Well, it happened. Apprently Netflix had to search their entire inventory but eventually in Arizona they dug up a copy of "The Greenskeeper". My husband and I did a preliminary viewing last night while I took my initial notes. And my first impression? Honestly? I’ve paid money to watch worse things in theatres. So I’ll have my recap up shortly and until then I’m going to actually ADVISE you to Netflix this thing. Meanwhile, please read my thought on someone who could use a visit from the Groundskeeper.
Several months ago my husband (CTFG) and I begin to notice that a plot of land on a very, very busy road in East Cobb near our house was being cleared. We thought one of those new McMansion subdivisions where they throw up four houses and call it "exclusive" was going to emerge. Whatever. Then the building started. We thought it was odd that the first house was being built right in the center of the land about a hundred feet from the road with no trees or anything to try and hide it. Who would want to live that close to a busy road? Weird. They kept building. And it kept getting…uglier.
For awhile we literally drove by everyday and said "how much uglier could they have made it TODAY?" We were never disappointed. Everytime we thought they had reached the pinnacle of making a building look like the terminal for hell they just raised the bar. From the rococo lines to the stucco to the cement balustrades, it is the very definition, nay, the very inspiration for the phrase "ass ugly".
If I were living closer, I would have signed a petition to have a PRISON SIZED FENCE put around the thing so as not to lower my proeprty values with all the ugly. And now it seems to be the only house on the land. So someone spent money for a piece of land they could have subparcelled (my guess is a few million on that alone). They built one house. And they built it all but on top of the road. Obviously, this is someone who has some sort of serious social class issues. Therapy would have been cheaper and I don’t think our entire community would be ridiculing you as they are now but that’s your choice. So as we do around our parts, we figured, hey it's your money.
Until this…Article about the Penis Cookie and his Ugly Ass House. (It being the AJC they may OR MAY not make you register to look at this. It's worth it.)
Seriously, everyday as they were building I kept wondering if it was the guy who owned the driving range (which has been there since the dawn of time). Who else would want to live next to something that has massive soduium lights on until midnight or later? It looks like the DEA is trying to drive them out it's so bright over there. And after you look at this horrendous insult to architecture you realize that someone is overcompensating for something with the massive edifice. It's penis shaped! Not to mention it’s PINK! Do we not have better city planners then this? So, let me get this straight, you knew there was a driving range there and yet, built your house almost on top of it. You’re also between the community pool, a middle school, the Kroger and Publix, the Home Depot, two drug stores, a movie theatre and a Target. Could you be begging people to look at your shack anymore? Penis Cookie! What kills me is that this guy is like "well I thought it would be nice to have a golf course view". There is no freakin’ golf course, Redneck Joe. Apparently since you were denied membership at any country club, you do not know the diff. Did you not notice the golf balls flying about in the ten years before you built? Did you not notice them in the months it took to build? Shut up! Damn. I hate it when people do something knowing full well what the consequences will be and then whine about it after it happens.
I, for one, feel that the owner of the driving range has been more then generous and neighborly. But with the publishing of this article? Clearly all about how one poor immigrant can build his dream home and then it all be ruined by a damn golf ball floating in his pool, would piss me off plenty. Who do you think called the AJC and whined to start with? It would have been ON for me. I would have gone to opening 24/7 with lights blaring all the time. I would have offered specials for anyone who wanted to come out between midnight and four in the morning. I would be doing loud and annoying radio station promos weekly. I can not tell you in how many ways I would make Mr. Penis Cookie’s life miserable. Did anyone ask you to build your Casa Cheap Tackfest there? No? Then put the whole thing on a flat bed and haul it to the middle of a trailer park where you and your whole Clampett family belong (actually I take that back, that would be insulting people who live in trailer parks, some of which are quite nice, and I certainly don’t want to see their property values torpedoed by your white elephant). Penis Cookie! I hope your miserable there and that your fugly pink Mercedes gets a thousand golf ball pings on it. Penis Cookie!
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