THAT relative...

Do you have THAT relative? The one that's funny, smart, good job, owns a home, etc. And yet, they're unattached. And not the better for it. I'm certainly oen who says if you're not interested in being coupled then you shouldn't be but for some people...it's SUCH a shame. They have everything to offer and no one to give it to.

I have this relative. Twenty years ago this relative married a HARPY FROM HELL'S DEEPEST PIT. She wasn't aware that you should STOP DATING OTHER PEOPLE WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED. Before it was all over she cost him his job, his credit, several thousand dollars in court costs not just from the divorce but from bailing her out of jail on multiple DUIs and every bit of his confidence. I don't blame him for being gun shy. For the first ten years but I think it's time to get in the saddle again. He had to work hard to rebuild his life.

In a bizarre twist of fate (which I can only believe is Divine and the Divine pointing a finger at me) he lives not far away from us. He owns a home on a lake, a boat, a dog, he has a good job that he likes and makes excellent money. Basically, every over thirty unmarried woman's fantasy man. I ask him from time to time if he's seeing anyone. No. I ask his mother and sisters if he is seeing anyone. No. He's happy to come over and hang out for family functions. Basically, he's...great. I think this horrid woman just devastated him. And I think (but can not confirm) that she may have been one of those where she called after the divorce and was all "I still love you now give me money". And he probably did because he loved her. May still love her, I hate to admit.

So...what to do. I know, you're all out there going...um, NOTHING. But I feel an intervention is necessary. I only have room for one creepy, bathrobe wearing, bushy eyebrowed weird uncle scaring the neighborhood kids in my attic and I think I've already given that slot away. So...my first thought would be to invite him to church and then slowly get him involved in the massive singles Northpoint's Fusion> there. But in order to get someone in volved in a singles ministry you would first, have to get them involved in ministry. And sadly, the 5000 pound charging bull that is Baptist has already done it's damage here. My cousin would probably rather set his head on fire then go. Of course, inviting him for brunch and then physically kidnapping him is open as an idea. But we do have a number of cops in the services and they might ask questions about the handcuffs and gag. So....next.

Last Christmas, we bought the other creepy bathrobe guy in our life a gift certificate to eHarmony. In truth, we did it for two reasons. Normally we would never have bought into a "soul-mate match".

First) Neil Clark Warren is Rick Warren's father. So that led it some credibility (yes, Purpose Driven Life).
Secondly) er...we went on and did a free profile like we thought our friend would answer to see what sort of people he might be matched with and got some results we thought were good.

So, I'm thrilled to report that our friend met someone and things are still going well. So maybe I'll visit, chalk up another fauxfile and see what I get. Then I can send him the gift certificate for Christmas and say the same thing we said to our friend, use it when you want to and you never have to tell us what happened. But is that offensive? I'm not trying to tell him he's a loser. Actually, the opposite. I'm saying you're so great that out there is someone who would be really lucky to find you because you're just what they're looking for.

Anyway, I've just been thinking about him a great deal lately. And when he dies one day I don't want people not to notice until the smell gets really bad. Cause...sad.