Thursday, July 20, 2006

Hans Zimmer, move on over

I spent yesterday being annoyed and frustrated by Napster and then my own downlaod/transfer/burner program. But I finally got everything accomplished I needed to with it so big sigh. But the important part here is that I've created a soundtrack to write my new book by.

1. Long December-Counting Crows
2. Turn Me On-Kevin Lyttle
3.Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous-Ru Paul
4. Sailing on the Seven Seas-OMD
5. 100% Pure Love- Crystal Waters
6. Hes a Pirate- Hans Zimmer
7. She's Crafty- Beastie Boys
8. Its Raining Men- Weather Girls
9. Holding Back the Ocean- Rockie Lynne
10. Temperature- Sean Paul
11. Boom Boom Boom- The Outhere Brothers
12. Sweet Surrender- Sarah McLachlan
13. Wheel of Fortune- Hans Zimmer
14. Full of Grace- Sarah McLachlan
15. The Cup of Life- Ricky Martin
16. Angels of the Silences- Counting Crows

Feel free to run on over to Napster and have a sound byte.
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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Johnny Depp. I get it. Finally.


Well, everyone and their brother has a blog review up of Deadman's Chest. My husband and I went to see it last night since he claimed his head would explode if we didn't. I'm not reviewing because I liked it and that's pretty much my review. I will throw out the following points:

-Bill Nighy is so awesome. What can't this man do?

-Rampant Kracken overuse combined with sketchy blue screen in some places.

-Undead monkey? HA!

-Errol Flynnesque fight scenes? YEAH.

But what I really want to talk about is Johnny Depp. I know, lately that's all anyone wants to talk about. I never watched 21 Jump Street. I never got Johnny Depp and let me tell you why. Out of his film biography below I have highlighted the movies I have seen him in in red.

Clearly, not some of his finest moments. I believe until we get up to 1999 nothing good is going on here (and plant the The Ninth Gate flag firmly on the NOTHING side). Or at least not for me.

Then Sleepy Hollow rode into town. And it was good and I realized Johnny Depp didn't suck as badly as the other movies had led me to believe. He was cute and funny and sort of cartoony but not in that Jim Carrey scary clownlike way.

Then out of nowhere 2000 hit me in the gut with Chocolat and I've never looked at a European drifter in a small French town quite the same. Even though he wasn't even in that many scenes he made them wonderful. He was...yeah. I totally got IT. Johnny Depp had IT. And IT is good. (funny, I just realized that I only really get him if he's a sailor).

Then Blow came along and it all went to hell. How many times can they make this movie? And how many people can they get to agree to be in it. Maybe since he lives in France he was unaware that this was like the fifth version of this? And none of them were any good.

And then we sailed into Pirates of the Caribbean. Oh sure, how good could a movie based on a thirty year old ride at Disneyworld be? Answer-great. Clearly he stole the show. Every scene he was in he just took it and made it his bitch. And while his character in that movie got portrayed somewhere between sexually ambiguous and flat out gay, I got it. IT was upon us again.

Then Secret Window came along and it all went to hell. Again. And I may never look at corn the same. Thanks.

And now we are back on the Black Pearl with the wind in our hair and Jack Sparrow at our side. He's got IT back. Although perhaps they've overused IT in this movie a tad. And this time? He's not ambiguous AT ALL this cruise. He's flirty and dirty and just the bad boy that a girl (not me but I've heard of women like this) at a certain age finds irresistable. You wouldn't think that a dirty pirate over ORLANDO BLOOM would be a big quandry but it's always the question for a young girl. For every perfect boy you can take home to Mom and Dad there's...the one Mom and Dad must NEVER know about. And before things like "will he be a good parent and are his parent's likely to be evicted and need to move in with us and do deer heads detract from the decor or am I just being picky and what is up with the dirty underwear everywhere and can I get in a Monster Truck when I'm like eighty and can he hold a job for more than minimum wage for more the three day" enters the picture, he's the one that's got IT.

I think that Jack Sparrow works the same way the Phantom worked. Even though you knew in your heart that you could never really live in an underground tunnel system with a crazy man with half a face, you wished for one split second that...you could. That's what made Phantom unforgettable and I think that's why Jack Sparrow works. One could never really live on a pirate ship with a man who wears sticks in his hair (what IS that thing), would constantly be snitching your eyeliner, never bathed and stayed drunk all the time (although I have friends who are in this exact marriage minus the boat). But I think all women heave the tiniest sigh when they think about sailing away into the sunset with the swashbuckling Jack Sparrow. Even with the eyeliner.

Well, Bon Voyage, Jack! I'm glad you dropped in to toss a little bad for us boy our way. We'll see you in May 2007 at World's End. Thanks for the sigh.

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Since I'm not Dolly Parton...

First, I ordered panty cookies. I called and the bra and panty combo were $6 a piece. I mean...COOKIES! But the panties alone were $2.00 so I got fifty. If I hate everyone at the conference I shall console myself by renting a pay perview movie in my room and eating.

In other literary news....I've decided to shelve my current book and let it percolate. Yes, I know I'm sad as well. And yes, I just blew a hundred bucks on panty cookies. But I think it needs to sit a tad more and then it needs some major rewrites in spots. It's not gone, it's just aging like a fine wine.

But I've started something new, which I'm rather proud of and seems to be clocking along well. We shall see.

Anyway, I hope the cookies are cute as they sound.
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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Taking the Fall: What's new on the tube this season

Well, www.zap2it.com has provided us with a list of the new shows the networks are putting up this fall. I thought we'd take a look at a few I think will be winners and the rest of which are going to be losers.

It's my newly held opinon that at the moment America isn't terribly interested in anything new. Look at the top ten. It's been fairly consistent for years now (Survivor, CSI, LOST, AI, 24). But let's see what they're trying to give us this year....

Jericho- Maybe, maybe not. I think this may have been sold as the next LOST. We'll have to see how it does if they move it to small town USA. I'm already embroiled in enough intrigue so I'll not be watching but it may work for some who prefer their drama with cows. I see a midseason replacement breathing down it's neck.

Shark- I love James Woods. He is funny. He is not funny in this. Law drama? Out.

Ugly Girl- It's The Devil Wears Prada TV! Keep it FAR away from me.

Big Day- How can this possibly work? I think 24 is ubsurd. I mean how much crap can happen to one person in one day? I guess we'll find out. But with flowers and cake. I forsee a whole episode about the wedding dress having a ripped sleeve.

The Knights of Prosperity- I think...yes. I'm not sure how they can go a whole season with this but I say go for it. The premise sounds ridiculous and way out there and I like it. Novelchick will be setting the TiVO.

Men in Trees-Traditionally your Alaskan based dramadies do well. I guess Alaska is funny but with the potential to be killed by a moose? Anyway, I hate the name. This may fail for the same reason as Love Monkey. No one wanted to SAY they were watching it.

Six Degrees- J.J.'s new child. I'll try it. Honestly, I can probably only watch one of his shows at a time but with the help of an Excel spreadsheet I might squeeze in two.

Traveler- An intriguing premise. This could be great or...Surface.


30 Rock- If I were these actors I'd consider getting my resume ready in a hurry. IN A HURRY.

20 Good Years- This may work. The Everyone Loves Raymond crowd was looking to fill the gaping void in their lives anyway. It won't appeal to everyone but your parents may like it.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip- I'm glad Matthew Perry is clean but I'm still not watching this. Which has exactly the same plot as 30 Rock. On the same network. Believe me when I tell you the premise is bad once, doing it twice won't improve it.


Kidnapped-Allegedly flashy and cashy. I hear good things but I never understood the appeal of West Wing.

And everything else from this network? Probably not.

Ah, the long awaited CW line-up and it's...only three shows. They're recycling (and rightfully so) many of the WB offerings. The three they are debuting? Ummmmm, no. I'll still watch the Gilmore Girls/Veronica Mars dream block. But thanks for trying.

Fox...Fox, Fox,Fox. Out of your eight new shows I'll be watching...none of them. They weren't even worth mentioning. Sad. Just sad. I'll see your complete line-up on www.brilliantbutcancelled.com. Well, not really since they would have to be BRILLIANT to start with.

I'd now like to mention Psych. It's the new one on USA. I believe they're trying to shore up a quickly declining MONK. One of the best shows on television that decided to "go in a new direction" and we all put on out black arm bands and new it was just a matter of time. Rule of Thumb:Once they fiddle with the opening credits it's time to get out TV Guide and look for a replacement for your viewing timeslot. But Psych is...good. Darn good. Funny good. I like it. And you can't stop me.

But you can stop me from watching The Dead Zone. You can stop me cold with all that political intrigue. Did we learn nothing from X-Files? Lighten up, you're on USA.

Tuesday will tell the tale over the much hyped Eureka. It's being plugged on every media outlet NBC owns. The promos look good. Let's all hold our breath and continue our write-in campaign to get Sci-Fi to get it's head out of it's ass and remove WRESTLING from it's line-up.

The Closer- If you aren't watching this chick-power drama then you're probably...Don Imus. It's smart and sassy and finally a character who is a Southern woman is doing us proud.

Tonight is the summer season premiere of SG-1 and SG-Atlantis. I look forward to having them back. This year BSG will not start until October as Sci-Fi gets uppity and tries to run it against a mainstream network show. Hopefully one of Fox's. There is also a spin-off in the works called Caprica. I have mixed feelings on this. But as long as we are spared more WRESTLING, I'm for it.

Dr. Who. Chris Eccleston is gone. Alas. He left because he didn't want to be type cast. What is that? Why do actors do that? They get one good season and one award under their belt and off they go. Unemployed is a type cast as well. Checking out Chris' credits on IMDB.com I gotta say...okay. It's not like he own anything for 28 Days Later. I wish him well and look forward to our new Doctor.

Most Haunted-Okay, why did I never realize that Yvette and Karl are married? That they are the producers? I love this show. I record it. I occasionally make my husband watch parts of it. I get especially giddy when Derek gets possessed. And yes, I know the resident skeptic (or septic as I like to say) came out and said it was all a big fake but...if you watch this show DO YOU CARE? Love it. SOOOOO much better then that Ghost Hunters crap. Plumbers with Angst and Jersey Accents is more like it.

NOTE: Since the two above are British shows we are one season behind. DO NOT SPOIL YOURSELF.
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Never Google Panty Cookies...Just...no

You're probably wondering where this is going.

Well, Monday (which I shall refer to as the very bad awful day) I got rejected by Jenny Bent of Trident Media and the Knight Agency within like three seconds of each other. Jenny's rejection was very nice compared to many, many of my friends who have received less than kind responses and feedback. In the spirit of full disclosure I will tell you that Jenny said she liked the idea, was very taken with the humor but couldn't really connect with my heroine in the first thirty pages. Okay, I can take that. It wasn't harsh criticism and it was constructive and it can be fixed. The Knight Agency (who I consider B list) turned me down after the initial query letter. Recently they've gone to a lot of paranormal. One of the reasons that I had somewhat avoided them as that the owner has written a book and published it so I felt like her first loyalty was..her. And who could blame her? But it was upsetting. I had had a rough day anyway having spent 85% of it in the confines of the Cobb County Court System so the news hit me hard. I actually went home and cried.

Which made it worse. The thing is I promised myself that I would never get upset about these rejections I would just take what I learned and move on. If it was meant to happen, God would make it happen. But still.. Trident Media. Then something even more bizarre happened. One of the goddesses who works at the RWA National office and somehow keep their sanity emailed and asked if I would moderate one of the workshops for them. I said SURE since I'm mad helpful like that. So they ended up giving me this workshop: Frankly, My Dear, We Do Give a Damn! / Mary Monroe, Mary Kay Andrews, Patti Callahan Henry and Kimberley Whalen. If you're not up to speed here, Kim Whalen is a BIG HUGE DEAL at Trident. So am I stalking Trident Media or vice versa? But as a reward for taking on this workshop I got an appointment with an agent. Who I have never heard of. And looks to mostly take African American projects on. But you know, five minutes to chat if nothing else.

So Tuesday I got back on the horse and I sent my query letter out to 6 more agents. I pulled the grid of agents taking appointments at Nationals and begin researching the chick-lit lovers and seeing who was who and who took email queries. One of which emailed me back immediately and said she wanted to see it but it would be six months since she was snowed under and referred me to two of her friends. So I figure that was good. It may not count for anything but it was good.

So, about the cookies. I've decided my theme at this years RWA National Convention is...shameless self promotion. You know who is really good at this? Haywood Smith. I've seen her wear bizarre hats, give lectures to a group of four and just generally weave magic. So channeling Haywood, I have decided that what I want to do is glassine bag designer cookies and attach my business card to them for editors/agents I may meet. When you go to the Nationals, you go to several smaller parties given by your chapters where you rub elbows with people specifically interested in YOUR genre. So, self-promotion.

So yesterday I googled Panty Cookies. Bad, bad idea. Just...bad. You would not NOT believe some of the things that popped up. Nor would you want too. Anyway, I found this cute as pie place that will make via special order bra and panty cookies and they are tasteful (pardon the pun) and cute. They're also $3.50 a piece. On the other hand, I can order a big gift box of cute high heeled shoe ones at about $2.20 a piece. What to do...what to do? I've already made super cute labels to put on the bags with the name of my book, my name and my email address and they have a little Winnebago and handcuffs on them.

Well, let's take a poll, a first here at NovelChick....

You lovely people decide....


Bra & Panty

VS

Cute Shoes

Talk about your clash of the titans...
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Monday, July 10, 2006

Where no man has gone before...

Yes, it's time to launch another space mission. It's time to go where no man has gone before. As long as there's no foam there.

Remember when we started launches these bad boys? It was going to be just a matter of years before there was a Holiday Inn on the Moon overlooking the Sea of Tranquility and we were all going to enjoy ourselves in a great big dome with a pool.

I guess that went the way of flying cars, robot maids and teleportation. In fact, it appears to me that when we got to the moon there wasn't anything to really see anyway nor anything more interesting to do then collect rocks so we decided not to go back for the foreseeable future.

But the Shuttles, they were going to take us to new worlds! They were practically airplanes. We could pack in there and fly to new worlds in luxury with an in-flight movie (Star Wars? Seinfeld? Madagascar?) and ginger-ale. We were going to do it all Star Trek style, polyester unitards, go-go boots and Captains mating (and most likely contaminating) with the local population at every stop. We were going to toss around words like docking station, rear thruster and warp field. We were going to bbe able to yell up to the bridge, she can't take anymore, man, she's fixing to break apart! Make it so!

In the thirty years we've been launching shuttles off into the great beyond we've launched a 114 Missions give or take the current one.

Of those 114 approximately 42 were on the date scheduled and most of those were not within the estimated launch time (although they were within the launch window). Now we here at Novelchick support any and all efforts to keep people safe. Although we question whether people who are in fact donning helments (and what are these going to do for you ina SPACE emergency exactly unless they have itty bitty escape pods in them) and launcing themselves into non-oxygenated atmospheres in aluminum cans are really concerned with personal safety, but we feel someone should be.

So the question arises. What's the hold-up? What are we doing with all these missions? Why can't they launch on time? And when will that Venus time share I bought pay off? I want to glide through the stars like they do on BSG. I want to do Mission:Space for real. I want to go where no man has gone before.

Unfortunately, it looks like we can't go anywhere there might be foam lurking about.

Apparently foam is the mortal enemy of the Shuttle. It's the Kryptonite, the fatal bee sting and the blind date with a comb over. If there's foam and we were to bump into it...well, it wouldn't be good. Foam and weather seem to be the two reasons that we aren't proceeding at a brisk pace toward being able to check out the Scientologist's story.

It costs 1.3 billion dollars to launch a shuttle. Launches are delayed more often then not for safety reasons (which often include the word foam in them). I'm okay with that until I begin to check out what qualifies as a safety reason. Here's a partial list:

  • heavy fog
  • lingering thunderstorms
  • light rain
  • high wind
  • cracked foam
  • tiles falling off

I don't mean to be...critical but if something that costs over a billion dollars can't be launched if it's drizzling then how exactly can it operate safely in space?

For example, Mission STS-121 launched on July 4, 2006, at 2:38 pm local time after two previous launches were scrubbed because of lingering thunderstorms and high winds around the launch pad and the launch took place despite objections from its chief engineer and safety head. A five-inch crack in the foam insulation of the external tank gave reason for concern; however, the Mission Management Team gave the go for launch.

Is this what it comes down to? We'll never achieve warp drive because of a light drizzle and cracked foam? I'll never know the song of the Crab Nebula because a tile dislodged during re-entry. I'll never get to say "Damnit, Jim!" Hasn't NASA heard of Gorilla Glue? Or duct tape? I mean you might actually use it ON ducts in this sort of situation.

Clearly women aren't held in high regard as Shuttle designers because we would have gotten out a stapler, some hairspray, a sandwich bag and fixed whatever was wrong to get that thing off that pad on time. We know the importance of arriving promptly for soccer games, carpools and three year olds birthday parties. Foam? We laugh in the face of foam.

I'm depressed by it. My money keeps being spent to send five guys in poorly designed (Heaven FORBID aliens come upon them and think they are some sort of fashion statement for the rest of us) janitor coveralls to launch more satellites and to repair the crap that falls off the space station. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my Direct TV, I do. But I'd enjoy it more if I was watching it in my cool dome and foam house with funky egg shaped furniture and wearing bizarre spandex outfits on Jupiter.

The Shuttle program is scheduled to be retired in 2010. The Shuttle's planned succesor is Project C. So maybe I can retire on Mars and just take a beach chair into my personal holodeck when I get a hankering for Hawaii.

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Friday, July 07, 2006

Friday Fun

Now that I'm getting the old routine back (before the horrible break with reality I usffered two months ago, the rise of the ugly SAD and OCD and the out of town trips) I'm trying to keep you guys amused once again on those LONG Friday afternoons. Today, I put forth a few classics. None of these need to be downloaded to my knowledge.

Yahtzee (this one will keep tossing up an ActiveX box at you. Keep hitting OK and it will go away after five or six times I promise.)

Evrything from Pong to Frogger to Simon

A truly excellent version of Battleship
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Can't we all just...shut up and move along?

The radio station I listen to in the afternoon is now playing the Dixie Chicks song Not Ready To Make Nice. I personally like the song. But the station has decided to PLAY A DISCLAIMER BEFORE THE SONG AIRS. Yes, it's ridiculous. It's pathetic at the lowest level. Either stand up and say "we're playing this song because we like it and it fits our demographic and you can tune us out for four minutes if you want" or don't play it at all. But don't pander to the lowest denominator of people who are angry at three women who play music and expressed a political view while on stage three years ago. Which is really all that happened. If you're going to warn people you're fixing to play someone let it be Brittany Spears!

Do most people even know what was said? Seriously? I hear a lot of people who are still (three years later) angry as hell at them because they said things about the President and the war and about hating the soldiers and that America is evil and...on and on. But they can't tell me what was said exactly or even sorta. It's all vague communist overtones sort of stuff they are sure and that makes them EVIL.

Three years? People, MOVE ON. The truth is that she said that they were ashamed the President was from their home state. That's it. Hey, at this point aren't we all ashamed the President is American? I believe the latest approval polls agree with this. That was the extent of the rhetoric. And for this? Three years of country stations bashing them has rained down upon us. Not just that but they still receive DEATH THREATS over this. In an interview with Diane Sawyer in 2003 they admitted that they worded what they wanted to say badly. They even apologized for the remark less then a week afterward. Should they have apologized? No. It was their political view. No one should apologize for expressing thiers. It may be unpopular. It may be inappropriate at the time. It may be inappropriate to the place. But you have the right to say it and stand by it.

Isn't that part of the point of being an American? Isn't that something we always like to lord over other countries is that in America we can express our political ideals and thoughts freely and without fear of persecution? How are the "good" Americans upholding our ideals and Constitution that they claim to be so dear by threatening the lives of three women who stated their opinion?

So what's the message here? Women should not express their opinions? That if you are on a stage at your own concert you should not express your opinion? That you should express opinions if you are women only if they are the popular ones? That somehow these three women are going to cost American soldiers lives because of what they said? Why are you people mad about this? I assure you that you have friends, family and acquaintances who said much worse?

So why all the rage directed at these women? What is it about these three people who you've (most likely) never met. Never (likely) will meet. Never (likely) hang out with. Never (likely) go to PTA meetings with or lunch with or go to church with or anything else, why is anyone so upset about this? I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of people who's live you are probably equally involved in. If any of these people express the opinion that they are ashamed of the President, I expect all of you good folks to boycott, form pickett lines and call in death threats to them and their families.

The pizza delievery guy
Your pediatrician
Your drycleaner
The check-out girl at Publix
Your mailman
The guy who refills the vending machines at your office
The clerk at the QT
Random trick or treaters
The Santa Claus at the mall
The people who clean your church
The random woman who took your photo on your last vacation because you both wanted to be in it
Flight attendants
The people who work at Kinko's
Your fishmonger
Your meter reader
Mrs. Dash, Sara Lee or Mrs. Fields
The girl who hands out the free samples of wassail at Williams Sonoma at Christmas
The lifegaurd at your pool
Your vet

Are we getting the idea?

There are still radio stations galore that are not playing the new single. It's the number one song in the country. It sold over a million copies in a week. It's a great song. But those stations will continue to "boycott" three women who expressed an opinion (perhaps in the wrong place at the wrong time).

You know what? Boycott my next CD too because I'm ashamed of everyone who still cares enough to be mad.
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What the hell...

I'm in what the hell mode today. I've heard NOTHING from Jenny Bent. Which I'm normally a no news is good news sort of girl but at this point..no news is...no news. And I understand that often it takes a few months for these things to unfold but still...annoying. So I went back through my big list of agents and discovered that some that previously were not taking electronic queries are now. So I've decided why not deluge the publishing world once again with my brilliance? I'd send out the hardcopy, and in some cases I have, but I'm just...pressed for time with the baby potty training and all. But as the national conference is fast approaching I would at least like to send out a query letter that said 'hope to meet you in Atlanta' so when I do meet them they can either say, "oh yeah, send me the first chapter" or "Stop stalking us, freak". I mean I'd prefer the former but sometimes it's just good to lay your cards on the table.

UPDATE: I've plastered/terrorized the in-boxes of many an agent with my query letter today. There are a few out there who still prefer snail-mail and I'll get to that, especially if I don't have to go out to Office Depot and copy a million pages. Well, let's see what sticks. I tried to research carefully the agents that repped my sort of stuff, who were looking for new people, who published books I've read from authors I've heard of. Maybe something will shake loose.



Bad news. My husband returned last week from Virginia (no that's GOOD news) and brought me a copy of Janet Evanovich's new book, Twelve Sharp, which is smart and sassy as always and HAS AN ALMOST IDENTICAL SCENE IN IT TO ONE OF MINE. Thank God I entered the Golden Heart and had to send them a complete so that it's on record mine was written WAY WAY before this. But now agents worldwide are going to think I've copied her. I'm really sad about this. That scene was quite brilliant. This sucks.

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