Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Witch does rhyme with ignorant bitch


Memorize this face.
If you see it, take your children by the hand and back away from her slowly. She is armed with mass amounts of stupidity, bigotry, illiteracy and she's not afraid to use them to embarrass herself or her children. BACK AWAY SLOWLY!!!!

Headline: Laura Mallory, of Loganville, Ga., holds up a brochure for a summer camp for learning the art of witchcraft. Mallory was trying to convince a Gwinnett County board of education officer during an Oct. 3 hearing that Harry Potter should be banned from classrooms and school libraries.

You never hear about these things in Seattle or Portland or Asheville. There's always one pathetic, ignorant parent out there on a crusade that makes no sense and just glots up the mess that is public education even more. And today, it's this one.

Personally, Laura Mallory of Loganville, GA, I say you have a right to your opinion. You may completely stand firm on your moral highground and condemn us all to hell for reading a book about an orphan boy and his magical adventures. I've attended all the midnight madness parties to if that buys me a place in a deeper circle of hell by the way. But let's examine a thing or two.

First, did you read it? Please do not waste time saying that something is evil if you haven't bothered to do the research. If you didn't read the book ( and I'll guess you haven't) than you really have nothing to say about it. I mean do you know that really Harry Potter is about bigotry and prejudice and how fear of things you don't understand can corrupt even the best of intentions? NO? Thought not. Not only would one have to read the book, one would have to be able to grasp higher learning concepts.

Second, were you sending your kids to that camp? Like was it a Fundamental Religious Knitting Camp last year or something and changed curriculums and you couldn't get your deposit back or what? Leave the camp alone. They're probably not holding up pictures of you and saying how evil you are for your poor choice in jackets.

Third, I'm missing the connection. What is your objection? To Harry Potter? He's been a round a bit and kids have been reading him awhile and I have yet to see the first school shooting led by anyone in Quidditch robes. A much better track record of violence? Children of ignorant, redneck religious fanatics.... Or is it what you think the evils of having Harry Potter on a bookshelf is doing to today's youth. Honestly, the only kids checking HP out of the school library are the ones who are fact checking because every house has multiple copies. Except yours. You know just when you think the last alcoholic mother who loses her kids to DFACS on a regular basis and shuffles between two states to avoid her legal problems and has dragged the kids from unstable boyfriend's apartment to unstable boyfriend's trailer and then blames rock and roll music when her sixteen year old depressed drop out son, who has been smoking pot and drinking for three days in a row decides to off himself he's so depressed has thankfully disappeared, we get this. Non-Medicated Mom: The Burb Version. You know why I don't worry about these things? I do a good job of arming my daughter. She knows about God, we talk freely about religion and what our beliefs are in front of her, we encourage her to have a personal relationship with God. I read Harry Potter to my daughter the first two months of her life.

Lastly, here is a partial list of books that also feature witches/witchcraft that you will also need banned to protect your children's ignorance and continue to make them the laughingstock of people like myself.
The Odyssey
Dracula
The Wizard of Oz
The Jungle Book
Almost everything written by Shakespeare (including but not limited to, Anthony and Cleopatra, King Richard III, Macbeth, The Tragedy of Coriolanous. There are more that mention witchcraft but those are the ones I remember)
The Tempest
Robin Hood
House of Seven Gables
Moby Dick
Ivanhoe
Don Quixote
The Hunchback of Notre Dame (yes, use the French or English title and it still has magic in it)
The Further Adventures of Robinson Crusoe
Essays (The second series??) of Ralph Waldo Emerson
Le Morte D'Arthur
The Hobbit/LOTR Series
The Narnia Chronicles
Pretty much the collective works of Robert Louis Stevenson
The Scarlett Letter
The Witch of Blackbird Pond
Tess of the d'Urbervilles
The Republic
Andersen's Fairy Tale
The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
The Last of Mohicans
Anna Karenina
A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
Thank you, Laura Mallory, for attempting to plnge our children into a nadir of ignorance so black that it's like has not been seen since the educational philosophies of the Industrial Age were upon us.
Oh, and for reminding me why I suck it up and pay tuition for my child to go to private school.

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