Hmmmm...could be good news, could be a trap

I recently read a book published by Forge which was in my "goody bag" from Nationals. We get these awesome bags chock full of books either not released yet or authors the publishing houses are pushing. Most of them were NOT my thing, lots of paranormal and some erotica. A few were Regency and I did read those and I thought that the The Secret Pearl by Mary Balough was terrific and I found myself sort of welling up at one point.

Anywho, one of the books was a contemporary and it's...mediocre at best (no names) so I wanted to know who published it and it was Forge so I went to the website. Now, they are a publisher actually called Tor/Forge. Tor publishes a very extensive and well-known line of sci-fi, fantasy and Forge is their mainstream brand. There I found this:

Thursday, March 17: Tor/Forge is now actively seeking chick lit. Download a PDF of the guidelines here.

Here are said Guidelines:

Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

Tor/Forge is actively seeking chick lit submissions.

All submissions should follow these guidelines and be addressed to:

Natasha Panza, Tor Editorial
Tom Doherty Associates, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue, 14th Floor
New York, NY 10010

􀂙 Our definition of chick lit is slightly different from that of other publishers. We are not looking for the standard New York City/L.A. shopping/complaining/sex novels, but rather somewhat humorous, romantic and/or sexy novels about protagonists in their mid twenties through late thirties who are doing interesting things and lead interesting lives with whom readers can relate and sympathize.
􀂙 These novels may have paranormal elements, but we are not looking exclusively for paranormal chick lit.
􀂙 Submissions should be 75,000 - 110,000 words.
􀂙 These books will most likely be done first in trade paperback, and then in mass market. However, we reserve the right to publish these books as we see fit; we will be publishing them just like all our other books -- that is, in a manner in which we can expect them to sell the highest possible quantities.

Unagented Authors:
􀂙 Proposals should contain the first three chapters, a 2-3 page synopsis, and a cover letter.
􀂙 Previously unpublished authors (or authors who have only published in category romance) must have a completed manuscript.
􀂙 Previously published authors who are unagented may submit a proposal and a copy of one of their previous books.

Authors with agents:
􀂙 Please have your agent call Natasha Panza at 646-307-5497 to discuss the project prior to submission.
Do not send query letters, proposals by fax, or proposals by email.
Such submissions will not be considered.

So I figure it's one of two things: They Do want to see some chick-lit (of a different feather) or they're just out to mock us as most agents are at this point (no names).

Season Three LOST Spoilers and New Poster

Well, I've cobbled together a few LOST Season 3 spoilers for you. I have no idea if any of them are true. The only ones I really trust are from http://www.spoilerfix.com or SECRETAGENTMAN on the TWOP Spec with Spoilers Board. I think Ausiello is good but he can be vague. Kristen with E! is useless.But let's give it a try. All my spoilers are very general for the most part except the ones from TMF but who knows? I'd give him a 50/50 on what he'll get correct. Everything here can and has been collected from other websites, I'm just assembling for your convenience what can be substantiated for the most part.

But first, the new promo poster for Season 3. Behold...

No one seems to know if the thing with the weird eyes is a pixel issue or the actual poster has it that way. And if so...why? Also, what about the placement? Does it mean anything either? Season Three is still not near and already my head is hurting from looking for "signs". I'd like to note that Jorge Garcia looks...pissed. And I for one would love to see him as less goodtime guy and more whip Sawyer's ass guy on occasion.

So, here are some spoilers. Now, these are just ones that I think might be true OR I think are really interesting so take them with a BOULDER of kosher salt.

Underwater Scenes and new sets

These were found from the Honolulu Star Bulletin.

They have committed to at least 1 more year on the Island of Oahu
The Cast and Crew will report back on August 7th 2006 for shooting
There are new sets for Season 3, these include the renovation of an old water tank for underwater scenes.
There are other interesting bits about the various locations used as well.

No more Michael?
Newsday, a New York newspaper, has reported that LOST Actor Harold Perrineau who play Michael has been released of his contract and will not be in Season 3.

More focus on romance
Producers of ABC's hit series Lost told SCI FI Wire that it sets up the upcoming third season, which will focus more on romance—and on the mysterious Others. "The Others are an important part of season three, and there's a lot of mysteries and a lot of questions about the Others that the audience is going to be curious about going into season three," said executive producer Carlton Cuse in an interview. "And those are the things we're going to explore." Cuse added: "There will definitely be some new characters on the show next year... Obviously, Michael Emerson, who plays Henry Gale, he's someone who's going to be very prominent in the show next year." Fans were also introduced to a new character who promises to figure in next season's storylines: Penelope Widmore, played by Sonya Walger. [...] "I'm excited about love in season three," said executive producer Bryan Burk, adding: "Don't forget now the people have been on the island for 60-plus days. They're now obviously more familiar with each other. ... The concept of love is there, and... it weaves its way through all of our characters. It's going to be much more prevalent in season three."

Whole host of spoilers from Comic-Con
- Season three will focus more on adventure.- We'll learn more about The Others and Alex's story.- An event will happen mid-season that will blow people away!- J.J. Abrams will co-write the first episode which is titled "The Tale of Two Cities."- They are going to reveal what happened to Locke, Desmond and Echo.- They are adding new regular characters, which they are casting for now.- You'll see more scenes from the outside world- Desmond and Penny's relationship forms a new seed for a new element in the series.- Libby will be back to fill in the gaps.- Within the first few episodes Kate "gets with someone".- They are going to explain the medical miracles.- They debunked the rumor that the monster is a cloud nanobot.- The hyroglypics on the countdown clock are signs of the underworld.- They have 4 to 5 seasons planned out, and they knew the beginning and ending from the start. Going beyond 5 seasons would be stretching it, they said.- If they introduce a question on the show, they already know the answer.- They do look at fans' reactions and that does affect how they do things on the show.- They showed a promo for the 13 "Lost" diaries that will be on Verizon, which featured Hugo finding a camera and interviewing people on the island.- A "Lost" game from Ubisoft is coming next year which features a new story.- On the season two DVD, you can expect one feature which has all of Sawyer's famous lines!

SpoilerFix

07/21 - During an interview Carlton Cuse revealed: We almost view the first six as a miniseries. And it's going to answer what we left hanging at the end of the finale. Obviously, we're going to explain what happened to Locke and Desmond and Eko, and sort of deal with the fact that Sawyer and Kate and Jack are in captivity. We would love to sort of finish up [Libby]'s story. We're casting two female roles and one new male role. I can't tell you where the characters are going to come from, but obviously, one of the things we're doing this year on the show is... learning a lot more about the Others, and their society and their history. So it might be fair to say that you're going to learn more about some other characters who are also Others. I wouldn't call it the season of sex, but I will say that romance will play a much more active part of the show this year... We actually meant to get to it last year. We didn't really get to the romance as fast as we thought we were going to. So this year that's definitely on our agenda. I think actually one of these new female characters is going to be a romantic interest, possibly for Jack. There will be several new romances on the show this year... I think that this year we're looking to make the show a little bit brighter, a little bit more vibrant, a little bit more on the action-adventure axis, a little bit more on the romance axis. I don't think the show will be as dark and as intense this year [as it was last season]. And it will be, I think, even more on the character axis than on the mythological axis. John Locke will be a very different person in Season 3. All of his questions and his doubts and his uncertainty have been answered. In fact, the button did mean something. And there was something at stake. And I think that will bring about a change in that character. Penny is an important character in the overarching mythology of the show. The interrelationship between the outside world and the island will be something that will be a part of Season 3. The monster will be a part of Season 3, as will the polar bear. People are asking what happened to the polar bear, so we will be doing some polar-bear stories. The smoke creature and the monster are one and the same. I hope Cindy shows up at some point. Let's just say we have many actors on our show; she is not at the top of the list of actors we're servicing. Source: The Ausiello Report

This is fom The Misfits Blog. I'll be honest, the guy is nuttier than a PayDay but you never know. Also, several people report that he tends to make wild speculations (oh, and claims he's solved the mystery of alien autopsies but that's a whole different blog) and then change his posts as things go along. I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm just saying...well....read the rest of his blog and draw your own conclusions. http://themisfitishere.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I have a NEW mole with SEASON 3 massive spoilers!!
A new MOLE has contacted me from WITHIN the writing team of ABC LOST!! He has given me LOTS of new spoilers ABOUT season 3!! DO not read UNLESS you want to know!!More SPOILERS will be sent to me SOON!!-
Fake HENRY real name is Thomas Radzinsky-
In Kates flashback we meet 2 new Characters. Amelia and Karl.-
Chris Shephard is both Jacks and Claires Father-
Kate chooses Sawyer-
In Claires flashback we see 2 characters Mike and Jan-
Rose dies this season of Cancer-
New man Rodrigo is a Survivor-
B/W star Julie Adams will make several appearances-
Shannon is back in a flashback-
Sayid manages to rescue Kate & Sawyer but not Jack-
There is no Walt/Michael in the mini-series start to the Season-
There will be a Danielle flashback this season-
Jack saves someone we have seen before-
Locke leg injury was never a physical injury-
Sun will dream into the future-
Desmond flashback has new character Warden Harris-
Kate/Jack & Sawyer are all kept seperated by the Others-
Libby's last name is Winchester-
We see Jack in a flashback at the hospital-
Libbys husband was killed in the decking accident that Hurley thought he caused-
Libby was after Hurleys money as revenge-
Locke was responsible for Shannons Fathers death- (NovelChick Editorial Note: Huh? I thought Jack's Wife jumped the median and hit him with her SUV and then Jack made the TOD call? Well, you never know.)
Sun's child is female-
Karen DeGroot and DR Marvin will be found in the Flame Station-
The Flame station is Partly underwater

Episode Flashbacks
E01 "A Tale of Two Cities" - KATE
E02 "Further Instructions" CLAIRE
E03 "The Glass Ballerina" SUN
E04 "Everyman for himself" DESMOND
E05 "11-80" LOCKE
E06 "The Judas kiss" JACK
E07 "Missing" Penny/Realtime off island
E08 "An Englisgh Rose" EKO
E09 "Remission" Rose/Bernard
E10 "He can never know" Sun

The BLOW us away MOMENT is!!"This is quite good actually. We have a flashback or so we think to Penny watching the news just after the phone call she recieved from the artic monitoring station. It shows that Flight 815 is still "missing" one week after its disappearence and the previous couple of months have actually taken place in a week. The time on the island runs a lot quicker than the outside world. It's a real wtf moment."

(NovelChick Editorial: Naturally it would suck bad if Rose dies. Also, we have no reason to think/not think that the phone call to Penny didn't take place during the original plane crash and we were getting it in flashback, now do we?)


Lost': The biggest twist yet -- no reruns!

All Lost viewers live in fear of The Others. No, not the violent dinner theater troupe from the other side of Fakebeard Island -- I refer to the dreaded other episodes, the reruns that fill the substantial gaps in the show's 35-week schedule.
Well, fear not, fanimals. You won't have to wait for new episodes ever again. Or rather, your waiting will be consolidated. Lost will air in two chunks next year: a seven-episode arc in the fall, followed by a 13-week break, then a straight consecutive airing of the remaining episodes. (The hiatus will be filled by Day Break, a Groundhog Day-meets-24 suspense series starring Taye Diggs.)
Whaddaya think? Is this setup preferable? It pretty much mandates a major mid-season cliffhanger, which isn't such a bad idea (as Battlestar Galactica has demonstrated).

From the Tail Section : http://www.thetailsection.com/lost_spoilers/spoilerpalooza_part_1.php#moreThink you've seen some "lord of the flies" action? Think again! Get ready for politics-on-the-beach when the clique returns Jack-less and limping to confront a populace ready for regime change, and an aggressive new leader with a dangerous motivation.

(NovelChick Editorial: And YES, the Hatch and all it's goodies are GONE. Also, rumors swirl that Bernard will be one of those stepping forward as a potential new leader and...God Help Them All.)

Okay, enough for NOW..If you want more that you know are 100% reliable head over to televisionwithoutpity to the LOST Forum and the Speculation WITH Spoilers board to see what SecretAgentMan has posted.

And for those of you who are really, really, really looking forward to the premiere, a little gift to keep you from having to do math constantly. Which is my worst nightmare and exactly why I let the Soduku craze pass me by.

LOST Season Three Countdown Screensaver

It has begun...

Good news all you writers!

It's up and running. The nominations for the "what should your novel be about" at the new Avon Fanlit Page.

http://avonforum.fanlit.com/forums/9/ShowPost.aspx

You need to register first. It's sponsored by Saks Fifth Avenue and they're giving away Saks Gift Cards for the early birds. So hurry on over there.

On September 7th, based on your feedback, we'll announce the winning premise and I'll post the first "Story Line." Then the writing and voting can begin!

1) Medieval When the lady of the manor is orphaned, the king chooses one of his trusted advisors as her guardian. This man controls her land and her future — but will he also control her heart? - Author Examples: Mary Reed McCall, Margo Maguire

2) Regency A beautiful young lady takes society by storm, fascinating the male members of the town and intriguing the female members. She claims she is a "lady," the daughter of an earl long-gone from London society, and her seductive charms seduce every gentleman she meets — all except one. This striking aristocrat doesn't believe a word she says. Is she truly a lady? Or, is she a desperate damsel in some sort of disguise? - Author Examples: Stephanie Laurens, Victoria Alexander, Julia Quinn

3) Victorian He is handsome, intriguing, and has returned from America with a fortune. Now, he must win himself a bride, one with a title, and show those who had scorned him in the past that he is one of them. But to enter London society, one must play by society's rules. And to learn them, he hires a genteel woman as his personal "finishing governess." She has the title, and the connections, but her family fortune is gone... - Author Example: Lisa Kleypas

4) Contemporary When this handsome billionaire reconnects with a woman from his past, sparks fly. But when he discovers she has a child who could very well be his, will the secrets they've kept ruin their second chance at love? - Author Example: Rachel Gibson

5) Paranormal This dashing vampire needs to improve his image fast if he wants to keep his true identity a secret. But when the woman he convinces to marry him makes a startling discovery on their wedding night, our hero will really have to scramble to save what's left of his life. - Author Examples: Lynsay Sands, Teresa Medeiros

6) Suspense In a case of mistaken identity, our heroine's twin sister is kidnapped in her place. It's a race against time as she teams up with a hired gun to bring her sister back, save her own life, and take down the killers who want to silence them all. - Author Examples: Elizabeth Lowell, Andrea Kane

Naturally there's no Chick-Lit categorey since we're all forced to wear scarlett CL's on our Prada handbags at this point.

I voted for, okay just have a seat, Regency. I know, I know. But it seemd the nest story line. I mean twin kidnapping? Ick. Vampire bride? Ick. I had hoped for better but I intend to work with what they've got and again, look upon this as an exercise rather than a contest. Naturally I hope I'd WIN but Regency? Not my thing at all with all the corsets and landaus. Too much reserach. Although the Regency fans aren't nearly as weird about research as your Scottish Higland people. They're animals. Try and slip something past them and they'll show up at your house with pitchforks and torches.

Anywhoodles, the Must is still MIA, damn her. So I guess I might as well either fake it and just jot down some scenes to rewrite later OR I could start on my holiday story. I hate to get sidetracked like that.

The Award Goes To...

I'd like to thank you all for joing us here at NovelChick for our first annual, Industry Dimwits Indefintely Out of Touch or IDIOTS Award Ceremony. This year our fine winners will receive not only a year long barrage of emails from me telling them how they excel in being stupid but this nifty 2007 365 Ways To Not Alienate Your Viewers Calender. Oh and a $5.00 gift certificate to Hardee's and a tote bag with "Network Moron" on it.

The Barbara Streisand Award for Most Incredible Oversight of Nomination or A Possible Just Plain Insult By The Emmy Nomination Committee

Mary McDonald- Battlestar Gallactica

The Lauren Graham Award for Most Consecutive Years of Being Ignored By The Emmy Nominating Committee

Lauren Graham (again)- Gilmore Girls

The Media Play Award For A Show Broadcast By A Network That Completely and Utterly Has Nothing To Do With It's Mission Statement If It Can Even FInd A Copy Of It

Wrestling- Sci-Fi Network

The David Duchovney Formerly Most Ass Kicking Character On The Small Screen Who Was This Season Summarily Castrated Before Our Eyes

Terry O'Quinn- LOST

The Crossing Jordan Award for a Program That The Creators Thought They Improved With New Characters But Not So Much As It Turned Out....

Anyone who made this decision- LOST

The Paris Hilton Flog It Until It's So Far Past Dead It Smells Award as well as the most overuse of the phrase "the most intense episode yet"

ER

The Whitney Houston Award For An Actor Who At One Time Was Considered Marginally Talented But Now Is Just Scary

David Caruso- CSI: Miami

The Trading Spaces Award For The Show That People Are Still Watching Because They Can't Remember To Take It Off The Tifaux Lineup

Desperate Housewives- ABC

The Manly Punch On The Arm Award For Excellent Transitional Casting As One Main Character Left The Show And They Brought In A Replacement

Ben Browder- SG-1

The Elizabeth Taylor Award For Best "Milestone" Episode. Ever.

"200"- SG-1

The David Caruso Sunglasses Of Justice Award For Best Inanimate Prop In A Series

Michelle Rodriguez- LOST

The French Mime Award For Most Needed Prop In A Series-

A Barrett For Michelle Rodriguez- LOST

The Josh Whedon Low Rated Cult Darling That Continues To See Low Ratings But The Network Has Good Enough Taste To Leave It On Believe It Or Not

Veronica Mars- Whatever Network that is now

The Andy Rooney Say What We're All Thinking Award for Truth In Newshows
(tie)

Nancy Grace-Nancy Grace
Anderson Cooper- Anderson Cooper 360

The David Moore "I Couldn't Have Scripted That Shit" Award For Best Interview

Matt Lauer -The Brittney Spears Hair Extension Debacle

The Martha Stewart Award For Multi-tasking For Trying To Make As Big A Scene As Humanly Possible While Exiting A Show, Making An Enemy of Barbara Walters and Proving Once And For All That Botox Will Make You Insane ALL AT THE SAME TIME

Starr Jones- The View

The Bruce Willis/Cybil Sheppard Award for New Pairing With The Most "Vavoom" Going On

Claudia Black/Michael Shanks- SG-1

The Luke and Lorelei Award For New Pairing With No Vavoom In Evidence

Matthew Fox and everyone they attempted to pair him with, with the possible exception of like two seconds with Kate but I don't see that going anywhere- LOST

The X-Files Award for Show That Was So Fabulous Until The Network Screwed With It Starting With The Opening Credits and Now Is Questionable-

MONK-USA Network

The Ken Starr Award For A Show That Has Spawned More Theories, Blogs, Crazy People, Wasted Hours and General Encompassing Of People's Lives Than Any Show Ever-

LOST- ABC

The Days Of Our Lives Award For Most Inappropriate Use of A "Surprise" Illegitimate Child As A Plot Device 'Cause We're Phoning It In Award-

The Palladinos- Gilmore Girls

The Frozen Snicker Bar Award For Most Guilty Pleasure
(tie)

Flavor of Love- MTV

The Girls Next Door- E!

The We're Not Sure What To Call It Award For Finally Getting Some Concrete Plot Development In The Romance Section Wihtout Beating Us Over The Head-

CSI: Original Recipe

The Dermont McDillon Best Use Of A Tattoo Award

Prison Break- FOX

The Matchmaker Award For A Really Good Show That Is On Friday Night And On A Weird Network-

Most Haunted- Travel Channel

The Jeff Francour Came Out Of Nowhere and Is Great Award For New Show-

Psych-USA

The Tom Cruise Overhyped and Not Very Good Award-

Eureka- Sci-Fi

Dracula and Santa: Go together like Egg and...Nog

Yes, once upon a time in a happy and naieve land, NovelChick thought, write a good book, get an agent, get published, go to cocktail parties with the likes of Bette Midler. It seems simple. Man has been putting words down for many, many millenium. Write it, sell it. But it's not. It's not even close. First, you have to actually WRITE the darn thing. Although this process is entirely different from person to person. Some people use a word count a day, some do per pages a day, some write when inspiration hits (The NovelChick Method/Madness), some people have to do complete and detailed synopsis down to the fictional neighbor's hampsters name. It's all a process and it all leads to the same end. Sort of like driving around Atlanta, no matter where you start or what route you take, eventually, you'll see an I-85 sign.

So, now that NovelChick has discovered her genre has DIED according to agents (and really what's the point in getting an agent who thinks the genre is dead and isn't going to try and sell you? I mean this person is in your life forever). I'm thinking of expanding my wings and flying. Or opening my wings and soaring or...I was never good with analogies. Anyway, as we all know by now Rose Press is in a lather to get holiday stories out. I am thinking of (and some of you may need a seat) writing a vampire Christmas tale.

Are we all feeling better now? While I watch copius amounts of sci-fi and enjoy vampire movies a good deal (just saw Underworld Two, highly recommend it, don't forget your special goggle that will lessen some of Kate Beckinsale's beauty or you risk cornea damage) I'm just not a paranormal reader. I don't know why. I think the best and dearest fantasy book I ever read was Magic Kingdom For Sale: Sold by the great Terry Brooks. Matter of fact, my original first edition copy is so ratty that he sent me a new one. My mother was at a book conference some years ago and told me he was doing a seminar. I gave her my pathetic copy and she hauled it to the conference and had him sign it. I believe he referred to it as "well loved". Anyway, that whole literary scene has never been my deal. There are some fabulously talented writers out there doing it, Sherrilyn Kenyon comes immediately to mind, and if you're into that sort of thing and you haven't read the DarkHunter series than I have no idea why you're still sitting here, reading this when you should be trucking down to Borders. So for me to say, vampire Christmas, yes I think that will work, is ridiculous. But none the less...I suppose since it's a new epublisher I feel like I can do it and not have to worry about a word count and maybe they like it or not but it's a first try. So, what's the harm?

Well, okay the harm is that it dents my time spent on the Sassy Wenches book. If I write 15 pages a day until August 31 I'm done. But if the muse is busy elsewhere, sometimes you have to wait. And apparently my muse is busy with back to school shopping or something because she didn't think it was worth getting into that swarm at Target or Bloomingdales to save five percent or whatever. My muse is quite brilliant. She'll be here soon, I'm not worried about it and one day next week I'll wake up and blast fifty pages down in one sitting. So in the meantime.....

I guess "I vant to suck youl vlodd! Bla, bla, bla!"

So, feedback on this plan? BTW, thank you all so much for your cookie thoughts. You were all very wise.

Friday Fun..for some

In my continuing effort to update you on book news and hopefully encourage some budding writers out there...

Avon Romance Write-Off Contest

This was announced with much fanfare and hoopla at the RWA conference and I truly hope some of you will gear up and participate since this is one contest that doesn't cost a thing and you have nothing to lose.
Essentially there will be book topics picked by the editors and every week budding authors may submit their chapter for the new book to be selected. At the end of ten weeks, the book will be published as an ebook. So if one idea strikes your fancy and the preceeding chapter sparks your imagination you can just try your hand at writing one chapter nad putting it out there. Plus it gives you a chance every week to see what the ditors are looking for. So get your Nascar, paranormal, alpha hero thinking caps on and Netflix up some inspiration. Start NOW.

Christmas in August

Word on the street is that this small e-publisher is looking to aquire Christmas/Holiday stories. No word on length or genre but their submissions page is fairly specific about the usual submission guidelines. Just in case any of you out there are budding writers....


http://thewildrosepress.com/

Shhhh...

I write Chick-Lit. But I can't say that anymore because chick-lit is OUT, dead, gnre non grata. If you're a chick-lit writer at the moment you need to conceal that better than the Frank Family. You know why? Because five years ago when Chick-Lit became the IT genre, every editor went through the slush piles, pulled every piece of "chick-lit" they could find and ran to press with it. The results? A horrible gobble goop of crap out there choking up the market. So, we're dead. But are we?

First, we've been instructed to call ourselves "women's fiction" whatever THAT means. While there is no noticable difference somehow this makes a difference to editors. It inplies that our heroines are...smarter? That we're tackiling deeper issues? Because finding one's way in the world is so petty? What makes that petty? A woman likes shoes? Or are we supposed to all be writing books about cheating spouses and drug addiction? I don't know the answer. I don't want to read that book so I'm not writing it. But here's an interesting take on it.

Women's Fic vs Chick-Lit

and here's an interesting web page put out by a publisher to 'defend' our genre.

http://chicklit.smartpopbooks.com/

While I appreciate that there are people that are saying that chick-lit is still going strong, I question do we need to defend it? Should we ever defend a style of writing? Don't we just write the compelling books of our heart be they Scottish time travels or medical thrillers or traditional romance? Isn't there always room out there for one more good book regardless of what label is has been slapped with?

I'm starting to wonder.

Friday Fun....

Cowboys nad Chinamen

Pirate Treasure

I'm posting these early because they're time consuming. No downloads.

It took me about fourteen tries to get through the reef on the pirate game but it can be done. Pirates is my favorite of the two.

Some pictures my daughter should never see

I'm concerned about what I'm seeing these days in magazines and movies and on television. It's not normal for a full grown woman to weigh 90 pounds. I don't want my daughter to think it is. Women like Nicole Ritchie and Kate Bosworth are not helping. If they would stand up and say "I have an eating disorder. I'm too skinny. Hollywood has screwed with me so much my self-imageis completely distorted. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF' than I think I'd find far less of the horrible thing going on that you can link to at the bottom of this page. There are many of these out there, but this one was particularly painful to me.

I'm pleased to see Laura Flynn Boyle has added pretzels to her diet this year. Remember the ballerina dress debacle? Just scary as hell. What do you think she weighed at her skinniest? Ninety pounds? Eighty? No wonder Jack Nicholson was like...ick.

And below the woman who I blame for starting this, Calista Flockhart. Does anyone know why Harrison Ford would be having sex with her? She seems to have put on about two pounds here in picture two so maybe she mistook a tic-tac as a birth control pill and bulked up?

Nicole Ritchie. Did someone actually say to her "you look great"?

Did anyone have a problem with Kate Bosworth looking like this?

Apparently so. Do you wonder if Orlando Bloom ever looks at her now and is like "Is this what I signed up for?"

Okay, here come the Hollywood fatties by comparison. Yes, these women are probably twos and fours. Some might tip the scale at 120. Let's take a look.

Meg Ryan-Okay, her image is tarnished but that wasn't because of her weight. Still lovely, still normal looking, still I can relate to her as a female in her movies with actual things going on in her life besides being obsessed with carbs.

Evangeline Lily- Looking a littel hip boney here but all in all, healthy.

Kate Beckinsale. A woman so glamorous it's actually painful. We'll need special goggles to view the next two photos. In a bikini she's small but perfectly porportioned which I guess means she's small boned. And obviously, she looks good as we can see in picture number two. She wore nothing but latex in Underworld. Does anyone want to see Nicole Ritchie in latex? Thought not.

It's the mother lode. Angelina Jolie, looking fit and beautiful pre-baby. BTW, the Jolie-Pitt clan was named the most beautiful family in the world by People so yet another categorey we all need to worry about breaking into. Shave your legs and tell the husband to do up his pants before next years's voting.

And now we arrive at what many hail as the most beautiful woman in the world. And she was a size sixteen at the height of her career. When Jackie O. become isanely jealous and had her killed. See, thta's what being too thin does to you, it makes you insane.

Most disturbingly I found this blog. There are a lot of these pro-eating disorder blogs circulating with tips on on keeping yourself 'thin'. This particular one I picked though because this dilluted child says that her dream is that she looks like Kate Bosworth in this photo.

Pro-Eating Disorder Blog

What the hell is going on here people?

And on that note, I'm having an Oreo.

Chick-Lit is dead

Yep, that's what I found out at the conference. $120 worth of panty cookies, hotel room, conference fees and lots of bar tabs and I find out that my genre has gone the way of Katie Holmes career (well, okay, my genre isn't chained in the Scientology basement while it's "man" half is partying on a yacht in France with Sean Combs but you get the idea). Matter of fact, it's SO dead I got this little ditty in the email box yesterday...

Sorry, chick lit is really tough right now.

I've removed the name of the agent.

Professional, no? According to the people at the conference we are now to refer to ourselves as "Women's Literature" and we should be tackling more serious subjects like infidelity, addiction and parental relationship issues. No one want to read chick-lit, light mysetery, anything funny or anything with a gay man in it. Unless you wnat to read about two gay men together which is the hottest download now at Ellora's Cave according to the always fabulous Ralene G.

I...don't want to write about any of that. I don't want to read about any of it either. Who are you people who want to spend your free time hearing about spouses that cheat and alcoholics and people who hate their parents? Don't you have enough of that going on on television without having to slap down ten bucks to read about it? Not me. Not this chick. So the book of my heart is...not marketable at this point. And I'm devestated. And at a loss as to what to do. And wishing I had another all consuming passion like scrapbooking I could turn to. Normally I mock the scrapbook set. I'm so sad about it. And I actually have three agent and an editor request sitting here but I don;t even have the heart to send it since I'm afraid they'll be like OHHHHHH, nooooooooooooooo we're not doing that anymore. Sorry. It's all very disheartening.

So the question of the week is what should Novelchick now do? Oh, and NovelChick hates yoga so don't suggest that.

Oh, but just in case you are interested it's all about NASCAR and EROTICA. And...no.

Too Far Lost...

A little last minute Friday Fun for you. Or it will make you sad. I'm not sure which. Anyway, I was combing through to see if there were any new LOST spoilers and I found this Blog by some scary Lost addict guy. Which at first I thought was pretty good and the spoilers listed for season three look very promising. Then I began reading the rest of the blog, which is entirely devoted to this man's quest to "solving" LOST.

Now I can't decide if he's really just kidding about all of it (and some parts he MUST be) or his mother (who I'm guessing he lives with) just needs to monitor his telelvision viewing more stringently.

The Return Of Friday Fun

Okay, for your amusement. This link will take you to a stockade pile of backstage riders for over 200 bands. You can see what bizarre clauses are in their contracts governing the color of their couches (Lopez), the flowers (Dixie Chicks), the temperature of water (Everyone) and what sort of boxers some poor schmo has to run out and buy for Kid Rock.

See what you're missing...

Watch that first step off the wagon...it's a doozey

Well, let's get to it shall we?

Mel Gibson. What's up with that?

Anti-Jew? Drunk? Victim of gross elaboration?

As you all know, my husband and I are great adorers of Nancy Grace. And I'll discuss her later. But last night I was sort of pissed that she had on not only the Mel Gibson story but that her take was that he had been given special treatment by being...arrested?

I like Mel Gibson. He's handsome, he's made some excellent movies, he's funny. I got no Mel issue per say. Now let me say that in my job, I know a lot about DUIs. WAY MORE THAN ANYONE SHOULD.

Mel Gibson was arrested for
DUI and open container. That's what the warrant states. Feel free to mosey over to TheSmokingGun.com and check it out yourself, the complete warrant is up. There's not mention of say, obstructing and officer, simple battery, terroristic threats, public disturbance, resisting arrest or anyo f half a dozen other charges that he could (probably would) have been charged with if the story that is circulating were completely true. I've read a lot of warrants and if you're insulting a police officer, it's in there. If you try it, they'll charge you with things you can not imagine.

So, what did he say? Who to? What's been embellished? Who knows. We'll never know. But here's the thing. Last night Nancy had on a Rabbi who was slashing old Mel in to ribbons. But here's the thing. Mel Gibson was hailed as the man who brought God back to hedonist Hollywood three years ago. He was beloved in the eyes of many of the same religious "leaders" who are bashing him now. In the time in between he's given plenty of money, his name nad some time to these various causes. So why is it that suddenly they are turning on him? Oh Hollywood, why has thou fosaken Mel? Why is it that you are taking the word of police officers over his without question? Especially when none of it appears in the official documentation? I'm not saying he didn't say it, I'm saying is there any evidence that this story wasn't SLIGHTLY embellished. I mean HOLLYWOOD, what are the odds? Maybe he said horrible ugly things about Jews and they should be ofended by that attitude. Maybe he called a woman sugartits. Honestly, I doubt this expresses his contempt for all women and I do get called way worse at work daily. Actually, are we sure he wasn;t just humming the lyrics to an Eminem song? Oh, wait, he would have called her Ho-Bitch instead and then followed that up with a threat to kill his ex-wife. And as for his claim to own Malibu...that may be true actually.

And even more disturbing, why are we so in a tizzy that it's Mel Gibson? Hey, famous people get arrested for a lot of crap ALL THE TIME. Are we by chance more shocked because he made a movie about Christ? That soemhow in our minds this made him better than other Hollywood movie mogul? Have we confused reality and entertainment? I'm not saying Mel Gibson isn't a religious person. For all I know he was tieing one more on before taking a plane to Italy and sequestering himself in a monastary. Or maybe he is a bigot? I don't know that either.

But I do know that Mel Gibson is an actor. He's a producer. He's a director. He's in the business of making money via movies. Jim Cavezial is not Jesus (??). I'm fairly sure Samuel L. Jackson does not really want snakes on his plane (??). Unless otherwise notified I'm going to plant my flag firmly on the ground that Heath Ledger is not only NOT gay, but not an aging shepard who lives in a trailer.

So why is this such a tempest in a tea pot? Are we more upset that he spewed out some ugly things while drunk? Or because he fell off the pedestal?

Incidentally, Nancy Grace, DUI and open container are both misdomeanors. You can walk out of jail any time you're in the mood after you post your $1200.00 bond.

No man is a Hero if his girlfriend is a shapeshifter and his barber is wearing the mask of Loki

I finally figured out why the new manuscript is warping right along at light speed. It's Vogler. It's a Vogler Thing. For those of you unfamiliar with his theory and need a 101. He wrote a book called Hero's Journey. Allegedly it's the tome of all knowledge, the Holy Grail handed down by God himself upon whatever mount is closest to the Vogler Homestead in tablet form and is THE key to all successful screenplays and novels as it takes into account the elements that Homer used when writing his immortal works. It's a very large amount of stuff (at times mindboggling and sometimes I feel as though it actually is in Arameic) and there are graphs (which Mr. Novelchick thinks are cool).

But I kept writing and I kept thinking this all sounds so familiar and finally I went out to the garage and dusted off Vogler (who I have poo-pooed on his theory for YEARS) and damned if I'm not right in the middle of a Hero's Jounrey using his exact archetypes and model theory. Yes, I got Heros (reluctant and willing), I got Tricksters, Shapeshifters and Threshold Guardians, I have Innermost Caves and Seizing the Sword AND the Elixer. It's so embarressing.

It's too much to explain honestly so if you're a budding novelist or screen writer I'll toss this workshop example questionnaire at you. It's in PDF and licensed as view only. But the examples are solid and I think you can get where he's going. If it floats your boat you can either make your own worksheet, with limitless time and a love of typing. OR you might go down the list of questions and answer on a spreadsheet (The NovelChick Method). If this is the sort of thing that peaks your interest, and you have nothing else to do and you like charts, you may want to pick up a used copy. Happy Journey!

Three Takes on Hero's Journey

We are gathered here to go through your carry-on...

I miss LOST. I miss it sooooo much. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on. I need Locke. I sense I'm breaking out the DVD's TONIGHT. Although I'd prefer the knife throwing bad ass to Mr. Touchy Feely but I'll take what I can get at this delicate juncture. I'd even be semi-glad to see Jack.

I'm even thinking of...oh it's too awful! I just can't! Oh, okay. I'm thinking of taking myself to the fanfic boards to slack my unholy desires. I know! It's awful. I feel dirty even talking about it. Buuuuttttt...there are some VERY talented writers out there who seem to want to spend their time rehashing others work. There's actually an urban legend (and if you can confirm with documentation) that one of the X-File writer's was discovered via her X fanfic. I have no problem with this as an exercise, I just don't want them not doing their own work and wasting talent. Fanfic. The Methadone of a LOST addict. Damn you, JJ and your weird ARC schedule that will leave me with a gaping hole in my soul for twelve weeks.

So until I make a decision about the fanfic I thought it might be fun to go through my fictional carry on as if I were on the doomed flight. So, here we go.

Rose: Okay, looks like Staci was from Georgia so she probably ate grits and played the banjo. Driver's license has her at 150 pounds and if she wanted to go to her grave thinking that, I have no objections. Although I'll point out I tossed her corpse on the pile and, well, let's say 150? No. Also, note for the record that her roots needed touching up at the time of her demise.

Apparently married for four years. To the same person. There's a wallet full of pictures of dogs, cats and a man holding a stingray. That's...weird. Did anyone think to grab the wedding ring? It was quite a rock. Oh, okay, Kate, good move. I thin kyou're 100% credible in the honesty department.

Lots of credit cards, business cards, like three dollars in change and a bunch of ones. Maybe she was in Sydney on strip club business? No, wait, it looks like she was staying at the Ritz and taking cabs so she had to have at least three hundred dollars in ones to tip everyone for every damn thing they do. I mean who gets a buck for opening a door? She has a Post-It here noting that in the South doors get opened for free because it's called polite.

Um..hey, we got drugs people! Valium, Paxil, Lamictal, Ben Gay, Tylenol, Excedrin, Midol, Tylenol PM, Advil, Benadryl, Afrin, Excedrin Migraine, Tylenol III, Motrin. Was this chick like three hundred years old? What? Okay, sure, Charlie you can hold that stuff until Jack gets here.

Hey, there's three Krystal Chiks in here. No, stop! Hurley, dude, you do not want to be the fat guy stereotype. Give those to Claire, she's eating for two.

Books, Sawyer, I got books! Janet Evanovich, Mary Janice Davidson, Amanda Quick. Maybe she really did have two personalities. So nothing for you. Wait, here's a Harry Potter at the bottom. And my Lord, she paid full price for it! Oh, wait, no she has a Borders Member Card here.

Chanel lipgloss, Chanel mascara, Bare Minerals base. For God's sake Shannon, she hasn't even been burned yet, don't put it on YET.

Stale gum, sticky pennies, a couple of mismatched earrings, three pairs of ugly and cheap sunglasses. Sixty million receipts from Target. A recipe for Lemon Curd Cake from Martha Stewart and a pack of rubber spiders bought for 75% off at Big Lots. My God, what a nut job. Maybe she could put a Post-It with Clean out damn purse on it. Oh, wait, she's dead. Never mind.

Yahtzee! We have an MP3 here and extra batteries. Wait. What is this? A bunch of 80's dance crap? Frank Sinatra? Who the hell is Oingo Boingo? Ru Paul? I guess we'll save that for when we throw a prom. Thanks, dead chick.

You know, to hell with it, let's dump the rest of this in the fire and just keep the bag. It's a Coach and I can gather mangos in it or something. See ya, Staci.

Staci: Hey! What are you doing? Stop going through my crap. I'm not dead, I was checking out Locke's exceptionally cool knife collection, drawing up some architectural renderings so Sayid can build me a cool hut and listening to Boone yammer about his nanny angst. What a whiner. I hope he falls off a cliff. Claire, I will kill you if you TOUCHED my Krystal chicks.

Hassel-Off

I've returned from the RWA Conference. I'm not quite ready to talk about it yet but since I've been neglecting you people, I'm giving you a tidbit to tide you over. Yes, I may not want to discuss that conference yet but I do wnat to talk about...David Hasselhoff. I mean do you remember Bay Watch NIGHTS? Because he was too much man for one show? Oy! Again, my beloved icons at Tomatonation.com have done a far better job than I ever shall of saying it well. I'll just throw in their thoughts as they are smarter than I. Incidentally, I left in the part about Mel Gibson just because I'm pissed at him. I get that he's been an alcohlic for years and some times you just fall off that wagon but still...sugartits?


Wing Chun: Hello?

Sarah: I think you mean "Mel-lo."

Wing Chun: I…do?

Sarah: Yes, sugar tits, you do.

Wing Chun: Sugar what now? …Ohhhh, yeah, Mel Gibson. Hey, what's the movie where he's frozen and then he wakes up?

Sarah: Crap, I forget. Popsicle of the Christ?

Wing Chun: Heh. Mad Max Beyond Frigidaire.

Sarah: Brrrr…aveheart.

Wing Chun: Groan. …Forever Young, that's it.

Sarah: Oh yeah, with Frodo. What brought that up?

Wing Chun: Well, I'm getting the feeling that that was based on Mel Gibson's actual life.

Sarah: Mel Gibson is Frodo's stepdad?

Wing Chun: No, because he -- did you see it?

Sarah: Not that I know of.

Wing Chun: Okay, the gist is that his character was frozen in 1939 and then wakes up like fifty years later.

Sarah: Right.

Wing Chun: My point is that this actually happened, only Mel Gibson doesn't actually know it's not 1939 anymore.

Sarah: Did they have mullets in 1939? Because if I remember my Lethal Weapon correctly --

Wing Chun: Okay, but: what did they have in 1939?

Sarah: …Wireless sets?

Wing Chun: Anti-Semitism was acceptable to express in 1939. Like out loud. Also, Vatican II hadn't happened yet.

Sarah: And people drove drunk all the time.

Wing Chun: And called each other "sugar tits." Well, only in spanking pornos, but you see what I mean.

Sarah: Yeah, totally. So Mel's not a crazy bigoted alcoholic, he's just --

Wing Chun: -- stuck in a time warp.

Sarah: Populated by Phoenicians.

Wing Chun: Phoe-nic-ians. Nice one. I'd have gone with "Assyrians."

Sarah: An equally solid choice, in my opinion.

Wing Chun: …Man, he is a weirdo.

Sarah: Yeah, what's his next project -- Waterworld: Revenge Of The Mayan Ruins, something like that?

Wing Chun: Probably. I won't be seeing it. Subtitles, beeyotch.

Sarah: Yeah, that was pretentious. Although actually I didn't think the movie needed them, in the end.

Wing Chun: Well, the movie didn't need Powder Satan's wart baby, either, but he left that in.

Sarah: Wait, you don't even like movies with subtitles.
Wing Chun: Not the point.

Sarah: And while I'm up, wait again: spanking pornos?

Wing Chun: Yeah, you just blew right past that.

Sarah: I did, but I'm coming back to it now.

Wing Chun: I don't really have anything to add.

Sarah: I…don't either.

Wing Chun: I…have never seen one. Just for the purposes of clarity.

Sarah: Duly noted, Slappy.

Wing Chun: Hee. …Ohhhh nooooooo!

Sarah: What?

Wing Chun: Well, I'm reading your poll on the TWoP homepage?

Sarah: My poll on the -- oh, right. The Hasselpoll. You know, I left off a really good one that I only just now remembered.

Wing Chun: This is pretty comprehensive as it is. Revenge of the Cheerleaders, seriously?

Sarah: Oh, I know. I'd also forgotten completely that he was on a soap for, like, a decade.

Wing Chun: What did you leave ou-- British Airways?

Sarah: Oh, yeah, you didn't hear about that one?

Wing Chun: Hass-el-hoff, come on, dude!

Sarah: His publicist is claiming he was "sick."

Wing Chun: Oh, I'm sure he was. Sick of being sober.
Sarah: That's not the one I left out.

Wing Chun: You forgot Wimblehoff? …Oh, no, I see that's on here. You know he's suing the tabloids over that story, right?

Sarah: He is? Oh, God. Link me.

Wing Chun: "David Hasselhoff is suing an English tabloid newspaper after it claimed he went on a drunken rampage at the Wimbledon tennis championships earlier this month."

Sarah: I can't wait to see that filing on Smoking Gun.com. What exactly is his claim here? That it wasn't a rampage?

Wing Chun: "Mr. Hasselhoff's attorney insisted that his client's behavior constituted more of a kerfuffle or a brouhaha than a rampage."

Sarah: "Under British law, rampages must contain at least one soccer hooligan and a slurred mention of Lord Jeff."

Wing Chun: So which Drunkelhoff story isn't on here?

Sarah: Shavelhoff.

Wing Chun: Do I even want to know?

Sarah: Not really, but anyway. He cut himself shaving.

Wing Chun: Ohhhh, that. And he cut the shit out of himself, too, right? Like, severed tendons and everything?

Sarah: Yeah. With a chandelier, hello.

Wing Chun: He was trying to shave with a chandelier?

Sarah: No. …Well, actually, his publicist tried to make it out like he was shaving and hit his head on a chandelier --

Wing Chun: He severed tendons in -- there are no tendons in the head, dude.

Sarah: No, I know. The story is that he bonked his head on the chandelier, put his arm up to shield himself from falling glass, and cut a tendon in his arm.

Wing Chun: I…but that…okay, no, he didn't.

Sarah: Well, clearly not, so I think he was trying to shave with the chandelier and this is the best cover they could come up with.

Wing Chun: That is weak.


Sarah: Well, yeah, but: you're Hasselhoff's publicist. Do you waste time coming up with a convincing reason that Captain Mitch Tequilapants has an armful of leaded crystal? Or do you write up some "he walked into a door" bullshit and get on with your day, knowing you'll have to have another statement ready in about ten minutes?

Wing Chun: Good point. God, that poor woman.

Sarah: Really. Every time the Hasselhoff Bat phone rings, she's like, "It is eleven in the morning!"

Wing Chun: "Ohhhh, Daaaavey."

Sarah: Ha!

Wing Chun: Do you think they have an office pool for Hasselstuff at that PR firm? Like, you pick what he was drinking and how he injured himself at the beginning of the year, and whoever is right the most times wins?
Sarah: Oh, totally. And it's like Clue. "It's sangria at the Plaza Hotel!" "It's vodka marts at Dan Tana's!"

Wing Chun: Aw, poor Hassy.

Sarah: I know.

Wing Chun: Now more than ever, I want a "don't Hassle the Hoff" shirt.

Sarah: Me too.

Wing Chun: There's a video? There's…a video, oh dear.

Sarah: You haven't seen that shit?

Wing Chun: No.

Sarah: Go on, I'll wait.
Wing Chun: …What is going on here, Sarah?

Sarah: I don't know.

Wing Chun: I…

Sarah: Yeah.

Wing Chun: ...

Sarah: Did you get to the part with the fish yet?

Wing Chun: He's singing to himself right now. …Oh, here's the fish -- what the hell?

Sarah: Exactly.

Wing Chun: No no no. I am asking. What. The hell.

Sarah: …Germany?

Wing Chun: I have to say, I don't really understand Germany's pop-cultural identity.

There's more to this convo but it slides of of the Hassy topic but I certainly suggest you go and check it out via the handy link to the right. They continue to add people into the ranks of the Grils Bicycle Club. Sarah is a goddess of pith. Incidentally, watch out for her TN Baseball Cons if you live in the NYC area.