Word on the street is that this small e-publisher is looking to aquire Christmas/Holiday stories. No word on length or genre but their submissions page is fairly specific about the usual submission guidelines. Just in case any of you out there are budding writers....
http://thewildrosepress.com/
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Shhhh...
I write Chick-Lit. But I can't say that anymore because chick-lit is OUT, dead, gnre non grata. If you're a chick-lit writer at the moment you need to conceal that better than the Frank Family. You know why? Because five years ago when Chick-Lit became the IT genre, every editor went through the slush piles, pulled every piece of "chick-lit" they could find and ran to press with it. The results? A horrible gobble goop of crap out there choking up the market. So, we're dead. But are we?
First, we've been instructed to call ourselves "women's fiction" whatever THAT means. While there is no noticable difference somehow this makes a difference to editors. It inplies that our heroines are...smarter? That we're tackiling deeper issues? Because finding one's way in the world is so petty? What makes that petty? A woman likes shoes? Or are we supposed to all be writing books about cheating spouses and drug addiction? I don't know the answer. I don't want to read that book so I'm not writing it. But here's an interesting take on it.
Women's Fic vs Chick-Lit
and here's an interesting web page put out by a publisher to 'defend' our genre.
http://chicklit.smartpopbooks.com/
While I appreciate that there are people that are saying that chick-lit is still going strong, I question do we need to defend it? Should we ever defend a style of writing? Don't we just write the compelling books of our heart be they Scottish time travels or medical thrillers or traditional romance? Isn't there always room out there for one more good book regardless of what label is has been slapped with?
I'm starting to wonder.
First, we've been instructed to call ourselves "women's fiction" whatever THAT means. While there is no noticable difference somehow this makes a difference to editors. It inplies that our heroines are...smarter? That we're tackiling deeper issues? Because finding one's way in the world is so petty? What makes that petty? A woman likes shoes? Or are we supposed to all be writing books about cheating spouses and drug addiction? I don't know the answer. I don't want to read that book so I'm not writing it. But here's an interesting take on it.
Women's Fic vs Chick-Lit
and here's an interesting web page put out by a publisher to 'defend' our genre.
http://chicklit.smartpopbooks.com/
While I appreciate that there are people that are saying that chick-lit is still going strong, I question do we need to defend it? Should we ever defend a style of writing? Don't we just write the compelling books of our heart be they Scottish time travels or medical thrillers or traditional romance? Isn't there always room out there for one more good book regardless of what label is has been slapped with?
I'm starting to wonder.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Friday Fun....
Cowboys nad Chinamen
Pirate Treasure
I'm posting these early because they're time consuming. No downloads.
It took me about fourteen tries to get through the reef on the pirate game but it can be done. Pirates is my favorite of the two.
Pirate Treasure
I'm posting these early because they're time consuming. No downloads.
It took me about fourteen tries to get through the reef on the pirate game but it can be done. Pirates is my favorite of the two.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Some pictures my daughter should never see
I'm concerned about what I'm seeing these days in magazines and movies and on television. It's not normal for a full grown woman to weigh 90 pounds. I don't want my daughter to think it is. Women like Nicole Ritchie and Kate Bosworth are not helping. If they would stand up and say "I have an eating disorder. I'm too skinny. Hollywood has screwed with me so much my self-imageis completely distorted. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF' than I think I'd find far less of the horrible thing going on that you can link to at the bottom of this page. There are many of these out there, but this one was particularly painful to me.
I'm pleased to see Laura Flynn Boyle has added pretzels to her diet this year. Remember the ballerina dress debacle? Just scary as hell. What do you think she weighed at her skinniest? Ninety pounds? Eighty? No wonder Jack Nicholson was like...ick.
And below the woman who I blame for starting this, Calista Flockhart. Does anyone know why Harrison Ford would be having sex with her? She seems to have put on about two pounds here in picture two so maybe she mistook a tic-tac as a birth control pill and bulked up?
Nicole Ritchie. Did someone actually say to her "you look great"?
Did anyone have a problem with Kate Bosworth looking like this?
Apparently so. Do you wonder if Orlando Bloom ever looks at her now and is like "Is this what I signed up for?"
Okay, here come the Hollywood fatties by comparison. Yes, these women are probably twos and fours. Some might tip the scale at 120. Let's take a look.
Meg Ryan-Okay, her image is tarnished but that wasn't because of her weight. Still lovely, still normal looking, still I can relate to her as a female in her movies with actual things going on in her life besides being obsessed with carbs.
Evangeline Lily- Looking a littel hip boney here but all in all, healthy.
Kate Beckinsale. A woman so glamorous it's actually painful. We'll need special goggles to view the next two photos. In a bikini she's small but perfectly porportioned which I guess means she's small boned. And obviously, she looks good as we can see in picture number two. She wore nothing but latex in Underworld. Does anyone want to see Nicole Ritchie in latex? Thought not.
It's the mother lode. Angelina Jolie, looking fit and beautiful pre-baby. BTW, the Jolie-Pitt clan was named the most beautiful family in the world by People so yet another categorey we all need to worry about breaking into. Shave your legs and tell the husband to do up his pants before next years's voting.
And now we arrive at what many hail as the most beautiful woman in the world. And she was a size sixteen at the height of her career. When Jackie O. become isanely jealous and had her killed. See, thta's what being too thin does to you, it makes you insane.
Most disturbingly I found this blog. There are a lot of these pro-eating disorder blogs circulating with tips on on keeping yourself 'thin'. This particular one I picked though because this dilluted child says that her dream is that she looks like Kate Bosworth in this photo.
Pro-Eating Disorder Blog
What the hell is going on here people?
And on that note, I'm having an Oreo.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Chick-Lit is dead
Yep, that's what I found out at the conference. $120 worth of panty cookies, hotel room, conference fees and lots of bar tabs and I find out that my genre has gone the way of Katie Holmes career (well, okay, my genre isn't chained in the Scientology basement while it's "man" half is partying on a yacht in France with Sean Combs but you get the idea). Matter of fact, it's SO dead I got this little ditty in the email box yesterday...
Sorry, chick lit is really tough right now.
I've removed the name of the agent.
Professional, no? According to the people at the conference we are now to refer to ourselves as "Women's Literature" and we should be tackling more serious subjects like infidelity, addiction and parental relationship issues. No one want to read chick-lit, light mysetery, anything funny or anything with a gay man in it. Unless you wnat to read about two gay men together which is the hottest download now at Ellora's Cave according to the always fabulous Ralene G.
I...don't want to write about any of that. I don't want to read about any of it either. Who are you people who want to spend your free time hearing about spouses that cheat and alcoholics and people who hate their parents? Don't you have enough of that going on on television without having to slap down ten bucks to read about it? Not me. Not this chick. So the book of my heart is...not marketable at this point. And I'm devestated. And at a loss as to what to do. And wishing I had another all consuming passion like scrapbooking I could turn to. Normally I mock the scrapbook set. I'm so sad about it. And I actually have three agent and an editor request sitting here but I don;t even have the heart to send it since I'm afraid they'll be like OHHHHHH, nooooooooooooooo we're not doing that anymore. Sorry. It's all very disheartening.
So the question of the week is what should Novelchick now do? Oh, and NovelChick hates yoga so don't suggest that.
Oh, but just in case you are interested it's all about NASCAR and EROTICA. And...no.
Sorry, chick lit is really tough right now.
I've removed the name of the agent.
Professional, no? According to the people at the conference we are now to refer to ourselves as "Women's Literature" and we should be tackling more serious subjects like infidelity, addiction and parental relationship issues. No one want to read chick-lit, light mysetery, anything funny or anything with a gay man in it. Unless you wnat to read about two gay men together which is the hottest download now at Ellora's Cave according to the always fabulous Ralene G.
I...don't want to write about any of that. I don't want to read about any of it either. Who are you people who want to spend your free time hearing about spouses that cheat and alcoholics and people who hate their parents? Don't you have enough of that going on on television without having to slap down ten bucks to read about it? Not me. Not this chick. So the book of my heart is...not marketable at this point. And I'm devestated. And at a loss as to what to do. And wishing I had another all consuming passion like scrapbooking I could turn to. Normally I mock the scrapbook set. I'm so sad about it. And I actually have three agent and an editor request sitting here but I don;t even have the heart to send it since I'm afraid they'll be like OHHHHHH, nooooooooooooooo we're not doing that anymore. Sorry. It's all very disheartening.
So the question of the week is what should Novelchick now do? Oh, and NovelChick hates yoga so don't suggest that.
Oh, but just in case you are interested it's all about NASCAR and EROTICA. And...no.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Too Far Lost...
A little last minute Friday Fun for you. Or it will make you sad. I'm not sure which. Anyway, I was combing through to see if there were any new LOST spoilers and I found this Blog by some scary Lost addict guy. Which at first I thought was pretty good and the spoilers listed for season three look very promising. Then I began reading the rest of the blog, which is entirely devoted to this man's quest to "solving" LOST.
Now I can't decide if he's really just kidding about all of it (and some parts he MUST be) or his mother (who I'm guessing he lives with) just needs to monitor his telelvision viewing more stringently.
Now I can't decide if he's really just kidding about all of it (and some parts he MUST be) or his mother (who I'm guessing he lives with) just needs to monitor his telelvision viewing more stringently.
The Return Of Friday Fun
Okay, for your amusement. This link will take you to a stockade pile of backstage riders for over 200 bands. You can see what bizarre clauses are in their contracts governing the color of their couches (Lopez), the flowers (Dixie Chicks), the temperature of water (Everyone) and what sort of boxers some poor schmo has to run out and buy for Kid Rock.
See what you're missing...
See what you're missing...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Watch that first step off the wagon...it's a doozey
Well, let's get to it shall we?
Mel Gibson. What's up with that?
Anti-Jew? Drunk? Victim of gross elaboration?
As you all know, my husband and I are great adorers of Nancy Grace. And I'll discuss her later. But last night I was sort of pissed that she had on not only the Mel Gibson story but that her take was that he had been given special treatment by being...arrested?
I like Mel Gibson. He's handsome, he's made some excellent movies, he's funny. I got no Mel issue per say. Now let me say that in my job, I know a lot about DUIs. WAY MORE THAN ANYONE SHOULD.
Mel Gibson was arrested for
DUI and open container. That's what the warrant states. Feel free to mosey over to TheSmokingGun.com and check it out yourself, the complete warrant is up. There's not mention of say, obstructing and officer, simple battery, terroristic threats, public disturbance, resisting arrest or anyo f half a dozen other charges that he could (probably would) have been charged with if the story that is circulating were completely true. I've read a lot of warrants and if you're insulting a police officer, it's in there. If you try it, they'll charge you with things you can not imagine.
So, what did he say? Who to? What's been embellished? Who knows. We'll never know. But here's the thing. Last night Nancy had on a Rabbi who was slashing old Mel in to ribbons. But here's the thing. Mel Gibson was hailed as the man who brought God back to hedonist Hollywood three years ago. He was beloved in the eyes of many of the same religious "leaders" who are bashing him now. In the time in between he's given plenty of money, his name nad some time to these various causes. So why is it that suddenly they are turning on him? Oh Hollywood, why has thou fosaken Mel? Why is it that you are taking the word of police officers over his without question? Especially when none of it appears in the official documentation? I'm not saying he didn't say it, I'm saying is there any evidence that this story wasn't SLIGHTLY embellished. I mean HOLLYWOOD, what are the odds? Maybe he said horrible ugly things about Jews and they should be ofended by that attitude. Maybe he called a woman sugartits. Honestly, I doubt this expresses his contempt for all women and I do get called way worse at work daily. Actually, are we sure he wasn;t just humming the lyrics to an Eminem song? Oh, wait, he would have called her Ho-Bitch instead and then followed that up with a threat to kill his ex-wife. And as for his claim to own Malibu...that may be true actually.
And even more disturbing, why are we so in a tizzy that it's Mel Gibson? Hey, famous people get arrested for a lot of crap ALL THE TIME. Are we by chance more shocked because he made a movie about Christ? That soemhow in our minds this made him better than other Hollywood movie mogul? Have we confused reality and entertainment? I'm not saying Mel Gibson isn't a religious person. For all I know he was tieing one more on before taking a plane to Italy and sequestering himself in a monastary. Or maybe he is a bigot? I don't know that either.
But I do know that Mel Gibson is an actor. He's a producer. He's a director. He's in the business of making money via movies. Jim Cavezial is not Jesus (??). I'm fairly sure Samuel L. Jackson does not really want snakes on his plane (??). Unless otherwise notified I'm going to plant my flag firmly on the ground that Heath Ledger is not only NOT gay, but not an aging shepard who lives in a trailer.
So why is this such a tempest in a tea pot? Are we more upset that he spewed out some ugly things while drunk? Or because he fell off the pedestal?
Incidentally, Nancy Grace, DUI and open container are both misdomeanors. You can walk out of jail any time you're in the mood after you post your $1200.00 bond.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
No man is a Hero if his girlfriend is a shapeshifter and his barber is wearing the mask of Loki
I finally figured out why the new manuscript is warping right along at light speed. It's Vogler. It's a Vogler Thing. For those of you unfamiliar with his theory and need a 101. He wrote a book called Hero's Journey. Allegedly it's the tome of all knowledge, the Holy Grail handed down by God himself upon whatever mount is closest to the Vogler Homestead in tablet form and is THE key to all successful screenplays and novels as it takes into account the elements that Homer used when writing his immortal works. It's a very large amount of stuff (at times mindboggling and sometimes I feel as though it actually is in Arameic) and there are graphs (which Mr. Novelchick thinks are cool).
But I kept writing and I kept thinking this all sounds so familiar and finally I went out to the garage and dusted off Vogler (who I have poo-pooed on his theory for YEARS) and damned if I'm not right in the middle of a Hero's Jounrey using his exact archetypes and model theory. Yes, I got Heros (reluctant and willing), I got Tricksters, Shapeshifters and Threshold Guardians, I have Innermost Caves and Seizing the Sword AND the Elixer. It's so embarressing.
It's too much to explain honestly so if you're a budding novelist or screen writer I'll toss this workshop example questionnaire at you. It's in PDF and licensed as view only. But the examples are solid and I think you can get where he's going. If it floats your boat you can either make your own worksheet, with limitless time and a love of typing. OR you might go down the list of questions and answer on a spreadsheet (The NovelChick Method). If this is the sort of thing that peaks your interest, and you have nothing else to do and you like charts, you may want to pick up a used copy. Happy Journey!
But I kept writing and I kept thinking this all sounds so familiar and finally I went out to the garage and dusted off Vogler (who I have poo-pooed on his theory for YEARS) and damned if I'm not right in the middle of a Hero's Jounrey using his exact archetypes and model theory. Yes, I got Heros (reluctant and willing), I got Tricksters, Shapeshifters and Threshold Guardians, I have Innermost Caves and Seizing the Sword AND the Elixer. It's so embarressing.
It's too much to explain honestly so if you're a budding novelist or screen writer I'll toss this workshop example questionnaire at you. It's in PDF and licensed as view only. But the examples are solid and I think you can get where he's going. If it floats your boat you can either make your own worksheet, with limitless time and a love of typing. OR you might go down the list of questions and answer on a spreadsheet (The NovelChick Method). If this is the sort of thing that peaks your interest, and you have nothing else to do and you like charts, you may want to pick up a used copy. Happy Journey!
Three Takes on Hero's Journey
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
We are gathered here to go through your carry-on...
I miss LOST. I miss it sooooo much. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on. I need Locke. I sense I'm breaking out the DVD's TONIGHT. Although I'd prefer the knife throwing bad ass to Mr. Touchy Feely but I'll take what I can get at this delicate juncture. I'd even be semi-glad to see Jack.
I'm even thinking of...oh it's too awful! I just can't! Oh, okay. I'm thinking of taking myself to the fanfic boards to slack my unholy desires. I know! It's awful. I feel dirty even talking about it. Buuuuttttt...there are some VERY talented writers out there who seem to want to spend their time rehashing others work. There's actually an urban legend (and if you can confirm with documentation) that one of the X-File writer's was discovered via her X fanfic. I have no problem with this as an exercise, I just don't want them not doing their own work and wasting talent. Fanfic. The Methadone of a LOST addict. Damn you, JJ and your weird ARC schedule that will leave me with a gaping hole in my soul for twelve weeks.
So until I make a decision about the fanfic I thought it might be fun to go through my fictional carry on as if I were on the doomed flight. So, here we go.
Rose: Okay, looks like Staci was from Georgia so she probably ate grits and played the banjo. Driver's license has her at 150 pounds and if she wanted to go to her grave thinking that, I have no objections. Although I'll point out I tossed her corpse on the pile and, well, let's say 150? No. Also, note for the record that her roots needed touching up at the time of her demise.
Apparently married for four years. To the same person. There's a wallet full of pictures of dogs, cats and a man holding a stingray. That's...weird. Did anyone think to grab the wedding ring? It was quite a rock. Oh, okay, Kate, good move. I thin kyou're 100% credible in the honesty department.
Lots of credit cards, business cards, like three dollars in change and a bunch of ones. Maybe she was in Sydney on strip club business? No, wait, it looks like she was staying at the Ritz and taking cabs so she had to have at least three hundred dollars in ones to tip everyone for every damn thing they do. I mean who gets a buck for opening a door? She has a Post-It here noting that in the South doors get opened for free because it's called polite.
Um..hey, we got drugs people! Valium, Paxil, Lamictal, Ben Gay, Tylenol, Excedrin, Midol, Tylenol PM, Advil, Benadryl, Afrin, Excedrin Migraine, Tylenol III, Motrin. Was this chick like three hundred years old? What? Okay, sure, Charlie you can hold that stuff until Jack gets here.
Hey, there's three Krystal Chiks in here. No, stop! Hurley, dude, you do not want to be the fat guy stereotype. Give those to Claire, she's eating for two.
Books, Sawyer, I got books! Janet Evanovich, Mary Janice Davidson, Amanda Quick. Maybe she really did have two personalities. So nothing for you. Wait, here's a Harry Potter at the bottom. And my Lord, she paid full price for it! Oh, wait, no she has a Borders Member Card here.
Chanel lipgloss, Chanel mascara, Bare Minerals base. For God's sake Shannon, she hasn't even been burned yet, don't put it on YET.
Stale gum, sticky pennies, a couple of mismatched earrings, three pairs of ugly and cheap sunglasses. Sixty million receipts from Target. A recipe for Lemon Curd Cake from Martha Stewart and a pack of rubber spiders bought for 75% off at Big Lots. My God, what a nut job. Maybe she could put a Post-It with Clean out damn purse on it. Oh, wait, she's dead. Never mind.
Yahtzee! We have an MP3 here and extra batteries. Wait. What is this? A bunch of 80's dance crap? Frank Sinatra? Who the hell is Oingo Boingo? Ru Paul? I guess we'll save that for when we throw a prom. Thanks, dead chick.
You know, to hell with it, let's dump the rest of this in the fire and just keep the bag. It's a Coach and I can gather mangos in it or something. See ya, Staci.
Staci: Hey! What are you doing? Stop going through my crap. I'm not dead, I was checking out Locke's exceptionally cool knife collection, drawing up some architectural renderings so Sayid can build me a cool hut and listening to Boone yammer about his nanny angst. What a whiner. I hope he falls off a cliff. Claire, I will kill you if you TOUCHED my Krystal chicks.
I'm even thinking of...oh it's too awful! I just can't! Oh, okay. I'm thinking of taking myself to the fanfic boards to slack my unholy desires. I know! It's awful. I feel dirty even talking about it. Buuuuttttt...there are some VERY talented writers out there who seem to want to spend their time rehashing others work. There's actually an urban legend (and if you can confirm with documentation) that one of the X-File writer's was discovered via her X fanfic. I have no problem with this as an exercise, I just don't want them not doing their own work and wasting talent. Fanfic. The Methadone of a LOST addict. Damn you, JJ and your weird ARC schedule that will leave me with a gaping hole in my soul for twelve weeks.
So until I make a decision about the fanfic I thought it might be fun to go through my fictional carry on as if I were on the doomed flight. So, here we go.
Rose: Okay, looks like Staci was from Georgia so she probably ate grits and played the banjo. Driver's license has her at 150 pounds and if she wanted to go to her grave thinking that, I have no objections. Although I'll point out I tossed her corpse on the pile and, well, let's say 150? No. Also, note for the record that her roots needed touching up at the time of her demise.
Apparently married for four years. To the same person. There's a wallet full of pictures of dogs, cats and a man holding a stingray. That's...weird. Did anyone think to grab the wedding ring? It was quite a rock. Oh, okay, Kate, good move. I thin kyou're 100% credible in the honesty department.
Lots of credit cards, business cards, like three dollars in change and a bunch of ones. Maybe she was in Sydney on strip club business? No, wait, it looks like she was staying at the Ritz and taking cabs so she had to have at least three hundred dollars in ones to tip everyone for every damn thing they do. I mean who gets a buck for opening a door? She has a Post-It here noting that in the South doors get opened for free because it's called polite.
Um..hey, we got drugs people! Valium, Paxil, Lamictal, Ben Gay, Tylenol, Excedrin, Midol, Tylenol PM, Advil, Benadryl, Afrin, Excedrin Migraine, Tylenol III, Motrin. Was this chick like three hundred years old? What? Okay, sure, Charlie you can hold that stuff until Jack gets here.
Hey, there's three Krystal Chiks in here. No, stop! Hurley, dude, you do not want to be the fat guy stereotype. Give those to Claire, she's eating for two.
Books, Sawyer, I got books! Janet Evanovich, Mary Janice Davidson, Amanda Quick. Maybe she really did have two personalities. So nothing for you. Wait, here's a Harry Potter at the bottom. And my Lord, she paid full price for it! Oh, wait, no she has a Borders Member Card here.
Chanel lipgloss, Chanel mascara, Bare Minerals base. For God's sake Shannon, she hasn't even been burned yet, don't put it on YET.
Stale gum, sticky pennies, a couple of mismatched earrings, three pairs of ugly and cheap sunglasses. Sixty million receipts from Target. A recipe for Lemon Curd Cake from Martha Stewart and a pack of rubber spiders bought for 75% off at Big Lots. My God, what a nut job. Maybe she could put a Post-It with Clean out damn purse on it. Oh, wait, she's dead. Never mind.
Yahtzee! We have an MP3 here and extra batteries. Wait. What is this? A bunch of 80's dance crap? Frank Sinatra? Who the hell is Oingo Boingo? Ru Paul? I guess we'll save that for when we throw a prom. Thanks, dead chick.
You know, to hell with it, let's dump the rest of this in the fire and just keep the bag. It's a Coach and I can gather mangos in it or something. See ya, Staci.
Staci: Hey! What are you doing? Stop going through my crap. I'm not dead, I was checking out Locke's exceptionally cool knife collection, drawing up some architectural renderings so Sayid can build me a cool hut and listening to Boone yammer about his nanny angst. What a whiner. I hope he falls off a cliff. Claire, I will kill you if you TOUCHED my Krystal chicks.
Hassel-Off
I've returned from the RWA Conference. I'm not quite ready to talk about it yet but since I've been neglecting you people, I'm giving you a tidbit to tide you over. Yes, I may not want to discuss that conference yet but I do wnat to talk about...David Hasselhoff. I mean do you remember Bay Watch NIGHTS? Because he was too much man for one show? Oy! Again, my beloved icons at Tomatonation.com have done a far better job than I ever shall of saying it well. I'll just throw in their thoughts as they are smarter than I. Incidentally, I left in the part about Mel Gibson just because I'm pissed at him. I get that he's been an alcohlic for years and some times you just fall off that wagon but still...sugartits?
Wing Chun: Hello?
Sarah: I think you mean "Mel-lo."
Wing Chun: I…do?
Sarah: Yes, sugar tits, you do.
Wing Chun: Sugar what now? …Ohhhh, yeah, Mel Gibson. Hey, what's the movie where he's frozen and then he wakes up?
Sarah: Crap, I forget. Popsicle of the Christ?
Wing Chun: Heh. Mad Max Beyond Frigidaire.
Sarah: Brrrr…aveheart.
Wing Chun: Groan. …Forever Young, that's it.
Sarah: Oh yeah, with Frodo. What brought that up?
Wing Chun: Well, I'm getting the feeling that that was based on Mel Gibson's actual life.
Sarah: Mel Gibson is Frodo's stepdad?
Wing Chun: No, because he -- did you see it?
Sarah: Not that I know of.
Wing Chun: Okay, the gist is that his character was frozen in 1939 and then wakes up like fifty years later.
Sarah: Right.
Wing Chun: My point is that this actually happened, only Mel Gibson doesn't actually know it's not 1939 anymore.
Sarah: Did they have mullets in 1939? Because if I remember my Lethal Weapon correctly --
Wing Chun: Okay, but: what did they have in 1939?
Sarah: …Wireless sets?
Wing Chun: Anti-Semitism was acceptable to express in 1939. Like out loud. Also, Vatican II hadn't happened yet.
Sarah: And people drove drunk all the time.
Wing Chun: And called each other "sugar tits." Well, only in spanking pornos, but you see what I mean.
Sarah: Yeah, totally. So Mel's not a crazy bigoted alcoholic, he's just --
Wing Chun: -- stuck in a time warp.
Sarah: Populated by Phoenicians.
Wing Chun: Phoe-nic-ians. Nice one. I'd have gone with "Assyrians."
Sarah: An equally solid choice, in my opinion.
Wing Chun: …Man, he is a weirdo.
Sarah: Yeah, what's his next project -- Waterworld: Revenge Of The Mayan Ruins, something like that?
Wing Chun: Probably. I won't be seeing it. Subtitles, beeyotch.
Sarah: Yeah, that was pretentious. Although actually I didn't think the movie needed them, in the end.
Wing Chun: Well, the movie didn't need Powder Satan's wart baby, either, but he left that in.
Sarah: Wait, you don't even like movies with subtitles.
Wing Chun: Not the point.
Sarah: And while I'm up, wait again: spanking pornos?
Wing Chun: Yeah, you just blew right past that.
Sarah: I did, but I'm coming back to it now.
Wing Chun: I don't really have anything to add.
Sarah: I…don't either.
Wing Chun: I…have never seen one. Just for the purposes of clarity.
Sarah: Duly noted, Slappy.
Wing Chun: Hee. …Ohhhh nooooooo!
Sarah: What?
Wing Chun: Well, I'm reading your poll on the TWoP homepage?
Sarah: My poll on the -- oh, right. The Hasselpoll. You know, I left off a really good one that I only just now remembered.
Wing Chun: This is pretty comprehensive as it is. Revenge of the Cheerleaders, seriously?
Sarah: Oh, I know. I'd also forgotten completely that he was on a soap for, like, a decade.
Wing Chun: What did you leave ou-- British Airways?
Sarah: Oh, yeah, you didn't hear about that one?
Wing Chun: Hass-el-hoff, come on, dude!
Sarah: His publicist is claiming he was "sick."
Wing Chun: Oh, I'm sure he was. Sick of being sober.
Sarah: That's not the one I left out.
Wing Chun: You forgot Wimblehoff? …Oh, no, I see that's on here. You know he's suing the tabloids over that story, right?
Sarah: He is? Oh, God. Link me.
Wing Chun: "David Hasselhoff is suing an English tabloid newspaper after it claimed he went on a drunken rampage at the Wimbledon tennis championships earlier this month."
Sarah: I can't wait to see that filing on Smoking Gun.com. What exactly is his claim here? That it wasn't a rampage?
Wing Chun: "Mr. Hasselhoff's attorney insisted that his client's behavior constituted more of a kerfuffle or a brouhaha than a rampage."
Sarah: "Under British law, rampages must contain at least one soccer hooligan and a slurred mention of Lord Jeff."
Wing Chun: So which Drunkelhoff story isn't on here?
Sarah: Shavelhoff.
Wing Chun: Do I even want to know?
Sarah: Not really, but anyway. He cut himself shaving.
Wing Chun: Ohhhh, that. And he cut the shit out of himself, too, right? Like, severed tendons and everything?
Sarah: Yeah. With a chandelier, hello.
Wing Chun: He was trying to shave with a chandelier?
Sarah: No. …Well, actually, his publicist tried to make it out like he was shaving and hit his head on a chandelier --
Wing Chun: He severed tendons in -- there are no tendons in the head, dude.
Sarah: No, I know. The story is that he bonked his head on the chandelier, put his arm up to shield himself from falling glass, and cut a tendon in his arm.
Wing Chun: I…but that…okay, no, he didn't.
Sarah: Well, clearly not, so I think he was trying to shave with the chandelier and this is the best cover they could come up with.
Wing Chun: That is weak.
Sarah: Well, yeah, but: you're Hasselhoff's publicist. Do you waste time coming up with a convincing reason that Captain Mitch Tequilapants has an armful of leaded crystal? Or do you write up some "he walked into a door" bullshit and get on with your day, knowing you'll have to have another statement ready in about ten minutes?
Wing Chun: Good point. God, that poor woman.
Sarah: Really. Every time the Hasselhoff Bat phone rings, she's like, "It is eleven in the morning!"
Wing Chun: "Ohhhh, Daaaavey."
Sarah: Ha!
Wing Chun: Do you think they have an office pool for Hasselstuff at that PR firm? Like, you pick what he was drinking and how he injured himself at the beginning of the year, and whoever is right the most times wins?
Sarah: Oh, totally. And it's like Clue. "It's sangria at the Plaza Hotel!" "It's vodka marts at Dan Tana's!"
Wing Chun: Aw, poor Hassy.
Sarah: I know.
Wing Chun: Now more than ever, I want a "don't Hassle the Hoff" shirt.
Sarah: Me too.
Wing Chun: There's a video? There's…a video, oh dear.
Sarah: You haven't seen that shit?
Wing Chun: No.
Sarah: Go on, I'll wait.
Wing Chun: …What is going on here, Sarah?
Sarah: I don't know.
Wing Chun: I…
Sarah: Yeah.
Wing Chun: ...
Sarah: Did you get to the part with the fish yet?
Wing Chun: He's singing to himself right now. …Oh, here's the fish -- what the hell?
Sarah: Exactly.
Wing Chun: No no no. I am asking. What. The hell.
Sarah: …Germany?
Wing Chun: I have to say, I don't really understand Germany's pop-cultural identity.
There's more to this convo but it slides of of the Hassy topic but I certainly suggest you go and check it out via the handy link to the right. They continue to add people into the ranks of the Grils Bicycle Club. Sarah is a goddess of pith. Incidentally, watch out for her TN Baseball Cons if you live in the NYC area.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Hans Zimmer, move on over
I spent yesterday being annoyed and frustrated by Napster and then my own downlaod/transfer/burner program. But I finally got everything accomplished I needed to with it so big sigh. But the important part here is that I've created a soundtrack to write my new book by.
1. Long December-Counting Crows
2. Turn Me On-Kevin Lyttle
3.Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous-Ru Paul
4. Sailing on the Seven Seas-OMD
5. 100% Pure Love- Crystal Waters
6. Hes a Pirate- Hans Zimmer
7. She's Crafty- Beastie Boys
8. Its Raining Men- Weather Girls
9. Holding Back the Ocean- Rockie Lynne
10. Temperature- Sean Paul
11. Boom Boom Boom- The Outhere Brothers
12. Sweet Surrender- Sarah McLachlan
13. Wheel of Fortune- Hans Zimmer
14. Full of Grace- Sarah McLachlan
15. The Cup of Life- Ricky Martin
16. Angels of the Silences- Counting Crows
Feel free to run on over to Napster and have a sound byte.
1. Long December-Counting Crows
2. Turn Me On-Kevin Lyttle
3.Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous-Ru Paul
4. Sailing on the Seven Seas-OMD
5. 100% Pure Love- Crystal Waters
6. Hes a Pirate- Hans Zimmer
7. She's Crafty- Beastie Boys
8. Its Raining Men- Weather Girls
9. Holding Back the Ocean- Rockie Lynne
10. Temperature- Sean Paul
11. Boom Boom Boom- The Outhere Brothers
12. Sweet Surrender- Sarah McLachlan
13. Wheel of Fortune- Hans Zimmer
14. Full of Grace- Sarah McLachlan
15. The Cup of Life- Ricky Martin
16. Angels of the Silences- Counting Crows
Feel free to run on over to Napster and have a sound byte.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Johnny Depp. I get it. Finally.
Well, everyone and their brother has a blog review up of Deadman's Chest. My husband and I went to see it last night since he claimed his head would explode if we didn't. I'm not reviewing because I liked it and that's pretty much my review. I will throw out the following points:
-Bill Nighy is so awesome. What can't this man do?
-Rampant Kracken overuse combined with sketchy blue screen in some places.
-Undead monkey? HA!
-Errol Flynnesque fight scenes? YEAH.
But what I really want to talk about is Johnny Depp. I know, lately that's all anyone wants to talk about. I never watched 21 Jump Street. I never got Johnny Depp and let me tell you why. Out of his film biography below I have highlighted the movies I have seen him in in red.
Shantaram (2008) (announced) .... Lindsay
The Rum Diary (2008) (pre-production) .... Paul Kemp
Sweeney Todd (2008) (pre-production) (rumored) .... Sweeney Todd
I Am Legend (2007) (pre-production) (rumored) .... Phillip
Pirates of the Caribbean 3 (2007) (filming) .... Jack Sparrow
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) .... Jack Sparrow
Pirates of the Caribbean: Legend of Jack Sparrow (2006) (VG) (voice) .... Jack Sparrow
Corpse Bride (2005) (voice) .... Victor Van Dort... aka Tim Burton's Corpse Bride- (Singapore: English title) (USA: complete title)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) .... Willy Wonka... aka Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The IMAX Experience (USA: IMAX version)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) (VG) .... Willy Wonka
The Libertine (2004) .... Rochester
Finding Neverland (2004) .... Sir James Matthew Barrie
Ils se marièrent et eurent beaucoup d'enfants (2004) .... L'inconnu... aka ...And They Lived Happily Ever After (International: English title)
"King of the Hill" - Hank's Back (2004) TV Episode (voice) .... Yogi Victor
Secret Window (2004) .... Mort Rainey
Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003) .... Sands
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) .... Jack Sparrow
From Hell (2001) .... Inspector Frederick Abberline
Blow (2001) .... George Jung
Chocolat (2000) .... Roux
Before Night Falls (2000) .... Lt. Victor... aka Antes que anochezca (USA: Spanish title)
The Man Who Cried (2000) .... Cesar... aka The man who cried - Les larmes d'un homme (France)
Sleepy Hollow (1999) .... Constable Ichabod Crane... aka Sleepy Hollow (Germany)
The Astronaut's Wife (1999) .... Commander Spencer Armacost
The Ninth Gate (1999) .... Dean Corso... aka Neuvième porte, La (France) ... aka Novena puerta, La (Spain)
"Top Secret" - Scottland Yard (????) TV Episode .... Narrator - The Mossad (????) TV Episode .... Narrator
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998) .... Raoul Duke
The Brave (1997) .... Raphael
Donnie Brasco (1997) .... Donnie Brasco/Joseph D. 'Joe' Pistone
Nick of Time (1995) .... Gene Watson
Dead Man (1995) .... William Blake... aka Dead Man (Germany) ... aka Jim Jarmusch's Dead Man (USA)
Don Juan DeMarco (1995) .... Don Juan
Ed Wood (1994) .... Ed Wood
What's Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) .... Gilbert Grape
Benny & Joon (1993) .... Sam
Arizona Dream (1993) .... Axel Blackmar... aka Arizona Dream (France) ... aka The Arrowtooth Waltz
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991) (as Oprah Noodlemantra) .... Teen on TV... aka A Nightmare on Elm Street 6
Edward Scissorhands (1990) .... Edward Scissorhands
"21 Jump Street" .... Officer Tom Hanson (1987-1989) - How I Saved the Senator (1990) TV Episode .... Officer Tom Hanson - Last Chance High (1990) TV Episode .... Officer Tom Hanson - La Bizca (1990) TV Episode .... Officer Tom Hanson - Awomp-Bomp-Aloobomb, Aloop Bamboom (1990) TV Episode .... Officer Tom Hanson - Hi Mom (1990) TV Episode .... Officer Tom Hanson (26 more)
Cry-Baby (1990) .... Wade "Cry-Baby" Walker
"Hotel" ... aka Arthur Hailey's Hotel - Unfinished Business (1987) TV Episode .... Rob Cameron
Platoon (1986) .... Private Gator Lerner
Slow Burn (1986) (TV) .... Donnie Fleischer
"Lady Blue" - Beasts of Prey (1985) TV Episode .... Lionel Viland
Private Resort (1985) .... Jack
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) .... Glen Lantz
Clearly, not some of his finest moments. I believe until we get up to 1999 nothing good is going on here (and plant the The Ninth Gate flag firmly on the NOTHING side). Or at least not for me.
Then Sleepy Hollow rode into town. And it was good and I realized Johnny Depp didn't suck as badly as the other movies had led me to believe. He was cute and funny and sort of cartoony but not in that Jim Carrey scary clownlike way.
Then out of nowhere 2000 hit me in the gut with Chocolat and I've never looked at a European drifter in a small French town quite the same. Even though he wasn't even in that many scenes he made them wonderful. He was...yeah. I totally got IT. Johnny Depp had IT. And IT is good. (funny, I just realized that I only really get him if he's a sailor).
Then Blow came along and it all went to hell. How many times can they make this movie? And how many people can they get to agree to be in it. Maybe since he lives in France he was unaware that this was like the fifth version of this? And none of them were any good.
And then we sailed into Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh sure, how good could a movie based on a thirty year old ride at Disneyworld be? Answer-great. Clearly he stole the show. Every scene he was in he just took it and made it his bitch. And while his character in that movie got portrayed somewhere between sexually ambiguous and flat out gay, I got it. IT was upon us again.
Then Secret Window came along and it all went to hell. Again. And I may never look at corn the same. Thanks.
And now we are back on the Black Pearl with the wind in our hair and Jack Sparrow at our side. He's got IT back. Although perhaps they've overused IT in this movie a tad. And this time? He's not ambiguous AT ALL this cruise. He's flirty and dirty and just the bad boy that a girl (not me but I've heard of women like this) at a certain age finds irresistable. You wouldn't think that a dirty pirate over ORLANDO BLOOM would be a big quandry but it's always the question for a young girl. For every perfect boy you can take home to Mom and Dad there's...the one Mom and Dad must NEVER know about. And before things like "will he be a good parent and are his parent's likely to be evicted and need to move in with us and do deer heads detract from the decor or am I just being picky and what is up with the dirty underwear everywhere and can I get in a Monster Truck when I'm like eighty and can he hold a job for more than minimum wage for more the three day" enters the picture, he's the one that's got IT.
I think that Jack Sparrow works the same way the Phantom worked. Even though you knew in your heart that you could never really live in an underground tunnel system with a crazy man with half a face, you wished for one split second that...you could. That's what made Phantom unforgettable and I think that's why Jack Sparrow works. One could never really live on a pirate ship with a man who wears sticks in his hair (what IS that thing), would constantly be snitching your eyeliner, never bathed and stayed drunk all the time (although I have friends who are in this exact marriage minus the boat). But I think all women heave the tiniest sigh when they think about sailing away into the sunset with the swashbuckling Jack Sparrow. Even with the eyeliner.
Well, Bon Voyage, Jack! I'm glad you dropped in to toss a little bad for us boy our way. We'll see you in May 2007 at World's End. Thanks for the sigh.
Since I'm not Dolly Parton...
First, I ordered panty cookies. I called and the bra and panty combo were $6 a piece. I mean...COOKIES! But the panties alone were $2.00 so I got fifty. If I hate everyone at the conference I shall console myself by renting a pay perview movie in my room and eating.
In other literary news....I've decided to shelve my current book and let it percolate. Yes, I know I'm sad as well. And yes, I just blew a hundred bucks on panty cookies. But I think it needs to sit a tad more and then it needs some major rewrites in spots. It's not gone, it's just aging like a fine wine.
But I've started something new, which I'm rather proud of and seems to be clocking along well. We shall see.
Anyway, I hope the cookies are cute as they sound.
In other literary news....I've decided to shelve my current book and let it percolate. Yes, I know I'm sad as well. And yes, I just blew a hundred bucks on panty cookies. But I think it needs to sit a tad more and then it needs some major rewrites in spots. It's not gone, it's just aging like a fine wine.
But I've started something new, which I'm rather proud of and seems to be clocking along well. We shall see.
Anyway, I hope the cookies are cute as they sound.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Taking the Fall: What's new on the tube this season
Well, www.zap2it.com has provided us with a list of the new shows the networks are putting up this fall. I thought we'd take a look at a few I think will be winners and the rest of which are going to be losers.
It's my newly held opinon that at the moment America isn't terribly interested in anything new. Look at the top ten. It's been fairly consistent for years now (Survivor, CSI, LOST, AI, 24). But let's see what they're trying to give us this year....
Jericho- Maybe, maybe not. I think this may have been sold as the next LOST. We'll have to see how it does if they move it to small town USA. I'm already embroiled in enough intrigue so I'll not be watching but it may work for some who prefer their drama with cows. I see a midseason replacement breathing down it's neck.
Shark- I love James Woods. He is funny. He is not funny in this. Law drama? Out.
Ugly Girl- It's The Devil Wears Prada TV! Keep it FAR away from me.
Big Day- How can this possibly work? I think 24 is ubsurd. I mean how much crap can happen to one person in one day? I guess we'll find out. But with flowers and cake. I forsee a whole episode about the wedding dress having a ripped sleeve.
The Knights of Prosperity- I think...yes. I'm not sure how they can go a whole season with this but I say go for it. The premise sounds ridiculous and way out there and I like it. Novelchick will be setting the TiVO.
Men in Trees-Traditionally your Alaskan based dramadies do well. I guess Alaska is funny but with the potential to be killed by a moose? Anyway, I hate the name. This may fail for the same reason as Love Monkey. No one wanted to SAY they were watching it.
Six Degrees- J.J.'s new child. I'll try it. Honestly, I can probably only watch one of his shows at a time but with the help of an Excel spreadsheet I might squeeze in two.
Traveler- An intriguing premise. This could be great or...Surface.
30 Rock- If I were these actors I'd consider getting my resume ready in a hurry. IN A HURRY.
20 Good Years- This may work. The Everyone Loves Raymond crowd was looking to fill the gaping void in their lives anyway. It won't appeal to everyone but your parents may like it.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip- I'm glad Matthew Perry is clean but I'm still not watching this. Which has exactly the same plot as 30 Rock. On the same network. Believe me when I tell you the premise is bad once, doing it twice won't improve it.
Kidnapped-Allegedly flashy and cashy. I hear good things but I never understood the appeal of West Wing.
And everything else from this network? Probably not.
Ah, the long awaited CW line-up and it's...only three shows. They're recycling (and rightfully so) many of the WB offerings. The three they are debuting? Ummmmm, no. I'll still watch the Gilmore Girls/Veronica Mars dream block. But thanks for trying.
Fox...Fox, Fox,Fox. Out of your eight new shows I'll be watching...none of them. They weren't even worth mentioning. Sad. Just sad. I'll see your complete line-up on www.brilliantbutcancelled.com. Well, not really since they would have to be BRILLIANT to start with.
I'd now like to mention Psych. It's the new one on USA. I believe they're trying to shore up a quickly declining MONK. One of the best shows on television that decided to "go in a new direction" and we all put on out black arm bands and new it was just a matter of time. Rule of Thumb:Once they fiddle with the opening credits it's time to get out TV Guide and look for a replacement for your viewing timeslot. But Psych is...good. Darn good. Funny good. I like it. And you can't stop me.
But you can stop me from watching The Dead Zone. You can stop me cold with all that political intrigue. Did we learn nothing from X-Files? Lighten up, you're on USA.
Tuesday will tell the tale over the much hyped Eureka. It's being plugged on every media outlet NBC owns. The promos look good. Let's all hold our breath and continue our write-in campaign to get Sci-Fi to get it's head out of it's ass and remove WRESTLING from it's line-up.
The Closer- If you aren't watching this chick-power drama then you're probably...Don Imus. It's smart and sassy and finally a character who is a Southern woman is doing us proud.
Tonight is the summer season premiere of SG-1 and SG-Atlantis. I look forward to having them back. This year BSG will not start until October as Sci-Fi gets uppity and tries to run it against a mainstream network show. Hopefully one of Fox's. There is also a spin-off in the works called Caprica. I have mixed feelings on this. But as long as we are spared more WRESTLING, I'm for it.
Dr. Who. Chris Eccleston is gone. Alas. He left because he didn't want to be type cast. What is that? Why do actors do that? They get one good season and one award under their belt and off they go. Unemployed is a type cast as well. Checking out Chris' credits on IMDB.com I gotta say...okay. It's not like he own anything for 28 Days Later. I wish him well and look forward to our new Doctor.
Most Haunted-Okay, why did I never realize that Yvette and Karl are married? That they are the producers? I love this show. I record it. I occasionally make my husband watch parts of it. I get especially giddy when Derek gets possessed. And yes, I know the resident skeptic (or septic as I like to say) came out and said it was all a big fake but...if you watch this show DO YOU CARE? Love it. SOOOOO much better then that Ghost Hunters crap. Plumbers with Angst and Jersey Accents is more like it.
NOTE: Since the two above are British shows we are one season behind. DO NOT SPOIL YOURSELF.
It's my newly held opinon that at the moment America isn't terribly interested in anything new. Look at the top ten. It's been fairly consistent for years now (Survivor, CSI, LOST, AI, 24). But let's see what they're trying to give us this year....
Jericho- Maybe, maybe not. I think this may have been sold as the next LOST. We'll have to see how it does if they move it to small town USA. I'm already embroiled in enough intrigue so I'll not be watching but it may work for some who prefer their drama with cows. I see a midseason replacement breathing down it's neck.
Shark- I love James Woods. He is funny. He is not funny in this. Law drama? Out.
Ugly Girl- It's The Devil Wears Prada TV! Keep it FAR away from me.
Big Day- How can this possibly work? I think 24 is ubsurd. I mean how much crap can happen to one person in one day? I guess we'll find out. But with flowers and cake. I forsee a whole episode about the wedding dress having a ripped sleeve.
The Knights of Prosperity- I think...yes. I'm not sure how they can go a whole season with this but I say go for it. The premise sounds ridiculous and way out there and I like it. Novelchick will be setting the TiVO.
Men in Trees-Traditionally your Alaskan based dramadies do well. I guess Alaska is funny but with the potential to be killed by a moose? Anyway, I hate the name. This may fail for the same reason as Love Monkey. No one wanted to SAY they were watching it.
Six Degrees- J.J.'s new child. I'll try it. Honestly, I can probably only watch one of his shows at a time but with the help of an Excel spreadsheet I might squeeze in two.
Traveler- An intriguing premise. This could be great or...Surface.
30 Rock- If I were these actors I'd consider getting my resume ready in a hurry. IN A HURRY.
20 Good Years- This may work. The Everyone Loves Raymond crowd was looking to fill the gaping void in their lives anyway. It won't appeal to everyone but your parents may like it.
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip- I'm glad Matthew Perry is clean but I'm still not watching this. Which has exactly the same plot as 30 Rock. On the same network. Believe me when I tell you the premise is bad once, doing it twice won't improve it.
Kidnapped-Allegedly flashy and cashy. I hear good things but I never understood the appeal of West Wing.
And everything else from this network? Probably not.
Ah, the long awaited CW line-up and it's...only three shows. They're recycling (and rightfully so) many of the WB offerings. The three they are debuting? Ummmmm, no. I'll still watch the Gilmore Girls/Veronica Mars dream block. But thanks for trying.
Fox...Fox, Fox,Fox. Out of your eight new shows I'll be watching...none of them. They weren't even worth mentioning. Sad. Just sad. I'll see your complete line-up on www.brilliantbutcancelled.com. Well, not really since they would have to be BRILLIANT to start with.
I'd now like to mention Psych. It's the new one on USA. I believe they're trying to shore up a quickly declining MONK. One of the best shows on television that decided to "go in a new direction" and we all put on out black arm bands and new it was just a matter of time. Rule of Thumb:Once they fiddle with the opening credits it's time to get out TV Guide and look for a replacement for your viewing timeslot. But Psych is...good. Darn good. Funny good. I like it. And you can't stop me.
But you can stop me from watching The Dead Zone. You can stop me cold with all that political intrigue. Did we learn nothing from X-Files? Lighten up, you're on USA.
Tuesday will tell the tale over the much hyped Eureka. It's being plugged on every media outlet NBC owns. The promos look good. Let's all hold our breath and continue our write-in campaign to get Sci-Fi to get it's head out of it's ass and remove WRESTLING from it's line-up.
The Closer- If you aren't watching this chick-power drama then you're probably...Don Imus. It's smart and sassy and finally a character who is a Southern woman is doing us proud.
Tonight is the summer season premiere of SG-1 and SG-Atlantis. I look forward to having them back. This year BSG will not start until October as Sci-Fi gets uppity and tries to run it against a mainstream network show. Hopefully one of Fox's. There is also a spin-off in the works called Caprica. I have mixed feelings on this. But as long as we are spared more WRESTLING, I'm for it.
Dr. Who. Chris Eccleston is gone. Alas. He left because he didn't want to be type cast. What is that? Why do actors do that? They get one good season and one award under their belt and off they go. Unemployed is a type cast as well. Checking out Chris' credits on IMDB.com I gotta say...okay. It's not like he own anything for 28 Days Later. I wish him well and look forward to our new Doctor.
Most Haunted-Okay, why did I never realize that Yvette and Karl are married? That they are the producers? I love this show. I record it. I occasionally make my husband watch parts of it. I get especially giddy when Derek gets possessed. And yes, I know the resident skeptic (or septic as I like to say) came out and said it was all a big fake but...if you watch this show DO YOU CARE? Love it. SOOOOO much better then that Ghost Hunters crap. Plumbers with Angst and Jersey Accents is more like it.
NOTE: Since the two above are British shows we are one season behind. DO NOT SPOIL YOURSELF.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Never Google Panty Cookies...Just...no
You're probably wondering where this is going.
Well, Monday (which I shall refer to as the very bad awful day) I got rejected by Jenny Bent of Trident Media and the Knight Agency within like three seconds of each other. Jenny's rejection was very nice compared to many, many of my friends who have received less than kind responses and feedback. In the spirit of full disclosure I will tell you that Jenny said she liked the idea, was very taken with the humor but couldn't really connect with my heroine in the first thirty pages. Okay, I can take that. It wasn't harsh criticism and it was constructive and it can be fixed. The Knight Agency (who I consider B list) turned me down after the initial query letter. Recently they've gone to a lot of paranormal. One of the reasons that I had somewhat avoided them as that the owner has written a book and published it so I felt like her first loyalty was..her. And who could blame her? But it was upsetting. I had had a rough day anyway having spent 85% of it in the confines of the Cobb County Court System so the news hit me hard. I actually went home and cried.
Which made it worse. The thing is I promised myself that I would never get upset about these rejections I would just take what I learned and move on. If it was meant to happen, God would make it happen. But still.. Trident Media. Then something even more bizarre happened. One of the goddesses who works at the RWA National office and somehow keep their sanity emailed and asked if I would moderate one of the workshops for them. I said SURE since I'm mad helpful like that. So they ended up giving me this workshop: Frankly, My Dear, We Do Give a Damn! / Mary Monroe, Mary Kay Andrews, Patti Callahan Henry and Kimberley Whalen. If you're not up to speed here, Kim Whalen is a BIG HUGE DEAL at Trident. So am I stalking Trident Media or vice versa? But as a reward for taking on this workshop I got an appointment with an agent. Who I have never heard of. And looks to mostly take African American projects on. But you know, five minutes to chat if nothing else.
So Tuesday I got back on the horse and I sent my query letter out to 6 more agents. I pulled the grid of agents taking appointments at Nationals and begin researching the chick-lit lovers and seeing who was who and who took email queries. One of which emailed me back immediately and said she wanted to see it but it would be six months since she was snowed under and referred me to two of her friends. So I figure that was good. It may not count for anything but it was good.
So, about the cookies. I've decided my theme at this years RWA National Convention is...shameless self promotion. You know who is really good at this? Haywood Smith. I've seen her wear bizarre hats, give lectures to a group of four and just generally weave magic. So channeling Haywood, I have decided that what I want to do is glassine bag designer cookies and attach my business card to them for editors/agents I may meet. When you go to the Nationals, you go to several smaller parties given by your chapters where you rub elbows with people specifically interested in YOUR genre. So, self-promotion.
So yesterday I googled Panty Cookies. Bad, bad idea. Just...bad. You would not NOT believe some of the things that popped up. Nor would you want too. Anyway, I found this cute as pie place that will make via special order bra and panty cookies and they are tasteful (pardon the pun) and cute. They're also $3.50 a piece. On the other hand, I can order a big gift box of cute high heeled shoe ones at about $2.20 a piece. What to do...what to do? I've already made super cute labels to put on the bags with the name of my book, my name and my email address and they have a little Winnebago and handcuffs on them.
Well, let's take a poll, a first here at NovelChick....
You lovely people decide....
Bra & Panty
VS
Cute Shoes
Talk about your clash of the titans...
Well, Monday (which I shall refer to as the very bad awful day) I got rejected by Jenny Bent of Trident Media and the Knight Agency within like three seconds of each other. Jenny's rejection was very nice compared to many, many of my friends who have received less than kind responses and feedback. In the spirit of full disclosure I will tell you that Jenny said she liked the idea, was very taken with the humor but couldn't really connect with my heroine in the first thirty pages. Okay, I can take that. It wasn't harsh criticism and it was constructive and it can be fixed. The Knight Agency (who I consider B list) turned me down after the initial query letter. Recently they've gone to a lot of paranormal. One of the reasons that I had somewhat avoided them as that the owner has written a book and published it so I felt like her first loyalty was..her. And who could blame her? But it was upsetting. I had had a rough day anyway having spent 85% of it in the confines of the Cobb County Court System so the news hit me hard. I actually went home and cried.
Which made it worse. The thing is I promised myself that I would never get upset about these rejections I would just take what I learned and move on. If it was meant to happen, God would make it happen. But still.. Trident Media. Then something even more bizarre happened. One of the goddesses who works at the RWA National office and somehow keep their sanity emailed and asked if I would moderate one of the workshops for them. I said SURE since I'm mad helpful like that. So they ended up giving me this workshop: Frankly, My Dear, We Do Give a Damn! / Mary Monroe, Mary Kay Andrews, Patti Callahan Henry and Kimberley Whalen. If you're not up to speed here, Kim Whalen is a BIG HUGE DEAL at Trident. So am I stalking Trident Media or vice versa? But as a reward for taking on this workshop I got an appointment with an agent. Who I have never heard of. And looks to mostly take African American projects on. But you know, five minutes to chat if nothing else.
So Tuesday I got back on the horse and I sent my query letter out to 6 more agents. I pulled the grid of agents taking appointments at Nationals and begin researching the chick-lit lovers and seeing who was who and who took email queries. One of which emailed me back immediately and said she wanted to see it but it would be six months since she was snowed under and referred me to two of her friends. So I figure that was good. It may not count for anything but it was good.
So, about the cookies. I've decided my theme at this years RWA National Convention is...shameless self promotion. You know who is really good at this? Haywood Smith. I've seen her wear bizarre hats, give lectures to a group of four and just generally weave magic. So channeling Haywood, I have decided that what I want to do is glassine bag designer cookies and attach my business card to them for editors/agents I may meet. When you go to the Nationals, you go to several smaller parties given by your chapters where you rub elbows with people specifically interested in YOUR genre. So, self-promotion.
So yesterday I googled Panty Cookies. Bad, bad idea. Just...bad. You would not NOT believe some of the things that popped up. Nor would you want too. Anyway, I found this cute as pie place that will make via special order bra and panty cookies and they are tasteful (pardon the pun) and cute. They're also $3.50 a piece. On the other hand, I can order a big gift box of cute high heeled shoe ones at about $2.20 a piece. What to do...what to do? I've already made super cute labels to put on the bags with the name of my book, my name and my email address and they have a little Winnebago and handcuffs on them.
Well, let's take a poll, a first here at NovelChick....
You lovely people decide....
Bra & PantyVS
Cute Shoes
Talk about your clash of the titans...
Monday, July 10, 2006
Where no man has gone before...
Yes, it's time to launch another space mission. It's time to go where no man has gone before. As long as there's no foam there.
Remember when we started launches these bad boys? It was going to be just a matter of years before there was a Holiday Inn on the Moon overlooking the Sea of Tranquility and we were all going to enjoy ourselves in a great big dome with a pool.
I guess that went the way of flying cars, robot maids and teleportation. In fact, it appears to me that when we got to the moon there wasn't anything to really see anyway nor anything more interesting to do then collect rocks so we decided not to go back for the foreseeable future.
But the Shuttles, they were going to take us to new worlds! They were practically airplanes. We could pack in there and fly to new worlds in luxury with an in-flight movie (Star Wars? Seinfeld? Madagascar?) and ginger-ale. We were going to do it all Star Trek style, polyester unitards, go-go boots and Captains mating (and most likely contaminating) with the local population at every stop. We were going to toss around words like docking station, rear thruster and warp field. We were going to bbe able to yell up to the bridge, she can't take anymore, man, she's fixing to break apart! Make it so!
In the thirty years we've been launching shuttles off into the great beyond we've launched a 114 Missions give or take the current one.
Of those 114 approximately 42 were on the date scheduled and most of those were not within the estimated launch time (although they were within the launch window). Now we here at Novelchick support any and all efforts to keep people safe. Although we question whether people who are in fact donning helments (and what are these going to do for you ina SPACE emergency exactly unless they have itty bitty escape pods in them) and launcing themselves into non-oxygenated atmospheres in aluminum cans are really concerned with personal safety, but we feel someone should be.
So the question arises. What's the hold-up? What are we doing with all these missions? Why can't they launch on time? And when will that Venus time share I bought pay off? I want to glide through the stars like they do on BSG. I want to do Mission:Space for real. I want to go where no man has gone before.
Unfortunately, it looks like we can't go anywhere there might be foam lurking about.
Apparently foam is the mortal enemy of the Shuttle. It's the Kryptonite, the fatal bee sting and the blind date with a comb over. If there's foam and we were to bump into it...well, it wouldn't be good. Foam and weather seem to be the two reasons that we aren't proceeding at a brisk pace toward being able to check out the Scientologist's story.
It costs 1.3 billion dollars to launch a shuttle. Launches are delayed more often then not for safety reasons (which often include the word foam in them). I'm okay with that until I begin to check out what qualifies as a safety reason. Here's a partial list:
Remember when we started launches these bad boys? It was going to be just a matter of years before there was a Holiday Inn on the Moon overlooking the Sea of Tranquility and we were all going to enjoy ourselves in a great big dome with a pool.
I guess that went the way of flying cars, robot maids and teleportation. In fact, it appears to me that when we got to the moon there wasn't anything to really see anyway nor anything more interesting to do then collect rocks so we decided not to go back for the foreseeable future.
But the Shuttles, they were going to take us to new worlds! They were practically airplanes. We could pack in there and fly to new worlds in luxury with an in-flight movie (Star Wars? Seinfeld? Madagascar?) and ginger-ale. We were going to do it all Star Trek style, polyester unitards, go-go boots and Captains mating (and most likely contaminating) with the local population at every stop. We were going to toss around words like docking station, rear thruster and warp field. We were going to bbe able to yell up to the bridge, she can't take anymore, man, she's fixing to break apart! Make it so!
In the thirty years we've been launching shuttles off into the great beyond we've launched a 114 Missions give or take the current one.
Of those 114 approximately 42 were on the date scheduled and most of those were not within the estimated launch time (although they were within the launch window). Now we here at Novelchick support any and all efforts to keep people safe. Although we question whether people who are in fact donning helments (and what are these going to do for you ina SPACE emergency exactly unless they have itty bitty escape pods in them) and launcing themselves into non-oxygenated atmospheres in aluminum cans are really concerned with personal safety, but we feel someone should be.
So the question arises. What's the hold-up? What are we doing with all these missions? Why can't they launch on time? And when will that Venus time share I bought pay off? I want to glide through the stars like they do on BSG. I want to do Mission:Space for real. I want to go where no man has gone before.
Unfortunately, it looks like we can't go anywhere there might be foam lurking about.
Apparently foam is the mortal enemy of the Shuttle. It's the Kryptonite, the fatal bee sting and the blind date with a comb over. If there's foam and we were to bump into it...well, it wouldn't be good. Foam and weather seem to be the two reasons that we aren't proceeding at a brisk pace toward being able to check out the Scientologist's story.
It costs 1.3 billion dollars to launch a shuttle. Launches are delayed more often then not for safety reasons (which often include the word foam in them). I'm okay with that until I begin to check out what qualifies as a safety reason. Here's a partial list:
- heavy fog
- lingering thunderstorms
- light rain
- high wind
- cracked foam
- tiles falling off
I don't mean to be...critical but if something that costs over a billion dollars can't be launched if it's drizzling then how exactly can it operate safely in space?
For example, Mission STS-121 launched on July 4, 2006, at 2:38 pm local time after two previous launches were scrubbed because of lingering thunderstorms and high winds around the launch pad and the launch took place despite objections from its chief engineer and safety head. A five-inch crack in the foam insulation of the external tank gave reason for concern; however, the Mission Management Team gave the go for launch.
Is this what it comes down to? We'll never achieve warp drive because of a light drizzle and cracked foam? I'll never know the song of the Crab Nebula because a tile dislodged during re-entry. I'll never get to say "Damnit, Jim!" Hasn't NASA heard of Gorilla Glue? Or duct tape? I mean you might actually use it ON ducts in this sort of situation.
Clearly women aren't held in high regard as Shuttle designers because we would have gotten out a stapler, some hairspray, a sandwich bag and fixed whatever was wrong to get that thing off that pad on time. We know the importance of arriving promptly for soccer games, carpools and three year olds birthday parties. Foam? We laugh in the face of foam.
I'm depressed by it. My money keeps being spent to send five guys in poorly designed (Heaven FORBID aliens come upon them and think they are some sort of fashion statement for the rest of us) janitor coveralls to launch more satellites and to repair the crap that falls off the space station. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my Direct TV, I do. But I'd enjoy it more if I was watching it in my cool dome and foam house with funky egg shaped furniture and wearing bizarre spandex outfits on Jupiter.
The Shuttle program is scheduled to be retired in 2010. The Shuttle's planned succesor is Project C. So maybe I can retire on Mars and just take a beach chair into my personal holodeck when I get a hankering for Hawaii.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Friday Fun
Now that I'm getting the old routine back (before the horrible break with reality I usffered two months ago, the rise of the ugly SAD and OCD and the out of town trips) I'm trying to keep you guys amused once again on those LONG Friday afternoons. Today, I put forth a few classics. None of these need to be downloaded to my knowledge.
Yahtzee (this one will keep tossing up an ActiveX box at you. Keep hitting OK and it will go away after five or six times I promise.)
Evrything from Pong to Frogger to Simon
A truly excellent version of Battleship
Yahtzee (this one will keep tossing up an ActiveX box at you. Keep hitting OK and it will go away after five or six times I promise.)
Evrything from Pong to Frogger to Simon
A truly excellent version of Battleship
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Can't we all just...shut up and move along?
The radio station I listen to in the afternoon is now playing the Dixie Chicks song Not Ready To Make Nice. I personally like the song. But the station has decided to PLAY A DISCLAIMER BEFORE THE SONG AIRS. Yes, it's ridiculous. It's pathetic at the lowest level. Either stand up and say "we're playing this song because we like it and it fits our demographic and you can tune us out for four minutes if you want" or don't play it at all. But don't pander to the lowest denominator of people who are angry at three women who play music and expressed a political view while on stage three years ago. Which is really all that happened. If you're going to warn people you're fixing to play someone let it be Brittany Spears!
Do most people even know what was said? Seriously? I hear a lot of people who are still (three years later) angry as hell at them because they said things about the President and the war and about hating the soldiers and that America is evil and...on and on. But they can't tell me what was said exactly or even sorta. It's all vague communist overtones sort of stuff they are sure and that makes them EVIL.
Three years? People, MOVE ON. The truth is that she said that they were ashamed the President was from their home state. That's it. Hey, at this point aren't we all ashamed the President is American? I believe the latest approval polls agree with this. That was the extent of the rhetoric. And for this? Three years of country stations bashing them has rained down upon us. Not just that but they still receive DEATH THREATS over this. In an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2003 they admitted that they worded what they wanted to say badly. They even apologized for the remark less then a week afterward. Should they have apologized? No. It was their political view. No one should apologize for expressing thiers. It may be unpopular. It may be inappropriate at the time. It may be inappropriate to the place. But you have the right to say it and stand by it.
Isn't that part of the point of being an American? Isn't that something we always like to lord over other countries is that in America we can express our political ideals and thoughts freely and without fear of persecution? How are the "good" Americans upholding our ideals and Constitution that they claim to be so dear by threatening the lives of three women who stated their opinion?
So what's the message here? Women should not express their opinions? That if you are on a stage at your own concert you should not express your opinion? That you should express opinions if you are women only if they are the popular ones? That somehow these three women are going to cost American soldiers lives because of what they said? Why are you people mad about this? I assure you that you have friends, family and acquaintances who said much worse?
So why all the rage directed at these women? What is it about these three people who you've (most likely) never met. Never (likely) will meet. Never (likely) hang out with. Never (likely) go to PTA meetings with or lunch with or go to church with or anything else, why is anyone so upset about this? I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of people who's live you are probably equally involved in. If any of these people express the opinion that they are ashamed of the President, I expect all of you good folks to boycott, form pickett lines and call in death threats to them and their families.
The pizza delievery guy
Your pediatrician
Your drycleaner
The check-out girl at Publix
Your mailman
The guy who refills the vending machines at your office
The clerk at the QT
Random trick or treaters
The Santa Claus at the mall
The people who clean your church
The random woman who took your photo on your last vacation because you both wanted to be in it
Flight attendants
The people who work at Kinko's
Your fishmonger
Your meter reader
Mrs. Dash, Sara Lee or Mrs. Fields
The girl who hands out the free samples of wassail at Williams Sonoma at Christmas
The lifegaurd at your pool
Your vet
Are we getting the idea?
There are still radio stations galore that are not playing the new single. It's the number one song in the country. It sold over a million copies in a week. It's a great song. But those stations will continue to "boycott" three women who expressed an opinion (perhaps in the wrong place at the wrong time).
You know what? Boycott my next CD too because I'm ashamed of everyone who still cares enough to be mad.
Do most people even know what was said? Seriously? I hear a lot of people who are still (three years later) angry as hell at them because they said things about the President and the war and about hating the soldiers and that America is evil and...on and on. But they can't tell me what was said exactly or even sorta. It's all vague communist overtones sort of stuff they are sure and that makes them EVIL.
Three years? People, MOVE ON. The truth is that she said that they were ashamed the President was from their home state. That's it. Hey, at this point aren't we all ashamed the President is American? I believe the latest approval polls agree with this. That was the extent of the rhetoric. And for this? Three years of country stations bashing them has rained down upon us. Not just that but they still receive DEATH THREATS over this. In an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2003 they admitted that they worded what they wanted to say badly. They even apologized for the remark less then a week afterward. Should they have apologized? No. It was their political view. No one should apologize for expressing thiers. It may be unpopular. It may be inappropriate at the time. It may be inappropriate to the place. But you have the right to say it and stand by it.
Isn't that part of the point of being an American? Isn't that something we always like to lord over other countries is that in America we can express our political ideals and thoughts freely and without fear of persecution? How are the "good" Americans upholding our ideals and Constitution that they claim to be so dear by threatening the lives of three women who stated their opinion?
So what's the message here? Women should not express their opinions? That if you are on a stage at your own concert you should not express your opinion? That you should express opinions if you are women only if they are the popular ones? That somehow these three women are going to cost American soldiers lives because of what they said? Why are you people mad about this? I assure you that you have friends, family and acquaintances who said much worse?
So why all the rage directed at these women? What is it about these three people who you've (most likely) never met. Never (likely) will meet. Never (likely) hang out with. Never (likely) go to PTA meetings with or lunch with or go to church with or anything else, why is anyone so upset about this? I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of people who's live you are probably equally involved in. If any of these people express the opinion that they are ashamed of the President, I expect all of you good folks to boycott, form pickett lines and call in death threats to them and their families.
The pizza delievery guy
Your pediatrician
Your drycleaner
The check-out girl at Publix
Your mailman
The guy who refills the vending machines at your office
The clerk at the QT
Random trick or treaters
The Santa Claus at the mall
The people who clean your church
The random woman who took your photo on your last vacation because you both wanted to be in it
Flight attendants
The people who work at Kinko's
Your fishmonger
Your meter reader
Mrs. Dash, Sara Lee or Mrs. Fields
The girl who hands out the free samples of wassail at Williams Sonoma at Christmas
The lifegaurd at your pool
Your vet
Are we getting the idea?
There are still radio stations galore that are not playing the new single. It's the number one song in the country. It sold over a million copies in a week. It's a great song. But those stations will continue to "boycott" three women who expressed an opinion (perhaps in the wrong place at the wrong time).
You know what? Boycott my next CD too because I'm ashamed of everyone who still cares enough to be mad.
What the hell...
I'm in what the hell mode today. I've heard NOTHING from Jenny Bent. Which I'm normally a no news is good news sort of girl but at this point..no news is...no news. And I understand that often it takes a few months for these things to unfold but still...annoying. So I went back through my big list of agents and discovered that some that previously were not taking electronic queries are now. So I've decided why not deluge the publishing world once again with my brilliance? I'd send out the hardcopy, and in some cases I have, but I'm just...pressed for time with the baby potty training and all. But as the national conference is fast approaching I would at least like to send out a query letter that said 'hope to meet you in Atlanta' so when I do meet them they can either say, "oh yeah, send me the first chapter" or "Stop stalking us, freak". I mean I'd prefer the former but sometimes it's just good to lay your cards on the table.
Bad news. My husband returned last week from Virginia (no that's GOOD news) and brought me a copy of Janet Evanovich's new book, Twelve Sharp, which is smart and sassy as always and HAS AN ALMOST IDENTICAL SCENE IN IT TO ONE OF MINE. Thank God I entered the Golden Heart and had to send them a complete so that it's on record mine was written WAY WAY before this. But now agents worldwide are going to think I've copied her. I'm really sad about this. That scene was quite brilliant. This sucks.
UPDATE: I've plastered/terrorized the in-boxes of many an agent with my query letter today. There are a few out there who still prefer snail-mail and I'll get to that, especially if I don't have to go out to Office Depot and copy a million pages. Well, let's see what sticks. I tried to research carefully the agents that repped my sort of stuff, who were looking for new people, who published books I've read from authors I've heard of. Maybe something will shake loose.
Bad news. My husband returned last week from Virginia (no that's GOOD news) and brought me a copy of Janet Evanovich's new book, Twelve Sharp, which is smart and sassy as always and HAS AN ALMOST IDENTICAL SCENE IN IT TO ONE OF MINE. Thank God I entered the Golden Heart and had to send them a complete so that it's on record mine was written WAY WAY before this. But now agents worldwide are going to think I've copied her. I'm really sad about this. That scene was quite brilliant. This sucks.
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