one! I saw that whole Cyrano crap-fest starring Gérard Depardieu (and no we will not be discussing Vatel. Never discuss Vatel!) and I've read the book.Which doesn't make me a Rhodes Scholar or anything, just literate. But this movie? Awesome! Steve Martin is funny, charming and incredibly fabulous. I watch this movie when nothing else is working for me.

Signs- I would slot this bad boy into my top five of all time. Seriously, M. Night? I love you. I love you so much I forgive you for rockin' it Chuck Norris style and starring in your own picture. Mel Gibson is so fabulous as is the rest of the ensemble. And who doesn't have actual body hair standing up when Mel turns to his brother and says in the calmest voice ever "Swing away, Merril." Holy cats! I'm about to pass out just thinking about it!

The Village- And then there's The Village. M. Night? Dude, what happened here? Yes, there is a truly freaky moment or two and there is some real suspense in places but the evil guys look like they were crafted by special needs eight year olds at some YMCA camp. You can do better. And you had better. I'd best see some good things from "Lady In The Water (this may be the working title)" if you want me at a Sunday matinee.

Chocolat- What can you say about perfection? Now, keep in mind that I am not in love with Johnny Depp as a rule. I know many a woman who would gladly pack her crap, go through the hastle of being treated like a member of an Islamic Fundamentalist fringe group to board a trans-Atlantic flight to live in France and let their pit hair grow to be with him, but not me. But when I watch this? I'd consider it. I didn't love the book as much but I think that's because it had no happily ever ending.

The Shipping News- My all time favorite movie of...All time. I feel about Kevin Spacey the way those Johnny Depp women do about...him. I know, he is in all likely hood very gay, but I do not care. I see all of his movies out of respect (yes, even the waste of perfectly good film stock known as The Life Of David Gale and everyone is allowed one massive mistake which is almost always combined with Laura Linnley), the same as I do Morgan Freeman. But this? This is awesome! Again, I read Annie Proulx's amazing book (yes, THAT Proulx! She's written other stuff besides Brokeback you know.) But the film? Loving it like a two dollar hooker. Perhaps because it's also a Lasse Halstorm(and I may have left a vowel out of that) special (as is Chocolat). Anyway, it just floors me everytime I watch it. I love it, I want to marry it, I want it to be run continuously on my grave. At the end when he's in the boat? Beauty.

The Fifth Element- It's a two-fer. Not only one of my top five in permanent placement BUT my all time favorite future sci-fi gig. An entire future designed by Jean Paul Gauliter? Sign me up! And this was during the period when Milla Jovovich was married to Luc Besson so he did a great job with it. I love me some Fifth Element! I also love Luc in general. You may not realize it but this is the man who brought us Le Femme Nikita, The Transporter and a higly underated number I call The Specialist or you may know it by it's European title, The Cleaner.

Under The Tuscan Sun- While this had nothing at all to do with the book, I adore it. It makes me want to pack my crap, move to Tuscany and live in a seven hundred year old farmhouse and pick olives for a living. Not that this would take a lot. I despised Diane Lane in....98% of everything else she's done (and yes that includes The Perfect Storm) but here? Good stuff.

Underworld, Dracula 3000, Dracula, Interview With A Vampire, etc.- I'm lumping these since I consider Vampire a genre. I love them all. I will make a list of my favs at some later date. IT's hard to go worng with fake teeth and capes.

Raise The Red Lantern, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, etc.- What is the obsession with making movies where everyone dies? Hey, Japanese people, lighten up! I love the work, the cinematography is flawless and after awhile I often even forget I'm reading subtitles but these movies are a lot of brain work so let's have a happy ending from time to time. And I loved M.O.A. Geisha, but I don't think that counts as traditional Japanese cinema.

Best In Show and other indie films, indie spoofs and indie films starring gay people or people we think should be gay: Can be good! The foreign ones I tend to like since they will go way out on a limb to be bizarre (witness anything out of Australia eg Priscilla, Queen of the Desert). The domestics? All seem to star Catherine O'Hara. Except for Hysterical Blindness.

Joss Whedon Big Screen- Either you love them because you've been indoctrinated into his cult shows or not. I love them. But he's a bastard for killing Walsh.

Closer- What the hell is this about? No really, if you know let me in on it! I want the two and half hours of my life and the part of my soul this ignormous piece of crap stole from me. I kept thinking, stop watching it. Then, no, it's going to get better. Then, it has to get better otherwise I'm in the Seventh Circle Of Hell Theatre. It didn't. Unless you think The Bell Jar is cheery, put a twenty mile radius between yourself and this soul-sucking nadir.

The Big Easy- A movie made back when you could be easy. Big sloppy kisses to the genius group behind this movie and Netflix for bringing it straight to my mailbox as often as I want.

Road to Perdition- Why? Why? Tom Hanks, you have shamed yourself! No one wants to see you like this. Take a Sunday brunch meeting with Meg Ryan and try to figure out how to salvage her career by making another romantic comedy.

Lake Placid- My favorite creature feature of all time. Being able to see Betty White saying..words I may not be allowed even by blog standards to repeat on the random uncut HBO showing was worth every dollar I paid to finance their humongo piece of crap Six Feet. And damn you forever for cancelling Carnivale! What is wrong with you people? A series about polygamy?

Smilia's Sense of Snow- Another top fiver. I'd say just Gabriel Byrne movies in general but I think those of us not lucky enough to receive shock treatment remember End Of Days. And no, that's another we will never discuss. Ever.

50 First Dates, The New Guy, 10 Things I Hate About YOu, Bring It On, The Girl In The Gold Boots and other silly things: These have totally inspire Rob and I to break out into laughter at completely inappropriate times. If you've never seen the Girl In The Gold Boots you can find this gem on one of the MYST DVDs at Netflix. It's a testament to old school, garage style editing. Be sure to look for the scene where they are sitting in the booth at the road house and he's not there? And then there. And Crow's comeback. Hi-larious!

Anything by Renny Harland or John Carpenter- Okay, I love these. Short on romance and comedy (unless you have crafted a drinking game around them), and not at all good with scale and props but do these men love to blow crap up or what? Hugemongus mutant sharks that are fifty feet long fitting through submarine hatches? Sure! Peter Fonda in a wet suit surfing bad CGI waves? We don't see why not! Man crush on Kurt Russell? Don't tell anyone!

Anything by David Lynch, Rob Zombie or anyone who considered Battleship Earth a good idea (and I have my eye on you John Travolta): Just...don't. There's just no excuse to pollute the rest of us.

Cary Grant or Doris Day or Cary Grant/Doris Day: Touch of Mink? Yeah! Cary Grant? Yeah! To Catch A Thief? Yeah. The Glass Bottom Boat? Yeah!

So some other time I'll delve into Vampires, sci-fi and disaster movies. Right now I have to go and watch my backlog of SG-1.