Friday Fun...

Sorry, almost forgot. Here's something to wile away your Friday afternoon since it's pretty outside and you do not want to work:

It's the interactive LOST game.

http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/games/mission/index.html

Best of luck! I always screw it up and die.

I'm procrastinating sending my book. But I found a good reason too. After picking up this book, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0446533408/002-4102641-7736011?v=glance&n=283155, Some Like It Haute. It gave me the idea that my main character is supposed to be a very early adopter of the latest runway fashion and that I wasn't doing everything I could with the image of this fashionista shopping at the local Piggly Wiggly in an outfit that looked like the one at the far left. By the way, those pants? A thousand dollars. Seriously. I read in Harper's the other day that a certain purse that costs about $11,000 (and it's not a Birkin) is "over". So she carried hers twice and figured it costs about $5000.00 a wear but that's okay. Additionally the fabulous CJ noted that there was no reason to sympathize with her in the first chapter. Quite frankly I hadn't thought of anyone trying to sympathize until later but if that's what it takes....so I've given her a life long obsession for pursuing the embodiment of Cary Grant as predicted by a fortune teller when she was in high school. And her past husbands, instead of Cary Grant's characters in Charade or To Catch a Thief or That Touch Of Mink is more like the dastardly husband in Charade, the thief and the neurotic side-kick in Mink. BTW, did you know that Cary Grant's real name was Archibald Leach? You probably did. So I'm changing all of her self-help comments to Cary Grant movie quotes. Which has required significant time with Wikipedia and IMDB. My goal is still April 3 but we'll see. I don't want to send it out NOT ready. I'm like the guy who does The Sopranos.

Blue Plate Special

I was sitting in the carpool line at Charlotte's school today and I begin noticing all the special car tags. Most of them were the wildflower tag, the spay/neuter tag and a few alma mater ones. This got me thinking about what other sort of tag options were out there. So I did a little research. Currently there are 100 special tags being offered by the Georgia Deaprtment of Motor Vehicles. Sure, you've seen the popular ones but did you know you could plunk down your $40-$200 and get a tag to support say...Chosin Resevoir Campaign of 1950 in North Korea? No? How about the Bobwhite Quail Restoration Project?

This got me to thinking about these plates and wondering about what the tags would look like for say the Enron Defense Fund, the People For Ethical Treatment of Dead Beat Dads, The Lobby For More Erectile Dysfunction Commercials Being Shown During Prime Time. The last one? That mental image will haunt you for days.

So what are the causes that I would be willing to support?

The Movement to Remove Sugary Drinks, Caffeine and Junk Food from Georiga Public Schools So That Our Children Can Damn Well Concentrate Instead of Sugar Crashing Halfway Through the Day and We Can Climb Over Lousisana and Mississippi As The Worst Freakin' Public School System in America

Citizens Sick of the Phrase "George Clooney, the Sexiest Man Alive"

The Coalition To Review, Laugh At (and Possibly Snack On Pop-Tarts While Doing It) Scientology, Tom Cruise and Isaac Hayes For Trying To Screw With People Way, Way More Clever and Witty Than They Shall Ever Be and The Results of Said Screwing

The Study for It's Totally Your Right To Have Ten Kids But Do Not Ask Me To Pay For Them Through Welfare, Free Lunches Or PeachCare

The Institute of Stop Putting Damn Twenty Year Olds On Wrinkle Cream Ads

The Brigade To Strap Politicians To Chairs, Have Bill Mahr and Nancy Grace Administer Thorough Lie Detector Tests and Publish The Results In A Large Print, Well Indexed Paperback Format

The Alumni Of Damn You LyingTeachers Who Threatened Us With The Shadow Of Our Pemanent Record Following Us Through Life and Telling Us PE Grades Would Be Considered By College Admissions

The Center For What The Hell Happened To The United States Going Entirely Metric By The Year 1995? So Why The Hell Did I Have To Waste My Time Converting Cups To Freakin' Milliliters?

Represenatives of The Assload of Folks Who Do Not Think Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan or Any of The Other Teenage Starlets Have Any Talent, Will Not Be Impacting The Future Beyond Their Respectively Shitty CDs Clogging Up The $1 Bins At KMart and Prefer To Not Hear About Their Assorted Dysfunctions/Disorders/Dating or Fashion Debacles


The Quorom Of All Free Thinking People Wanting To Know Where Paris Hilton's Parents Get Off Having A Television Show Entitled "I Want To Be A Hilton" When They Can't Even Teach Their Daughters To Wear Underwear

The Movement To Assure The World That The Spears-Federline Love Story Shall Never Be Turned Into A Made For Telelvision Mini-Series On Lifetime Movie Channel or Any Other Netowrk But If It Is..That Trey Parker and Matt Stone Get To Do It

The Lobby To Compel The Nominating Committee of The Emmy Awards This Year To Pull It's Head Out Of It's Butt and Nominate Battlestar Even Though It's On The Scif-Fi Network, To Make Sure That Terry O'Quinn Takes Home The Lady Instead Of Adding To William Shatner's Impressive and Well Earned Collection Again and That They All Loose Sleep Over Ignoring Lauren Graham for ALl These Years

Are my expectations too high?

Seriously, are they? I've had several opportunities these last few weeks to think about things that work, and don't, as advertised. I find it odd when something does work I'm overwhelmed with excitement. The other day I decided to put together an impromptu study of advertisements in my house and see if they delievered as promised. This is a very small list and I'm completely open for additions.

Things That Work:
Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
Kitchenaid Stand Mixer
My '98 Corolla
LA Weightloss
NetFlix
Montessori Education
Jumpdrives
Starbucks
Borders On-Line Store System
Martha Stewart/Barefoot Contessa Recipes
The Westin Heavenly Bed
Publix/Target/Kroger Brand Stuff
Coupons
IKEA
Harry's Farmer's Market
Bird's Eye Steamed Bag Vegetables
God
Crest Spin Brush
Mrs. Dash Ten Minute Marinade
Swiffer
BattleStar Gallactica
Crock Pot
Mini Food Processor
Bidding For Travel/Priceline
LOST
Silicon Pot Holders
Clorox
Baking Splenda
Febreze
eHarmony
Quick-Trip
Television Without Pity
Target

Things That Don't Work:
"Customer Service"
Home Wireless Network
UPS
Managed Health Care
My daughter's Montessori School
Hairball Control Cat Food
Any Anti-Aging Cosmetic
Ten Items Or Less Lane
The President
Expedia
Airport Security
Luvs
Privatization of the Natural Gas Industry
Complicated Paint Techniques Used By Debbie Travis Even When Copied Meticulously
"If I Ignore It, It Will Go Away"
Call Ahead Seating/Priority Seating
Diaper Genie
The Last Three Seasons of Buffy
Revolving Debt
Kitchen Gadgets that are "As Seen On TV"
Timetables applied to any sort of contract or manual labor project
The Return of the Gaucho Pant
Fat Free Salad Dressing
CSI:Miami
Wal-Mart

Fat Cat

I've not got too much time today with procrastinating working on my book and all. So I'm stealing an article from Sars about a very hot topic at my hosue. We have a large selection of cats at our house. I'd like to describe one of the girls, Wasabi, as being healthy. Big boned. Voluptuous. Fluffy. But alas, she's fat. Our cats our indoor cats. Once in 1999 our male cat, Mr. Mimi, then a single child escaped after several months of plotting out onto our enclosed patio. As I recall a leaf fell on him and he hid under the couch for over a week only to be coaxed out with chicken McNuggets and one of my favorite black sweaters that he could shed all over. I say this to tell you that exercise isn't number one on their lists of things to do. But recently I found a post on Tomato Nation that pretty much summed it up. If you own a cat who is a...BBW then you'll certainly understand.

http://tomatonation.com/heavy.shtml

Friday Fun

Okay, to make up for no Fun last week, I've really raised the bar this week. I know ya'll are all a twitter with the possibilities...Is it more Sars? More FameTracker? More bizarrely addictive games? It is not.

Sci-Fi network has been airing the soap Passions from the beginning at 9. This coincides with exactly the time I get back from taking Charlotte to school. I've never been a soap watcher and it seems odd that people could or would watch these things for years on end. Mostly the entire hour is full of just the most amazing coincidences possible. I just watched an ENTIRE episode that was essentially people missing each other by going in and out of doors. It was like the Three Stooges. Not that I'm slamming on Passions, I'm actually enjoying it. So this got me to thinking about other soaps that have enjoyed serious longevity. I went to Wikipedia and looked up a few. I wanted to share a few story lines with you from Days of Our Lives which has gone way and above the call. I really advise you to go and read the entire history of these storylines because...well, you'll see:


From Days of Our Lives: (I have taken the liberty of highlighting the most interesting parts)

Tom Horton, Jr., presumed dead in Korea, came home with a disfigured face and a new identity. Unknowingly, his sister Marie fell in love with him.

Doug and Julie had a rough time getting together, as Doug had once married her mother Addie (at first he was only using her for her money, but then they fell in love, even though he still loved Julie).

Another addition to the show in the 1980s was the creation of two new families, the DiMera and the Kiriakis families, which along the lines of the Godfather movies took advantage of popular culture's lack of understanding the difference in the use of the word "family" to describe crime syndicates (as in the Mafia), and actual blood families

It was explained that Roman was recovered by Stefano after his fall from the cliff, given immediate medical attention, brainwashed into believing that he was one of Stefano's assassins, given extensive training in the martial arts, and had plastic surgery to give him a brand new face. Temporarily nicknamed "the Pawn", he was actually "auctioned off" by a DiMera henchman named Petrov during an adventure in Miami

In the end, everyone made it back to Salem save for Hope, who was "killed" by way of being dropped in a vat of acid in an exploding cage by Ernesto. It would later be revealed that Ernesto had traded Hope to the DiMera family and that a lookalike named Greta von Amberg was the victim instead. Hope would be brainwashed as a pawn of Stefano, who used her as a replacement for her evil doppleganger Gina von Amberg (Greta's mother), a princess who along with her mercenary lover John Black, stole valuable items for Stefano.

Laura was suspicious of Peter, so he had her office painted with toxic chemicals to send her around the bend.

Various plagues were visited upon Salem, and Marlena began to terrorize the town by desecrating Christian symbols and anything relating to Christmas. In an attempt to steal John's soul (who at this point still believed he was a priest), Marlena morphed into Kristen, at one point in order to seduce him, but what the devil soon realized was that John really wanted Marlena and then tried to take his soul away. In other demonic twists Marlena morphed into a leopard and was seen levitating several times.

Stefano's "People of the Night" found John guilty, but he was saved from having his head chopped off by his aunt Vivian

resulted in the sudden, surprise revelation that John Black, rather than just being a semi-amnesiac former mercenary, thief, and priest-turned-wealthy local businessman, was in fact Salem's resident ISA agent-in-place, and naturally his #1 assignment was to wage the ongoing battle against the DiMera clan (the exact timing of his employment by the spy agency was never revealed; it was just sprung on the audience out of the blue one day with a brief return by Shane Donovan).

Cassie (Alexis Thorpe) was stabbed to death and placed in a pinata on Thanksgiving

Marlena confronted Alice, who despite heavenly interventions by Abe, Maggie, Caroline, and Roman, was suffocated by one of her homemade donuts that had brought joy to the people of Salem since the beginning of the show.

Tony DiMera (Thaao Penghlis) was mauled by a tiger the killer let loose at a fundraiser where he had promised to reveal the Salem Stalker's identity

He had assembled a literal army of highly trained mercenaries and sought to conquer Iraq as part of his scheme for world domination.

The Book

Mea Culpa for being absent the last few days. We have had much happening around the place and none of it has included blogging. Among those things is my child's new answer to everything. Okay. When given a choice in something the answer is okay. When asked a question the answer is okay. When wanting something the question is phrased, Wiggles, okay? Juice, okay? Peach, okay? While I'm happy that the no and yes phases seem to have worn off, this makes communication just as much of an issue as ever. Okay? Additionally, Rob and I went to see Nickelback on Friday night and it was awesome. They're still new enough to be excited about commerical success and it's all about the music and making sure the fans have a good time. And Chad Kroeger is a riot! A totaly screw-up who my daughter may never be around, but a riot none the less. I say this to tell you that Rob and I enjoyed our selves so much that we've elected to teach Charlotte upon being asked how old she is, instead of holding up the standard two fingers to hold up her pinky and index finger in the rock horns configuration. Ha!

Okay, absolutely none of that was important. But what is important is that one of the agents who I sent a proposal to wants to read the book. No, really. So I need to rewrite the first chapter AGAIN. I'm going to set myself a deadline of....April 2 to send it out on. April 2! I better get cracking...

CJ Lyons

Today we shall be talking about my pal, CJ.

CJ is one of those people I love to hate. Then I hate to love. Then I feel guily about the whole hate part and just end up loving her. Why? Well, let's see...CJ is a doctor who is a childrens emergency medicine specialist. She testifies in cases about evil parents. That's when she isn't roaming the pooorest countries in the world vaccinating and caring for thier children. And when she's not climbing mountains, treking through jungles, winning awards and getting her books published. She read my book all in one sitting and didn't say it blew. Oh, did I mention that she's also an award winning writer with a new book coming out? In hardback. I don't know this for sure, but my guess is her linen closet is also perfectly organized, there are no dust bunnies under her fridge and she never has a big basket of clean laundry sitting out in her bedroom floor for a week that she just grabs clothes out of to wear. Not that I do either, I've just heard of people like that. Oh wait, did I mention she's ditching her day job to do pediatric medicine volunteer work and write full time? I want to be CJ when I grow up.

Her latest novel will be released by Tor/Forge when...whenever they get her cover art debacle straightened out. CJ kindly sent me an advanced copy of a new novel she is working on. It's fabulous. No really, it's fabulous. She's got sort of a Patricia Cornwall-Tami Hoag thing going on. So I am giving ya'll the tools to get your own copy.

Cathryn J Lyons, MD
www.cjlyons.net

or check out her book on Amazon

"LOST" their minds...Or maybe not

Today I present for your perusal a list of the most bizarre LOST theories I could find. Please feel free to add your own. I'VE ADDED MY COMMENTS IN PURPLE CAPS. PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE THE TIME TO GO TO THE TWO I HAVE PASTED THE LINKS FOR, THEY'RE JUST SO...NERDTASTIC, SO BACHTACULAR ON SO MANY LEVELS! I know this is long but it really begged to be put down in it's entirety. I'm sorry I wasn't able to actually copy them but one was very long and contained a ton of pictures and the second is a gentleman's blog and to really work the theory, you have to read the whole thing. But it's so freakin' bizarre that you won't mind and eventually you start to...agree? Also, the transition to blog land has screwed up the spacing and quotes on some of these but they're all so weird it may not matter.

Sit down and grab a cocktail. You'll be needing it. Shall we begin?

Reactor and Natural Probability
(UMMMM…SURE?)

You see, the Dharma Initiative built a reactor that taps into the island's natural probability field and makes pure energy from infinite possibility, very much like the star drive system in Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

The (meticulously-orchestrated) Plan to get Claire to The Island
(THIS ONE IS A BIT LONG BUT… JUST READ THE DARN THING AND YOU’LL SEE WHY I JUST HAD TO POST IT. NO CRACKPOT THEORY LIST WOULD BE COMPLETE WITHOUT IT.)

I have been thinking for a while that Claire was set up by Dharma/Hanso (through many people in her life/people around her who, i believe, are affiliated with Dharma) to be a part of their Project, all along. I believe that the influence of Dharma/Hanso is extremely far-reaching and manipulative. Dharma needed a pregnant woman who would most definitely give up her baby to them, and Claire fit the bill perfectly. I believe that she was put through a series of "tests" to make absolute sure that she would be willing to give up the baby--she "passed" these tests, and therefore ended up on The Island. In this post (which I warn you, will be long!) i will explain why i think this. The bottom line of what I am about to explain in my theory is, Dharma planned EVERYTHING out--manipulated THESE PEOPLE onto THIS PLANE, which was all along headed to THIS ISLAND, for the purposes of being a part of their Project(s). And Claire was a very important component of this Plan.As we know, Dharma needed a baby for some research project they were going to be doing on The Island (or needed a baby for some other reason for their own use). Dharma, through their agents scattered throughout the world, and especially in Australia (where i believe there is a major Dharma headquarters of some kind), set about the task of looking for the perfect candidate. I believe that Thomas, Claire’s ex-boyfriend, worked for Dharma, as well as some other people in Claire’s life. First of all (THIS PARAGRAPH WILL BE A BIT OFF-TRACK--a "sidenote"), i am not sure exactly how Claire became (without her knowledge, of course) involved in, or a target of, Dharma--maybe through sheer coincidence; but I am starting to consider that Claire herself might have been "born into" Dharma (the way that in her recovered memory of the nursery on The Island there were pictures of animals on the wall--and then when she visited that nursery, the way there was so much dust in the old abandoned nursery and the way the animals' outlines on the wall showed so much dust collection, it was obvious that the nursery had been used MUCH longer ago than a month prior--i think that it's possible that nursery that Claire remembered in her recovered memory was HER OWN NURSERY from when she was a child). I believe that Claire’s mysterious father who has been mentioned in passing a few times on the show, possibly was or is a member of Dharma. If this is so, then whether Claire was "born into" Dharma or not, having her own father work for Dharma would have made it much easier for Claire to become Dharma's "target". (Her father being a Dharma member would explain the coincidence of how Claire’s father sang "Catch a Falling Star" to Claire when she was young, and that that is the exact song that the mobile in the Hatch Nursery played.) Anyway, IF Claire was born into Dharma, this could explain why Dharma needed SPECIFICALLY CLAIRE for their Project--to witness a now-grown-up Dharma-engineered baby give birth to a new baby, or something. But this would be the subject of a WHOLE OTHER POST and is off track from what this current post is about. I just wanted to mention that possibility. NOW, back on to my theory that this post is really about.So anyway, Claire SOMEHOW became the target of Dharma, either through lifelong (unbeknownst to her) involvement, or through coincidence (i.e., Thomas just happening to meet the suitable girl for the The Project), or through Dharma having their agents scattered throughout the world actively looking for the right girl for their Project and finding that Claire fit the bill. For the purpose of the theory presented in this post, I am going to assume that Dharma was LOOKING FOR the right girl to end up giving birth to a baby on The Island as part of their Project (as opposed to them specifically wanting Claire because of her involvement with Dharma since birth--which I’ve already admitted is a possibility).So, Thomas the Dharma Agent met Claire, and realized that she would be a perfect candidate to impregnate, because he knew with near certainty upon getting to know her that she would NOT want a baby. She was a young college student with no stable income, parents who were not a part of her life, and a free spirit with no interest in becoming a mother at the young age of (approximately?) 21. He formed the requisite *relationship* with Claire, and naturally had sex with her. He tampered with her birth control pills (anyone watch "Desperate Housewives", hehe?) so that she could become pregnant. (When taken correctly, birth control pills are nearly 100% effective. I have thought all along that her pills must have been tampered with, in order for her to become pregnant while on The Pill.) She did indeed become pregnant. Thomas the Dharma Agent had fulfilled Task No. 1 that had been assigned to him.Now onto Task No. 2: He now had to convince Claire to keep the baby, rather than have an abortion. He did that with planned out, perfectly delivered sweet talk of how they would be a "family" together, and how he thought that this baby would be the best thing to ever happen to their relationship. This appealed to Claire, who did not have a stable family, and longed for it. She agreed to keep the baby. Task No. 2 successfully completed by Thomas the Dharma Agent. He needed to now let a few months pass by, until Claire was far enough along in her pregnancy for her to terminate it, before he’d complete his next task.A few months later, when it was too late for Claire to abort the baby, Thomas the Dharma Agent then had to fulfill Task No. 3: Abandon Claire. He did that. (And you have to admit, it apparently came out of nowhere, and was done in a very cruel, abrupt fashion for such a huge life-altering act. It was yet another, albeit mild, red flag to me.) He left Claire, who was now ALONE, with no stable income, a tiny apartment, no burning desire to become a mother, and no family to help her out once the baby came along. Dharma, who were the ones planning all this out and pulling the strings (through their agent, Thomas) knew that Claire would absolutely not want to keep the baby once she gave birth to it. They knew that Claire would see it as nearly impossible to provide a stable life for the child, and that that was not the kind of life that this free-spirited "New Age" girl wanted. Thomas the Dharma Agent had successfully fulfilled his duty. The Plan was on track.Now, Dharma had to successfully pull strings to get Claire to agree to give up the baby for adoption. It wouldn't be hard, as they knew Claire would not want to keep the baby. But even further, Dharma had to perform some cleverly orchestrated complex "Tests" on her, to make absolute sure that she would be willing to give up the baby.Claire’s friend took her to see a psychic. I believe Claire's friend was also a part of Dharma--or at least put in Claire's life by Dharma's influence (Dharma paid her off or something, to get her to bring Claire to the specific psychic). Dharma (who collects extensive information about their subjects) knew that Claire, the horoscope-reading, zodiac-believing, "New Age" girl that she is, believed in psychics. The Psychic was most definitely a Dharma Agent. The first visit to "Dharma Agent The Psychic" was before Thomas left Claire, when Claire was still planning to raise the baby with Thomas. Now would begin the next part of The Plan, and this phase had to be very carefully orchestrated. Upon this first visit to The Psychic, he did what he was supposed to do: SCARE HER. Fill her with a sense of doom about this baby inside of her. Implant a seed of doubt in her mind, that this baby was bad--thus nudging her towards the feeling of wanting to get rid of the baby (through giving it away through adoption) once it was born. The Psychic did just this. He made it obvious (or rather put on a good show) that he HAD in fact been able to see into her future (which Claire obviously wanted to know about), and that what he saw was BAD, but he left her unsatisfied. He did enough to get her incredibly intrigued (though justifiably freaked out); he left her with a sense of mystery...human nature would of course want to KNOW MORE.So, after Dharma Agent Thomas left her, Claire wanted to KNOW what that Psychic had seen. It had been on her mind ever since the aborted reading. She went back to Dharma Agent The Psychic--just as Dharma knew she would. The Psychic did her "reading" and then began to perform his next task as part of the carefully orchestrated Plan. He told her that she must raise the baby--her alone. I believe this was the first TEST that Dharma put Claire through, to MAKE ABSOLUTE SURE THAT CLAIRE WAS THE PREGNANT WOMAN THEY WANTED--THAT SHE WAS CERTAIN THAT SHE WOULD GIVE UP THE BABY. That is all that that talk about "You alone MUST raise this child" was about. It was simply a test--to test Claire, to see if, even while knowing this information, if she would STILL want to give the baby away for adoption.At this session, The Psychic also planted in Claire's head the notion that the baby must be surrounded by "good people". (when he said something like, "Your goodness, must be an influence on this child's life, or bad things will happen." -- This was to get her thinking that as long as the child was surrounded by "good people" that the baby would be just fine.) This "good people" theme was important and would later be revisited.Over the course of the next few months, Dharma Agent The Psychic called increasingly-more-pregnant Claire regularly by telephone (as we saw in "Raised by Another"). This was, of course, to keep tabs on her, to make sure that she was still planning to give the baby away--which was The Plan. These phone calls also served as further Tests. The Psychic babbled on in these phone calls about Claire needing to raise the baby herself. I think this is the ultimate test of testing a mother's will to give her baby away: Telling her that bad things will happen if she gives the baby away. Since Claire STILL wanted to give the baby away even while knowing this disturbing information, Dharma was certain that they had found the right pregnant woman for their Project.We didn't see how Claire came to be in contact with the potential adoptive parents that she met with in the lawyer's conference room, but i believe that this, too, was all a set-up orchestrated by Dharma--or that Dharma at least intervened (by supplying non-working pens) to stop her from signing her baby over to that couple. Dharma, of course, needed the baby for themselves. They needed to get her to The Island, where she would then give up her baby. Claire walking out on her plans to give the baby to the couple in the conference room, bought Dharma some time.The next phase of Dharma's carefully orchestrated Plan was, of course, getting Claire to The Island. After walking out of the lawyer's conference room, Claire was feeling lost -- She didn’t want this baby, she felt she COULDN’T have this baby herself and support it; yet "fate" had just intervened in that conference room and "told her" not to give her baby away. Yet she still wanted to, had to, give the baby away. In desperate need of direction, Dharma of course swooped in at this crucial point and intervened in their most important task yet, of getting Claire onto The Island. They knew that Claire would finally listen to The Psychic after the events in the lawyer’s conference room threw her plans off track. She was lost and had nowhere to turn. When The Psychic made his daily phone call to Claire after that conference room incident, Dharma knew this time, Claire would listen to him. And she did. She went to see Dharma Agent The Psychic again, who then set into motion The Plan of getting Claire to The Island. He explained there was a couple in L.A. who would adopt the baby, and that they were "good people". (The phrase "good people" was important--The Psychic had already implanted the notion in Claire’s head that the baby needed to be around "goodness", so this tidbit of info put Claire’s mind at ease just a bit more.) It goes without saying that there was, of course, no couple in L.A.The Psychic was just doing his job as a Dharma Agent to manipulate Claire onto Flight 815, which was carefully planned out to land on The Island. He handed her plane tickets for Flight 815 (destination: Craphole Island), along with a substantial amount of money (something Claire desperately needed). Claire, who was so lost in life and not knowing where to turn or what to do in her situation, accepted the plane tickets. As Claire saw it, the one person who had said that she should be the one to raise the baby, had now changed his mind, and was not only telling her to give the baby up for adoption (which is exactly what she herself wanted to do all along), but he had planned the adoption process out making it extremely easy for Claire to go through with what she herself wanted to do all along anyway -- the plane tickets were bought, and money was handed to her. She would be able to give the baby to "good people" without any hassle. Plus, she would get to get away for a month to the U.S. The prospect of travel and a change of scenery for a little while probably appealed to free-spirited Claire, whose life at home in Australia was anything but fun & joyous. She accepted the tickets and left The Psychic's house.Dharma Agent The Psychic had fulfilled his part of The Plan, and it had worked beautifully. Claire was going to The Island as planned, where Dharma was eagerly awaiting her arrival, and she was desiring to give the baby away. The Plan worked perfectly--Claire had been manipulated just right. Not only that, but Claire had PASSED THE TESTS. She had been TESTED to make sure that she absolutely 100% wanted to give up the baby. This was important, because when Claire would be on The Island, in the custody & care of Dharma (while they injected the baby with their special serums and performed tests and whatever else was part of their big scientific project for which they needed Claire/her baby), Dharma would be asking Claire repeatedly if she would be willing to give them her baby. They, of course, wanted her to willingly give them the baby--this would make things MUCH smoother and easier than taking a baby by force from a mother. It wasn't very hard to get the high-as-a-kite, drugged-up Claire to agree to give them her baby--as she had already not intended to keep the baby anyway.However, Dharma still reassured her by once again using the term "good people" to appease that part of her that had the notion in the back of her mind that the baby must be raised by "good people". I believe that Ethan saying, "We’re good people, Claire." was VERY SIGNIFICANT--it showed a link to The Psychic, who also said "They’re good people, Claire." when talking about the people who she would be giving the baby to, who, as The Psychic knew, was Ethan and the rest of the Dharma team.To sum up my theory presented in this post: Claire was CHOSEN to have a baby; was TESTED through tests specifically planned & carried out by Dharma to make sure that she definitely was willing to give up her baby--to make absolute sure that Claire was The One that they wanted on The Island; was MANIPULATED by Dharma Agents (or people paid off by, or working for, Dharma) to get on THAT PLANE, destination THE ISLAND, for the purpose of going to give away her baby to Dharma. The rest, as they say, is history. The plane was headed specifically to The Island, where a carefully planned out procedure would bring the plane down to land….As I just said, i believe, of course, that the plane crash was very carefully planned out. I would have to do a whole other long post to explain my exact thoughts about how they did this, but to quickly explain: I believe that Oceanic Airlines, or at least some of the employees of Oceanic Airlines, worked for or were a part of Dharma/Hanso. Either Oceanic set up, or Dharma hacked into their computers to set up, WHO would be sitting WHERE on the plane, to ensure that in the carefully-planned breaking apart & "crash" of the airplane, that CERTAIN PEOPLE would most likely SURVIVE. The Pilot was/is part of Dharma. He specifically flew the plane to The Island. The Plan to bring down the plane was very carefully planned out (to greatly understate things!). The Pilot got the plane to the right place at the planned out time, and the Dharma scientists then used their big Electromagnetic Force Machine (that is behind the concrete bunker wall in The Swan Hatch) to somehow "grab hold" of the airplane, and with the plane under its control, guide it down to the ground, on The Island. (We even heard in The Pilot episode the same sounds that "The Monster"--which i believe is, or is controlled by, this Electromagnetic Force Machine--makes when the plane began to, and was, crashing.) That is how the plane managed to land on The Island without completely disintegrating and having the people onboard become nothing but smithereens upon impact with the earth. It is irrefutable that the plane was somehow brought down in a gentle manner. Otherwise, it is completely scientifically impossible for a plane to crash from 40,000 feet and have it and the objects and people aboard it NOT become nothing but smashed little bits upon impact.


Paint Bottles as Dioramas of Recent Events
(IF I’M NOT MISREADING THIS SHE IS LIKENING THE PLACEMENT OF THE PAINT BOTTLES

NEAR THE MURAL IN THE HATCH TO…THE NATIVITY?)

Looking at the arrangement of paint bottles and other strange supplies, I quickly interpreted the nativity. But on further study, while the image or impression of the nativity is significant, what's really being communicated are the three events that have occurred on the island: the kidnapping of Walt; the birth of Aaron; and the death of Boone.The kidnapping of Walt:This event requires the most paint bottles. On the left side, the four clustered bottles comprise the Capt Gorton gang. The tallest one is Gorton himself, and if that bottle is paint remover/turpentine, I find that extremely hilarious. The green and white bottles are the thug "twins" and the green one specifically is the one who shot Sawyer. The bottle with the yellow and orange dried marks is the woman who tossed the molotov cocktail onto the raft. The little bottle/jar marked gold is Walt after he is removed from his father.Meanwhile on the right towards the back and in the very front are the three bottles which represent Michael, Jin, and Sawyer. Michael is, I rather sure, the yellow bottle, as the color would match gold the closest. Michael was also separated from Jin and Sawyer and that bottle is the most separated from the other two. Also, to borrow from the mural itself, the house behind Michael carries a sad, mournful face which would visually express Michael's grief. Plus, that red paint off the mural looks like an 8 to me and includes, I believe, the red strand across the yellow paint bottle, bringing the paint supplies into the mural and/or the mural into the paint supplies. The red splotch just off the 8 could be the flare or impending guilt and loss at having fired the gun that led to Michael's son being seized. The two bottles in the front are Sawyer and Jin, but had trouble deciding which is which. I decided to go with the standing one as Sawyer because of its open cap and dried paint suggesting blood. There is an amount of green which ties in well with the green bottle which I deemed the shooter for that reason of connected green color. There looks to be a bit of dried red suggesting blood more specifically. The outlined CRY (from the word ACRYLIC) confused me because Jin cried out Sawyer's name at the time of the shooting, but I opted to go with the recumbent paint bottle as Jin diving into the water after Sawyer. The open box between the Gold and the Yellow is, I figure, the raft.The birth of Aaron:The little obliquely positioned box containing what is either, from others' speculation, a ping pong ball or a light bulb, clearly resembles a cradle or a baby's bed, and its position suggests not a gentle rocking but a turbulent one. It also suggests, beyond the obvious manger, the basket of Moses set adrift on the Nile. The yellow bottle (formerly the bomb throwing woman) becomes Claire with the interesting colors of yellow for her hair, red for the birthing process and/or life, and green for new life. She also has the letters CRY emphasized, which for Claire is a clear connection, as her crying and crying out have been counted as much as Boone beatings. The figures behind her now change from Capt. Gorton and his boys to Kate, the white paint bottle, assisting in birth; Charlie, probably the green bottle, to connect with the bit of green on the bottle representing Claire; and Jin, the tall bottle in back, who played a comforting, supportive role. A nice touch here is the inclusion of the word Gold, which was, of course, of the gifts of the Magi.The death of Boone:The recumbent figure (formerly Jin) in front now becomes Boone after his injuries. And the semi covered item just behind the recumbent bottle would represent Boone at his burial and/or the mourning leading up to the burial. I am scared to suggest what the open box further behind might mean as while we have perhaps some evidence of ghosts we dont really have evidence of resurrection. However, the flashlight shining on the whole scene does give a certain aura to things. But that could just be Captain Gorton's blinding spotlight playing tricks. Meanwhile the standing bottle to the recumbent bottle's right. Two choices: Jack and Locke. Jack because of the giving of the blood (dried paint stains and open lid), the crying that occurred when telling Boone that he would die, and the general proximity. Locke because of the duality of the standing and falling, because the scene suggests carrying Boone back to the cave, and because of Locke's crying to the Hatch and the Hatch's then mysterious luminous response.Conclusion:Why do this? The mural suggests the seemingly wild and disorganized mind of the artist. It is loaded with images and symbols that interconnect physically and mentally. It suggests an island under bombardment by elemental and psychological forces. Could just mean that the artist is mad or on the verge of madness (Desmond, perhaps?). Meanwhile, the paint supplies are far more orderly, things in a certain place, as would suggest an artistic work in progress is going on above it. But the paints are messy, uncleaned. Are the paints a psychological bridge between the orderliness of the person, represented by Desmond and his pristine apartment, and the iconic insanity of the painting? If so, based on Desmond at the end of season 2 episode 1, madness is likely the case and is probably winning.Couple of side observations:the CRY words of course also contain the letters CR which, if I recall correctly, is part of the name of the injection.also, if you look to the left of the tall yellow bottle to the back of the paint bottle image, the way that Jack's flashlight is shining, you see a smaller shadow image. if that was intended, I am very excited.

Egyptian Escathology - Mythology
(I….JUST….HAVE NO WORDS. As an avid Egyptologist I admire the theory but can't quite take the leeap with him. )

I sort of wrote this narrative based on The Book of the Dead. The Egyptians called it The book of life or The Book of Destiny. My speculation is that maybe Lost is following a mythological narrative like this. I am asking you to see beyond the "They are dead" part and consider the other more important implications which derive from Egyptian mythology that I think can be found in the plot.I am overlooking, for the sake of the narrative, that all the processes through the Amenti are performed by means of rituals and spells in 7 different mysterical ceremonies. The rituals can be translated into the actions and situations that every character has to face.Sorry if this is a bit long. I tried to summarize as much as I could. English is not my native language so it's hard to condense sometimes.
Quote:
After living in this world the Egyptians believed they were born into another world called the Amenti, where the knowledge they acquired in this would be of paramount importance.The afterlife is conceived as a struggle that will prepare for the trial of the heart and then the passage to Paradise.The Amenti is maybe placed in an island in the Lake of Horus and it is filled with beings and entities of all kinds since the beginning of the World.It is placed under the Boreal Sky. The furthermost part of the Amenti is where stars are thrown into the abyss. There is a mountain of impressive height on the east and a temple under it protected by The Great Snake whose breast is adorned with silex and a sparkling shielding. There are portals with temples or palaces in the 4 positions of the sun. It is divided in 12 sections.After you pass away on Earth, you are reborn as the reincarnation of a god, but only potentially, you have to realize that potential to become the real personification of the god.First you recover your mouth to be able to speak.Then regain power of your bodily functions. You start by recovering your arms and legs, then your heart and lungs in order to regain mobility.The newly born into the Amenti can play checkers.Checkers was a game used to solve disputes.Now, you find yourself in the midst of an eternal Battle between Light (Horus) and Darkness (Seth). Neither of them is good or bad, they represent the 2 opposing forces of Nature that have to be put in balance so the Order of the Cosmos can be restored. That will be brought forth by the birth of the New Horus, an event which you must contemplate and from then on you must become the protector of that baby acting as Osiris.Both Set and Horus are ruthless warriors, with no concept of pity for their enemies.This is part of a Messianic prophecy as that New Born Baby Horus will grow to be the leader of the army that will help Osiris vanquish Set and permit his return to the Land of the Living.The Amenti is ripe with perils.The most dangerous are Seth’s demons.There are dangerous spirits that devour their own arms.The hairy demons.The black boars of Seth, armed with venomous fangs.The evil fish Andú.The fisher-spirits and the hunter-spirits that catch everyone on the Amenti for the Great Governor.Other demons have a veil covering their faces.There are Guardian Spirits with dangerous fingers and armed with long knives.There is a dog demon that devours corpses and stands guard by a lake of fire. He is the leader of the invisible red demons. The evil Apap, that old serpentThe rebelsThe devouring crocodiles "The Host of Set" : Red haired humans formed part of his armyDemons and monsters are invisible but they can be make tangible and visible when they are incarnated in your mind.Natural phenomena related to darkness were all atributed to the influence of Set, that is, storms, earthquakes and eclypses.It was also believed that Set lived in the Palace of the Great Bear in the hyperborean regions, where he could live in darkness and cold.You may find help along the way, like the Sanctified Spirits who dwell in secret abodes,or the servants of the two-headed lion god.In the house of the Moon you might find magic weapons.In the Amenti there are also damned souls of the people who have died twice. They become dangerous too.They will remain forever in the Amenti as mere shadows drawing their strength from the blood of the living.In this afterlife the purpose is first to become pure, renouncing all the evil deeds done in the previous life so that they don’t count anymore against you. Only then you may find inside yourself the strength to overcome all the enemies and restore Order.You have to turn into Khepra , the god of Metamorphosis. You have to acquire the power of invisibility, the power of shape-shifting; you must be able to turn into a hawk with a phoenix head, a snake, a lotus, a scorpion, a swallow, a fish. You must gain power over the stars, the waters on Earth and in the sky, over the irrational animals.You must become Orion and be able to ride along the fixed stars.You must gain knowledge of the mysterious paths in the land of the dead.In the process all your body parts must be replaced by body parts from different gods.You offer your arm to Ra, to distinguish yourself from the demons that use it only for their own purposesTo success you must cross the fire zone and separate the 2 warring sides with a torrent.When you come forth as the restorer of peace you are crowned as King of the two lands.Two lions crouch at the beautiful gate of exit from Amenti.As Osiris your emblems are the Eye and the Pillar.The emblem of Horus is the Hawk with a phoenix head and The Big FishAfter restoring the Order you come into the sanctuary of Maat to stand the trial of the scales before the 42 divine judges. You declare your deeds in the Amenti and that you’ve remained pure in it and beg the 4 powerful spirits to cleanse the sins you comitted before on Earth in order to be able to leave the Amenti and enter Paradise, where you can contemplate forever the spirits of the Sun and the Moon inside the House of the Million Years. It is said that you need a stair to access the celestial regions where the land of Paradise is placed.5 pillars sustained the structure of the Paradise. Ra sits there on a metalic throne ornated with lion faces and bull hooves.There you can live forever in the Field of the Blessed. There you will also find the city, field and the lake of peace. The whole paradise is surrounded by walls.


Binary Code / Duality of Man
(THIS WAS SO FAR OVER MY HEAD THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE NOTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT.

IF ANYONE HAS A CLUE WHAT THIS MEANS, LET ME KNOW. )

I think many of you already know the relation between the DHARMA Initiative symbol & the Ba-Gua, but for those that don't:Basically, what the Ba-Gua is is a wheel determining "alignments" in Feng-Shui, with its origins in the I Ching & Taoist thought. Though it was and is used primarily for geomancy, it has deep roots in mathematics & the true sciences, much as astronomy is a pseudoscience for the superstitious, but has its roots in astronomy. Note that the center contains the well-known yin-yang symbol, which in our DI symbol is divided by the swan neck. At the roots of Taoism, Buddhism & other East Asian faiths is the idea of mutually opposing things existing in balance—dualism. The relation of these faiths to LOST is nothing new—the number 108 is a sacred number to Buddhists, and well... look up the definition of dharma, if you haven't come across that yet. I did a little further digging on the subject, because it was really the symbols on the outside that interested me most. I found that these are basically trigrams of kwae, composed of an undivided dash (yang) or a divided one (yin). Meanings are as follows:yin-yin-yin (K'un) - earth - mother/receptive yin-yin-yang (Kên) - mountain - third son/keeping still yin-yang-yin (K'an) - water - second son/abysmal yin-yang-yang (Sun) - wind - first daughter/gentle yang-yin-yin (Chên) - thunder - first son/the arousing yang-yin-yang (Li) - fire - second daughter/clinging yang-yang-yin (Tui) - lake - third daughter/joyful yang-yang-yang (Ch'ien) - heaven - father/creative Basically, it’s a type of binary code! Found in a series where early computers figure in prominently. The idea of binary code is often credited to German mathematician (& philosopher, shown above) Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz in the late 1600s; he also invented differential & integral calculus. However, he only popularized the idea’s applications (which would in modern times evolve to be the foundation of all computer programming & revolutionize the Digital Age). The idea of binary code itself has been around far longer than him, with some of the earliest recognized writings by Indian mathematicians in the third century. Where did Leibniz get his ideas? Note the uncanny similarities between Leibniz’s original chart of 64 codes (above), and the chart of 64 kwae determinants from the I Ching’s Book of Changes (below)—64 here being no accident, since it is simply 2 to the 6th power:So what does all this mean for our show LOST? Where does binary code figure in? What I wrote above is all pretty verifiable & I don’t think, too "out there" for most people to note the striking connections. Now I’m going to get a little more abstract and theoretical, you can choose to swallow it or not. Alvar Hanso makes an address to the U.N. in 1967, and disappears shortly thereafter, presumably to develop this concept through the DHARMA Initiative project, enveloped in secrecy. He has lofty ideals. Let’s look at this time period in the late 60’s. It was an explosive era of social change and instability, civil rights activism in the US and abroad, Israel beginning to occupy the Gaza Strip during the 6 days war; and what some would say is the start of the Cold War, with a US/USSR nuclear nonproliferation treaty signed. Utopian ideas were fast crumbling, but it was still a period ripe for some scientists to regard the "salvation of Man" as lying with technological innovation. He was not the first scientist to find inspiration with Eastern philosophies. Einstein (shown on the left above) before him had credited this idea as influential when he came up with the Theory of Relativity—matter and energy existing in duality. Oppenheimer (shown on the right above), the "Father of the Atomic Bomb" because he is best known for his work with the Manhattan Project (but also a significant contributor to the relativity theory & one on cosmic rays), also had a real fascination with many of the same ideas. In his case, he had invented the most powerful weapon man had ever known with all good intentions, because he believed in his heart that the threat of it would save Mankind from annihilation by conventional warfare (sound familiar?). Incidentally, Oppenheimer changed these views after Hiroshima & Nagasaki, and involvement with the project became his greatest regret—he was later in life a great social activist in the scientific & political arena.But our Dr. Hanso was still convinced he did have the answer, the ultimate weapon that would rescue us from war and all other causes of human strife. If you could make a code out of 0’s and 1’s, why not out of other things; biological things? This is not so crazy a concept, because DNA is really a quaternary code (and similar ideas have been explored in real life with research into creating artificial intelligence). How about abstract things like thought? Again, may sound like pure science fiction. But the brain produces quantifiable energy in the form of electromagnetic fields… EMFs! That’s what EEG’s measure, after all (something I’m rather familiar with, in my field, psychiatry). The idea of brain waves being seen like binary code isn’t even an original idea of mine. I got the idea only on reading an old article in the Scientific American years ago. In the field of Artificial Intelligence (AI) development, it’s been mentioned several times. I think it was Alan Turing (a major contributor to the field of computer science) who even suggested it as early as the 40s a similar idea.The idea is that the brain itself, though complex, can be broken down into its simplest form–a single neuron. It’s basically a simple circuit. This can have two responses to a stimulus: to fire (when its threshold potential is reached, or 1) or not fire (0). It’s only the complex interconnectiveness of a neural network (and its location in this network) that creates different actions, such as running away, or crying. And the energy with which it does so? Electromagnetic waves. In 2 dimensions, for instance, you can measure if the electrical impulse travels away or towards a dipole, and this determines if the EEG records negatively or positively. In other words, in a plane, there’s a way to record this binary code of thought.What has LOST been about so far? I see the major themes as being interconnections, and human choices—choices to do good and evil, right and wrong. An age-old subject explored by ancient philosophies & faiths, and philosophers such as John Locke & Jean-Jacques Rousseau (the two we know are referenced by name in the show). In the complexity of the human condition, good and bad exist as a duality within the same person, and the choices we make are determined by this balance, with consequences in our environments—lately very evident with characters such as Sayiid and Charlie (but throughout the show, every one of them has had this internal struggle and done good and bad). So our thoughts are in fact various combinations of good and evil, and other elements that exist in mutual opposition. Binary code! Could this energy be harnessed—converted to kinetic or chemical energy for example? Or converted to matter, as per our good ole Theory of Relativity? We’ve already seen examples of telekinesis & ESP from the show, mostly from Walt, but it appears he is just the most keen & adept so far. That’s the part that I think dovetails nicely into Andrew’s Ultimate Theory, of the Collective Conscience.

HE SHALL THUNDER THE SKY
(STOP! STOP…YOU’RE KILLING ME!)

Is Lost just an analogy for the THUNDERCATS?

THE BIG THEORY
(BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOU MUST ACTUALLY GO TO THE WEB PAGE TO GET THE

FULL GIST OF THIS BECAUSE YOU REALLY NEED THE PICTURES.

http://www.4815162342.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=7712)


I'll make this as brief as I can (no he won't):

Meet Hans Oersted:
There was a picture of some old dude here but I cut it.
Hans O. discovered electromagnetism in 1820. In 1999 the 'Oersted' satellite was launched with the purpose of charting Earth's magnetic field. The findings led scientists to believe that there might be a polar reversal imminent, the effects of which could be cataclysmic: if Earth were to lose its magnetosphere, it would be vulnerable to massive radiation from the space/sun. The satellite also revealed an anomaly in the magnetic field under South Africa; it is pointing the opposite direction from the rest of the Earth's field and has been growing for hundreds of years. Please Google this info. A similar idea was also used in the film 'The Core'. Meet Hannes Alfvén:
Another old dude.
His contribution to science - mainly in the field of electromagnetism - revolutionized how scientists view the universe, winning a Nobel Prize on the way. He spoke English, German, French, Russian, and some Spanish and Chinese; and studied oriental philosophy and religion. He spent time in the Fiji Islands. He was fascinated by the "green flash" - a phenomenon that sometimes occurs at sunset. By no coincidence (Green Lantern and Flash comic): He also wrote fiction: The Great Computer: A Vision (1968) telling the story of computers taking over the world. Google "Hannes Alfvén". Alfvén plus Hans O. equals Alvar Hanso. The above outlines the reason for - and a means to control - the island... Scientists, fearing the cataclysmic events of a polar reversal, prepared an environment for the survival of the human race. They either directly or indirectly engineered the kind of people who would make up a community fit for survival and propagation of a new world. In the main, this means characters without father/mother figures; and/or characters with skills for survival: a doctor, an engineer, a survivalist, a mercenary; and characters of sufficiently varied genetic background: african, caucasian, asian, etc. to ensure a healthy gene pool for generations. Then on an island which already had a massive natural source of electromagnetism, they constructed an artificial magnetosphere, alluded to in Walt's/Hurley's comic: Yeah, there was a picture of the comic book here.to repel the deadly cosmic rays that Earth's magnetosphere used to repel. The hope was that the community could thrive, grow and, eventually, repopulate/recover the world. The Dharma Initiative under Alvar Hanso (if both of these thing exist in the Lost reality - much of the Orientation film is red herrings for the 'survivors') used a technology based on remote viewing and electromagnetism to power this magnetosphere and to influence the lives of the future island candidates. As stated in another of my posts: every strange (and a lot of mundane) occurrences in Lost can be attributed to electromagnetism as wielded by the collective consciousness on the island (see "Enlightenment Theory"). When all the candidates were in place, i.e. on the plane, the collective consciousness knocked everyone out, brought it down, cryogenically preserved them, dismantled the plane (placing enough debris in the ocean to ensure an "everybody dead" verdict); years later, some plane debris was placed on the beach with the passengers and the scene was set to give the illusion that they had JUST crashed. Then the collective consciousness woke them up. The joke/password about the snowmen is an allusion to being cryogenically frozen. The collective consciousness is that group of scientists that became so totally absorbed into remote viewing and electromagnetism that they now operate on frequencies of electromagnetism (covering everything from light to sound) only. They can read minds as well as manipulate iron and other conductive material. Claire wondered why there was not one comb or hairbrush on the entire plane; the reason: the slight electrostatic charges that hairbrushing creates is interference for the collective consciousness. Much of the Orientation film and what Desmond says is false and purely to ensure that our heroes press those bloody buttons every 108 minutes. The purpose is threefold: to provide a focus for the community - a reason to go on and something 'meaningful' that goes beyond rational decision-making; secondly, to protect the hatch/power-supply/scientists behind the concrete; and, thirdly, to download the information from the Oersted satellite as it orbits the Earth every 108 minutes (please Google this) to get the latest on the magnetic poles. The collective consciousness messed with this bird's navigation (based on magnetism - birds have magnetite in their beaks). You guessed it, screen cap of dead bird.Sayid tells Jack that either the compass is wrong or North has moved. In fact, North has moved. Picture of jack and Sayid.Walt seems to become a knife-throwing expert. He isn't. The metal knife was guided by the collective consciousness in an attempt to bring him closer to Locke, who is the island's most faithful servant. The presence of this ship is an indication that this island has always been known as a source of great magnetic power (the word "magnet" comes from "Magnesia" the land where the first black rock with powers of attraction was found). The location of this ship is an indication of the island's volcanic past - pushing the island higher - the ship is now inland. (Lava cools to form basalt; at the point basalt solidifies it takes on the same magnetic field as the surrounding location, thus providing information of the magnetic field's past.) BF Skinner's dubious theories form the basis for the methods used by collective consciousness to socially engineer this 'utopia'. They are the voices in the trees, they are the visions, they are the black fog (metal in a magnetic field), the monster (mechanical, but designed to embody each survivor's personal fear). They use every psychological trick in his books to manipulate the survivors into forming a stable long-lasting community ON the island; and their means to this end are extensive. The two images above are an explicit example of how the influence of the Dharma's collective consciousness has pervaded in the survivors' lives: notice the octagonal ceiling in both shots; and the metal balls in the second scene.
One of these is a picture of Walt in the foyer of his house. And the other is Jack’s eyeball. And no, I’m not kidding.The opening shot of most episodes - the eye - establishes that this epsiode's main character will percieve what the collective consciousness wishes to show them. In this episode, Boone has an epiphanous vision courtesy of the collective consciousness and is later murdered with a falling plane! Locke can walk now. Locke has no feeling in his legs. Locke's ability to walk is based on the collective consciousness' will. It makes him obedient. This level of obediency may be required of all the survivors eventually. His legs move because the collective consciousness allows those tiny electronic impulses from his brain via the spine to get through to muscles in his legs. To summarize: our heroes never actually crashed; they are the future of mankind - the survivors of a cataclysmic polar event of which they are unaware; they are on the island to survive, procreate and repopulate the Earth. They are unaware of this plan which is sustained by a sophisticated collective consciousness and a group of scientists using electromagnetic power, and psychological techniques of reward and punishment. There is more, but that's the gist.



ST. ELSEWHERE? HERE?
(I never saw the show but I think this is as good a theory as any other.)

With all the conspiracy theories and potential other dimensional possibilities- could we be in for a St. Elsewhere kind of ending? If you recall, St. Elsewhere’s ending for the entire series was that the hospital was contained in the snow globe of a child and we, the viewer, were entertained by the imaginings of a young boy. It was one of the lowest points in television next to the whole janet jackson debacle.

QH/Homoplasmates AND the numbers??????
(THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE ONE! THIS IS MY FAVORITE BAR NONE OF ALL TIME! IT IS THE ROLLS-ROYCE OF UNFOUNDED SPECULATION. IT IS THE HOLY GRAIL OF ASSUMPTION. IT IS, IN SHORT, WHAT MUST BE THE WORK OF A MAN WHO WAS ONCE REFERRED TO AS "DUNGEON MASTER" IN HIS PUBERTY AND HAS A LOT OF PHONE SEX!)

http://www.losttv-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15883

This one is actually too technical and long for a blog post and there are a whole mess of pictures. I encourage you to go read it yourself and offer you the following as an incentive:
Homoplasmates
Constellations linked to Apollo
Arcturians
Black hole anti-matter
Eclipses
And there’s a "hatch star map idea using the following "apollo constellations" which are not found within ursa major" this is merely a creative idea, to show how a Pyramids type of connection to the stars may exist"


Freud meets the Matrix?
(YOU CAN’T HAVE A LIST OF THEORETICALS WITHOUT FREUD…)

"Antisocial Personality Disorder is also known as psychopathy or sociopathy. Individuals with this disorder have little regard for the feeling and welfare of others. There are ten general symptoms: not learning from experience no sense of responsibility inability to form meaningful relationships inability to control impulses lack of moral sense chronically antisocial behavior no change in behavior after punishment emotional immaturity lack of guilt self-centeredness People with this disorder may exhibit criminal behavior. They may not work. If they do work, they are frequently absent or may quit suddenly. They do not consider other people's wishes, welfare or rights. They can be manipulative and may lie to gain personal pleasure or profit. They may default on loans, fail to provide child support, or fail to care for their dependents adequately. High risk sexual behavior and substance abuse are common. Impulsiveness, failure to plan ahead, aggressiveness, irritability, irresponsibility, and a reckless disregard for their own safety and the safety of others are traits of the antisocial personality. Psychotherapy, group therapy, and family therapy are common treatments. The effects of medical treatment are inconclusive. Unfortunately, most people with Antisocial Personality Disorder reject treatment. Therefore, recovery rates are low."Perhaps what is called for is total emersion in a wildly different and threatening environment intentionally structured to breakdown and modify behavior.But, how to do this effectively without invoking the old punch line, "the operation was a success, but the patient died"?Virtual reality?I am starting to toy with the idea that island is a digital construct into which persons manifesting various forms of sociopathic behavior are interjected for therapeutical reasons. Sort of Sigmund Freud meets the Matrix.Obviously this would take one heck of a lot of computing power, but we are talking science fiction here.But if you accept the premise .....Criminals "sentenced" to the island?Patients who either currently are or threaten to become dysfunctional?Not all present need to fall into those descriptions. Some might be therapists or sub rosa guides. Some might themselves be constructs. Others might be persons who participate voluntarily to escape for a time the unfortunate conditions of their real world existence.And, of course, technology being technology, there would be the possibility of unexpected glitches. Could certain personalities become trapped, or the construct retain the echoes of prior participants? Could there be incongruities caused by the bleed over of different scenarios?Given the aforementioned amount of computing power that would be required to pull this all off, perhaps it would not be surprising to find a budding AI, with its own agenda, manifesting itself in various ways.Even as monsters.

AND THE WINNER OF THE MOST FAR-OUT THEORY IS….

The Island (blog)
http://lostbutfound.typepad.com/theanswerstolost/

(I…I…It’s…I can not get my mind around this one. Okay, this blog contains the information that LOST is all an allegory for a post-9/11 America. And no I am not kidding! And to prove it? I’ve tossed you a bone to tantalize you into going to the site….)

The Island is full of unknown terrain, hidden threats and mysterious bands of possibly dangerous "Others."
The castaways never asked to be on the Island, but due to events outside of their control they have been thrust into this strange unknown place, and must learn to live in it.

Hypothesis:
The Island = What the world looked like to the American People after the events of 9/11
Sawyer symbolizes . . . Vice-President Dick Cheney
Michael = The Democratic Party Leadership
The Monster = The Terrorist Threat . . . BUT not the actual Terrorists themselves (more on that at a later time)
Jack is . . . President George W. Bush
Sayid = The Intelligence Agencies: The CIA, The FBI, and the NSA
Locke = The Military, Patriotic Duty, and sometimes Secretary of State General Colin Powell
The Small Second Group of Surviving Passengers = The UK (and possibly the rest of the US Allies in the Iraqi Invasion)
Michael = The Democratic Party LeadershipIs the theme of the Castaways' flashbacks "THE AMERICAN DREAM"?

If It's Too Good To Be True...You Must Be At Children's Hospital's ER

I'm not one to normally give credit out to institutions. Generally, they in no way deserve it as customer service becomes dangerously close to extention and cutting corners to save a few pennies is all the rage.

BUT...

Well, let me say first that I have been to the ER perhaps three or four times in my entire life and I only remember two of those visits and one occurred when I was about ten. So that doesn't count. The last one does. Without going into detail I will only say that I had an emergency room scenario and went to the closest hospital to my office Cobb WellStar. I was five months pregnant and sat on an exam room table (not bed) for EIGHT hours without being offered food or water. I recieved virtually no care, saw one nurse once the entire time and my obviously annoyed at being on ER shift doctor was as savy and caring as a mop. I finally got up and left after eight hours of misery deciding that nothing more awful was going to happen at home, that they had no idea what was wrong and they just didn't care. WellStar is an excellent organization in most respects but this hospital is obviously the neglected child.

Then let me say that they last time I took my child to the Wal-Mart of Pediatricians (http://www.pampapediatrics.com/) and Dr. Stephen King (yeah, I know) aka Dr. Shitty Excuse for a Medical Professional "treated" her, she has been terrified of doctors. Actually, pretty much anyone wearing white, Dansko shoes and/or with any apparatus (including but not limited to whistles, chunky jewelry and reading glasses) around their neck. Quite frankly, I can't blame her and I won't even tell you what happened. My contempt for medical professionals has grown to epic proportions (And screw your managed care excuse. You don't care at all, managed or not!) that recently as she screams and kicks I let the nurses and doctors deal with it beyond me reassuring her that I am still there. I usually sit in the crappy chair (actually I like the doctor's stool if I can snag it first since that REALLY annoys them), thumb through the eight year old copy of Newsweek and laugh (possibly while snacking on Goldfish crackers) as one of them gets kicked in the face by size six Disney Princess sneakers. Hey, your nasty attitudes and lack of compassion created this, deal with it. Naturally I'm the good guy and snuggle her and offer her juice and sing Wiggles songs when they get done doing horrible things like listening to her heart and trying to take her temp with the ear thermometer. Believe me, if they were doing anything else I"d be all over them.

So she's not the most pleasant patient at this point. Anyway, the kid was running a fever and screaming on Saturday and it wasn't better despite how much Motrin we dumped in her so we knew we had an ear infection on our hands. Sunday afternoon we loaded screaming child, toys, diapers, change of outfit, wipes, food, beverages, little socks, blankets, cell phones, insurance cards and anything else we would need for a camp out of five to six hours at a hospital ER with a sick child.

We arrived at Children's to discover...valet parking? No seriously, we cruised up to the front and a valet took away our car leaving us to walk directly into the lobby without having to traverse six acres of parking lot. We were concerned that perhaps someone was in fact stealing the car. But at that point? Who cared.

In the lobby I went to the desk and Rob toted the baby and our two bags to a likely spot for an Alpha Base. I presented every piece of ID I had on me, Charlotte's information, insurance cards and exact medical answers with a smug flourish. The intake dude smiled kindly and asked if we'd been there before. I told him once about a year and a half ago at a satellite location she had blood drawn trying to shove the tome of information at him. In less then one minute he said they had all her information, I didn't need to do a thing and handed me A PAGER. Ten minutes he said. Ha! And again I say HA! I went over to our encampment where Rob was busy spreading things out like we were moving into a three bedroom apartment with bad lighting and Charlotte was...looking at birds and coloring. Because they have birds and crayons there. Free ones. We were naturally suspicious. Especially when I spied the coffee machine and got a fresh and tasty cup of German Chocolate Decaf on demand. Even weirder? The pager went off while I was getting my coffee. It had been less then eight minutes. We looked at it like it was an alien device. Were they testing to make sure it worked? Was this a cruel joke? Was it posessed? No! Apparently it was actually time for us!

So we went over (suspiciously, cautiously, not getting our hopes up) to a little triage with a computer and a really nice nurse (cleverly disguised in a Braves T-shirt instead of a uniform which he explained lessened anxiety for the kids). He asked what we felt was wrong. We told him. He pulled out the stethascope. The screaming begin. He asked me to hold it on her chest and he would stand where she didn't see him. Then we sat down again. For one minute!!

We were asked to come through a door. We envisioned waiting room number two, a sterile freezing cold exam room. All sorts of EVIL! Instead this cute little nurse weighed Charlotte and asked if she could take her temperature. I forbade her the anal thermometer. I was prepared to stage a walk-out since this is non-negotiable after our last trip to Dr. Asshat. Then the nurse smiled and said no problem. No Problem? Who are you people? I've never had a medical...anybody agree with me ever on the care of my child! Clearly, the entire ER staff had been expreimenting with some weird gas in the back. Then she took us to an actual exam room.

With a real bed and a television with cartoons. She handed us this cute as pie little hospital gown and asked us to just take off her shirt. Although it still had no back like a regular hospital gown and we got the giggles at the imageof little toddlers running around the ahlls with their bottoms poking out since they have such cute little tushies at that age. Anyway,we barely had the gown on and this person came in. AND IT WAS THE DOCTOR! Charlotte naturally lost it when she saw the white coat and the doctor said she would stand in the opposite corner so that she would be far away from her and not freak her out more. She gave us the little exam and didn't even get impatient when it took the three of us to hold Charlotte down wrestler style to look in her ear or when she bit down on the end of the tongue depressor and refused to let go. She told us that indeed we had a serious ear infection on our hands and she would give us appropriate drugs. For Charlotte. We settled in for a long wait. Until two seconds later.

A lovely woman with a super cool computer tablet came in and said she was the payment chick and we handed her our ID, and insurance card and she took off. Five minutes later we had a medicated child, our reciept, a perscription, three sheets of things we might try to make her more comfortable, two suitcases full of crap and were getting back in our free valeted car dazed and wondering if had all been a dream. The entire process? A half hour. No really, a half an hour!

So here's my question after that really long winded speech. If you can make a hospital that efficient and friendly (did I mention they offered us a Wiggles video if that would make her happier?) then why can adult ER's not do better then...the seventh circle of hell?

Friday Fun....

Normally I feature snarky, well written pieces on Friday but this week, something different. Here is perhaps the most pointless and addictive game ever. I'm calling it the Meth of Games....

http://www.lifetimetv.com/games/game.php?game=openhouse

Damn you Lifetime!

I'd rather pay more for less....

Rob and I have accepted the fact that we are not Wal-Mart's targeted demographic anymore. We prefer an actual turkey breast as opposed to a turket roast. We prefer our daughter be in clothes that will hold up beyond one wash and are not so high in polyester content that she would break out in flames if left standing too long in the Georgia sun. We do not wish to be constantly exposed to toddlers running around in soiled diapers and nothing else, parents screaming (and I have seen them hitting) their overly-tired, hopped up on Sunny Delight children in the aisles or things stacked all willy-nilly essentially turning our retail experience into somethig resembling a Filene's Bridal Sale. Essentially, we are happy to take our business to Target and Publix/Kroger/Whole Foods and pay a bit more for convenience, order and the superior feeling of being able to find wasabi peas, Ukranian feta and bok choy exactly where they should be.

Sadly, fate forced me to visit a Super Wal-Mart yesterday. Well, mostly it was traffic, time constraints and laziness. Frankly, I found it not so super. It occured to me after my experience that one of the inherent problems of shopping at Wal-Mart is that it is the site where The Implied Social Contract Of Shopping is most often breeched and with the most chaotic of results. Now granted, allowances can be made for people who generally shop Amazon, QVC or infommercials whose social abilities have suffered from limited exposure to social shopping. I'm not sure that THESE were THOSE people.

First, I was forced to circle the parking lot several times in an attempt to secure a parking spot as though I was a hungry shark looking for a handicapped squid. I have no problem with this, quite frankly compared to trying to get a spot at IKEA, this was amateur hour. But what I do take offense to is the idgit who will sit with their hugemongus SUV at the head of the row with half of it sticking out into the lane waiting for some harried mother of four to transfer all of her children from the shopping buggy, kicking, screaming and waving sticky-candy of some kind, as well as nine bags of...whatever and securing the whole lot by folding and unfolding seats, turning on DVDs and wrapping bungee cords around bags. This process can take, understandably, a good ten minutes or more to complete. And yet, the asshat in the SUV will sit blocking not only the one aisle in both directions but any traffic in the main thoroughfair as if this is the last freakin' parking spot in the last Wal-Mart on Earth and they are planning on buying enough cases of Sam's brand bottled water and cheap fiber board computer desks that they would not possibly be able to transport them one step further then that second row parking place. Of course, when the space is finally vacated, they discover that their gas sucking dragon can not possibly fit into the space due to the fact that the person in the absurdly huge truck next to them has (also) violated the Rule Of Orderly Parking and inched over the yellow line. Of course, this discovery is only made after ten attempts at wedging the mastadon in from every possible angle.

Once a parking place is secured and you have entered the store, after the Great Cart Hunt for One Not Sticky or Full Of Trash, the real fun begins. I will give credit and say that more often then not, Wal-Mart has the brains to put some very friendly retired lady or gentleman as the greeter who is only too pround and happy to hand you your Retail Acquisition Vehicle.

Yesterday, I needed one small birthday cake, candles for said cake, a bag, tissue paper and baseball cards. First stop, deli. I perused the cake selection and did indeed find exaclty what I needed after picking through several layers as if I was at some cake jumble sale. $6.99 for a cake that had four slices in it, wedding cake is less expensive per slice. The woman behind the counter told me that it would be far more cost-effective to buy a larger cake. I thanked her but said that was all I needed. She told me again that it was cheaper to get a cake for ten. No, thanks, I'm on a diet and I don't want extra cake laying about. But really, if I bought a sheet cake that was for twenty-five that said Happy Retirement, Morty with a trout piped onto it that had never been picked up it basically became pennies per serving.

Finally I located everything I needed which took about half an hour due to the fact that everywhere I kept running into people Bluetoohing all over the store, apparently so amazed at what the Bluetoother on the other end was sharing that they were forced to stop there carts in the middle of aisles and exclaim in disbelief! Go Lord, what do you mean Hildy's kids are only going to be going to Holy Innocents three days a week! Are they in financial trouble? Should we take a casserole over?

I then proceeded to check-out. Having on previous occasions been exposed to sullen and just plain rude check out personnel at these 48 very registers, of which less the four are generally open, I proceeded directly to self check. And here is where things often begin to go wrong. Really, wrong.

People abandon carts, exceed the ten item limit apparently on the premise that if you can divide their items by ten and get less then ten then that is acceptable, intermingle their athletic socks and Mr. Clean Magic erasers with your fat-free sour cream and People magazine by refusing to use the conveyor belt seperators or remember they "need something else and will be back in two seconds" and run off to the back forty acres of the store to retrieve those knee-highs that slipped their minds earlier as they were distracted by the impressive display of Isotoner slippers. On this occasion none of those things happened. Instead I was confronted with being behind the Old Ladies Who Have Never Scanned Their Own Purchases and Thought It Would Be Exciting.

Now, do not misunderstand me. I have no problem with the elderly. I, in fact, hope to be one one day. I am certainly willing to make allowances for a decrease in speed, agility and learning curve. Seeing what lay before me I grabbed an US Weekly and read about the soul stirring details of Nick and Jessica's divorce feud. First, the ladies couldn't grasp the concept of having to scan and bag before the reader would take the next item. Additionally, they had thirty items and obviously they were not fitting into the two bag allowance given you on the scale. So they would take a bag off only to find that they had brought to an abrupt halt their check-out. Eventually when all had been bagged and transferred they then whipped out a credit card, illiciting internal groans from all in line. They tried to slot the card in everywhere but the actual reader. Later, rather then sooner, a blue vested employee came over with a key and a card and begin Obi Wanning them to complete their transaction.

At this point a woman ran up like the next contestant on Price Is Right and went directly to one of the closed self-checks and begin punching buttons like she was trying to download schematics from NASA only to discover to her shock that it had not specially booted up as it sensed her approach and she was forced to stand in line with the rest of us plebes. What is that? If it was working would we all be standing there trying to pretend we weren't reading the headlines on the Enquirer? Assboobie!

Then the dear ladies remembered they had a five gallon jug of Wesson on the bottom they had forgotten to scan. I started on Ladies Home Journal as the wheel of Karma began another rotation.

At last, it was my turn to scan, running free and unaided like the Rothschild giraffe upon the Serengeti plains. I scanned in quick order. My total ran about $30 and I had $25 in cash. I slotted in the cash and whipped out my Visa Debit for the balance, ran it and red lights started going off like we had hit DefCon One and Cheyenne Mountain was going on lock-down. Again, a blue vest hustled over.

"It says that you need to hit the credit key at the main register," I told him.

"I don't have one," he replied as he pushed buttons in a manner that suggested to me he had no idea what he was doing but wanted to make it look as if he was trying to resolve the problem.

"Perhaps if we hit the cancel key and reran the card..." I suggested.

"No, no. I'll have to void the transaction!" He hit more buttons and the screen immediately flipped to Spanish.

"Um...okay. We could just cancel out the payment and I could put the whole thing on my debit card," I offered.

"No, that will never work! My God, this is worse then the American Express/Cheese Wiz debacle of '87! What are we to do? What I ask?" He was getting a bit wild eyed with panic. "I know! We'll void out the enitre tranaction, rescan everything and I'll run your card through again and credit you for the $25. Of course, I will need to alert the store manager who is on vacation in Florida and he will have to clear it with the Controller and there will be an awesome firestorm of forms to fill out at Customer Service I assure you," he intoned like an ancient Greek prophet.

"Um, okay."

"Oh gracious! Now it's not showing the credit for your cash! It's gone! It's gone! Now what?" At this point he may have started crying. I'd also like to point out that I was roughly a foot taller then the guy.

"Tell you what, I'm going to go ahead and push the button that says payment type that keeps blinking and let's see what happens, shall we?"

"This is highly sophisticated equiptment! You can't be pushing buttons like that! You don't have on a blue vest. The humanity! We're all doomed! Doomed I say! The wrath of Sam Walton is upon us! Flee with your children!"

I pushed the button. It asked my preference in payments albeit in Espanol. I hit credit card, ran my card through and it promptly spit out a receipt for five dollars charged on my card. I thanked Tiny Tim, wished him well with getting his medication dosage right and went on my way.

Once my bags were stowed and the SUV behind me had begun to wedge it's self into my parking spot before I had in fact completely vacated it, I was caught in a jumble of cars that looked like we were waiting for a Mardi Gras parade to be over. And on we sat. Eventually we begin to inch forward and I noticed that the same two women who were in front of me at check-out had (and I'm not even sure I can fathom why and I have drawn a scale model to try) backed their Buick Regal into the middle of the row, aligned it tail to tail with the shopping car return, put on the flashers and were out transferring bags to the trunk. I'm just not sure why? WHY? What possible advantage could that have held?

Anyway, a prime example of the social contract being squashed under the weight of sub-par employee training and bad consumer economics. And the cake wasn't even that good.

Thank you Fame-Tracker for saying what we all should...

March 3, 2006

The 2006 Rasco P. Soultrain Awards: Because "Rasco" is nearly "Oscar" spelled backwards

The shame. The ignominy. The RASCOs!

Famous Person of the Year

Once upon a time, it was easy to determine the Famous Person of the Year. Who had the big breakout movie? Who was suddenly on every magazine cover? Who, by virtue of his or her resplendent talent and unrelenting charisma, got the biggest bump in notoriety over the past year?

Now, however, in our post-Paris Hilton, post-Jessica Simpson, post-having-to-be-good-at-something-in-order-to-be-famous world, the question of fame is trickier. Is it the person most deserving of our increased attention? (Heath Ledger, come on down!) The person who simply hogged our attention most shamelessly? (Can't...tear...eyes...from...Nick...Lachey... and...his...dancing...brother...Drew....) Perhaps this prize should be renamed, simply, Train Wreck of the Year. (Now arriving on track 15, the Lindsay Lohan Express -- oh my God! Oh the humanity! Body parts everywhere! Very skinny body parts!)

This year, though, was a gift from above. This year, the Famous Person of the Year arrived on a shining beam of light, his pearlies gleaming and the angel choirs of L. Ron himself serenading our hero's descent. Because this year, one star personified both the best-slash-worst of mega-movie-star celebrity AND the best-slash-worst of twenty-four-hour, can't stop/won't stop, tabloid mayhem.

Ladies and gentlemen, we give you the Famous Person of the Year for 2005: Mr. Tom Cruise.
You want hits? War Of The Worlds was one of the year's few certifiable blockbusters. You want media moments? The sofa-surfing on Oprah launched its own handy new phrase: jumping the couch. You want all-out, no holds barred, balls-to-the-wall, cuckoo-for-cocoa-puffs craziness? Well, now you're just being glib. Because you don't know about the history of crazy. We do.
Or, rather, Tom Cruise does. He knows about the history of crazy. Because this year, folks, he was making it.

Who could have guessed that our biggest movie star would also be the biggest clown in the three-ring celebrity circus? That the formerly tight-lipped, super-controlled, nary-a-misstep-making Tom Cruise would unravel like a cheap sweater snagged on a bent nail? Holy Moly Moses, he was the perfect storm of celebrity. There he was: on screen, on TV, on the web, grinning, leaping, snapping, fist-pumping, Katie Holmes-impregnating, sonogram-machine-buying, expectation-confounding, celebrity-redefining Tom Cruise. It's like fame was Tom Cruise's cellmate, and last year, he made fame his bitch. One crazy, over-the-top, unbelievable antic at a time.

And this year, Heaven help us and saints run for cover: he's having a baby.