Novelchick

I didn't find Neverland.

2009-10-30T10:22:00.004-05:00

Disney must have the world's worst lawyers. Seriously, world's worst. Anyway, here are some other movies whose titles didn't happen simply because I watched them.

The Shaggy Dog
The Nutty Professor
The Neverending Story (Thanks to my friend Dave for that one)
Miracle on 34th Street
Finding Neverland
Baby Geniuses
Fame

This week's sign of the apocalypse

2009-10-30T10:06:00.000-05:00

Do these come UPS or what?

http://www.walmart.com/search/search-ng.do?search_query=caskets&search_constraint=0&tab_value=27_All&ic=48_0&ref=+125874.425084&search_sort=3&selected_items=+

NANOWRIMO

2009-10-29T15:30:00.003-05:00

Almost forgot to remind everyone that NANOWRIMO kicks off on Sunday. Everyone got their idea out? Remember you don't have to be good, just prolific. 50K words, here I come! Join one of your local write-ins if you get a chance. Check out all the poop on www.nanowrimo.org.

Carving for the elderly (not a Halloween story)

2009-10-29T15:28:00.002-05:00

Normally I try to keep my stuff original but this was so hilarious that I have to share. MJ writes some of my favorite (and probably only that I read) vampire chick-lit. This blog entry has zero to do with that but is a great example of her writing.

http://maryjanicedavidson.blogspot.com/2009/10/i-carve-for-elderly.html

Rachel Maddow kicks ass

2009-10-16T20:14:00.003-05:00

Did anyone else watch Rachel Maddow last night rip off Tim Phillip's head off and crap down his neck then stuck his head back on and slapped him with his own blatant sack of lies? In case you missed it here is the link to part one and two available on the left hand side of her webpage. Seriously, if you're a fan of hers you really can't miss this.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/

At it again

2009-10-16T07:36:00.004-05:00

Ralph Lauren is not simply satisfied with ruining American body images but has now expanded to Australia.

Be sure to check out www.photoshopdisaster.blogspot.com for hours worth of procrastination.

More things my daughter should never see

2009-10-14T15:48:00.003-05:00

Clearly this is a photoshop nightmare. I mean her pelvis is smaller then her head which just isn't possible! BUT she was also recently fired by Ralph Lauren for being TOO FAT AT 120 pounds! So fat that we needed to tell the world's young women to feel that this "look" is obtainable? So fat they needed to do this to her? What the hell does Ralph Lauren weigh? When will the insanity stop! Read my posting on things I never want my daughter to see for more of my soap box rantings on this subject.

Olympia Snowe Op-Ed

2009-04-30T05:41:00.003-05:00

In case you don't read the NY Times regularly, here is the much talked about op-ed by Senator Olympia Snowe and her opinions on the current state of the Republican Party as they search for a new home in the Wilderness of Minority.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/04/29/opinion/29snowe.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

More Reviews

2009-04-17T14:29:00.002-05:00

The Grand Finale- Janet Evanovich

In a book written 15 years ago and recently republished by HarperCollins, Evanovich proves she can write more than Stephanie Plum novels ( not that there's anything wrong with that). She calls it a red-hot screw ball comedy and I'm inclined to agree. She brings the same hilarious sensibility from her other novels to this one as well. You see the evolution of the Stephanie Plum humor happening. While not particularly about anything this book will make you laugh out loud in places and have you rooting around your local bookstore (or grocery store or Target) for the other eight in this genre that she has written. $7.99 feels a bit steep for this small novel so you may want to go and hit up your fav used book store.

Verdict=Fun, short read especially for Evanovich fans.

The Third Circle- Amanda Quick

Amanda Quick (i.e. Jayne Ann Krentz, Jayne Castle) seems to be taken with her new Arcan Socirty that she's whipped together in her two previous novels. She's blending in a little paranormal with her historical. In this latest installment we have a hypnotist and a crystal worker battling good versus evil as usual. It's not that I don't love Amanda Quick, I truly do but I much prefer her other historicals to the Arcane line. Perhaps because paranormal really isn't my thing. But she seems devoted to it to the point where her next JAK novel will be one of the line as well. It's a nice long read, a little shot on romance, a little long on the Arcane Society it's self but it is compelling and at times suspenseful.

Verdict=A must for Amanda Quick fans, especially those that like the paranormal. Not so much for those deeply devoted to her normal line of historicals (Mischief, etc.).

Sorry about the deadline

2009-04-16T12:18:00.002-05:00

Sorry I didn't post my reviews when I said I would. My daughter was out of school for spring break and I basically felt like a human chew toy since I was required to entertain her every minute. Then I wrote the review but Blogspot ate it. So here we go again.

For those ten of you who haven't read Confessions of a Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella you might want to consider it. Especially if you have a beach to sit on or just some spare time on yyour hands that makes you want to delve into a surface novel. Personally I think it's a bit of a Bridge Jones rip off. Told in first person in an almost diary style, it does have charm. Unforunately our heroine, Becky, becomes tiresome at best about two-thirds of the way through. Some will think her scams and schemes to pay her creditors back are hilaious. I just found them poor and foolish. I think as a person who grew up not believeing in revolving debt that the idea of someone in her predicament, made by herself is just sad. Not to mention her naievete just grates on one after awhile. But having said the negative, her character is engaging up to a point and the premise is very good. Even the littlte romance thrown in is well thought out and adds a lift to the end. It's a Cinderella story if ever one has hit the stands recently and become a best seller. But I won;t be reading the sequels.

Rating=Pick it up second hand at a used bookstore.

Monsters vs. Aliens. In 3d. 3D is fun. It's been ages since I've seen one and this movie entirely in that format was entertaining if for no other reason. But there were other reasons. Despite some tired and worn jokes, MVA provides a few serious laughs and more than a few snickers. The characters are likeable, the movie it's self beautifully done (as one would expect from Dreamworks) and the voices are familiar and comforting. Fun for the whole family. As long as your kids are old enough to wear the glasses for extended periods.

Rating=Excellent $1 movie material.

Hi! It's me.

2009-04-01T13:45:00.003-05:00

I offer absolutely no excuse as to why I've been gone so long. I really don't have one at all. I just wsa but now I'm back. Yeah. I've seen some movies, read some books, formed some political opinions in my time away so I think I have enough to keep you entertained for awhile. Tomorrow I'll be featuring a review of "Confessions of a Shopoholic" (the book NOT the movie) and possibly one of Monsters VS Aliens which I am slated to see thi sevening. In 3D! So until then, thanks for h anging in there.

NaNoWriMo

2008-11-17T13:52:00.003-05:00

I've done a diservice to you all and forgotten totally to exploit the fact that this is National Writer's Month. So for those of you who haven't jumped on the http://www.nanowrimo.org/ bandwagon yet, it's really not too late. Well, not too too late. Ok, it's probably too late unless you have a really good idea worked out and it's burning a hole in your brain or something you really truly did start at the beginning of the month. No cheating. Remember NANO is all about quantity not quality but you do no service to yourself by cheating and this is for you personally. But it would only be 3500 words a day or 10 pagesish from here out and that is doable if you really really really work hard. The beauty is you don't have to worry abot spelling errors or whatever else. No rewrites. Nothing. Just GO.

For those who do not know, NANO is a writing challenge that occurs this month each year. It begins Nov. 1 and goes through the end of the month. You are challenged to write 50,000 words (Appr. 170 pages) during the month. You must register and at the end of the month upload your pages to be counted and verified. It's free and it's hilarious. They aren't interested in whether you wrote a publishable novel. It could be a compilation of your blog or anything else that's your desire to write. It's 50,000 words done in one month starting from scratch. It forces you to be on the fly, take chances and really get those creative juices flowing. If you've always thought you might want to write a novel but you didn;t really have it in you and nno one really knew so no one expected anything sign up! If you don't complete the goal no one knows but you.

The Real Story of Interest

2008-11-17T13:43:00.002-05:00

In all the New President hysteria it occurs ot me there's a much more interesting story here. Not that they haven't all for the most part been entertaining when reported by Rachel Maddow (every Republican's worst nightmare). I think the most interesting story is that there's a very elderly woman living in a small hut in Kenya in an impoverished little village who is now the grandmother of the President of the United States (Elect).

Writing Contest from Amazon

2008-11-15T21:03:00.003-05:00

I grabbed the following off of one of Sherrilyn Kenyon's My Space thingies. The address is http://amazon.com/abna for the contest.

Amazon and Penguin will sponsor a second annual Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. The competition will launch on February 2, 2009. Between then and February 8, writers with an unpublished English-language novel manuscript can submit their work at www.amazon.com/ abna. As they did last year, PWBill Loehfelm with the grand prize, from a pool of 5,000 entrants. This year, up to 10,000 submissions will be accepted. Putnam published Loehfelm's novel, Fresh Kills, in August 2008. reviewers will participate in the review process. Last year's competition awarded The winner of the contest will be announced on May 22, 2009, and will receive a publishing contract with Penguin, which includes a $25,000 advance.MAN!!

What an advance. To give you an idea, for a first time author, the advance usually falls between $1500-5000. My first advance was $500 and no there isn't a zero missing. This is a fabulous opportunity for the winner.

Muddely Mush....

2008-11-06T14:51:00.005-05:00

Okay, so I have this perfectly innocuous little manuscript I was sending in to the GH contest. The thing is to enter the book must be completely finished. Completely. As in they check it randomly because you have to send them a disk of the full ms. So I whip out mine and start reading and it turns out that instead of the finished but not polished script I thought I had? I have a bunch of scenes not really even tied together. I have a bunch of muddley mush as my daughter would put it. What to do? The money is due the 17th of this month but the finished work doesn't have to be there until 12/2. Should I enter it and just write my little heart out or let it slide this year and enter the same one I entered last year albeit with a major overhaul? Or maybe just pass it up all together? Decisions, decisions...It's the $50 question.

The Clothes

2008-11-06T14:51:00.002-05:00

Does anyone actually believe the wardrobe is going back?

The Dirtiest Commerical on TV. Possibly ever.

2008-10-28T19:01:00.002-05:00

NO, seriously. How did this slide by the sensors? If you haven't caught this on television you need to check it out. On the surface it doesn't appear that over the top but REALLY look at it and listen to the voice over.

Bob is Santa

Is this reverse racism?

2008-10-28T18:57:00.001-05:00

I honestly can't tell. My husband is all about this website. I think it borders on ridiculous but here it is.

stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

Red Alert-Deadline

2008-10-13T02:03:00.003-05:00

Whatever you do DO NOT FORGET the RWA contest closes on November 17th. It's the big one, people. Polish up those scripts and let's get them in the mail.

GoldenHeart

Notes on YOUTUBE

2008-10-13T01:42:00.002-05:00

Naturally they have everything and more. Wayyyy more than we really need. Anyway oen of the things they have IN FULL is a terrific made for TV movie called My Name Is Sarah. It's a romance about a woman who is so lonely she joins AA to make friends (by accident). Just stick it in the right order (I think there are 23 pieces) and let it roll. I swear it's worth it just for the soundtrack. So if you need something light to watch at work while pretending to process Bob Shumaker's tax records from 2003 or whatever give it a try.

Also, if you're a fan of the movie Garden State (which I AMAMAMAMAM) be sure to check out the extended scene in the bathtub. I have no idea why this was cut but it should not have been. I shake my fist at editing. Incidentally, does anyone know the song being playes when Natalie Portman is tap danicing in front of the fire? I know that seems like an odd statement if you haven't seen the movie. If so please mail me and let me know. I don't think it is on the soundtrack and I can't guess which one it is from the credits.

Wild Rose Press

2008-10-13T01:25:00.003-05:00

Sent a manuscript off to www.wildrosepress.com the other day. We'll see what happens. It got turned down by HQ for (get this) having 'too much plot'. So there isn;t really anywhere else for the poor thing to go. I understand these people do a lot of business with libraries. Who knows anymore?

I also sent my BABY off to five agents. We'll see if any of them bite. If not it goes out to five more. I'm determined to keep it out to five agents at all times. Surely one of them will deal with it. I've also decided to widen my net. RWA recognized agents aren't the only ones in the world. So I'm looking beyond them and at places like Jabberwokky. Which publishes Charlaine Harris who we know got a mega deal at HBO. So five agents, working down the list it is. I can always send it to a certain agent who has a reputation for repping everything. Sort of a throw it on the wall and see what sticks attitude. I hate that idea but a girl has to do what she has to do and she/he actually did get one of my friends a three book deal once. Which may be the only deal she/he's ever gotten. Don't know. If you think about it, being an agent doesn't really cost them anything. You only stand to make money if it sales. It's sort of like literary real estate.

And the winner is...

2008-10-13T01:22:00.005-05:00

My 4 yr old is now insisting ths if we say Obama that we now say 'President Obama". Hope she's correct.

PS Cindy McCain's wardrobe is really starting to bug. Chanel was Jackie O.s trademark. Get your own.

Monday Fun

2008-10-13T01:22:00.001-05:00

Hidden Objects Game This one is fairly hard. Enjoy!

Wolf=Zzzzz

2008-10-01T10:59:00.002-05:00

We've found the ultimate speep aide for our daughter. CNN. Five minutes and she's out like a light. Try it with your own tot on those fussy, can't get to sleep nights.

The Best Temp Gig In History

2008-10-01T10:56:00.002-05:00

I didn't write this but I felt it was worth sticking up here.
It is by a woman named by Kim Peterson.

Congress wants to crack down on CEO mega-salaries for banks participating in the bailout. And while the politicians argue how best to do that, Alan Fishman of Washington Mutual is headed for the doors with $19 million in his pocket.
If that wasn't outrageous enough, consider this: Fishman started the job three weeks ago. I never saw the employment ad Fishman answered, but it must have read something like this:

WANTED: Top executive for train-wreck bank about to be seized by federal regulators. Must be able to look busy while FDIC sells business from under you. Previous experience with angry shareholders sitting on worthless stock a plus. Perks: $7.5 million hiring bonus and $11.6 million cash severance.
Fishman got the best temp gig in history. He gets to keep the bonus and severance pay, though he must stay on the job while JPMorgan Chase completes its purchase of WaMu's banking assets.

To be fair, Fishman wasn't the one that took WaMu down a path lined with toxic mortgages and other bad assets. No, that role belonged to former CEO Kerry Killinger, who received $54 million over five years before leaving earlier this month. He's eligible for around $20 million in severance pay.
Other execs are also cashing in big. President Stephen Rotella gets $12.7 million in cash if he's terminated or quits with "good reason," according to the Portland Business Journal. And CFO Thomas Casey would get a cash severance of $6.3 million.

And WaMu shareholders got huge payments of...oh, wait. The stock is worthless. Shareholders got wiped out.

Take THAT, 'Publics

2008-09-18T11:33:00.005-05:00

I received this little nugget of Republican bashing goodiness from the most unlikely of places today....my MOTHER. Yes, she has decided that McCain is too damn old to be President of anything but some antique car club. So enjoy this. Spread it around. Print it out and slap it on the fridge for all your Republican friends to see. Magnify it and make it into a really big bumper sticker.

FYI: It is not noted here but worth knowing that in the twon that Palin was Mayor of that rape victims were charged for their own rape kits and exams. We finally get a woman in a significant place and she's a freakin' nutjob. Why does this happen?

I'm a little confused.

Let me see if I have this straight...

If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different." Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential American story.

If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim. Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're a maverick.

Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable. Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.

If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 3.5 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience. If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive, a heartbeat away from the top job.

If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian. If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a Christian.

If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the need for kids to alert someone if they experience inappropriate touching, you are eroding the fiber of society. If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.

If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America's. If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.

OK, much clearer now.

Reflections on the Republican Convention: all the ding dang fabulousness

2008-09-09T11:11:00.008-05:00

See I thought there would be nothing to watch last week. With the Olympics over and the Dem convention history I figured it was nothing but stories about absurdly large pumpkins from here until November but I was so very wrong. I got to watch my fair share of the Rep Convention on CNN. Not because I have any real interest but because my daughter was having trouble sleeping but I have found Wolf Blitzer puts her out like a light in minutes. Sorry about that Wolf. Anywho, I followed that up with Daily Show and Colbert which was a scream but candid more than CNN would be on its best day.

First let me tell you about the hootilicious sound bites they found. McCain saying he felt Roe V. Wade was a solid piece of legislation. A few years later he condemned it. Next he proclaimed that our presence in Iraq would be short lived, a few MONTHS later he said that those there in the beginning knew it would be extended. And my favorite? He would not support the Bush tax cut incentives but now? He wants to make them permanent. Hee! Fun stuff. I love it when a man with eight (maybe) houses tries to tell the middle class what they want.

Then how about Rudy. The three time winner of the wedding lottery, pro-choice, had his mistress right out in the open including living in the mayors mansion before he was divorced and told his wife they were getting a separation via press conference? Community organizer was the best he could come up with? What was he doing between the ages of 24 and 27? And does he get some sort of royalty check every time he mentions 9/11? And no, I'm not making light of 9/11 by any means so don't get your panties in a wad. But that was his big spur in the side, Obama didn't mention it in his speech specifically.

And let's talk Cindy for just a minute. She has managed in one of her shiny Chanel suits to deliver to me the funniest sound bite of the entire convention. Hey, let's not stop there, BOTH conventions. Regarding Palins complete lack of any military experience, her response? That we were forgetting that Alaska is the closest state to Russia. No, really. Even for her that's pretty sad. But funny people. All I have to do is think of it and I chuckle even in bad traffic. I forget the many, many times Siberia has threatened to invade Alaska. Hoooo. Did I need the laugh. and what is with those shiny suits? She looks like a road flare.

And now let's talk Palin. She's insane. Policy experience aside. I know that Obama told his camp that her personal life was off limits but I'm allowed to bring it up every five minutes like an egg timer. If you can't be Commander In Chief of your high schooler how can you be potential C.I.C. of the most powerful nation on Earth? Next, what's her plan here? She's going to leave knocked up daughter in Wasilla while she's in Washington, forced to marry some other 17 year old and having a baby? Or is she taking her with her? And either way what sort of mother puts her preggie 17 year old through the international wringer. Talk about throwing someone under the bus. Oh. and the new tidbits that have surfaced. The bridge to no where which she ended up withdrawing her request for but didn't give the money back. The book banning where she didn't actually ban anything but wanted censorship over everything in the library, then firing the librarian as a 'test of loyalty'. And now me fav, her minister is claiming that the attacks of Israel or punishment for the Jews. I can't wait to see how much crazier she gets in the next few weeks. I bet there is militia involved. Oh, and speculation is that she had an affair with one gentleman who for some reason had his divorce documents sealed the day after she announced her VPness. I'm loving it. I'm scared but I'm entertained.

And John McCain? People he's old.

For ME? You really should.

2008-06-24T19:39:00.004-05:00

Just in case anyone is looking for the ideal gift for ME...

everyone has the pajamas, no on has the robe. And I'm a robe person. When I am old I will wear nothing but robes so I am starting my collection now of odd and eccentric ones.

(This item can be found on my Amazon wish list along with a wide assortment of Cary Grant and foreign films and the soundtracks to Elizabethtown)

9/29/08 side note. Matching pajamas received as a birthday gift this month.

Raging Gorgeous

2008-06-23T14:49:00.004-05:00

FINALLY got around to seeing the movie the other night. Which I paid REGULAR PRICE FOR. $9.00! For a movie. Atrocious. And people wonder why I carry in my own snacks. Incidentally Walgreens has movie size candy 3 for $3.

Anywho, during the bridal photo shoot couldn't help but fall in love with all the dresses but this one? I could die happy in. I know the old blue bird of happiness woven into her 'do is a bit much for some but I think it's Carrie Bradshaw all the way and it really worked once the veil was on. I also loved Charlotte's dress for the wedding. I've always considered Carrie a walking fashion faux pas as many do (Let's take a moment, sit down and remember the ripped t-shirt and trucker hat worn over the broom stick skirt. Now let's breathe and go to our happy place.) but for the majority of the movie, minus the leg warmer and bubble dress outfit, she was pretty much on the money. And this dress? Perfect. Vivienne Westwood really went above and beyond (especially considering her own malfunctioning wardrobe).

Still funny...

2008-06-19T10:09:00.002-05:00

Even though he's set to be a player in Dr. Drew's D-List and Below Celebrity Rehab I still love 'im. I now realize that there's a chance that this is so awesome because he was stoned but enjoy it anyway.

Hollaback Girl by Sebastian Bach

BSG Moment

2008-06-17T21:19:00.003-05:00

At first I was most upset that BSG was taking a mid season break. I mean what is that anyway? Is that like Spring Break or we only get new episodes during sweeps? Then I saw the last two episodes. I need a break to digest all that is happening. They have my blessing.

Shame on Texas

2008-06-17T21:13:00.002-05:00

Sick MFs. This is being SOLD at the Texas Republican convention. Regardless of political affiliation you MUST be ashamed of this.

Tiny URLs

2008-04-22T13:04:00.001-05:00

Tired of URLs the size of War and Peace?

http://tinyurl.com/

Cute little URLs for free.

Best Lunch Ever

2008-04-18T00:02:00.001-05:00

Beating the crap out of Emerils and every other fancy lumch place is the Seattle secret Farestart. Who and what? And why should I go there you ask. Glad you did.

FareStart is a job training and placement program for homeless and disadvantaged individuals. Over the past 15 years, FareStart has provided opportunities for over 2,000 people to transform their lives, while also serving nearly 3 million meals to disadvantaged men, women, and children.

On any given night, there are 8,000 homeless men, women, and children in the suburban cities, urban centers, and rural towns of King County, including over 2,500 individuals who meet the federal definition for chronically homeless.

This goal of ending – rather than managing – homelessness will be achieved by seeking long-term and sustainable solutions to the issue. Through the coordinative efforts of social service agencies, the 10-Year Plan aims to develop an enhanced community-based response throughout the county to the threat of homelessness before it happens.

As affordable housing options are increased significantly through this plan, FareStart will be dynamic in its outreach efforts to keep in line with the trends and needs of our Seattle-area community. As members of our community are placed in housing, the need for job-training will play a critical role in ensuring the self-sustainability of these individuals. FareStart’s culinary job training program will continue to reach out to those who lack the experience and on-the-job training, to help them achieve employment in the food service industry.

FareStart's 16-week comprehensive training program works to build a strong foundation and support system for every student who passes through our doors. The program works with students individually, moving them towards a successful reentry into the community and enabling them to create a new life for themselves and their families.
The FareStart adult program is an intensive training program combining hands-on food-service training with classroom instruction, individual case management and job placement services. This program prepares homeless and disadvantaged men and women for jobs in the restaurant and hospitality industry and helps them to keep those jobs.

On any given night in Seattle close to 800 youth are homeless, without a safe and permanent place to stay. With the goal of meeting the complex and unique needs of at-risk youth, FareStart’s Youth Barista Training & Education Program (BTEP) was launched in 2003 through a collaborative effort with YouthCare. The program provides at-risk youth, ages 16-21, with the opportunity to build a better future for themselves by increasing their ability to change their situation and engage in a supportive community.

Similar to the core FareStart Adult Program, the eight-week Barista Training and Education Program provides job training and placement, life skills, employment counseling, classroom, and on-the-job training for the competitive espresso industry.

And if all of THAT doesn't warm the chambers of your big hearts knowing that eating their supports this program maybe this will...

http://www.farestart.org/restaurant/lunch/documents/Website_Lunch_Menu.pdf (Lunch Menu)

So if you're headed in the Seattle direction, want the meal of a lifetime and to support a good cause to boot (of and do not miss the chocolate brownie with homemade ice cream), make a reservation.

Does it pay?

2008-04-17T23:50:00.002-05:00

You tell me. These are the average earn out figures per first book per publisher. Don't ask where I got it.

Avon/HarperCollins
$26,000

Berkley/Jove
$6500

Ellora's Cave
$2900

Harlequin Lines

American
$10,000

Blaze
$12, 200

Historical
$13,300

Intrigue
$17,000

Superromance
$21,800

St. Martins Press
$25,600

Slhouette Lines

Bombshell
n/a

Desire
$20,000

Intimate Moments
$12,000

Romance
$10,300

Special Edition
$21, 500

All Writers Shold Be Mailed A Copy...

2008-04-17T23:45:00.002-05:00

http://www.amazon.com/Romance-Writers-Phrase-Book-Perigee/dp/0399510028/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1208493854&sr=1-2

(sorry didn't go for shorter HTML but couldn't seperate it from pic)

This lingered on my self for years until I got it out the other day and dusted it off. Totally useful. A must have. Available used at Amazon.

BSG Moment

2008-04-17T23:41:00.001-05:00

Starbuck is the dieing one who will lead the people to Earth, not Roslyn.

Dare me to be wrong.

Who's Really Paying?

2007-11-13T09:49:00.000-05:00

Let's take a moment and talk about the Strike.

First, understand that I consider myself to be a "revisionist' when it comes to politics or just matters in general like this. If you tried it and it's not working? Man up, head back to the drawing board and start over. I mean really, if it's a disaster (like healthcare in America) or you need to lop off a dead limb (like the Electorial College) than just do it, no one will miss it and we'll all be better off for it. So I'm all for a good strike when arbitration breaks down and the strikers need better conditions.

Secondly I'm a pretty liberal person. I don't believe in censorship by governments or groups, it's none of your business what I read, watch or do as long as no one is hurt.

Having said this....I'm not a huge lover of the modern strike. I know it seems like a person like me would be rushing down to the picket lines with Krisy Kremes in hand but ...not so much usually. Why?

Let's be honest, this isn't turn of the century Industrial Age America. I know there are still plenty of illegal sweat shops out there and other extremely ugly working conditions that should be shut down and fined and the owners sent to jail. Or let's turn our attention to neglectful foster parents. Or shine the spotlight on the incredibly under funded homeless shelters which offer NO housing at all for single fathers with children. Or let's spend our time trying to figure out how to help the 'throw away' kids that are runaways between the ages of nineteen and twenty-one that are still in the 'foster care' system but are living on the streets because they no longer have a home to go to. You know as runaways these kids have no birth certificates or drivers license and therefore can't get jobs, right?

So we're not talking about six year olds breathing coal dust and working twenty hours a day. The modern day strike is all about money. And generally by people who are making a lot of moeny but somehow feel they need more money. If you make $400,000 a year and are on strike for more? Shut up. Let's check out a few strikes that occurred around me.

2006 Delta Pilots Strike
This more then any other represented the very height of stupidity.

Delta spokesman Bruce Hicks said that the average pilot pay at the airline was $157,000 last year. That's after the one-third pay cut they agreed to in 2004, but is not affected by the additional pay cut agreed to in December. The number is inflated by the fact that staff cuts have left Delta with no pilots with less than five years seniority. But some senior pilots at Delta made more than $300,000 in 2005, according to Hicks

The pilots union, which represents about 6,000 active and 500 furloughed pilots at the bankrupt airline, agreed to about a one-third cut in their pay in October 2004, but 11 months later rising fuel prices and continued weakness in fares led the airline to file for bankruptcy court protection, the same day that competitor Northwest Airlines also filed.

Here's the thing. When your business is in bankruptcy, you don't ask for a raise. Now I realize that the pilots got their panties in a wad when they had to take the pay cut in the first round in 2004. I understand that sucks but Delta pilots are the HIGEST paid in the industry. And does anyone REALLY notice any significant difference in flying Delta and say, Air-Tran? Thought not. Actually every time I fly Delta I get attitude from everyone from the curbside baggage guys who actually DEMAND tips before you can open your wallet, to the flight attendants who act like they're trying to detox off of heroine they are so rude and am treated to a display of organizational skills that would make a chicken roll its eyes. How does striking and therefore putting the very business you are striking against out of business make sense? If someone goes on strike and there are no jobs to go back to, did anyone really go one strike or did they just elect to downsize themselves?

I grew up with a number of children of Delta pilots. If you can afford to give your four kids sports cars, send them to private school and buy them a Rolex for high school graduation? Shut up.

So who would have gotten burned? How about the ticketing agents, the gate agents, the baggage handlers, the ground crew, the food service companies, the people who teach and work at the training facility? Yeah.

1994 Baseball Strike (my husband will most likely divorce me over this one)

Now in 1994 players were not necessarily making the ridiculous overinflated salaries they are now for throwing balls around that many do these days. I know some of the young players had to take career sidetracking jobs to support their families. Some worked in auto body shops, some painted house…whatever skill they had before baseball they put to use. But again, the big boys were fine. In 1994, the average MLB salary was an estimated $1.2 million. This was for a player who was good and in long standing. This was not the farm team guy.

The 232-day strike, which lasted from August 12, 1994, to April 2, 1995, led to the cancellation of 938 games overall, including the entire 1994 postseason and World Series.

Owners demanded a salary cap in response to the worsening financial situation in baseball (i.e. keep expenditure down). Ownership claimed that small-market clubs would fall by the wayside unless teams agreed to share local broadcasting revenues (to increase equity amongst the teams) and enact a salary cap, a proposal that the players adamantly opposed. On January 18, 1994, the owners approved a new revenue-sharing plan keyed to a salary cap, which required the players’ approval. The following day, the owners amended the Major League agreement by giving complete power to the commissioner on labor negotiations.
The dispute was played out with a backdrop of years of hostility and mistrust between the two sides. What arguably stood in the way of a compromise settlement was the absence of an official commissioner ever since the owners forced Fay Vincent to resign in September 1992. Vincent described the situation this way: "The Union basically doesn’t trust the Ownership because collusion was a $280 million theft by Bud Selig and Jerry Reinsdorf of that money from the players. I mean, they rigged the signing of free agents. They got caught. They paid $280 million to the players. And I think that’s polluted labor relations in baseball ever since it happened. I think it’s the reason Fehr has no trust in Selig." [1] Incidentally, on February 11, 1994, the owners greatly reduced the commissioner's power to act in "the best interests of baseball."
Owner representative Richard Ravitch officially unveiled the ownership proposal on June 14, 1994. The proposal would guarantee a record $1 billion in salary and benefits. But the ownership proposal also would have forced clubs to fit their payrolls into a more evenly based structure. Salary arbitration would have been eliminated, free agency would begin after four years rather than six, and owners would have retained the right to keep a four or five year player by matching his best offer. Owners claimed that their proposal would raise average salaries from $1.2 million in 1994 to $2.6 million by 2001.
Major League Baseball Players Association leader Donald Fehr rejected the offer from the owners on July 18. Fehr believed that a salary cap was simply a way for owners to clean up their own disparity problems with no benefit to the players. Many observers believed the strike put Fehr in over his head.
On July 13, 1993, Fehr said that if serious negotiations between the players and the owners did not begin soon, the players could have gone out on strike in September of that year, threatening the postseason. On December 31, 1993, Major League Baseball's collective bargaining agreement ran out with no new agreement yet signed.

Okay, you got all that? I cut it directly from Wiki so there's a good chance it's at least 80% accurate.

So a fabulous agreement was reached and….

On Opening Day in 1995, three men, who were each wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the word "Greed", leaped onto the field at Shea Stadium and tossed more than $150 in $1 bills at players. In Cincinnati, one fan paid for a plane to fly over Riverfront Stadium that dragged a sign reading "Players and Owners — To Hell With You" The meager crowds at the openers often booed at the players for their rusty fundamentals, shoddy defense, and in response to frequent high-scoring contests. Fans in Pittsburgh disrupted Opening Day by throwing sticks on the field, and holding up the action for 17 minutes. Despite just 6,300 fans at the New York Yankees' pre-opening workout, 50,245 showed up for the opener, the smallest opening crowd at Yankee Stadium since 1990.

So who suffered? Hmmmmm, the stadium workers? The people who owned the parking lots? The guys who sold MLB merchandise? Uniform providers? All the charities that had thrown their resources into fundraising by having a baseball player show up so they could charge $100 a person to eat with whomever?

Nice. Glad that worked out for you and you didn't have to compensate any of those people.

So again, here we are with a strike. The Writers Guild. And what are they striking for?

The guild said the networks are refusing to grant the unions jurisdiction over writing directly for new media and the right to offer promotional showings of movies and television shows in places like their websites without paying an additional fee. DVD residuals and download residuals are also on the table. Essentially, what's going on with payment when it's the media of the future we're talking about?

Okay, I can get behind the complaint. You wrote it. The stars wouldn't be stars without you. You want a bigger piece of the pie. Fine. But first, let's stop wearing damn Hermes scarves and our Gucci boots out there on the picket line. You shame yourselves.

The thing is Jay Leno can afford to take the time off. The production assistant guy who got fired yesterday at NBC since they shut down The Office stage does not. Damon Lindelof can pick up his little sign and trot all over the place because he's raking in huge bucks, even if Lost goes into reruns after the eight episodes they have in the can. The drivers who tote out all the lighting equipment? Not so much.

Does anyone on the picket line remember being a struggling writer? Remember sitting in their crap apartment overlooking the freeway and writing their little fingers to the bone on their PC between the two jobs they were working? Apparently not. I'm not saying they don't deserve what they're asking for. I'm saying that my compassion wanes when the less glamorous people start getting hurt.

The Foley guy doesn't want more money; he just wants to continue to put his kids through college. The craft services girl doesn't want more money; she's thrilled to be on the lot and just wants to be able to pay her car payment. The wardrobe people just want to do their gig and continue to help pay for Mom's nursing home stay. What about those people? The not Jay Lenos? The not Tina Feys? The ironic thing being that even if Numbers starts rerunning, the writers still get their residuals so they have steady income regardless of how long this drags out. The honey wagon driver? Mostly he just wants to have health insurance so his child on dialysis can get his treatments.

And then we have Ellen who is getting the shit kicked out of her for continuing to work. I have to agree with her original statement. People have come to see her show. People have had tickets for months. People have come from Idaho and Kentucky and Florida to sit in her audience. So is it fair to take this out on them? All they did was come and see the people they like. Why should some little old lady be told that she won't be able to see the taping of her favorite show, Family Feud?

Oh, and this sort of comment? Isn't helping. Although admittedly it was by one of the 'writers' of The View, arguably the most denigrating show on television that has set women back at least a hundred years.

Writers going on strike sounds like shepherds staging a walkout,” Mr. Smith said afterward. “The general public has no understanding of the issues that we are facing, but we are here because the producers will take as much as they can unless writers stand up for themselves.”

Yes, the general public are entirely too stupid to understand. Unfortunately many of us are actually too stupid to stop watching your hack show.

Strike? Sure, I'll grab a sign, toss on my Danskos and join you. Heaven knows I did my fair share of marching protests back in college. But I'm not going to help anyone who is jeopardizing the livelihood of others because they aren't getting DVD residuals. Enjoy your reruns people and make out your Netflix list. Because if we have idiots like this guy involved then we are in for a LONG wait for fresh material. And yeah, I just wrote that so you can picket me.

Actually, I'll be happy to write some new episodes of LOST. I can hardly do worst then some of last season. Call me...

Damn You To Hell Tootsie Rolls!!!

2007-10-31T17:51:00.001-05:00

Four months vegan.

Four months no processed sugar.

Twenty-four pounds lost.

Then...Halloween.

I found myself standing over the damn candy bowl at three o'clock today picking out all of the cherry Tootsie Rolls. After that I moved on to the lime ones. I was like the Miner Forty-Niner on Scooby-Doo...mineminemine!

I think at one point I started actually talking to the candy trying to get it to cough up one more pack of Sprees. I whispered sweet promises that I never intended to fufill if only one more sour apple Tootsie Pop should appear. I caressed it's black plastic purple cats begging for just a few more of those raspberry toffee thingys.

By four o'clock I thought I was about to launch myself into a full blown diabetic self-induced coma. I actually HURT. I went upstairs and laid down with the worst sugar migraine known to man. Why the hell didn't I give out raisins? Overload on raisins and what's the worst that can happen? You walk around the rest of the night trying to get at that little gob stuck to your back molar with your tongue pretty much looking like a tool all evening.

You know, I vote we return this to a pagan holiday, dance naked around a fire, drink a little grog, beat on a drum. Pagans didn't do Tootsie Rolls.

I have to go take six Tylenol now.

Treat, no trick

2007-10-31T14:49:00.000-05:00

Here's a tidbit of Halloween fun. You get an hour demo so if you start now you can waste your last hour of work. Happy Halloween!

Mortimer Beckett and the Secret of The Spooky Manor

http://www.funpcgame.com/puzzle-games/Mortimer-beckett-and-the-secret-of-spooky-manor/Mortimer-beckett-and-the-secret-of-spooky-manor-game.php

It's Funny Because Stupid Is Illegal This Time

2007-10-12T14:03:00.001-05:00

From the wonderful files of The Smoking Gun comes this little gem. It's ten pages long but WELL worth the read if you have time to pop over to the website and read the entire thing. I've trimmed down the legal docs for you to the ones that are absolutely mind blowing. Here we have a company that thought that it could victimize a young girl, lie about it and no one would know the difference. Lara is to applauded for standing up for herself and hiring a smart attorney. The back of the video box is graphic and you do not want your children seeing it. I put in on here simply to illustrate what her image (at age fourteen) was being used to sell. The NovelChick Staff are not looking to become an HBO 'documentary' subject and we are not moving in the direction of becoming a porn site.

Teen Sues Over XXX-Video "Debut"

British student claims self-portrait hijacked by porn distributors

JULY 31--A British teenager whose self-portrait somehow ended up on the cover of a hardcore video has filed a lawsuit against the film's distributors, claiming that they have left the impression that she is involved in the porno industry. In a copyright lawsuit filed today in U.S. District Court in Tampa, Florida, Lara Jade Coton, 18, charges that her photo--which was taken when she was just 14--has appeared on the cover of "Body Magic," a 1982 film that was recently reissued. The image of Coton, now a college student, shows her wearing a shoulder-baring dress and a top hat. The photo, which Coton titled "No Way Out," was lifted from her web site by the artist who designed the DVD cover of "Body Magic," which is described on its cover as having received Hustler magazine's "highest rating." The movie's main character is a young fashion photographer named Laura.

The DVD's front and back covers can be found below, while Coton's self-portrait can be seen above. In her lawsuit, Coton recounts contacting one of the film's distributors earlier this year after discovering her image on the porno box. Her request for compensation was brusquely rejected by one of the film's distributors, who wrote, "Nice try toots. We are still going to remove you from the art, not because of your claim but let's face it your picture means very little to the film."

Start reading at the arrow.

Read 24. Can you imagine having some random guy come up to you in college and say, oh aren't you the chick on that hardcore box?

And in paragraph 28 we see that stupid is, in fact, illegal and costly.
I especially enjoyed her attorney's summation of that email.

And in 29 we see that the photo supposedly on a public domain bore a watermark.

I'm guessing that they never suspected this email would be used as court evidence since they used house whole instead of household. That and the generally assy comments which apparently say it's her FAULT the DVD bombed.

Check the date in 31 when she ws allegedly removed from all DVD covers.

According to 38 they continued to use her image even after they knew that she was 14 at the time.

Check the date when her legal team ordered and recieved a copy of the DVD they got from one of the distributors who had allegedly removed it from their inventory in February.

Again, check those dates.

And again....

So aside from boosting the sale of this DVD, we can only hope that this company is charged with child pornography and put out of business.

It was funny, then it was bizarre and now it's just sad

2007-10-02T09:58:00.001-05:00

Yes, let's talk Britney Spears just for a moment. I should probably stay away from this subject and just let the fabu Perez Hilton take it but I'm here and I'm talking about it.

Who would have thought six months ago that the general population would be all "Hey, I think Kevin is going to be the best parent?" Especially after his appearance on the wrestling circuit. Not I. It's not that Fed-Ex ever really did anything wrong per say. He just never seemed to do anything. Aside from going forth and being fruitful.

But this year Brit-Brit seems to have replaced Tom Cruise as the winner of the Crazy Is My Bitch award. Okay, I can say post-partum depression combined with divorce stress can contribute to making bizarre decisions like shaving ones head. And if you want to shave your head then by all means go to it since that's a personal choice and it is your hair. But the melt down has just continued and continued and every time we think the train has totally derailed...not. At first it was amusing, the pop princess was out partying and showing off her girly bits by "accident" and just generally being a dumbass (apparently the Paris Hilton Disease is contagious).

Then we realized that if she's off flashing the paparazzi like twenty hours a day where are her kids? And then we got mad. But let's be honest, aren't they better off with a competent nanny?

Well she'll calm down here in a few weeks and go home we thought. Wrong. It's gotten worse. Way, way worse. I'm not talking about the bad weaves, the umbrella incident or the round the clock parties. I mean it's gotten way out of hand, just ask OK magazine or that woman who has a nice dent in her car or well, anyone she's had contact with in the past six months.

So we kept waiting for someone to step in and be all "Hey, Courtney Love called and wants her lifestyle back." And that's when she started firing people right and left. Managers, publicist, agents, body guards, lawyers, assistants, stylist, and her parents. Not that her parents were helping any to begin with but still... Then the Fed-Ex dispute began. And we thought, hey finally a wake-up call. Losing your kids is serious business. But that didn't slow her down either.

Neither did the judge ordering her to get her shit together and stay away from the drugs and alcohol. Neither did two hit and run accidents. Neither did her performance at the MTV Awards (and I have to say she is far from fat, she just made a very BAD costuming choice so shut up about that).

So is she an addict and what to? My hypothesis is this. If you're an alcoholic or a druggie you can stay home and do that. You can drink yourself into a nightly appointment with vomiting or Mr. Nose Candy and there's no one there to photograph it so the judge in your custody case can see it (and let's be honest he has). If you go out and party the same night as the Judge said RANDOM Testing twice weekly, you have a problem.

But what is the problem? My guess? Media addiction. If you have your two kids in the car that you're trying to 'protect' why are you putting your top down (and I mean car top) in the midst of a swarm? Why are you driving with no license? Why are you going out to Starbucks? It's not like she can't afford a driver or a Starbucks flunky. Why go for the notorious underwear swim? Why try and up the tabloid stakes with stunt after stunt? Addiction. Sure probable drug and alcohol abuse are not doing her any good but I think the real problem here is that she needs those flashbulbs, she needs that swarm, she needs that feeling that people still want her.

And I have to say here that when she 'accidentally' drove the wrong way down the one way street with the kids in back it was one of the most heart aching things I've ever seen with the little ones in the back holding hands looking terrified. What's it going to take here? Losing your kids? Terrifying them even as toddlers? Toddlers are smart. They know problems are going on. They know when to be frightened.

Apparently not. A lot of folks think that's rock bottom. It's not. Rock bottom is when you know you have a problem and you can't live with it anymore and ask for help. Rock bottom isn't here yet. And that is a terrifying thought. It's really gut wrenching sad to watch her. No, Kevin probably won't win parent of the year, but at least he's interested in the kids welfare (and yeah I know=money).

And now we have this ridiculous BODYGUARD who was fired and clearly has an axe to grind popping up everywhere. Larry King and the Today show? Be ashamed, really really ashamed of yourselves. Do we really find him credible? A man who is now telling anyone, everyone that the kids were in danger and did NOTHING about it? And then refuses to answer the question why? Obvious not a credible source so he needs to shut up and so does his expensive lawyer/agent. Go away already. And let's not forget Crazy Fan who did the diatribe under a blanket. BTW, did we ever figure out if that was a male or a female?

Any responsible parent at this point would be renting a U-Haul and be putting the pedal to the medal to head for Maine or Oklahoma or Norway that no one cares about them or who they are ( a la Mary Kay Molester whose husband beat a path to Alaska with their kids faster than you could say Restraining Order). But we don't see that either. When do we see someone step in here and truly represent the interest of these poor kids? Where's the child advocate? Where are all these child rights groups? Wouldn't these poor things have been removed from the average home way before this? Is social services on some off site conference in Bolivia?

So is there a rehab for media addiction? I hope so. These kids deserve better than this.

We've been screwed by The Man

2007-10-02T09:47:00.000-05:00

Well, okay, we've been screwed by TWOP. I never thought this would happen. I thought it would always be a sacred outlet for astute television watchers, unbiased and free to choose their programming and make fun of it at will. No longer, people! They've sold us out worse than the Bush family. Is nothing sacred? Apparently NOT.

For those of you in the know, TWOP was bought out by the BRAVO channel. Which is part of the NBC crowd along with E, Sci-Fi and USA. I'm sure it owns others but my point deals with these channels directly. Suddenly even the crappiest programs on these channels are getting the royal treatment. I mean who the hell wants to hear a recap of Top Chef or Top Designer? I mean they can't even come up with better names? Then I saw TWOP listed on Top 10 as like number three on their countdown which is generally full of salacious celebrity gossip and other trainwrecks. Number Three? Yeah, I'm sure that was a huge coincidence. And then the absolute unbearable happened. I saw a full blown, voiced over COMMERCIAL for TWOP. A commercial! Why not just take their book to HSN while their at it or do exclusively Bravo shows? Or change the name to Top Website and make it a reality series. Personally I shudder to think they've sunk so low as to throw in with a corporation that has a reality show about a tanning salon. Look, I know reality television is cheap and easy but seriously, a tanning salon? It gives me a headache. So my disappointment is deep and hurtful and I feel used by my once favorite website. I'm removing them from my favorites list. I'm sad. I'm outraged. I've been betrayed for nothing more then money. I feel dirty.

And I'm Back...

2007-10-02T09:41:00.000-05:00

BellSouth sucks. No really. Over a month ago my DSL Modem went down in flames, we'd been having trouble with it for some time but it just crashed for one final swan song. We called BS (a fitting abbreviation) to send us a new one. Yes, it was going to be there ASAP. They even sent us the email confirmation. We wait a week. No modem. My husband called them. The first person he spoke with gave us a UPS tracking number. Enter number= No such UPS tracking number exsist, not in that format. Another week goes by. We call again. This person says that that was the original tracking number from our original modem sent THREE YEARS AGO. We point out that UPS keeps their tracking numbers for eternity and it wasn't even an actual tracking number. Next person who takes the call says they have NO RECORD of us ordering anything. Yeah. Another week goes by. And another. FInally said modem does show up on our doorstep. Now really, what the hell? If you screwed up just say, we screwwed up our bad. I mean again, if you're going to lie to me, don't give me one that I can actually PROVE is a lie. I don't mind human error, it happens. I do mind crappy customer sevice. I urge you to find a better provider if one is available to you.

SG-1 Finale, Pirate Redeux

2007-06-27T09:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, I was...satisfied with the SG-1 finale. It's the ONE finale that hasn't screwed me over since NYPD Blue ended (the best of the finales thus far). And they left it WIDE open for a nice miniseries later. So I can live with it. And actually I found the scene between Daniel and Valla very sweet. So thumbs up.

Last night Rob and I went to see Pirates. Rob hadn't been so this was new to him. He liked it. And on second viewing, minue the emergency crash seats, it wasn't nearly as bad as I originaly thought, or maybe I was just more prepared. Still, I'd like 1 on DVD but the other two....not as much. Go back and watch the first one, you'll see what I mean. And the more I watched the ending it really is slanted toward a fourth installment.

So Paris is out of jail. I'm good with that too. I think she served enough time that she gets it. I hope. And I saw where Lindsay Lohan has decided to continue to stay in rehab a little longer, a decision I applaud. But you know who I'm disappointed in? DEEPLY disappointed in and have no faith in ever again? Brooke Shields. I know she seems an unlikely target but suddenly she's best friends with all the Cruise Weirdos. I mean I get that you get press that way but seriously attaching yourself to the man who you publicly feuded with and feuded with on behalf of women every where who have PPD? Shame on you. SHAME! What the hell? Next she's going to be all "I was so wrong". No you weren't. And now you're just a big cheap sell out. You suck. Women suffer from PPD. It's a fact. Women who are left untreated can and do awful things. Vitamins won't help that. You know what will? Proper care under a doctor's supervision. And the message you send while hanging out with King Weird and his Consort just says that maybe you're thinking you were wrong. I mean is Tom Cruise not living proof that you will and can go nuts without proper treatment? YES. It makes me sad and Brooke Shields whould be ashamed of herself.

What's with the Beckhams? For Heaven's sake don;t feel you need to envade American soil for better popularity. Really, feel free to stay in Europe and be...European. We really won't miss you. Or your 'reality' show. Or your popping up anywhere there's a camera. I mean seriously, I feel like they'd show up at my child's ballet lesson if they thought someone had a video camera. Please leave and take your soccer balls with you.

I hear Nancy Grace is pregnant with twins. And apparently no one even knew she was married. Or pregnant. Is that weird or what? I'm not opposed to it since you have the right to your privacy absolutely but I just think it was very Un-Nancyish.

And finally, we saw Nancy Drew. Yeah, shut up. It was actually quite cute. And if you're a nancy fan it was just well worth it. I loved those books, read them all. I think they did a decent job of putting it one the screen without killing us with back story and making it non-gore for the little audiene members. I say...I like it. So if you have an eight year old, read her the books and go to the movie. She'll enjoy it.

So yes, this was a waste of space post but I'm procrasitnating laundry so and it's my blog.

A ten year relationship coming to a close

2007-06-22T08:39:00.000-05:00

A little Haiku (or maybe not, I could never write the damn things):

We're done.

We're sad.

We think Brian Glassner

and eveyone at Sci-Fi sucks.

Well, let's all be honest. I'm a sci-fi nerd. Always have been, always will be. I've been really hating the 'new direction' sci-fi channel has taken over the last two years but at least it brought me BSG and for that, I can partially forgive them. But wrestling? What the hell? Check your demographics.

Anyway, tonight, it's over. After ten vested years in countless relationships, missions and fretting over the state of the Jack/Samantha relationship, Stargate SG-1 is taking it's swan song. I'm loosing friends here, long and faithful friends. Before I was married do you have any idea how many of these episodes, Cheetos and Diet Cokes got me through the dateless nights. Anyway, it just pains me. Remember the time O'Neil got all of the Ancients technology downloaded in his brain? Or the other time O'Neil got all the Ancients technology loaded into his brain? Or when the gang traveled back in time? Or forward? Or just generally around screwing up things, blowing up things and shooting things? Even the addition of Ben Browder with Claudia Black to off-set him worked for me. I hate you Sci-Fi, hate you (sobbing into a dish towel). I will come for you Grassner, and I will be bringing all of hell with me and the sets will run red with blood....okay, maybe that's a little creepy. I do like Atlantis as much as I like a cheap knock-off. It's like a Prado bag if you know what I mean.

And what about our lovely Sam? Wasn't the idea of the brilliant, tech scientist being a woman a thrill? She took names, she kicked ass and she did it all while fixing the most bizarre technology and shouting 'I just need another minute". She could fix it, fly it, rewire, be the voice of reason and do it all with pretty good hair. But she never seemed Barbie like, never wore inappropriate clothing, never got new boobs, never word too much make-up. She was the every women. If the every woman was a rocket scientist. I loved you Sam. And I know I'll see you on Atlantis next year, but really it's just not the same.

I loved you Jack. I know you bowed out for family reasons but you were good. I know your bought the production company and that was good. You were weird and snarky and for some reason enjoyed lots of fishing. Ben is good, but he's not you. You set the standard for all those tough, snarky, military types to come (Jack Bower, anything Keanu Reeves) . And it is a high standard, my friend. Remember the time they froze you? It wasn't a happy time for us. Remember Moebius part two? The best of times. It's been a long road. And will us Jack/Sam shippers ever be satisfied? Probably not.

Daniel, or as I like to call you, our little nerd delight in glasses. Oh, Daniel what can we say? You left us. Then when you discovered you weren't all that employable elsewhere, you were back. I can forgive that. I've been with you when you were just a science nerd to now when you've become..not so much a science nerd. You got over the whole wife thing and I was glad since, who cared? You were our hero in a do rag who spouted off stuff that confused us. Our super geek. The guy we'd take home to mom, even if mom would have no idea what you were talking about. And what was in all those journals you carried around everywhere? And Valla? She's good for you. Stop fighting it.

Christopher Judge? How many times were you tortured in a gratuitous way to get your shirt off? Thank you for that. You must have been hitting the gym three times a day for your fans and we admire you for it. While the hair has been weird, the 'indeed' was a constant. I'll miss you and your Spock like qualities, if Spock had less pointy ears and had showed up at the Vagina Monologues. It's been fun. It's been exciting. It was terribly cool when you had that the thing that flipped up and made a bird head.

So fav episodes? Mine? Moebius, parts one and two, season eight. Runner up: 200, season 9. All time fav fan episode according to the pool at Sci-fi.com? Window of Opportunity, Season Four. I suspect this was due to this particular scene. Let's face it, we needed it by then. We all need a little reminder of the romantic angle. We could have used more but it wasn't really about that, just seething below the surface with the occasional reminder was okay.

So good-bye, my darlings. Gate off somewhere wonderful. We'll be right here hanging out at http://www.gateworld.com or some fan-fic board waiting for our mini-series when you all find out you don't really have anything else to do. I have to go cry some more now. Hate you Sci-Fi...

And...still unemployed

2007-06-22T08:30:00.001-05:00

Well, as it turns out no one in the Atlanta area seems to have any need for an award winning event planner. Maybe my new career will be barrista.

But all this has not been in vain totally. I have begun work on a synopsis for the book I completed targeted at Silhouette. Synopsis are of the devil, people! OF THE DEVIL. Also, I gave up coffee so it's not like that's helping. Oh, actually I just went whole hog vegan so I think my brain might be inpaired by lack of processed sugar, caffeine, white wheat, dairy and soda. Giving up meat, no biggie since, did it. Although the egg thing is annoying. Drinking all my water, fine, been doing it for years. But no coffee? It's the writer's blood. Thank goodness Paul Newman makes a tasty vegan Oreo or I'd probably be huddled in the fetal position in my closet. Although last night we had a very tasty veggie burger with homemade (via my husband) guacamole on it and a vegan bun along with organic mashed postatoes. Incidentally, I used the cute little round ones that are all different colors and they came out PURPLE. Awesome. Also slapped some vegan butter in them and you'd never know the diff. Other than the purple thing, although my three year old was quite intrigued by them. I just squeezed myself a big batch of fresh orange juice out of organic oranges. Although what the heck is with the bread costing $4 a loaf? What are they doing to this bread?

But back to writing. Oh yes, Synopsis=Satan. I write like one sentence and I feel completely drained (or maybe it's the lack of Splenda and cheese).

Unemployment or Guilty Pleasure?

2007-06-16T16:07:00.000-05:00

For the first time in many years I find myself unemployed. Or rather underemployed since I do have a small child. The bailbonding company and I are splitsville after five years since it was sold to new owners.

An aside here, my occasionally wise friend DorkyDad often says that people who claim to big the biggest Christians will screw you over everytime. Seriously, anyone who introduces themselves first thing with 'we're Christians and we go to church', has a fish on their car or a fish on their business card? Is just out to win your trust. This has to do with the new owners but that's all I'll say.

Anywhoodles, so now I'm...at home. It's odd and sometimes sad. I find myself rather forgetting I don't have a job. And I'm having trouble adjusting sort of. I keep rushing around in the morning trying to get ready for work and then I realize...I don't have anywhere to go really. I've more or less been plunged into an odd world where people go to the grocery store before ten p.m. and eat dinner with their families and have time to do stuff like wash their curtains and mop. The shrink says take time to grieve and find out what I want to do and send out a few resumes in a couple of weeks. Oh, and I can slam down an extra anxiety med if I need too.

Naturally, a more industrious person would use this time to WRITE. And I will. Once I get the idea that I can just sit down and GO without major interruptions.

Anyway, I'm a bailbondsman no more. So any thoughts on how to fill my time? Subject line: A New Hope.

I'd be bitchy too...

2007-06-16T15:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, so we've all heard the big hype about the Skinny Bitch diet book. I saw an interview with the writers the other day and I was like have you gone insane? No wonder there's all the weirdness in Hollywood and people converting to bizarre religions and beating cars with umbrellas! They're too starved to think straight! I'd rather do meth to stay skinny too then this thing!

Incidentally, this pic of Kate Beckinsale with her daughter is mostly irrelevant other than just to point out apparently one can have their body back after childbirth. I haven't the slightest idea if she binge/purges, has a live-in personal trainer and chef or all of the above. That and check out those shoes. I want to be famous so I can afford shoes like that for everyday clomping around too.

BUT.....now that I've done the research it...doesn't sound that bad. No really. And I'm a person who adores ADORES food. So what do you think? Doable? I sort of think it might be except for the expect to stay hungry part. But really, I'm usually hungry anyway so if I can sit down with a big fat plate of whole grain pasta...well okay. I actually don't eat meat (more or less since I love meat but it makes me fairly sick) anymore although giving up fish would probably come close to killing me. And I AM addicted to cheese. Maybe they're on to something there. And I did loose weight when I just ate a banana for breakfast on the way to dropping my daughter off to school. So I might check this out at Borders. Give me your thoughts, subject line BITCH DIET.

The Bitch Diet Book

Pirates 3: It was...well...eh...um...hmmmm

2007-05-25T14:02:00.000-05:00

Let's just pretend I've been faithfully blogging for the last five months and go on.

I Fadangoed a ticket to POTC for last night and sent the family off to see John Smoltz win number 200. First, I'd like to say that my review may be colored by the fact that the Austell 22 has put in seats that are made like those on an airplane except no recline feature so I was basically forced to sit for two and a half hours as if strapped in for an emergency landing.

Anyway, how long have I been looking forward to this? Well, since I saw the last installment. And while those who read my review of that know that I felt they may have gotten a bit Kraken happy and perhaps overplayed Jack a bit too much,but overall? Loved it. Could not wait for the next one.

So the release of number three was greeted with me plunking down my $9.75 for a full price ticket which hasn't happened...since Marie Antoinette (but that was WELL worth it). So how was it? I don't know that I have a clear cut answer. It was...strange. Then good. Then weird. Then really good. Then confusing. Then great. Then...not good.

Let's look at what made me love one and two:

Adventure
Romance
Humor
Excellent Special Effects
Acting
Plot line that reflected perfectly but freshened up one of my faavorite Disney rides

Here's what I got in number three:

Action
Acting
Excellent Special Effects with slight overuse of computer animation

Now if you're a man, that probably is a dream combo. If you're a kid that probably more than works for you as well (although there are at least two scenes I've got off the top of my head that scared the ten year old sitting next to me. Beware an opening featuring a mass hanging scene including that of a small child and a scene where a version of Jack whips out his brain and licks it). But if you're a woman or a fan of the original then..you've been played.

I will say that of the three, the cast here feels the most cohesive. This one was filmed back to back with number two and it feels like they're working in the zone and some scenes you can just tell they're having a good time (and may find yourself singing 'rock the boat baby" out loud). Bill Nighy has never given a bad preformance. And Geoffrey Rush has elevated Barbossa so high that his action figure has gone to the top of my Christmas list. Although if anyone was shoulders above the rest it has to be Orlando Bloom who wrestled this movie back from Johnny Depp and made it his bitch. Everyone just kicks the hell out of their character, with the exception of Chow who acts his way through mightly but is wasted all the same with not one spectacular fight. Why cast a huge martial arts star and not let him do his thing? Perhaps it fell to the cutting room floor. If so, shame on you Gore! Shame!

Where we had adventure in the first two, we now have action. Where we had romance we now have...no romance aside from a five minute nod at the end which ends badly in my opinion. Where we had a plot that was vintage Disney we now have....way too much going on. They should have handed out cheatsheets about who was doing what and why. I can't decide if they were attempting to cram it all into one movie or if the possibility of a fourth installment was so viable that they had to lay groundwork for it as well. It felt like they were running as fast as they could trying to tie up loose ends while unknotting those that they'd already tied. For instance, the rather gratuitous way they treat the death of the Kraken. It's like they had a checklist; Explain where Kraken is, done.

While most of the effects are stunning and strike a note between awe inspiring and gigglicious in a Disney way, computer animation rears its ugly head in a few of the last battle scenes and makes it feel cartoonish. And there are scenes where Gore got all "Being John Malkovich" and started making me think there was soemthing weird in my $6 fountain Diet Coke. That's the thing about CGI in the modern age, just because you CAN doen't mean you SHOULD. There are stunning visuals aplenty and the few that annoyed me were forgiven when one weighs them against the shots of the starry night sky and sea melting into one another and the Shipwreck Cove views. Indeed, I see Disney dismanteling Tom Sawyers Island for a Shipwreck Cove attraction any minute. A move I endorse and shall anticipate.

In fact, my complaint seems to be with the writers. First, we lost the beauty of what makes a pirate movie. Someone needs to review their Errol Flynn collection (and I have my eye on you Gore). Where are our grand dueling scenes? Blowing things up is not swashbuckling. It's Die Hard with a Cutlass. They're aren't any of those amazing sequences like in the previous movie (the water wheel or the escape from the cannibals for example) that made it feel piratey. And there are explosions a plenty. So many that I felt like searching the credits for a Renny Harlan as technical advisor nod. But no matter how big and bad the blow-up, it's no substitute for clanging swords.

And the end. Again, with Johnny Depp teasing the masses with his not a denial about making a fourth movie and the estimated one billion dollar box office expected, plus the merchandise tie-ins, let's face it, they'd all be idiots to stop here. I know actors don't want to play the same character a milllion times but I doubt if any of these people will ever see a potential deal with so many zeros attached again in their lifetime. I'd be willing to strap on an eyepatch every day for the rest of my life for $35 million dollars and three percent of merchandise, the sort of deal that might easily net you around sixty million dollars for one film even if the thing falls flat on it's face. You won't make that bank with anyone else ever. That's the money that gives you the freedom to start that independant production company and make gritty docudramas about political injustice and win your Oscar. So anyone who isn't willing to get their sea legs back for another six months is a fool.

But still that's no justification for not giving us the payoff. And by us I mean the women. Let's be honest, this mega trilogy was female driven. We fell in love with Jack Sparrow, we longed to be Elizabeth, we took the kids to see it four times, we agreed to buy the costumes, DVDs, Nintendo games and action figures at Target. We gave the pirate birthday parties, bought the beachtowels, attached the POTC boo-boo strips and listened to the soundtracks during carpool. And yet, we're the ones who were slighted in the end with a romance that..didn't. Or did but then didn't. Or didn't then sort of did then did then really just crapped out. At any rate: You owed us and you cheated us. And that is unforgivable.

So if there isn't a Pirates of The Caribbean: The Fountain Of Youth being penned as I type then I'm coming for you Bruckheimer and I'm bringing all of hell (and by that I mean a gaggle of pissed women with PMS and no Pamprin) with me and not even CSI will be able to find all the body parts. Last review I ended with "see you at World's End". This time I'm ending with BETTER see you off the shoreline of Cuba in about two years.

The Quest to Find My Inner Martha

2007-01-08T15:47:00.001-05:00

I am not organized.

I am admitting this in print to my deep and abiding shame. The part that makes this far worse is that with my OCD and Anxiety issues, clutter makes me crazy (er). So in 2007 I have resolved not to be organized but to be WAY over organized to be so organized that Martha Stewart will call and be like 'hey, power down on the organizing, sister'. I want to be the mom who knows where the emergency numbers are, who remembers to flip the mattress and can lay her hands on any book in her library STAT. I am not this person currently. I'm not sure I even know this person so that I may bask in their glow.

So, the first thing I did was head down to Borders after the new year to take advantage of the half price calender deals. We bought a big old calender for the fridge (which will most likely NOT be updated) and then I bought something put out by Dayrunner called the Busy Mom's Planner. Well, okay I'm a mom and I'm busy. Although a good portion of said busy is locating stuff that a more organzied person wouldn't lose. Like a cat. I was thrilled with it's blank pages that begged for me to write down everything from my car and house insurance info to my childs fingerprints. And so I have. I spent three days filling in each blank that I could. I annoyed my husband for things like the name and number of our insurance agent, his complete medical history and whether I should put the addresses of people I detest in said book. One Mom planner ready to go! So far I have taken it everywhere. I take it to dinner, I take it to work, I take it to church. I spend more time with it then my computer and THAT is saying something. So I am now the mom with the 411 on any possible thing anyone would ever need to know concerning myself or my family. I also shoved a Shout Wipe, a stamp and a thing of dental floss in the pocket. Hey, organized people have time to floss, remove stains and mail letters.

Next I have embarked on the Saturday straighten plus one larger project a week plan. Saturday includes about an hour of cleaning which may involve:Laundry (all of it and I'm very OCD about how it gets done), wiping all vertical surfaces with appropriate cleaner, spritzing shower with Tilex, reshelving books, helping my daughter pick up her toys (all little people go in two boxes. Despite my husbands plan of organizing them by Old and New Testament they just go in two boxes and they can argue religious philosophy amongst themselves). Also, we change sheets and I use a Mr. Clean eraser to touch up any weird floor marks (okay, why do all shoes now have black treads? Why?) and try and get any errant crayon masterpieces off walls. We get the various tools for vaccuming out and do battle with the attachemnts. Also, pottys are scrubbed and sinks are de-toothpaste clumped.
This light cleaning does not involve mopping, scrubbing down the shower pan, washing any shower curtain liners, defrosting anything, canning, sewing, darning, reupholstering, picture hanging, sorting boxes or drawers or any other 'project' that might derail me. This also includes the disposition of the fifteen boxes of bamboo flooring in the garage which would be better served by being installed. Fortuantely Dorky Dad was over this weekend measuring and says that said boxes will be vacating my garage soon and that I will have a shiny new bathroom floor posthaste.
So, first major project was my laundry room. Frankly, the laundry room (closet) was so gross that I find it hard to believe anything clean ever emerged from there and possibly was grosser then when it entered. Some times I indeed washed things twice since anything sitting on top of the dryer for more than two minutes was regarded as a cat bed and whichever got there first reserved the right to role around upon the garment until it looked like an angora sweater (and there is nothing grosser than using a towel covered in cat hair to dry off with when you realize that it was covered in cathair and you are now wearing it making you look like you forgot to NAIR for eight months). So I took everything out of the laundry room and discovered it was gross with or without stuff. I scrubbed down the washer and dryer and to my delight found that they were not grey but white. I wrestled a step ladder in and dustbustered, windexed and wiped the shelf down. I then looked at the small amount of linoleum sticking out around said appliances and had to shut the doors. When I opened them again it was still nasty so I found a cleaning product that advised I use gloves to handle it. I used no gloves and sprayed it with abandon all over the linoleum. I figure the worse that could happen was that it would eat through the linoleum which meant the scum would also be gone. Turns out linoleum has pattern other than grey sticky stuff. Thus satisfied I tossed out old bottle with less than two drops of cleaner in them and relabeled (with my label maker) empty spray bottles ( I use bleach, Murphy's, Oxy and Vinegar to clean with usually so I use mostly just plastic spray bottles). I got a basket and folded all cleaning cloths into it so I knew where they were. I clipped the lingerie bag (which I found in the crap on top of the shelf) where it is directly over the washer and then as a final act, I put in hooks where I attached a pair of scissors and a lint roller. Just last night I needed a pair of scissors to cut a label off before tossing it in the washer and to my amazement there WERE scissors where and when I needed them.

This weekend I cleaned out my office (closet). We have multipurpose closets all over. I forced my husband to make use of one of those cable holder together things and to my delight, my office is clean. No really, CLEAN. I can find thing that I need without danger of being garrauted by the DSL cords. I even uncovered a few CDs (Greenday), two travel books (Seattle and the Caribbean)and a scad of magazines (Better Homes, RWA, Living). Also, more little people. I believe the more conservative little people are fixing to break off with the larger group and start boycotting Disney at this point.

And now the car. Yesterday I bought something I had seen in Real Simple magazine (I neither normally read magazines nor buy things in them). It's the mobile desk. It velcros to your front seat and has a place for a lap top, files, phones, water bottles, tissue boxes, pens, CDs and whatever else. I am now the mom who can whip out sunblock from her car on a moments notice. I also bought one of those nifty trashcans that velcros to the floor of the car. I am more than anxious to start using it too. Thank God for carpool and the abject embarressment of having strangers poking their heads in your car twice a day. It really shapes you up fast.

So 2007, the Year of Annoying Organization. Let it begin...

Okay, handy links for those with these same problems (not that YOU do but maybe someone you know):

The FLY Lady I bought the book a couple of years ago and damned if it doesn't work if you do it like bootcamp. For all those suffering from C.H.A.O.S. (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) this is the place for you. I felt as though she had visited my home, took notes and then wrote a manual for me. She has lists for everything, tells you how to complete them and the book makes you feel much better about your slovenly ways and offers light at the end of the cluttered tunnel. Basically her mantra is this: Your house didn't get this out of control in a day and it's going to take more than a day to fix it. In fact, she says that very few people 'know' how to clean. As children we were told to clean our rooms but we recieved no real intruction as to what that meant beyond making the bed and tossing clothes in a hamper. Essentially, reprogram yourself.
The Mobile Desk Awesomeness on wheels and totally necessary if you tend to accumulate junk in your car. You still have junk but now it has a home.
The busy MOM planner Be THAT mom who knows the number for everything and can tell you on what day Thanksgiving 2009 falls.

And 2007...Go!

2007-01-02T16:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, so happy 2007.
Personally I'm shocked and a bit disgusted it's 2007. Remember when you were like hey, 2007 is SOOOOOO far off. I'll be OLD then. Yeah, okay, we're there. Remember all the hoodoo over Y2K? Ha! That was fun, wasn't it? X-Files got a good long plot line run out of that.
One of the best things we ever watched on television EVER was this special on what past generations had viewed what 2000 would look like (my grammer may suck there but it was just weird no matter what). They showed all these terrific film clips from the 1950's and 60's. It was like the self driving car so you and your passengers could sit back, relax, drink martinis and smoke five packs of cigs en route. Or the personal aircraft and we would all refer to each other by number (Hi there, XDHFJ24554! What sort of mileage do you get out of your nuclear fuel cell? Everything was frikkin' nuclear fueled). And the best one was where "mother" could do everything from home. Yes, it was 'Mothers" dream life. She could cook, clean, keep kids and wear her pearls, stockings and heels around so much easier with the kitchen-o-matic or whatever it was called. In a way it was sort of revolutionary since they had a vague (VAGUE) concept of the internet. Like mom would be able to dial up the butcher on her little interactive tv screen and tell him what she needed. The hilarious part was that the receipt was written on paper by hand and it was like the television view of it. So they were a bit behind on the word processing aspect of the internet. Anyway, if you know the special I'm talking about and know where I can get a copy, drop me a line.

So, the blog is messy. I think my housekeeping skills have moved from garage to house to blog. Sad. Anyway, the good news is that DorkyDad knows how to re-skin the blog for me. I gave it my all but HTML code is not Novelchicks thing. It's just...not. AND he's going to install the new bamboo floors in the master bath (he's a multi-tasker that DorkyDad). The bamboo flooring and accessories have been hanging in the garage for nine months so I'm fairly excited about this plus this will create space in my garage for a car. Maybe. Anywho, I know the blog is not shipshape at the moment but it will get there. Promise. And look for this weeks Zombie pages!

New Year, New Look

2006-12-29T00:24:00.000-05:00

We are currently under refurbishment here at Novelchick. This includes a banner change, new graphics, lists and snark. So forgive any bizarre and distracting things that are laying around on the page at the moment. All will be functional and orderly when finished. You will enjoy the comforts of Novelchicks On-Line abode more then ever. Just keep your panties on until then.

For Only $587 a night you can BE Cinderella

2006-12-13T14:25:00.000-05:00

Let me say that I'm a huge fan of Disney. Our trip was a fabulous time and our daughter is still talking about it all the time. We all enjoyed ourselves. At the time this rumor was circulating. So here's the facts:

A Castle Suite Fit for a PrincessFor everyone who has ever dreamed of becoming fairy-tale royalty and dwelling in an enchanted castle -- even if only for a night -- the Magic Kingdom Park at Walt Disney World Resort is about to become a bit more magical. Those prince and princess dreams will come true -- for one lucky family every night throughout Year of a Million Dreams*. An exquisite fairy-tale suite is being prepared inside Cinderella Castle at the heart of the Magic Kingdom Park. What will lucky winners of a night in the castle find inside? The Insider wanted to find out, so we went to the source, Imagineer Stephen Silvestri, who has been working night and day (quite literally!) to help create a suite that's truly the stuff dreams are made of. Stephen gave us a quick verbal tour through the suite, which has been designed as though the Guest were an honored visitor spending the night as a Guest of Cinderella. Everything captures the flavor of late 17th-Century French palace life -- this is the period when the original story of Cinderella was written by Charles Perrault, and also the period in which Disney's "Cinderella" was set. "You go through a concierge area off the breezeway, with tapestries and a French desk. Then you enter the elevator, which is very 21st Century! But we looked at Cinderella's carriage from the film, and we thought that this was the carriage for the Guest to enter the suite. We took some of the design themes from the carriage -- the crest from the carriage is on the floor in a mosaic, and some pillowing on the walls. "That carries you up to the suite, which opens and then you find yourself in a lobby space. There once again we captured the time period of the late 1600s. We have all of these beautiful wooden walls with some nice mosaics or scenes from the film worked in. On the floor there's a full mosaic showing Cinderella's carriage. We went for the feeling of a chateau, more than a Gothic castle. We've got some wonderful display items there -- Cinderella's glass slipper. "Then it's time to enter the suite! When you open the door, the first thing you see is the beautiful fireplace and some of the stained-glass windows, and the parlor in the distance. "We extended some of the castle stonework into the bedchamber, because we still wanted you to feel like you're in our castle. But not on all of the walls, because stone everywhere would be a very cold experience. So some of the walls are paneled with wood, with some mirroring. That helps extend the space and is very appropriate to the era." Stephen explains that the goal was to remain true to the feel of the classic film, and to Cinderella Castle itself, while creating a luxurious contemporary suite that makes a 21st Century visitor feel utterly pampered. This took some creative thinking -- for instance, the suite contains two flatscreen TVs. To blend in with the décor, these have been made to look like mirrors when not in use, and one can also display a portrait of Cinderella herself. Other spectacular touches include stained-glass windows overlooking Liberty Square on one side and Fantasyland on the other. Guests will also be stunned by the beautiful hand-assembled mosaics throughout the suite. As one might imagine, putting together this beautiful retreat is a major undertaking -- teams of artisans, designers, and specialists are working around the clock in the Castle. And because the elevator needed to be removed and replaced with a much larger one, for much of the construction period, all the people and supplies have had to reach the suite the old-fashioned way: by climbing eight long flights of stairs. "We want to make sure the Guest experience is as seamless as possible -- that when they come to the Park they see what they came to see," Stephen assures us. The suite is scheduled to be completed by the beginning of 2007 -- the whole project has come together in only around six months. "We put this together quite quickly. Fortunately we had a team that was so well-versed in Disney history and the Castle's history, and Cinderella!" Stephen explains. "It's something that has been proposed before but never came to pass, so we researched what already existed and had been done." Stephen adds, "We have an incredible team, and I believe Guests are going to have quite the experience." We have no doubt that next year, some lucky Guests are going to have a Disney experience unlike any before -- one that is truly a dream come true.

*NO PURCHASE NECESSARY to enter or win the Disney Dreams Giveaway. A purchase will not increase your chances of winning. Open only to legal residents of 50 U.S., D.C., Puerto Rico, Canada, Mexico & UK. Void elsewhere and where prohibited. Giveaway runs October 1, 2006 -- December 31, 2007 (mail in entries postmarked starting September 18, 2006 & received by January 14, 2008, on 3.5x5 postcard with complete name, address, daytime phone #, birth date and proper postage sent to PO Box 8629, Elmhurst, IL 60126 USA). UK residents only mail to 483 Green Lanes, London N13 4BS. Castle Suite stay will be awarded most days starting January 25, 2007. It will likely be awarded early in the day for a stay that night and is only available to eligible participants at the Parks and Downtown Disney® area in Florida. Mail-in winners of Castle Suite stay and DREAM FASTPASS badge will receive a prize of comparable value. Approximate retail value of prizes advertised: Castle Suite stay US $587. Prizes range in value from US $3.83 to US $83,701. All prize awards are subject to verification. Odds of winning on a given day depend on the number of eligible participants at a selected location or within the mail-in entry pool for the time or date (as applicable) selected. Subject to Official Rules (see disneyparks.com/rules). Sponsor: Magic Kingdom Productions, Inc., PO Box 10000, Lake Buena Vista, FL 32830.For residents of Canada, a mathematical skill-testing question must be correctly answered to win any prize.

Dirt Devils, Charades and Velour Jogging Suits

2006-12-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

My husband last night asked me to write a short blurb on gift giving.

I had been dogging him for weeks to please make a list on Amazon.com for all to view. Last year he received many a gift that have happily found new homes via garage sales. We're not ungrateful for said items and we know it's the thought that counts. But as cheap people ourselves we do not want to see people wasting money on things we will never use. Wouldn't the world be a spectacular place if we all just made a list of stuff we'd like. Not to be materialistic mind you. My own list contains 12 items and the prices top out at $49.00 I think. But just so people can go, hey, did you know that crushed teal velvet walking suit we're thinking of isn't on there but for $12.00 we can get her a DVD she truly desires?

I'm at a point in my life where I neither need or desire much 'stuff''. I like clothes that I will wear regularly (jeans, t-shirts, jackets). I like to take trips and would rather get a guide book to my next destination. I like CDs and DVDs that I enjoy. I'd love coupons for oil changes. I like dishes that complete my wedding china. A gift certificate for a cleaning service would be great.

What I don't want are things I need to dust. Things my 2 year old will break. I don't wear jewelry except a pair of earrings and my wedding ring. I'm lousy with indoor plants. I really don't need to eat more candy.

So I encourage all of you to make a list somewhere that others can view and put some things (in all price points and easily buyable) that you really want which saves you from either returning it, wearing/displaying it when the gift giver comes over or explaining why you are not wearing/displaying it.

Really, if you want a Roomba, a subscription to Aquarist Monthly or the Homeland Security Quote A Day desk calendar, you need to speak up. Otherwise, it's velour jogging suit for you. With matching socks.

Me, the meat and the loaf

2006-12-06T14:57:00.000-05:00

Is meatloaf dressy enough for Christmas dinner?

Some years ago I figured out why I had such a repulsion to Thanksgiving and Christmas meals. I hate the 'traditional' foods. Like who set this menu? I assure you that no one on Plymouth Rock voted on greenbean casserole. Or if they did they were probably sent back to England.

So as I hosted these meals in my home I sat down and took a good hard look at what was expected: A complete turkey, giblet gravy, greenbean casserole, crescent rolls, mashed potatoes, stuffing, dressing, a crudite platter, cranberry stuff and pumpkin pie. I estimated that I ate one section of turkey (the breast) and for some unknown reason the turkey did not arrive at the table until cold. I'm not much of a saucer anyway but the idea of making a gravy out of the waste filtering organs of like the nasty bird on Earth turned me off. Greenbean casserole is...scary looking and I don't like those weird fried things on top. Crescent rolls? I like bread. I LOVE bread. But rolls that pop out of a can like those gag tins of snakes weren't doing it for me especially since I usually had to supplement my meal with them and ended up consuming like nine of them and usually they're cooked oddly and end up mushy in the center and burned on the bottom. Mashed potatoes. Again, I like them. I do not like them when they've been creamed into a glue like substance that I could spackle up the nail holes in my bedroom with. No amount of butter, salt, pepper or wine will fix that. Dressing and stuffing. Okay, I get stuffing if you actually stuffed the bird. And I know a lot of people are still debating over the Stuffing Scare of the 1980's when we were all told that stuffing the bird pre-cooking would lead to like a food poisoning so bad that our intestines would actually melt. But I don't understand why people just shove a big wad of white bread and powdered sage in the bird. And what is dressing? Isn't that stuffing cooked outside the bird? Do we need more carbs with this meal? And why does it look like road kill? I hate crudite. Seriously. I think shoving a platter of baby pickles, raw carrots and celery and some dip at people is wrong no matter if you did put it on a big platter with a few lettuce leafs tucked about. It cheapens the effort of your meal. Antipasto I'm down with, a nice frommage platter, some nice apps that involve hot crab or puff pastry. The mysterious cranberry gel that comes out of the can and many people leave in one strange round glop that threatens to actually roll off the table if prodded wrong with the can ring marks still on it? No. And pumpkin pie. I am so all about pie it hurts. I love pie. It's hard to screw up pie. Except for pumpkin which a lot of times has an unbaked bottom crust and has a pool of canned pumpkin goo in the middle like a tar pit. Plus many a hostess has actually arrived at the table bearing a tub of Cool-Whip and a spoon to toss some on there for you. Not that this will stop me from scraping off the cooked portion and eating it. So after looking at this I decided enough was enough and that this menu was not allowed in the Novelchick Household. Actually maybe I'm less turned off by the food than the serving styles? If you're going to invite like a hundred people who don't really like each other anyway, at least put some candles on the table or take the time to invest in some decent sized cloth napkins (I'm a napkin snob and I prefer something more like a tablecloth sized swatch for myself). Or put the brussel sprouts in a bowl instead of just letting people try and get them out of the pot with a big slotted spoon.

So the very next year I trotted out a hot spinach dip appetizer with wassail for apps, filet mignon, stuffed potatoes and an amazing sweet potato confection that was basically all the oranges, cinnamon and whipping cream in the world stuck together with a potato. There was fresh rosemary bread. Corn souffle. Crisp salad with homemade dressing. Three desserts, pumpkin, chocolate and ice cream. And people ate until they all looked nine months pregnant. One year my husband made a first course in freakin' wine glasses with a horseradish mousse thing and jumbo shrimp big enough to ride. Our guests are sometimes put off by our radical attempts to serve food that people enjoy. They do not wear relaxed fit pants which we encourage. I thought my mother might have to be taken to the hospital the first time I produced a bottle of Riesling (she's Baptist). We've also served Turducken, salmon and a damn fine turkey breast stuffed with andoullie and dirty rice. I've made corn muffins. I've experimented with dressing so good a recipe that should have served sixteen ended up barely covering six of us. I've baked pies in homemade praline crusts, made mini-bundt cakes and created a chocolate espresso sauce that kept people up for three days straight. There has been brisket. Basically, I have blown the lid off of the traditional holiday menu with increasing success. But this year?

Would meatloaf be wrong? Not just any meatloaf mind you but THIS MEATLOAF Bare Foot Contessa's Meatloaf. I personally used to despise meatloaf having always thought of it as a soggy pile of meat that was robbed of being a decent burger but this meatloaf? It is the stuff of dreams. And maybe some good bread and like garlic mashed potatoes or a sweet potato for my husband? And a huge heffalumping cake for dessert? Would it be selfish of me NOT to want to spend days in the kitchen? To eat a meal and not worry about four hundred pans of Calphalon that must be hand scrubbed?

Will Christ be offended if I serve turkey meatloaf? And maybe make some homeade cranberry sauce out of actual cranberries? I'll pray about it.

I don't need anything! Don't Buy Me A Thing!

2006-12-05T14:09:00.000-05:00

I hate these words.

Well, now that we've all navigated our way through Thanksgiving or as I like to call it "Dysfunctional Dinner Of Weird Menu Items and a Chance To Make Snarky Remarks To Other Family Members" and come out the other side, it's time to do the shopping to honor the birth of Christ.

What is this about? Seriously. If you've ever read Laura I. Wilder (and if you haven't, get thee to Amazon and order the boxed sets), those kids were thrilled with oranges. Where did we go wrong? The last three years or so my shopping strategy has been simple: Stay the hell out of retail stores. If it didn't come by UPS last year, it was not given. This way my family has managed to stay healthy during the holidays and I don't have to resist the urge to rev the Corolla up to top speed (70) and ram it into the back of Suburban Momster's Yukon who bought an SUV for no reason and can't park it worth a crap and then added insult to injury by stealing the parking place I have patiently been waiting on for ten minutes with my blinker on. You don't get road rage on the internet. And I can shop in my jams at two in the morning should I so desire. And often, I do. Although questionable gift choices have arisen from such a practice in the past.

So after years of finally honing my skills here is what not to give the "Don't Buy Me A Thing" Person, who will passive agressively remind you every chance they get until one of you is DEAD (and might possibly mention it in their will) that you indeed, did not buy them ANYTHING, per their request.

A Year of anything.
This includes but is not limited to:
Fruit
Flowers
Books
Chocolate
Steaks
Any sort of dairy or meat product such as the likes of which come from Hillshire Farm or whatever and this includes free range turkeys from Williams Sonoma.

I tried this once and it was just a big freakin' disaster with the fruit recpients practically setting up a rogue fruitstand on the side of I-285 to get rid of excess citrus. See who they come crying to when they get scurvy.

Clothes. Just don't bother. They won't wear them but will feel guilty about giving them to Goodwill and eventually five years later when they forget who gave them to them in the first place, will ask you if you want them. This is my mother's forte. I can not tell you how many nice, flattering clothes I have bought her in the past that I find a) hidden still in original wrappings in storage cloests in the basement or b) hanging in the closet with tags still on. It's not worth the heartbreak of sifting through the Coldwater Creek or Chico's catalog for like three days and trying to get an opinion out of your spouse as to whether your godmother would like a Tuscan Beaded Pashmina or a Citron Cashmere Sweater. If you MUST go this route? Buy something you'll like to wear next year.

Anything you looked at and said "She'll/He'll LOVE it!" with glee and enthusiasm. No they won't. If you think it's the perfect gift, they'll wonder what the hell you were thinking. It's the Murphy's Law of Gift Giving. And the older the giftee the less likely they are to try and cover up their disdain for said gift. The best stratagem is buy what you really, really don't want. Often this takes the form of a cardigan sweater with sleigh bells and a Rudolph sewn on it with a nose that actually lights up and the matchy earrings that look like gingerbread houses. Seriously. Try something with gold lame when all else fails like those gold bedroom slippers at Wal-Mart that havbe been a staple in old lady households for like 40 years.

Anything "so beautiful". If this is your opinion then it's probably too nice. Let's face it, there are "savers" in this world who will go to their death bed never having lit the $32 aromatic candle from France that you had to sneak through customs in your bra because it had some weird French Tallow in it that was banned in America in 1992 that is their all time favorite fragrance and has sat on the mantle for 19 plus years because they were waiting for a special occasion to use it. I'm not sure what "special occasion" consists of. Weddings? Funerals? Births? Parties? What is special enough to flick the Bick and fire that bad boy up? So nice candles, Venetian glass, Austrian tablecloths, Godiva candy, lovely beaded handbags, aprons from France, cookware from Italy, jewelry purchased in any foreign country or that comes in a sky blue box and gourmet coffee or a good bottle of wine? Probably will revert back to you when grandma passes on and you clean out the house. Occasionally you get a person like those here at Novelchick HQ who are all joi d'vie and will rip right into these things figuring there are more out there somewhere should we use this one up and wish to acquire another, but we're a rare breed here.

This whole matter is complicated by people who really do have every damn thing in the world. I've been known to write the name of potential gifts and toss them all in a hat and pull them out at random buying things in that order for those on my list in that order which can create confusion and lead to questions about certain family members sexual orientation, leave a few catalogs lying about and see what the cats yack on first (Engraved cheese molds? Excellent choice!) and calling L.L. Bean and telling the customer service rep to "surprise" me. And to that I say...gift card. Movies, Cracker Barrel, Borders, Red Lobster, Target, Home Depot. Whatever their baliwick may be. Don't worry about the fact that they then KNOW how much you spent. At least it won't go to waste when they can give it back to you next year for your birthday.

Thanks for asking

2006-12-04T16:10:00.000-05:00

Many of you have emailed me and asked if I am dead.
No, I'm not.
Thanks for asking though. But I have glimpsed death and its name is Food Poisoning+Disney. Don't ask the details but the two do not mix. We had a lovely trip anyway and my daughter is now princess obsessed. It doesn't matter which one or even if it actually is a princess just that she have on a large fluffy dress of some kind. I'm princessed out. Last night my husband and daughter returned from Target with Disney Princess underwear (for her not him).

Anywhoodles, I let the GH go. With much regret I will add, but it just wasn't possible and...that's that. But to hell with it anyway. Until they get a women's fiction cat what's the point? Instead, I believe I will treat myself to an end of the year agent blizzard blow-out of query letters. Why not? I may even shoot it off to Harlequin for one of their lines or another. All though it's damn near impossible to keep track of which ones are still being published and which ones are folding. It's like Deal or No Deal over there. Which line will we kill off next? If you sell it to this line, we may close it and you'll be in the dust OR we may not. Let's call the banker and see what he says? I still remember the year that they closed the book on their "lighthearted romantic comedy" line right in the middle of the national RWA conference and there were many a tear shed in the halls along with general wide eyed panic as the authors under contract or in mid-publish were shocked and understandably confused.

Sad news, heartbreaking news. I'm losing my job. Well, not like FIRED but my company is closing and...the end. I'm so sad about it. And now I'm not sure what to do with myself. I realize of course that it's really not a bad thing and that one shouldn't work somewhere forever. And that imagining the new possibilities is the brave thing. I just can't think of any at the moment. Any thoughts? Let me know.

On the good news front, my friend C.J. Lyons has a fabulous opportunity to write a new series which she is starting on ASAP. I wish her great success and no writer's block.

So...I guess I'm copying the first so and so pages of my manuscript and tossing it in the mail/email soon. Maybe this week while I'm feeling sad and need something to take my mind off of it. I'll let you know.

T-Minus 5 Days

2006-11-17T09:55:00.000-05:00

Yep, 5 days.

The excellent news is that I ran through 87 pages yesterday of corrections , moving scenes around and writing some new ones. If I can keep this up I may in fact be ready. My good friend C.J.(www.C.J.Lyons.net) told me that if my first 35 pages are spiffy along with a good synopsis (and that is not likely to happen) then that's what I need to concentrate on since they usually know at that point if they have a winner. O-Kay! Here we go again!

PS Fabulous Cartoon Owned and Copyrighted Entirely by http://www.thewriteratwork.com/. Please visit their site for more of them.

Countdown

2006-11-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

We're 6 days until I need to send off my GH entry. Ack. The deadline is actually December 4 to get your stuff in but since we're off to Disney Thanksgiving day I guess if it's going, it's going then.

So T-Minus Day 6 it is.

This cartoon is owned by www.cartoonweb.com, visit them!

ALERT ALERT ALERT

2006-11-14T10:33:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I meant to do this last week but...well, whatever.

TOMORROW IS THE ENTRY DEADLINE FOR THE GOLDEN HEART/RITA CONTEST.

If you belong to RWA you know what I speak of. This years deadline has been moved up significantly in terms of submitting your material and it is due DECEMBER 4! GET THOSE COMPUTERS HUMMING!!

Here's the rules:

https://www.rwanational.org/eweb/DynamicPage.aspx?Site=RWA&WebKey=357f2a57-5f2e-4bac-b000-b163b3aac033

You can now enter via email so it's not too late.

Britney, K-Fed and the SEX TAPE

2006-11-14T09:45:00.001-05:00

I haven't weighed in on any of this yet since I don't really care. I personally find the whole Anna Nicole thing much more intriguing. I mean we have mystery and drama there, here we just have the inevitable outcome. But also, should we be happy about a marriage breaking up? In an age where (the grossly misleading statistic) of one out of two marriages failing, should we be cheering on the demise of one? Listen, we knew it couldn't last but we've all done stupid things in our youth in the name of love. Plus, there are two young children involved here. On the other hand, when you make a reality show (regardless of how horrible) out of your courtship, you can't go back and say "we want to be left alone". You go on as you start.

Having said that. The alleged sex tape. Okay, folks, let's think about this.

1) These people taped themselves during their entire "I can't even think of what to put here to describe it". So what are the odds they didn't tape themselves having sex? Incidentally, if you did not watch the Britney and Kevin show, behold the carnage Here in snappy recaps from TWOP. Well worth a read if you think YOU'RE having a bad day. Stee had to struggle through every episode which I can only assume forced him to double his consumption of alcohol and nicotine.

2) Is there any part of Britney's body left to the imagination at this point? She was naked on a magazine. She wears skin tight, too short clothes. Her boobs pop out randomly. I think we've been there, done that enough to know. It's about as big a mystery as what Mirah Carey looks like naked.

3)Thus I can assume anyone actually interested in this tape? Only wants to see K-FedEx having sex. And in that case, you are ban from this blog. I suppose he plans on including a copy with each of his CDs that sale and maybe that will boost the sales to..7000 copies?

Ick, people, ICK!

Hey ya'll, cheaper gas!

2006-11-14T09:43:00.000-05:00

If you have a Wal-Mart near you (and you know how I dislike this retailer), and it has a gast station part? If you buy yourself a Wal-Mart gift card and use it at the pump you save $.03 a gallon. Just saying....

Gilmore Gack

2006-11-09T14:42:00.000-05:00

Open Letter to David S. Rosenthal, Executive Producer Gilmore Girls

Dear Mr. Rosenthal,

First, let me send out my condolences on the huge mess that you were left when the Palladinos decamped. It's estimated that last season over 1.3 million viewers lost interest in the GGs and went on to other things that held more interest, like alphabetizing thier spice rack. They wrote every character into a corner so dark, it would take a supernova like force of writers, producers, directors and actors to get this show on the road again and win back your fans.

Sadly, I don't think you're the man for the job.

First, do you guys have a big board that you write what happens from show to show on? Or an intern who can do this job? Your continuity has been bad. It was bad before, it's always been bad but we're to the point of nonsensical now. I mean really. How much time does it take to jot down "Chris' parents despise the Gilmores and said awful things about Rory and were ban from the Gilmore Manse and Chris' mom can't possibly be happy about this turn of events". That took two seconds. Or how does this grab you "Luke went to take care of the Renaissance Fair Booth for TJ and his sister and left the diner way longer than two weeks but you keep bringing up that he's leaving for TWO WHOLE WEEKS on this stupid April Tour"? Does that sound familiar in some way? Intern, check on that. If you can't remember what happened the last six seasons then you could buy them (they have been released you know and I saw last seasons in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart which it so richly deserved to be), Netflix the DVDs or just run over to TWOP and read the recaps. Also, check in with the nitpicker board they will be happy to tell you about continuity.

Secondly, Christopher and Lorelei? Oh, Honey, No. Just no. Let's talk about Chris a moment. And if you've got that intern with the dry erase marker handy, you may want to have him take notes. The first time we met Chris he zoomed into Stars Hollow on a motorcycle, spent the night on the couch, tried to buy Rory a dictionary but his credit card was declined since he had no money due to UNEMPLOYMENT which was apparently (per the show) a constant state. He then sporadically reappears from here there and everywhere as a plot device that smells to high heaven. Is there a folder that you found in Amy's desk that said "If run out of ideas, here's stuff to stick in". Actually, that folder HAS to be empty by now. Anyway, he gets ANOTHER woman pregnant (Are you emmulating some sort of Brtney/K-Fed story line because that has NOT WORKED OUT WELL), cheats on her with Lorelei, runs off to marry her, gets a job, gets left, is a shitty father to Gigi, wanders in and out of his older daughter's life like he has ADD and eventually ends up at Richard and Emily's renewal party drunk and making a scene. Then he suddenly inherits a ton of money (whatever) and he's dad of the year and somehow irresistable to Lorelei. This all conviently happens when she is finally, FINALLY happy with Luke as we, the viewing public who you have ignored, are as well. And now? All is forgiven, everyone is thrilled, the past is...ignored? Forgotten? Getting in the way of your lazy writing?

And the Luke thing? Oh Dear God! Was there a napkin from Wolfgang Pucks that had "overheard writer's from General Hospital talking about illegitimate baby plot device to break up happy couple. Sounds good!" in Amy's handwriting. Did it look as though she had been drinking a few lunch martinis when she wrote it? Because that can be the only explanation for not only taking a beloved character and turning him into something that resembles the boss on The Simpsons in manner and a homeless vet in dress. Luke has nice clothes, Lorelei BOUGHT them for him and in the wonderful season finale two years ago, he was wearing them. Yes, we get that the Nirvana look is his trademark but this isn't a Scooby Doo cartoon and everyone is entitled to a change of clothes.

Now, let's talk April. I hate to. But this needs to be addressed ASAP. And I'm bringing down the hammer. Why? Was there need for this? And why was it written so poorly? Or at all? Is she your illegit daughter or something? And are we to believe that Luke has taken the word of a girl doing a science project that he is her father? But Anna confirmed you cry! Well, since he was one of THREE POSSIBILITIES that seems like less than reliable info. I personally hope that CHRIS turns out to be the father since that matches everyone's track record and would be...funny. The whole thing was not worthy of this program and insulting to us, the viewers (or all six of them left). But he needed time to adjust to this news, you say. What did he do with that time? Did he build her a room in the newly designed Better Gilmore Home and Gardens? Did he plan a spring break trip with his "daughter" and his family to be? Did her intriduce his family? DId he set ground rules with Anna about his new family? Did he do anything but lie and sneak around? No. And how did he introduce Rory at the book store opening? I don't want to talk about it. But I figured out right then that things were not going to work well. Just know that I hate it! Hate it! HATE IT! We've all read the scuttlebutt that Lauren Graham and Scott Patterson do not like each other. And that's fine. But being ACTORS it looks like they could summon up more chemistry than one gets from watching mulch interact with water. I don't know what happen to spark this feud but get it taken care of. A long weekend locked in a suite at the Venetian with copious bottles of champagne may do it, and hey, what happens in Vegas...may give you a better show.

And Lane? If she's freaked out about being pregnant shouldn't she consult the one person she knew who faced pregnancy at a very young age and did a great job with? Hey, intern, get the red marker out. That person would be Lorelei Gilmore!

Lorelei used to be strong, independant, funny, self-reliant. Now she's...a doormat. Actually she's not even a good doormat. She's the doormat you toss at the backdoor after it got all faded and yucky up front. You've turned her into Katie Holmes. Nice going. Maybe Chris could jump on a couch and start dispensing medical advice.

And now we heard the spoiler that L and C are getting married. Screw you. Why? Who are these people who want this? The six viewers left? Did someone write you and ask for this? Was it your mothers dieing wish? I know this was supposed to be the last season and then you were all like NO, we've got miles ahead of us but...I think not. The only way I'm seeing you pacify and lure us back to you is if after the holiday break you flip us two years into the future a la BSG and Lorelei and Chris have been divorced, she's a new woman (or the original one we loved), Luke has hit up a sale at Nordstroms and gone back to reading the self help relationship guides and you can cement her and Luke together in a functional relationship. And by that I mean, without more run out of idea plot devices that are thinner than Kate Bosworth. Or alternatively, I guess Luke could step out of the shower and the whole thing could have been a dream on her part. Hey, as long as you're not coming up with original ideas...I'm just saying.

Rory and Logan? Meh. It's okay with me. Really. He's probably the most sustainable relationship she's had so I'm good with it although this London thing was silly and I'm glad you're over it. It's filler at this point. And at least it's SOME romance.

So let me give you some tips:
Dump Chris or kill him or whatever needs to be done
More Sookie, Michele, Mama Kim and Gil (please more Gil)
Less Stupid Lorelei
More Handsome, Charming if slightly surly Luke without that too small army jacket
April finds out she's not his daughter when they go to an actual DNA testing lab
Anna finds out about birth control
Chris finds out about birth control and begins a rap career that eventually ends in death when an enraged fans pelt him with beer bottles
Lane and Zack get their crap together for this baby
Rory and Logan...do whatever
The senior Gilmores...remember that Chris is a dumbass and they hate his mother and he was the worst father ever for like eighteen years and they are gaining yet another grandchild.
The chuppah! Remember it? We did. And we could not figure out for the life of us why she would want to get married in a CHURCH.
Attend a baby christening before you write another one since? Bad. Clearly the Palladino's were Scientologist
Did I mention more Gil and Mama Kim?

So, I give you one more chance. Here's the deal, I won't watch anything until after the break and you get your intern to fact checking so you can fix some things and we'll meet back on Tuesdays. And I'll even bring a friend.

Apparently the only person who will tell you the truth,
Novelchick

Hey you! Vote!

2006-11-07T14:24:00.000-05:00

We at Novelchick would never tell anyone how to vote. We believe firmly in voting your issues and your candidates regardless of whether we think they're asses that will lay waste to Democracy or not. We also believe in the right to NOT reveal to anyone your votes. We do, on the other hand, encourage you to vote since this (not particularly well run and overly complicated) process is how we, The People, make our voices heard. Even if no one is really listening at this point. See, we can actually work on changing that!

So VOTE.

You can't bitch if you didn't participate.

The Nadir

2006-11-06T14:58:00.000-05:00

It dawned on me this weekend that my purse ways 200 pounds, thus perhaps explaining some of my shoulder pain.

So it's time for the CLEAN OUT. And I thought you all might be interested in what Suburban Mom carries around.

First, a bit about the actual bag. After giving birth to my daughter in March, I had to shop for a dress to wear to a funeral in October. Yes, some mom's bounce back immediately and one week after giving birth way what they weighed pre-kid. Not me. So there I stodd in the ghastly lit, three way mirrored dresing room at Talbots. Normally, I avoid Talbots since...well, not me. But for a death dress it seemed okay. Here's what I saw. A woman with a baby belly and a c-section scar, no makeup, grown out hair, wearing maternity jeans, a terrible top with baby spit up on one corner. Taking off the clothes I proved to be wearing white athletic socks, granny panties and a saggy nursing bra. One boob was bigger than the other (thus the sag) and I hadn't apparently Naired in a week and my eyebrows? I can't talk about it. In all, probably the worst visual of my life. Aided by a cheap, black plastic disaper bag hanging off the handle of the Zooper, where my child was asleep.
YIKES!!!! Not helped by the fact that I was constantly surrounded by thin, non-rootty, well shaven women

Fast Forward-day after Thanksgiving. Armed with coupons and no baby, I set out to Macy's for the early bird saving sale. Which, totally NOT worth getting up for. Anywho, I was in handbags looking for something for my friend Cary, who had a tendancy to haul six different bags around to accomodate her stuff. I bought her a swell black hobo bag that went with anything and could hold a mountain of stuff wihtout actually looking overstuffed. Then I saw it. A black leather Tommy Hilfiger. Simple, and yet elegant. It's got a harder side constructiona dn it's square. Checking the inside I found a blue, nylon (wipe outable) interior that was amazingly roomy with no divider pockets. I think technically it was some sort of stylish on the go bag for corporate types who stuff files in their bags. So the bag was bought and I used it very successfully as a baby bag for ages. Then baby out grew bag and it just became an excellent large handbag.

So let's see what's accumulated since last clean out which was app. one month ago.

1) Emory University School of Medicine Consent form (8 pages) from my last trip to doctor where they wanted me to ask my husband for a spit sample to use in a DNA study with mine and the baby's.
2)Envelope marked Clothes. This is my husband's answer to reigning in the spending. I get an envelope a week for clothes for myself and the girl. Contents: $40.
3) Newsletter for Salon Elon, where I get my hair done. Yes, my salon has an actual newsletter.
4) Thermacare Heatwrap for Back and Hip
5)My husband's cell phone
6) Key ring with 10 keys, three of which go to houses we no longer own. Also, seven of those keychain store card things on it.
7)One small bottle generic ibuprofin, still in box
8)My husbands eye glass case (hardside)
9)white linen handkerchief in preperation for seeing Marie Antoinette (not needed)
10)Ticket stub for MaArie Antoinette
11)Reciept for Salon Elon for last color
12)Envelope marked household and fun (contents $20)
13)Tin of altoids
14)Check book with credit cards and pictures
15)That big pink reciept thingy from doctor's visit to Emory
16) Two pieces of white printer paper, one with a potential Disneyworld itenerary scribbled on it, the other one is blank
17)Target receipt from 10/24/06
18)Chico's receipt from 11/4/06
19)Perscription from Shrink
20) Target receipt dated 10/27/06
21)Expired coupon for The Children's Place
22)A pumpkin. No really. It's an actual mini-pumpkin.
23) Ann Taylor sunglasses
24)Publix receipt 10/22/06
25) generic Migrain Relief
26)Bottle Visine A.C. unopened and in box
27) Hair brush belonging to my daughter
28)Maybelline Superstay Lipstick, shade 705 which is not really my color
29)One makeup holder containing one Oral-B Brushup but no actual make-up
30)Email address for our waitress on our cruise
31)Two recordable CD's with nothing on them
32)Straw from Wendy's
33) One container of Body Shop coconut lip butter
34) 5 pens
35) 2 1/2 in gate hook and eye, in package
36) Coffee stirrer from Starbucks
37)Yogi Tea bag wrapper (Sweet Thai Delight), no actual tea bag
38) Inspirational quote ripped off bottom of Celestial Sesonings tea box
39) $25.00 Chico's coupon (used)
40)Aveda Salon reciept 9/19/06
41) 2 open packages Splenda
42) Tiffany make-up mirror with name engraved on it
43)$50 GA Natural Gas gift card that has never worked
44)5 crayons
45)Receipt Walgreens, 10/31/06
46) Two hair bands
47) one unopened disposable contact lens
48) jumpdrive
49)Turqoise ring
50)Elon business cards
51)Great Lash Mascara
52) 2 more crayons
53)Tylenol Severe Allergy Capsule
54) Two RWA convention pins
55) $50 mostly in ones
56) one greek coin earring (the other fell down under my car seat)
57) $9.27 in change
58) goldfish crumbs

I think I'm going to loose the Splenda packages.

Sorry AAA fans...maybe

2006-10-27T16:58:00.000-05:00

Kristin from eonline apparently spilled her best guess for the big death next week in the "Watch Lost With Me" chat.

If you read the thread now, her guess has been removed, but there are a few hints that remain:

Side note: I think they changed the 'Other' death in light of who is (I'm 99 percent sure) dying next week if it is name deleted, I'm gonna be ******. Cause name deleted is the second best actor on the show, and the only reason they'd get rid of him is to appease the first. Or at least, that's my educated guess!

Also, in her most recent blog on Lost, she says:
Also spoiler alert you may have heard by now there's a big death next week and some general consensus on who it's gonna be. And let me just say, they better leggo my…beloved favorite.

Oh dear. Sorry about that.

Accessories...

2006-10-27T09:43:00.000-05:00

Also an apple pie (I recommend the new Mrs. Smith Cinnabon) and some corn muffins complete this nicely along with a cabernet.

Ick Day Recipes

2006-10-27T09:33:00.000-05:00

It's icky here. Like rain and cold wind ick. In other words the perfect day to come home at the end of the week and have dinner READY to jump on. Thus, pot roast.

Over the years people have been asking for my "secret " pot roast recipe. My friends, here it is.

First, pick a roast that actually fits in the crockpot.
Second, toss in the bottom your "hard" veggies, potatoes and raw carrots come to mind. I like red potatoes since I can just toss and there's no peeling but if you have red potato or skin issues feel free to peel and chop into large chuncks the potato of your choice. I also like to prick the potatoes a few times with a knife to let in some juicy goodness.
Third, toss in roast, prick that a time or two on top.
Fourth, surround pot roast with any other veggie you desire. I usually peruse the pantry and freezer and find long lost ingredients. Lentils are good, frozen green beans, that sort of thing. A lot of people put in okra or a veggie mix. I say that's beef soup stuff but whatever. Also, I usually toss in a few garlic cloves if they're hanging out with no dish in sight to use them in.
Fourth, the important part, cut up onion in fairly large slices. Toss some on veggies and put some on top of roast.
AND HERE IS THE SECRET YOU'VE ALL BEEN WANTING, add one packet of beef stew mix (McCormicks or Kroger generic) AND a package of au jus mix (again with the McCormick's or generic). Make sure you get some on tope of roast and then sprinkle around the sides.
Now grab a cup of water and fill just enough to cover veggies. Your roast is going to release a lot of water and you don't want soup. The mix on the top of roast will foram a nice crust too.
Turn crock pot on low.
Leave alone.

There it is. The NovelChick Roast Perfecto. You just can't screw this up. Trust me. I've made a million of them, served them at parties and brought them over to the sick, funerals and after birth food taking occasions. It never fails that people say it is the most tender and succulent roast of their lives.

Enjoy.

Love/Hate

2006-10-26T16:12:00.000-05:00

Novelchick and company saw Marie Antoinette on Monday eve. And our opinion? If a bunch of idiots would get up off of this movie for five minutes and freakin' read a little history they wouldn't pan it.

Look, I went in with my husband's handkerchief prepared to slog through beheadings, the drawn out death of two children and a whole lot of sad. Check it, didn't happen. Sofia Coppola very brilliantly stuck to presenting Marie's life at Versailles through the eyes of a young girl. The movie starts when she gets there and ends when they leave.

A lot of people aren't getting it. And that's cool because a lot of people are uneducated, not particularly smart or just plain believe everything that they heard in their ninth grade history class. But I'm not sure why they're going to the movie. From the user reviews it appears a lot of them were looking for some sort of political/historical piece. That's not what we have here. We have an honest look at what it was like to be Marie, how she spent her time and how innacurately she has been portrayed through history. Yes, there are a few things that got washed out of the mix but they were things that would have taken a whole two hours of nothing but political intrigue to set up. The Affair of the Necklace. The sex of the mob that marched on Versailles. How Madame Du Barry spent her time at court making Marie's life into one living hell. But this movie is lovely. To be shot at Versailles, in Marie's bedroom, in the Petite Trianon, in her little village, on the balcony, in reproduced costumes. You really see it through a child's eyes. Okay, so just so we're clear.

Not about French Revolution
Not about Socio-economic impact of monarchy
Not about the Affair of the Necklace
Not about Beheading
No death scenes of small children (actually the death of her daughter was handled SO well)
It is a Love Story
It is about a fourtenn year old girl sold into marriage unexpectedly after her two older sisters die
It is about the bizarre life at court compared to her ultra conservative mother's court
It is about the innocence of Marie and Louis and how it cost them everything
It has a righteous soundtrack

Now, at least, if nothing else, read this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_Antoinette and this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Affair_of_the_necklace

Shut up

2006-10-26T15:56:00.000-05:00

kay, Rush, we know you are truly desperate for any ratings that will keep you one the air. Actually, I didn't know any radio network had so much time to kill that they had put you back on. Anyway, why don't you go down a Xanex with a Scotch and sit quietly in the corner fantasizing about your mother or whatever has led you to this mental state?

Okay, I'm editing this. It's not a particularly kind or Christian thing to say regardless of whether you called a man deep in the grip of a terminal diease a faker for expressing his political opinion. So how about this instead?

Rush, do up your pants, hit an AA meeting and find a very good therapist.

Sorry Addictive Personalities...

2006-10-26T15:42:00.000-05:00

I'm slightly addicted. Here's a Friday Fun that can last way past Friday. You can do the initial download and play your hour. Than you can play in five minute intervals forever. I know that sounds weird but five minutes is exactly the amount of time you need for a little quick break and since it cuts you off and autosaves you, you don't spend all day.

It's sort of like Sims but without all the annoying waiting around. Male and female characters and you can enable same-sex relationships.

Kudos Tip: Buy a dog, a Soduko book and a take a martial arts class pretty quickly.

And the winner is...

2006-10-26T15:29:00.000-05:00

If you didn't watch BSG last Friday then you missed, in Novelchick's not particularly humble opinion, one of the finest episodes of television EVER along with possibly the most awesome visual moment.

For those of you who saw the Galactica descending through the ATMOSPHERE of New Caprica like a hammer wielded by God's Own Hand, spewing out fighters and then jumping before I could even utter Holy Frack? We should just get our DSL lines humming on a write-in campaign to the Emmy Nominating Committee which we know are old whiney grandmothers and will ignore the show AGAIN.

BSG has been stirring up some thought provoking plotlines since the beginning: religion, faith, cyborgs, suicide bombings, politics, etc. So for those of you who might be interested in really feeling some of those things out, add this puppy to your Christmas List.

So Say We All...

An article written by TWOP's own recapper is included and it's edited by Richard Hatch (no not the one in jail).

The End Is Upon Us...

2006-10-26T15:21:00.000-05:00

The Novelchick Staff and the Gilmore Girls? Done.

The Evil

And here we go...

2006-10-26T14:32:00.000-05:00

Oh my poor, poor darlings! I have abandoned you way too long! So I'm making up for it NOW.

Teabag: The Bag, The Myth, The Image

2006-10-20T18:46:00.000-05:00

Offices of Lipton Tea Company
Friday, August 19, 2006
4:38 P.M.

Transcript from meeting between Research and Development, Marketing and Teabag (traditional)

Marketing Guru: Hi, TB, we're glad you could join us. Have a seat. Can we get you anything? Hot water? Lemon? Honey?

Teabag: Um, no thanks.

Marketing Guru: I want to get straight to the point, TB. You've been doing an excellent job for us. We're thrilled with your work.

Teabag: Okay....

R&D Guy: But the thing is...well....

Marketing Guru: We're phasing you out.

Teabag: Huh? What?

Marketing Guru: The Lipton Company wants to make tea a staple. A classic. The name known in every home. We want tea to be the new...

Teabag: Tea?

Marketing: Yes! We want it to be hip, fresh, young. We want everyone who's anyone to know about tea. We want tea houses springing up, we want tea rooms abounding, we want people sitting down for a cup of tea on a regular basis.

Teabag: Heh? In England don't they-.

Marketing Guru: Our research shows that you're...passe. When people think of tea they think teabag.

Teabag: Really. How odd.

Marketing Guru: No, it's true. Your image is...old fashion. We've decided we need to shake it up. So...we've done some focus groups.

Teabag: Oh God! Can I steep in here?

Marketing Guru: And what we found is that the young and hip no longer want tea in a two sided bag.

Teabag: Excuse me?

R&D Guy: It's true. They want something more exciting.

Teabag: And you got this from focus groups?

R&D Guy: Well....no. They didn't care. But the thing is we've decided you're passe. We've decided to rework you. We've decided to make the new tea bag. We've decided on...get ready...a triangle. A pyramid if you will.

Teabag: So this pyramid bag? It's more efficent?

R&D Guy: Well, no. I mean you stick it in and pour hot water over it and it steeps.

Teabag: So it looks better when they take it out?

R&D Guy: Er, no. It still looks like a lump.

Teabag: Look, I know I'll never have the glamour that my English cousin does all loose leaf and fancy free but still....

Marketing Guru: American men don't like tea. They think it's wimpy.

Teabag: And the new pyramid teabag will change that?

R&D Guy: Absolutely. Pyramids remind men of ancient Egypt. They remind them of virility and strength and....

Teabag: Sand? Slavery? Unchecked disease?

Marketing Guru: Well, sure that too. Look, we know you've been around since the eighties.

Teabag: 1904.

Marketing: Whatever. But the new teabags are speaking to a new generation.

Teabag: And what are they saying?

Marketing Guru: According to our new commericals, that tea is the new flirtation. Men drinking tea is a turn on. That sitting in a quaint outdoor cafe with a paper and a cup of steaming hot Oolong is going to bring the women to your feet. Tea is ...hot!

Teabag: Oooookay. So....

Marketing Guru: So, it's been a great ride but...we're going in a new direction. Thank you for your service to the company. We'll send you a watch.

Seriously, pyramid shaped tea bags? What the hell?

Story Magic

2006-10-09T14:15:00.000-05:00

From Dwight Swain, author of Techniques of the Selling Writer, "The thing that hooks your reader in the opening is curiosity. The thing that holds him the rest of the way, straight through to the final paragraph, is suspense."

Some of you out there are writers. I know you are, you email me. So this post I hope will help you.

Traditionally I have always been known as a Pantster. People who do not plot out a book prior to writing it and just basically going where it takes me. This is good in that you're as surprised as anyone else at the twists and turns. Basically, your characters are running the show for you. You just write down what your muse tells you. Sometimes it works, sometimes your muse is an idiot. But it all seems to work out in the end.

Then there are those who are outliners. My friend Marge is like this. She needs to know EVERYTHING before the words Chapter One can be committed to paper. She frequently has to know the name of the neighbor's dog. Many a great author uses this style. Many do not. It's a very personal choice mostly based on your personality. Do you need a roadmap or can you go where your spirit takes you?

Well, even us Pantsters need to stop and ask for directions occasionally.

Every writer, EVERY WRITER, knows about The Hero's Journey by Vogler (here's a down and dirty freebie version I found Vogler OVerview Freebie). It's like standard issue if you ever write anything. And for the most part, it works. It's a lot of prep time but for some people that's the best part. I have always scorned Vogler as taking the joy out of writing. But recently my WIP was getting all muddled up with scenes that had no order. So I enrolled myself in the awesome Discovering Story Magic workshop Discovering Story Magicwhich was taught on-line this time. It was offered by Writers Online Classes. They are also offering some really great workshops through the end of the year and I encourage you to stop by and check it out.

Incidentally, here is a nearly PERFECT Vogler worksheet if you want to see how awesomely some people are able to plan.

Painfully Thought Out Character Worksheet (and yes it is 60 pages).

Discovering Story Magic has somehow managed to condense all of this down into a usable, even portable, dare I say easy, version. It is NOT the same thing as Vogler but it feels familiar but more accessible. And it involves a lot of Post-Its and posterboard (you'll just have to take the class). But I do want to leave you with a quote or two from the workshop that I thought was amazing and I don't believe they will mind me passing along to you.

That magic --- is THEME! Because if you can discover the theme of your story, you will find the heart of your book.

HOW MUCH YOUR CHARACTER CARES ABOUT THEIR GOAL IS IN DIRECT PROPORTION TO HOW MUCH THE READER WILL CARE!

Witch does rhyme with ignorant bitch

2006-10-04T13:10:00.000-05:00

Memorize this face.

If you see it, take your children by the hand and back away from her slowly. She is armed with mass amounts of stupidity, bigotry, illiteracy and she's not afraid to use them to embarrass herself or her children. BACK AWAY SLOWLY!!!!

Headline: Laura Mallory, of Loganville, Ga., holds up a brochure for a summer camp for learning the art of witchcraft. Mallory was trying to convince a Gwinnett County board of education officer during an Oct. 3 hearing that Harry Potter should be banned from classrooms and school libraries.

You never hear about these things in Seattle or Portland or Asheville. There's always one pathetic, ignorant parent out there on a crusade that makes no sense and just glots up the mess that is public education even more. And today, it's this one.

Personally, Laura Mallory of Loganville, GA, I say you have a right to your opinion. You may completely stand firm on your moral highground and condemn us all to hell for reading a book about an orphan boy and his magical adventures. I've attended all the midnight madness parties to if that buys me a place in a deeper circle of hell by the way. But let's examine a thing or two.

First, did you read it? Please do not waste time saying that something is evil if you haven't bothered to do the research. If you didn't read the book ( and I'll guess you haven't) than you really have nothing to say about it. I mean do you know that really Harry Potter is about bigotry and prejudice and how fear of things you don't understand can corrupt even the best of intentions? NO? Thought not. Not only would one have to read the book, one would have to be able to grasp higher learning concepts.

Second, were you sending your kids to that camp? Like was it a Fundamental Religious Knitting Camp last year or something and changed curriculums and you couldn't get your deposit back or what? Leave the camp alone. They're probably not holding up pictures of you and saying how evil you are for your poor choice in jackets.

Third, I'm missing the connection. What is your objection? To Harry Potter? He's been a round a bit and kids have been reading him awhile and I have yet to see the first school shooting led by anyone in Quidditch robes. A much better track record of violence? Children of ignorant, redneck religious fanatics.... Or is it what you think the evils of having Harry Potter on a bookshelf is doing to today's youth. Honestly, the only kids checking HP out of the school library are the ones who are fact checking because every house has multiple copies. Except yours. You know just when you think the last alcoholic mother who loses her kids to DFACS on a regular basis and shuffles between two states to avoid her legal problems and has dragged the kids from unstable boyfriend's apartment to unstable boyfriend's trailer and then blames rock and roll music when her sixteen year old depressed drop out son, who has been smoking pot and drinking for three days in a row decides to off himself he's so depressed has thankfully disappeared, we get this. Non-Medicated Mom: The Burb Version. You know why I don't worry about these things? I do a good job of arming my daughter. She knows about God, we talk freely about religion and what our beliefs are in front of her, we encourage her to have a personal relationship with God. I read Harry Potter to my daughter the first two months of her life.

Lastly, here is a partial list of books that also feature witches/witchcraft that you will also need banned to protect your children's ignorance and continue to make them the laughingstock of people like myself.

The Odyssey

Dracula

The Wizard of Oz

The Jungle Book

Almost everything written by Shakespeare (including but not limited to, Anthony and Cleopatra, King Richard III, Macbeth, The Tragedy of Coriolanous. There are more that mention witchcraft but those are the ones I remember)

The Tempest

Robin Hood

House of Seven Gables

Moby Dick

Ivanhoe

Don Quixote

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (yes, use the French or English title and it still has magic in it)

The Further Adventures of Robinson Crusoe

Essays (The second series??) of Ralph Waldo Emerson

Le Morte D'Arthur

The Hobbit/LOTR Series

The Narnia Chronicles

Pretty much the collective works of Robert Louis Stevenson

The Scarlett Letter

The Witch of Blackbird Pond

Tess of the d'Urbervilles

The Republic

Andersen's Fairy Tale

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

The Last of Mohicans

Anna Karenina

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

Thank you, Laura Mallory, for attempting to plnge our children into a nadir of ignorance so black that it's like has not been seen since the educational philosophies of the Industrial Age were upon us.

Oh, and for reminding me why I suck it up and pay tuition for my child to go to private school.

I'm Back

2006-10-04T13:04:00.000-05:00

Sorry this post has taken so long. I've been gone. We cruised for my birthday and just got back on Sunday. Had a great time and I recommend the Carnival Miracle to anyone.

First, I've written about sixty NEW new pages to rebuild my manuscript with. I'm going to start the slice and dice process here soon and we'll see if I can build a better mousetrap with it.

Secondly, Howard K. Stearn is not the father of that baby.

Third, last night's Gilmore Girls was of no value. We all knew Lane was pregnant (and by the way were they in Mexico for a month or what). We all get that they're broken up and it's awful and everyone's lives are in ruins. Let's bring on the Gil.

Fourth, LOST premiere. Tonight. Need I say more?

Fifth, BSG premiere on Friday. I"m sure I'll say more but my attentions are needed elsewhere.

Harpies, Part Two

2006-09-17T15:34:00.000-05:00

As an experiment I decided to try and write a chapter of a more "traditional" regency for the Avon Fanlit, since this appears to be what the people are crying out for. Thus there was research. I decided that my story would center on the painting The Grand Odelisque (seen above). There is great controversy over who the model exactly is and for what purpose it was painted given the the Romantic and leading into the Orientalism movements were in their infancy at the time. Also, Ingres was by natire a painter of court portraits. All very interesting. Other than the commission was ordered by the Queen Consort (and Napoleon's sister) of Naples at the time. Apparently to hang in complement with a painting he alegedlly did for her of a nude woman sleeping. No one seems to know the whereabouts of that painting. Here is Queen Caroline:

Personally, I think she looks a bit like the painting but is it possible that they used one body and her face? That's the premise of my ridiculous story. By the way Murat went on to paint The Roman Baths and Recling Odelisque with Slave among other famous works, most of which are housed in teh Louvre. Incidentally, poor Caroline never recieved her painting. She had conspired against her brother and fled to what was then a part of Austria with her children to avoid her husband's fate of beheading.

This story has been on the boards less than half an hour and has better scores then my last one has had in a week. I'm so disappointed in women.
Oh, and I thought you might enjoy viewing a ballgown from 1815 as I had no idea wht they looked like myself. Very boring compared to what I had thought. And while this snippet does not describe THIS dress (which resides in the Met) it is from a ladies' fashion peridoical from 1815.

EVENING DRESS.
Dress, of White Satin, tastefully trimmed with Sky Blue Velvet, a handsome Plaiting round the Neck, a Balloon Sleeve, looped up with narrow Blue Velvet; Band, fastened in the front with a Pearl Clasp. Pearl Necklace, Earrings, and Bracelets; long White Gloves; Silk Stockings; and White Satin Shoes, ornamented with silver. The Hair in braids in the front; full curls behind, fastened with a comb, worked with pearls. Admired as this publication has ever been for the taste displayed in the Dresses, yet we have no hesitation in saying that this one, for simplicity and elegance, far exceeds all others we have ever witnessed.

Well, here we go, prepare to be underwhelmed and possibly just ill. Remember that Regency is so not my thing.

Title: The Odalisque

Hook: (I had a very strict 150 character count here so forgive the triteness) His ideal woman exsisted only in an artist's sketch book. Until she stepped out of the pages and into his heart.

Summary of Chapter: His obsession had come to life. She was flesh and blood and beautiful. But could reality live up to fantasy?
When it appeared all intrigue and deception had left her life, a man claims he dreams of her, loves her….but only as The Odalisque. (Yes, I know. Shut up.)

Chapter One (incidentally, all names, locations and the general premise of lady takes Ton by storm, gentleman vows to undo her were all picked by NOT me)

London, Spring 1815

The Duchess of Alderman's Annual Ball

"Did I mention my step-mother was to attend?"
Demian looked at the Earl of Frasier with interest. It was the first interesting thing that had happened all evening at the Duchess of Alderman's ball. The Ton flocked each year because the elderly Duchess held the ear of Prinny and none wanted to run the risk of an insult. It was rumored the Prince Regent himself would appear.
"I'd heard her Ladyship was about and making quite a stir. Whatever did you say to lure her from Sussex? I thought she was rusticating quite happily."
"She was. I'm more than happy to leave her to her hobbies. I certainly have bigger concerns with this dashed Battle we fear approaching. She likes the sea, says the climate is as close to Italy as is available here in gloomy old England. She putters in the garden a great deal and reads."
"Sounds dreadfully boring," the Earl's interest had been momentarily piqued by the idea of a new face amongst The Ton but it waned quickly at the idea of a bookish dowager. His thoughts turned to a feminine figure, lush and ripe with promise, reclining on a bed, having fallen asleep awaiting her lover. Her dark hair-.
"I suppose you are dreaming about your fantasy girl again, seeing as I have been trying to tell you of Isabella for a good five minutes," observed Richard. "Shall you never get her out of your mind? First it was your obsession over the sketch book and now the damn painting. I hear you've emissary has been hounding poor Ingres mercilessly for the identity of the model. There is many a dark haired beauty here tonight, nay in all London who would be more than please to make your fantasies come true.
Damien simply sighed. His friend would truly never understand, he not understanding it himself, the obsession he had begun for the true identity of the model in the sketch book he owned. Last year his Mr. Franks, a most trustworthy and well-connected art dealer, had approached him with what he described as a one of a kind piece that he had been consigned. It's shocking asking price had meant nothing to Damien once he had examined it.
The sketch book was filled with page after page of a woman, in the nude in various reposes. The damnability was that in every sketch her face was blank. Normally not a fan of the new Romantic style, he was surprised when he spent more and more time with the book, studying each line, each curve, each mark.
"Ever so sorry. What about her," he inquired out of boredom. He poured his watery lemonade into a convenient plant and set the fragile cup on a passing server's tray.
"Oh, quite Italian. Intelligent, reads ad writes three languages, plays chess with great skill, wicked sense of humor. Her year of mourning for father has long past sense and I practically had bribe her hear with promises of botanical gardens, boxwood hedges and whatever other plants she cares to see."
"Why so interested?"
"Oh, I'm hoping to marry her off. I'd feel like I had preformed my duty as step-son. I hate to think her alone."
"Very altruistic of you. Well, the Duchess' wig is quite making my eyes water, didn't anyone tell her that fell out of fashion years up on years ago. If you decide to seek solace later in a glass and games, I shall be at Whites." He made for the stairs after bidding goodnight to his hostess and sneezing rather indiscreetly as the powder on her wig.
In truth, despite the early hour he was anxious to get home. Just as he was leaving his newest painting, the "The Valpincon Bather" had arrived. He looked forward to it joining Monsieur Ingres' "Girl after bathing". He was more than anxious to return and compare the subjects to ensure they were the same woman. He had heard of the marvel that was Monsieur's "La Grande Odalisque", unveiled last year at an exhibition at The Paris Salon. The damnable Little Dictator had made it quite impossible for him to personally view it thus he had Mr. Franks send a French painter to copy it brush stroke by brush stroke.
"Ah, there she is. Do wait a moment and be introduced to Isabelle, Damien," his friend asked.
A beauty of the first water had arrived at the top of the stairs. A hush rippled through the ballroom for a second before it begin to buzz in earnest telling who had already met and entertained the mysterious Countess.
She was not young, she was not old. Thirty, guessed Damien. Still considerably younger than her late husband had been and with her inheritance, she would still be considered a prime catch. She was dark, bespeaking her Mediterranean heritage. Olive skinned, black hair, dark eyes. Her figure a bit fuller than those of the English society maven as dictated by the fashion of Italy. Her looks were complemented by the gauzy ivory gown and pearls she wore.
She appeared uncertain at first, then her face breaking into a radiant smile when she saw Richard coming forth. "You told me this was to be a small gathering, Richard. Shame on you," she scolded fondly.
"Sorry, darling, or shall I introduce you as my dear Mother?" He kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"Don't you dare, you saucy pup or I shall thrash you like a
school boy."
"By the way," Richard tossed over his shoulder," Isabella, the Dowager Countess of Frasier, this is my oldest and dearest of intimates, Damien, Earl of Coulter. May I interest you in some perfectly horrid lemonade, Bella?" Richard made to take her arm to lead her to an introduction with the Duchess.
"Would your ladyship do me the honor of this dance," Damien blurted out. So uncharacteristic was his forwardness and clumsy delivery, Richard stopped in his tracks and simply blinked at him.
"I should greet the hostess, I believe. I shall be happy to add you to my dance card for…Oh my." And before she knew it, Isabella was whirling about the dance floor.

# # #

"I know you," the Earl informed her. Neither preamble nor polite chatter with this man. He was staring down at her intensely, as though his dark hair and gray eyes did not make him intense enough.
She smiled easily at him. A woman with nothing to hide. "Have you been to Italy recently, my Lord," she inquired breezily.
"No, not since my Grand Tour in ninety-eight. I do know you," he repeated. Not a question, just fact.
"I have lived in Italy my entire life, Sir. I am sure you've confused me with another. Do not let it trouble you." Perhaps he would let it go now. It would be impolite of him to press further.
"That is where you met Edward's father, is it not? Rome?" H was looking more puzzled by the moment.
"Yes, the English climate did not agree with him in his later years. He took up residence there."
"And we have never-."
"Have you been to Sussex recently," she cut him off. He was like an old dog with a bone. And she did not enjoy feeling the clamp of his muzzle about her.
"No," he replied slowly. He was barely listening now, studying her so relentlessly that she was afraid they were attracting attention.
"I have not left it during my mourning. The dance comes to a close. Perhaps you could return me to Edward?" She went to take his arm, in the process she was forced to shift the slight trail of fabric from her skirt, allowing the back of her neck be exposed to him. Straightening, she took his arm and made to move from the floor.
He stopped and turned to her, she saw him swallowing hard, a bead of perspiration forming on his brow,
"I did not recognize you clothed, your ladyship," he said
in wonder.
She made a hasty exit off the floor. He pursued.
"It is you? The Odalisque? I would never have truly known had I not seen the birth mark on the back of your neck." He reached to touch it and she slapped his hand away with her fan.
"Sir, this is most improper and if you do not desist immediately, I shall inform my son-in-law of your advances." She moved quickly toward the doors to the ladies retiring room. Again he pursued.
"I would not have known your face, but you body, your birthmark, the curve of your neck, they are as distinctive as a snowflake."
"I beg of you to leave me alone, sir. I've developed a headache and must ask Richard to escort me home. Good evening." She turned, almost in tears to hurry away.
"I dream of you every night."
She stopped in her tracks. "I must go," she said quietly, not even turning to face him.
The Odalisque. Here. She must be his in life as she was in portraiture. Richard said he had hoped to make a suitable match during The Season. Damien was quite sure he would be suitable.

Crap, right? But these Regency Women are eating it up with a spoon. Anyway, run along to www.avonfanlit.com, register, scroll through and find me and give me a five please.. You already read the thing so you might as well help me out.

Harpies

2006-09-15T10:20:00.000-05:00

Okay. so Monday night I did indeed write up a chapter and put it up on the Avon Fan-Lit board. I'm not a regency reader, I hate heaving bosoms. I hate the word heaving in general and dislike body parts that do so. The closeset I get is Julia Quinn which is not by a LONG shot Regency Regular. So I shot off this amusing and different , in my opinion, little chapter. It was actually an excellent exercise in editing. You had to be no more then 2500 chracters total with spaces for your chapter. A catch line could be no more that a 80. Your synopsis no more than 125 and your chapter teaser? About 250. It was editing hell but I'm glad I did it since it forced me to make some difficult choices. Not saying said choices were the correct ones, but choices were made and scenes were sliced none the less. If anyone would like to wander over with a kind word, it's called Pursued and you can slap a five on there and I will send you an autographed copy of my first book.

Turthfully, I read through a lot of the submission taglines looking for something not heaving and the ones I found and read that were unique and liked and gave good marks to? Are getting slaughtered by the Regency Natzis. If you don't like it, just ignore it. Don't be ugly to each other. These people are viscious.

So if you would like to boost my score or anyone else's, head over. If not, I don't blame you, it's hell over there.

Friday. Fun.

2006-09-15T10:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry, not feeling fun.

Anyway, I wanted to give you all this because it's obsessive but you can only play an hour. You do have to download the demo so it's not ideal for work.

Virtual Villagers Trial

It's a SIM which I think are fun. You have to teach the little buggers everything but they continue to wrok while you are not actively runnign the game. So I started everyone on a task, fruit picking, clearing the rocks from the river, examining herbs, and working on building, oh and sent a few into the huts for nature to take it's course, than I checked back every once in awhile. That wasy I got to play longer and it was so interesting to see what they had done. Fish Tycoon is also like this but moces at a SNAILS PACE. I like dealing with the little people. Warning: it is addictive and you will be tempted to buy it. Sorry.

Sorry for the absence, mea culpa

2006-09-11T13:58:00.000-05:00

My apologies, my dears, I have been away from you too long. My deviotion has not lessened, only my time.

I know you all probably kept checking for my big Croc Hunter essay. I tried to write one but...well, are we really surprised by his death? Ironically by one of the most inocuous creatures of the deep. And given that Steve's baliwick was land not sea...well, there you go. I know that Steve and his wife fancied themselves conservationist. And they did a lot of good in many areas. But I have always had a quibble with the WAY they did it. The way they chose to garner the attention (sticking heads in croc mouths, wrestling anacondas, tossing one's self in with tiger sharks) through cheap, dangerous stunts. I works at the zoo for awhile. Here's the truth, a wild animal IS a wild animal. It can/will turn on you. Crocodiles are not housepets, they do not care about you. Boas do not have emotional attachments. The best I can illustrate this was one day when chatting with an elephant keeper as she was wheelbarrowing out about two hundred pounds of elephant shit and had told me she was quitting. "Won't they miss you," I asked. "No," she said. "They will be attached as much as they are to me as to the next person who shows up and feeds them, cleans them, cleans the stalls and scrapes the crap out of their yard. We are not thier friends or family. We don't chat or have coffee together. They're great animals, they're smart, they're resourceful, but they won't notice I'm gone and it's someone new taking this wheelbarrow out." Wild animals are wild. God made them that way for a reason. And God gave us common sense for a reason (although not in equal doses). And hovering around a ray with a six foot wing span and eighteen inch barb who is trying to get away from you during the part of the year where rays are all freaked out about tiger shark attacks anyway? Well, again...it was going to happen sooner than later. My heart goes out to his children, and no, I don't know if it was a doll or his daughter he was dangling there so I make no judgments.

So, it's 9/11. And the news channels and the not news channels and the channels that think they're news but are not are all busy making us relive it. I stood in an office and watched the second plane fly into the tower. I watched people throwing themselves out of the windows because they were so scared to be burned to death. I watched the towers collapse. I used to live in New York. Did you know that? I worked right across the street from the Trade Center. As a matter of fact it was my subway stop and usually before I went to work I sat out in the plaza in the shade of building one and had my coffee. I saw the people who went in and out. I bought the occasional newspaper or cigarettes from the newstand guy next to the subway tunnel. I don't need a movie or a replay of the news coverage to see those people in my mind crushed under a million pounds of rubble without any idea of why or who or how.

The Basics

2006-09-01T12:58:00.000-05:00

It seems there are a number of aspiring writers out there who haven't the least CLUE about RWA or anything else about actually being published. Fear not, I am here to help make sure your manuscript does not immediately meet the roundfile.

First the super basic: www.rwanational.org Home page for Romance Writer's Association. The mother of all romance/women's fic. Belonging is the one of the first steps to being taken seriously by agents/publishers.

Now: Format. This should be standard stuff but often people do not know. White paper, 1 inch margins all around. 12 pt. Courier New or Times font. Black ink. Your name and title of work should appear on each page in the left hand corner as a header, the right should have page numbers.
Example:

B. Smith/Generic Manuscript 1

Then jump down about a third and start off with a big ol' Chapter One. Now, some of you have prologues. You consider them more important thatn life and would rather sacrifice an arm then remove them. Get your saw out. Loose it. People want to be in this story RIGHT THEN not wandering around in the past/future.

Third: New Scene, Head hopping, Tense

If you have a new scene in a chapter use # as the divider, don;t try anything cutesy. Example:

Bob's horse stopped short throwing Bob off a cliff and to a bone shattering death. Poor Bob.

# # #

Meanwhile back at the ranch...

Got it?

Headhopping? Unless you're Nora Roberts then, no. Just no. It's bad formatting and just bad storytelling. Bob should have his own paragraph.

Tense, let's be consistent here. While mishmashing first and third person may seem edgy. It's not.

Now, exposition. The down fall of most writers, the damn exposition fairy comes and whacks the shit out of you with her wand. And suddenly you have characters staring out at landscapes and remembering childhood trauma or lost loves or the LONG LONG story of how they lost their car keys that hilarious time in Modesto. Stop that. It's boring. Here is THE RULE: SHOW DON'T TELL. Move those people around, interact them, tell me what's going on.

Don't have a cute email address when applying to an editor/agent. They have told me time and again that anyone with an email address like "BoBoFooDog1" or "KittySnuggles" doesn't get much respect. I set up an email address that is ONLY on my business cards for agents and editors.

Go to sites and join organizations and web boards that can help you. RWA has many special interest chapters. Go look. Romance Times has a great website. Publisher's Marketplace. Predators and Editors. Publishing houses and Agents blogs/websites. Other writer's websites. Don't be afriad to email your favorite author and just say hi, I love your work. Often they're looking for a reason to procrastinate and email is the answer. Mary Janice Davidson and I got in a multi email discussion once about TWOP. Read Miss Snark. Check out Jenny Crusie's Cherrys.

Contest: Meh. I recommend the Golden Heart if you are going to do one. You prepay and there is a very strict deadline. So you feel pressured to meet it. Just like real life. Keep in mind that contest results are often wildly skewed based on the reader. If you do enter other contest look for things that offer your category. And your weakest points. I write a great cover letter so I need not enter a coverletter contest. I don't need validation. But my synopsis are awful. So a synopsis contest might be useful. Also, keep in mind that these are just four or five random people's opinions.

Time to send out that manuscript? I'll just print out all four hundred pages and ship it right out. NONONO! Don't you dare. First, find your targets. Where does your book fit? Is it category? Is it mystery? Find who and what handles your sort of stuff. Now take a look at their "Submission" page. They all have one but you may have to look closely. Some will tell you they do not except unagented material. Fine, get back to them when you have an agent. Now, unless stated otherwise, send your query letter and ONLY your query letter in whatever form they wish. SOme will ask for partials right off tha bat. If that's true than by all means do it. Each publisher/agent will tell you EXACTLY how to package things. LISTEN TO THEM, otherwise? Round File.

Other questions? No. Get back to me if you have any. Hope this helps some of you.

Hmmmm...could be good news, could be a trap

2006-08-30T09:14:00.000-05:00

I recently read a book published by Forge which was in my "goody bag" from Nationals. We get these awesome bags chock full of books either not released yet or authors the publishing houses are pushing. Most of them were NOT my thing, lots of paranormal and some erotica. A few were Regency and I did read those and I thought that the The Secret Pearl by Mary Balough was terrific and I found myself sort of welling up at one point.

Anywho, one of the books was a contemporary and it's...mediocre at best (no names) so I wanted to know who published it and it was Forge so I went to the website. Now, they are a publisher actually called Tor/Forge. Tor publishes a very extensive and well-known line of sci-fi, fantasy and Forge is their mainstream brand. There I found this:

Thursday, March 17: Tor/Forge is now actively seeking chick lit. Download a PDF of the guidelines here.

Here are said Guidelines:

Tom Doherty Associates, LLC

Tor/Forge is actively seeking chick lit submissions.

All submissions should follow these guidelines and be addressed to:

Natasha Panza, Tor Editorial
Tom Doherty Associates, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue, 14th Floor
New York, NY 10010

􀂙 Our definition of chick lit is slightly different from that of other publishers. We are not looking for the standard New York City/L.A. shopping/complaining/sex novels, but rather somewhat humorous, romantic and/or sexy novels about protagonists in their mid twenties through late thirties who are doing interesting things and lead interesting lives with whom readers can relate and sympathize.
􀂙 These novels may have paranormal elements, but we are not looking exclusively for paranormal chick lit.
􀂙 Submissions should be 75,000 - 110,000 words.
􀂙 These books will most likely be done first in trade paperback, and then in mass market. However, we reserve the right to publish these books as we see fit; we will be publishing them just like all our other books -- that is, in a manner in which we can expect them to sell the highest possible quantities.

Unagented Authors:
􀂙 Proposals should contain the first three chapters, a 2-3 page synopsis, and a cover letter.
􀂙 Previously unpublished authors (or authors who have only published in category romance) must have a completed manuscript.
􀂙 Previously published authors who are unagented may submit a proposal and a copy of one of their previous books.

Authors with agents:
􀂙 Please have your agent call Natasha Panza at 646-307-5497 to discuss the project prior to submission.
Do not send query letters, proposals by fax, or proposals by email.
Such submissions will not be considered.

So I figure it's one of two things: They Do want to see some chick-lit (of a different feather) or they're just out to mock us as most agents are at this point (no names).

Season Three LOST Spoilers and New Poster

2006-08-23T15:44:00.000-05:00

Well, I've cobbled together a few LOST Season 3 spoilers for you. I have no idea if any of them are true. The only ones I really trust are from http://www.spoilerfix.com or SECRETAGENTMAN on the TWOP Spec with Spoilers Board. I think Ausiello is good but he can be vague. Kristen with E! is useless.But let's give it a try. All my spoilers are very general for the most part except the ones from TMF but who knows? I'd give him a 50/50 on what he'll get correct. Everything here can and has been collected from other websites, I'm just assembling for your convenience what can be substantiated for the most part.

But first, the new promo poster for Season 3. Behold...

No one seems to know if the thing with the weird eyes is a pixel issue or the actual poster has it that way. And if so...why? Also, what about the placement? Does it mean anything either? Season Three is still not near and already my head is hurting from looking for "signs". I'd like to note that Jorge Garcia looks...pissed. And I for one would love to see him as less goodtime guy and more whip Sawyer's ass guy on occasion.

So, here are some spoilers. Now, these are just ones that I think might be true OR I think are really interesting so take them with a BOULDER of kosher salt.

Underwater Scenes and new sets

These were found from the Honolulu Star Bulletin.

They have committed to at least 1 more year on the Island of Oahu
The Cast and Crew will report back on August 7th 2006 for shooting
There are new sets for Season 3, these include the renovation of an old water tank for underwater scenes.
There are other interesting bits about the various locations used as well.

No more Michael?
Newsday, a New York newspaper, has reported that LOST Actor Harold Perrineau who play Michael has been released of his contract and will not be in Season 3.

More focus on romance
Producers of ABC's hit series Lost told SCI FI Wire that it sets up the upcoming third season, which will focus more on romance—and on the mysterious Others. "The Others are an important part of season three, and there's a lot of mysteries and a lot of questions about the Others that the audience is going to be curious about going into season three," said executive producer Carlton Cuse in an interview. "And those are the things we're going to explore." Cuse added: "There will definitely be some new characters on the show next year... Obviously, Michael Emerson, who plays Henry Gale, he's someone who's going to be very prominent in the show next year." Fans were also introduced to a new character who promises to figure in next season's storylines: Penelope Widmore, played by Sonya Walger. [...] "I'm excited about love in season three," said executive producer Bryan Burk, adding: "Don't forget now the people have been on the island for 60-plus days. They're now obviously more familiar with each other. ... The concept of love is there, and... it weaves its way through all of our characters. It's going to be much more prevalent in season three."

Whole host of spoilers from Comic-Con
- Season three will focus more on adventure.- We'll learn more about The Others and Alex's story.- An event will happen mid-season that will blow people away!- J.J. Abrams will co-write the first episode which is titled "The Tale of Two Cities."- They are going to reveal what happened to Locke, Desmond and Echo.- They are adding new regular characters, which they are casting for now.- You'll see more scenes from the outside world- Desmond and Penny's relationship forms a new seed for a new element in the series.- Libby will be back to fill in the gaps.- Within the first few episodes Kate "gets with someone".- They are going to explain the medical miracles.- They debunked the rumor that the monster is a cloud nanobot.- The hyroglypics on the countdown clock are signs of the underworld.- They have 4 to 5 seasons planned out, and they knew the beginning and ending from the start. Going beyond 5 seasons would be stretching it, they said.- If they introduce a question on the show, they already know the answer.- They do look at fans' reactions and that does affect how they do things on the show.- They showed a promo for the 13 "Lost" diaries that will be on Verizon, which featured Hugo finding a camera and interviewing people on the island.- A "Lost" game from Ubisoft is coming next year which features a new story.- On the season two DVD, you can expect one feature which has all of Sawyer's famous lines!

SpoilerFix

07/21 - During an interview Carlton Cuse revealed: We almost view the first six as a miniseries. And it's going to answer what we left hanging at the end of the finale. Obviously, we're going to explain what happened to Locke and Desmond and Eko, and sort of deal with the fact that Sawyer and Kate and Jack are in captivity. We would love to sort of finish up [Libby]'s story. We're casting two female roles and one new male role. I can't tell you where the characters are going to come from, but obviously, one of the things we're doing this year on the show is... learning a lot more about the Others, and their society and their history. So it might be fair to say that you're going to learn more about some other characters who are also Others. I wouldn't call it the season of sex, but I will say that romance will play a much more active part of the show this year... We actually meant to get to it last year. We didn't really get to the romance as fast as we thought we were going to. So this year that's definitely on our agenda. I think actually one of these new female characters is going to be a romantic interest, possibly for Jack. There will be several new romances on the show this year... I think that this year we're looking to make the show a little bit brighter, a little bit more vibrant, a little bit more on the action-adventure axis, a little bit more on the romance axis. I don't think the show will be as dark and as intense this year [as it was last season]. And it will be, I think, even more on the character axis than on the mythological axis. John Locke will be a very different person in Season 3. All of his questions and his doubts and his uncertainty have been answered. In fact, the button did mean something. And there was something at stake. And I think that will bring about a change in that character. Penny is an important character in the overarching mythology of the show. The interrelationship between the outside world and the island will be something that will be a part of Season 3. The monster will be a part of Season 3, as will the polar bear. People are asking what happened to the polar bear, so we will be doing some polar-bear stories. The smoke creature and the monster are one and the same. I hope Cindy shows up at some point. Let's just say we have many actors on our show; she is not at the top of the list of actors we're servicing. Source: The Ausiello Report

This is fom The Misfits Blog. I'll be honest, the guy is nuttier than a PayDay but you never know. Also, several people report that he tends to make wild speculations (oh, and claims he's solved the mystery of alien autopsies but that's a whole different blog) and then change his posts as things go along. I'm not saying he's wrong, I'm just saying...well....read the rest of his blog and draw your own conclusions. http://themisfitishere.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I have a NEW mole with SEASON 3 massive spoilers!!
A new MOLE has contacted me from WITHIN the writing team of ABC LOST!! He has given me LOTS of new spoilers ABOUT season 3!! DO not read UNLESS you want to know!!More SPOILERS will be sent to me SOON!!-
Fake HENRY real name is Thomas Radzinsky-
In Kates flashback we meet 2 new Characters. Amelia and Karl.-
Chris Shephard is both Jacks and Claires Father-
Kate chooses Sawyer-
In Claires flashback we see 2 characters Mike and Jan-
Rose dies this season of Cancer-
New man Rodrigo is a Survivor-
B/W star Julie Adams will make several appearances-
Shannon is back in a flashback-
Sayid manages to rescue Kate & Sawyer but not Jack-
There is no Walt/Michael in the mini-series start to the Season-
There will be a Danielle flashback this season-
Jack saves someone we have seen before-
Locke leg injury was never a physical injury-
Sun will dream into the future-
Desmond flashback has new character Warden Harris-
Kate/Jack & Sawyer are all kept seperated by the Others-
Libby's last name is Winchester-
We see Jack in a flashback at the hospital-
Libbys husband was killed in the decking accident that Hurley thought he caused-
Libby was after Hurleys money as revenge-
Locke was responsible for Shannons Fathers death- (NovelChick Editorial Note: Huh? I thought Jack's Wife jumped the median and hit him with her SUV and then Jack made the TOD call? Well, you never know.)
Sun's child is female-
Karen DeGroot and DR Marvin will be found in the Flame Station-
The Flame station is Partly underwater

Episode Flashbacks
E01 "A Tale of Two Cities" - KATE
E02 "Further Instructions" CLAIRE
E03 "The Glass Ballerina" SUN
E04 "Everyman for himself" DESMOND
E05 "11-80" LOCKE
E06 "The Judas kiss" JACK
E07 "Missing" Penny/Realtime off island
E08 "An Englisgh Rose" EKO
E09 "Remission" Rose/Bernard
E10 "He can never know" Sun

The BLOW us away MOMENT is!!"This is quite good actually. We have a flashback or so we think to Penny watching the news just after the phone call she recieved from the artic monitoring station. It shows that Flight 815 is still "missing" one week after its disappearence and the previous couple of months have actually taken place in a week. The time on the island runs a lot quicker than the outside world. It's a real wtf moment."

(NovelChick Editorial: Naturally it would suck bad if Rose dies. Also, we have no reason to think/not think that the phone call to Penny didn't take place during the original plane crash and we were getting it in flashback, now do we?)

Lost': The biggest twist yet -- no reruns!

All Lost viewers live in fear of The Others. No, not the violent dinner theater troupe from the other side of Fakebeard Island -- I refer to the dreaded other episodes, the reruns that fill the substantial gaps in the show's 35-week schedule.
Well, fear not, fanimals. You won't have to wait for new episodes ever again. Or rather, your waiting will be consolidated. Lost will air in two chunks next year: a seven-episode arc in the fall, followed by a 13-week break, then a straight consecutive airing of the remaining episodes. (The hiatus will be filled by Day Break, a Groundhog Day-meets-24 suspense series starring Taye Diggs.)
Whaddaya think? Is this setup preferable? It pretty much mandates a major mid-season cliffhanger, which isn't such a bad idea (as Battlestar Galactica has demonstrated).

From the Tail Section : http://www.thetailsection.com/lost_spoilers/spoilerpalooza_part_1.php#moreThink you've seen some "lord of the flies" action? Think again! Get ready for politics-on-the-beach when the clique returns Jack-less and limping to confront a populace ready for regime change, and an aggressive new leader with a dangerous motivation.

(NovelChick Editorial: And YES, the Hatch and all it's goodies are GONE. Also, rumors swirl that Bernard will be one of those stepping forward as a potential new leader and...God Help Them All.)

Okay, enough for NOW..If you want more that you know are 100% reliable head over to televisionwithoutpity to the LOST Forum and the Speculation WITH Spoilers board to see what SecretAgentMan has posted.

And for those of you who are really, really, really looking forward to the premiere, a little gift to keep you from having to do math constantly. Which is my worst nightmare and exactly why I let the Soduku craze pass me by.

LOST Season Three Countdown Screensaver

It has begun...

2006-08-23T09:45:00.001-05:00

Good news all you writers!

It's up and running. The nominations for the "what should your novel be about" at the new Avon Fanlit Page.

http://avonforum.fanlit.com/forums/9/ShowPost.aspx

You need to register first. It's sponsored by Saks Fifth Avenue and they're giving away Saks Gift Cards for the early birds. So hurry on over there.

On September 7th, based on your feedback, we'll announce the winning premise and I'll post the first "Story Line." Then the writing and voting can begin!

1) Medieval When the lady of the manor is orphaned, the king chooses one of his trusted advisors as her guardian. This man controls her land and her future — but will he also control her heart? - Author Examples: Mary Reed McCall, Margo Maguire

2) Regency A beautiful young lady takes society by storm, fascinating the male members of the town and intriguing the female members. She claims she is a "lady," the daughter of an earl long-gone from London society, and her seductive charms seduce every gentleman she meets — all except one. This striking aristocrat doesn't believe a word she says. Is she truly a lady? Or, is she a desperate damsel in some sort of disguise? - Author Examples: Stephanie Laurens, Victoria Alexander, Julia Quinn

3) Victorian He is handsome, intriguing, and has returned from America with a fortune. Now, he must win himself a bride, one with a title, and show those who had scorned him in the past that he is one of them. But to enter London society, one must play by society's rules. And to learn them, he hires a genteel woman as his personal "finishing governess." She has the title, and the connections, but her family fortune is gone... - Author Example: Lisa Kleypas

4) Contemporary When this handsome billionaire reconnects with a woman from his past, sparks fly. But when he discovers she has a child who could very well be his, will the secrets they've kept ruin their second chance at love? - Author Example: Rachel Gibson

5) Paranormal This dashing vampire needs to improve his image fast if he wants to keep his true identity a secret. But when the woman he convinces to marry him makes a startling discovery on their wedding night, our hero will really have to scramble to save what's left of his life. - Author Examples: Lynsay Sands, Teresa Medeiros

6) Suspense In a case of mistaken identity, our heroine's twin sister is kidnapped in her place. It's a race against time as she teams up with a hired gun to bring her sister back, save her own life, and take down the killers who want to silence them all. - Author Examples: Elizabeth Lowell, Andrea Kane

Naturally there's no Chick-Lit categorey since we're all forced to wear scarlett CL's on our Prada handbags at this point.

I voted for, okay just have a seat, Regency. I know, I know. But it seemd the nest story line. I mean twin kidnapping? Ick. Vampire bride? Ick. I had hoped for better but I intend to work with what they've got and again, look upon this as an exercise rather than a contest. Naturally I hope I'd WIN but Regency? Not my thing at all with all the corsets and landaus. Too much reserach. Although the Regency fans aren't nearly as weird about research as your Scottish Higland people. They're animals. Try and slip something past them and they'll show up at your house with pitchforks and torches.

Anywhoodles, the Must is still MIA, damn her. So I guess I might as well either fake it and just jot down some scenes to rewrite later OR I could start on my holiday story. I hate to get sidetracked like that.

The Award Goes To...

2006-08-22T15:29:00.000-05:00

I'd like to thank you all for joing us here at NovelChick for our first annual, Industry Dimwits Indefintely Out of Touch or IDIOTS Award Ceremony. This year our fine winners will receive not only a year long barrage of emails from me telling them how they excel in being stupid but this nifty 2007 365 Ways To Not Alienate Your Viewers Calender. Oh and a $5.00 gift certificate to Hardee's and a tote bag with "Network Moron" on it.

The Barbara Streisand Award for Most Incredible Oversight of Nomination or A Possible Just Plain Insult By The Emmy Nomination Committee

Mary McDonald- Battlestar Gallactica

The Lauren Graham Award for Most Consecutive Years of Being Ignored By The Emmy Nominating Committee

Lauren Graham (again)- Gilmore Girls

The Media Play Award For A Show Broadcast By A Network That Completely and Utterly Has Nothing To Do With It's Mission Statement If It Can Even FInd A Copy Of It

Wrestling- Sci-Fi Network

The David Duchovney Formerly Most Ass Kicking Character On The Small Screen Who Was This Season Summarily Castrated Before Our Eyes

Terry O'Quinn- LOST

The Crossing Jordan Award for a Program That The Creators Thought They Improved With New Characters But Not So Much As It Turned Out....

Anyone who made this decision- LOST

The Paris Hilton Flog It Until It's So Far Past Dead It Smells Award as well as the most overuse of the phrase "the most intense episode yet"

ER

The Whitney Houston Award For An Actor Who At One Time Was Considered Marginally Talented But Now Is Just Scary

David Caruso- CSI: Miami

The Trading Spaces Award For The Show That People Are Still Watching Because They Can't Remember To Take It Off The Tifaux Lineup

Desperate Housewives- ABC

The Manly Punch On The Arm Award For Excellent Transitional Casting As One Main Character Left The Show And They Brought In A Replacement

Ben Browder- SG-1

The Elizabeth Taylor Award For Best "Milestone" Episode. Ever.

"200"- SG-1

The David Caruso Sunglasses Of Justice Award For Best Inanimate Prop In A Series

Michelle Rodriguez- LOST

The French Mime Award For Most Needed Prop In A Series-

A Barrett For Michelle Rodriguez- LOST

The Josh Whedon Low Rated Cult Darling That Continues To See Low Ratings But The Network Has Good Enough Taste To Leave It On Believe It Or Not

Veronica Mars- Whatever Network that is now

The Andy Rooney Say What We're All Thinking Award for Truth In Newshows
(tie)

Nancy Grace-Nancy Grace
Anderson Cooper- Anderson Cooper 360

The David Moore "I Couldn't Have Scripted That Shit" Award For Best Interview

Matt Lauer -The Brittney Spears Hair Extension Debacle

The Martha Stewart Award For Multi-tasking For Trying To Make As Big A Scene As Humanly Possible While Exiting A Show, Making An Enemy of Barbara Walters and Proving Once And For All That Botox Will Make You Insane ALL AT THE SAME TIME

Starr Jones- The View

The Bruce Willis/Cybil Sheppard Award for New Pairing With The Most "Vavoom" Going On

Claudia Black/Michael Shanks- SG-1

The Luke and Lorelei Award For New Pairing With No Vavoom In Evidence

Matthew Fox and everyone they attempted to pair him with, with the possible exception of like two seconds with Kate but I don't see that going anywhere- LOST

The X-Files Award for Show That Was So Fabulous Until The Network Screwed With It Starting With The Opening Credits and Now Is Questionable-

MONK-USA Network

The Ken Starr Award For A Show That Has Spawned More Theories, Blogs, Crazy People, Wasted Hours and General Encompassing Of People's Lives Than Any Show Ever-

LOST- ABC

The Days Of Our Lives Award For Most Inappropriate Use of A "Surprise" Illegitimate Child As A Plot Device 'Cause We're Phoning It In Award-

The Palladinos- Gilmore Girls

The Frozen Snicker Bar Award For Most Guilty Pleasure
(tie)

Flavor of Love- MTV

The Girls Next Door- E!

The We're Not Sure What To Call It Award For Finally Getting Some Concrete Plot Development In The Romance Section Wihtout Beating Us Over The Head-

CSI: Original Recipe

The Dermont McDillon Best Use Of A Tattoo Award

Prison Break- FOX

The Matchmaker Award For A Really Good Show That Is On Friday Night And On A Weird Network-

Most Haunted- Travel Channel

The Jeff Francour Came Out Of Nowhere and Is Great Award For New Show-

Psych-USA

The Tom Cruise Overhyped and Not Very Good Award-

Eureka- Sci-Fi

Dracula and Santa: Go together like Egg and...Nog

2006-08-21T13:56:00.000-05:00

Yes, once upon a time in a happy and naieve land, NovelChick thought, write a good book, get an agent, get published, go to cocktail parties with the likes of Bette Midler. It seems simple. Man has been putting words down for many, many millenium. Write it, sell it. But it's not. It's not even close. First, you have to actually WRITE the darn thing. Although this process is entirely different from person to person. Some people use a word count a day, some do per pages a day, some write when inspiration hits (The NovelChick Method/Madness), some people have to do complete and detailed synopsis down to the fictional neighbor's hampsters name. It's all a process and it all leads to the same end. Sort of like driving around Atlanta, no matter where you start or what route you take, eventually, you'll see an I-85 sign.

So, now that NovelChick has discovered her genre has DIED according to agents (and really what's the point in getting an agent who thinks the genre is dead and isn't going to try and sell you? I mean this person is in your life forever). I'm thinking of expanding my wings and flying. Or opening my wings and soaring or...I was never good with analogies. Anyway, as we all know by now Rose Press is in a lather to get holiday stories out. I am thinking of (and some of you may need a seat) writing a vampire Christmas tale.

Are we all feeling better now? While I watch copius amounts of sci-fi and enjoy vampire movies a good deal (just saw Underworld Two, highly recommend it, don't forget your special goggle that will lessen some of Kate Beckinsale's beauty or you risk cornea damage) I'm just not a paranormal reader. I don't know why. I think the best and dearest fantasy book I ever read was Magic Kingdom For Sale: Sold by the great Terry Brooks. Matter of fact, my original first edition copy is so ratty that he sent me a new one. My mother was at a book conference some years ago and told me he was doing a seminar. I gave her my pathetic copy and she hauled it to the conference and had him sign it. I believe he referred to it as "well loved". Anyway, that whole literary scene has never been my deal. There are some fabulously talented writers out there doing it, Sherrilyn Kenyon comes immediately to mind, and if you're into that sort of thing and you haven't read the DarkHunter series than I have no idea why you're still sitting here, reading this when you should be trucking down to Borders. So for me to say, vampire Christmas, yes I think that will work, is ridiculous. But none the less...I suppose since it's a new epublisher I feel like I can do it and not have to worry about a word count and maybe they like it or not but it's a first try. So, what's the harm?

Well, okay the harm is that it dents my time spent on the Sassy Wenches book. If I write 15 pages a day until August 31 I'm done. But if the muse is busy elsewhere, sometimes you have to wait. And apparently my muse is busy with back to school shopping or something because she didn't think it was worth getting into that swarm at Target or Bloomingdales to save five percent or whatever. My muse is quite brilliant. She'll be here soon, I'm not worried about it and one day next week I'll wake up and blast fifty pages down in one sitting. So in the meantime.....

I guess "I vant to suck youl vlodd! Bla, bla, bla!"

So, feedback on this plan? BTW, thank you all so much for your cookie thoughts. You were all very wise.

Friday Fun..for some

2006-08-18T11:24:00.000-05:00

In my continuing effort to update you on book news and hopefully encourage some budding writers out there...

Avon Romance Write-Off Contest

This was announced with much fanfare and hoopla at the RWA conference and I truly hope some of you will gear up and participate since this is one contest that doesn't cost a thing and you have nothing to lose.
Essentially there will be book topics picked by the editors and every week budding authors may submit their chapter for the new book to be selected. At the end of ten weeks, the book will be published as an ebook. So if one idea strikes your fancy and the preceeding chapter sparks your imagination you can just try your hand at writing one chapter nad putting it out there. Plus it gives you a chance every week to see what the ditors are looking for. So get your Nascar, paranormal, alpha hero thinking caps on and Netflix up some inspiration. Start NOW.

Christmas in August

2006-08-17T15:07:00.000-05:00

Word on the street is that this small e-publisher is looking to aquire Christmas/Holiday stories. No word on length or genre but their submissions page is fairly specific about the usual submission guidelines. Just in case any of you out there are budding writers....

http://thewildrosepress.com/

Shhhh...

2006-08-17T14:48:00.000-05:00

I write Chick-Lit. But I can't say that anymore because chick-lit is OUT, dead, gnre non grata. If you're a chick-lit writer at the moment you need to conceal that better than the Frank Family. You know why? Because five years ago when Chick-Lit became the IT genre, every editor went through the slush piles, pulled every piece of "chick-lit" they could find and ran to press with it. The results? A horrible gobble goop of crap out there choking up the market. So, we're dead. But are we?

First, we've been instructed to call ourselves "women's fiction" whatever THAT means. While there is no noticable difference somehow this makes a difference to editors. It inplies that our heroines are...smarter? That we're tackiling deeper issues? Because finding one's way in the world is so petty? What makes that petty? A woman likes shoes? Or are we supposed to all be writing books about cheating spouses and drug addiction? I don't know the answer. I don't want to read that book so I'm not writing it. But here's an interesting take on it.

Women's Fic vs Chick-Lit

and here's an interesting web page put out by a publisher to 'defend' our genre.

http://chicklit.smartpopbooks.com/

While I appreciate that there are people that are saying that chick-lit is still going strong, I question do we need to defend it? Should we ever defend a style of writing? Don't we just write the compelling books of our heart be they Scottish time travels or medical thrillers or traditional romance? Isn't there always room out there for one more good book regardless of what label is has been slapped with?

I'm starting to wonder.

Friday Fun....

2006-08-11T09:03:00.000-05:00

Cowboys nad Chinamen

Pirate Treasure

I'm posting these early because they're time consuming. No downloads.

It took me about fourteen tries to get through the reef on the pirate game but it can be done. Pirates is my favorite of the two.

Some pictures my daughter should never see

2006-08-10T12:05:00.000-05:00

I'm concerned about what I'm seeing these days in magazines and movies and on television. It's not normal for a full grown woman to weigh 90 pounds. I don't want my daughter to think it is. Women like Nicole Ritchie and Kate Bosworth are not helping. If they would stand up and say "I have an eating disorder. I'm too skinny. Hollywood has screwed with me so much my self-imageis completely distorted. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF' than I think I'd find far less of the horrible thing going on that you can link to at the bottom of this page. There are many of these out there, but this one was particularly painful to me.

I'm pleased to see Laura Flynn Boyle has added pretzels to her diet this year. Remember the ballerina dress debacle? Just scary as hell. What do you think she weighed at her skinniest? Ninety pounds? Eighty? No wonder Jack Nicholson was like...ick.

And below the woman who I blame for starting this, Calista Flockhart. Does anyone know why Harrison Ford would be having sex with her? She seems to have put on about two pounds here in picture two so maybe she mistook a tic-tac as a birth control pill and bulked up?

Nicole Ritchie. Did someone actually say to her "you look great"?

Did anyone have a problem with Kate Bosworth looking like this?

Apparently so. Do you wonder if Orlando Bloom ever looks at her now and is like "Is this what I signed up for?"

Okay, here come the Hollywood fatties by comparison. Yes, these women are probably twos and fours. Some might tip the scale at 120. Let's take a look.

Meg Ryan-Okay, her image is tarnished but that wasn't because of her weight. Still lovely, still normal looking, still I can relate to her as a female in her movies with actual things going on in her life besides being obsessed with carbs.

Evangeline Lily- Looking a littel hip boney here but all in all, healthy.

Kate Beckinsale. A woman so glamorous it's actually painful. We'll need special goggles to view the next two photos. In a bikini she's small but perfectly porportioned which I guess means she's small boned. And obviously, she looks good as we can see in picture number two. She wore nothing but latex in Underworld. Does anyone want to see Nicole Ritchie in latex? Thought not.

It's the mother lode. Angelina Jolie, looking fit and beautiful pre-baby. BTW, the Jolie-Pitt clan was named the most beautiful family in the world by People so yet another categorey we all need to worry about breaking into. Shave your legs and tell the husband to do up his pants before next years's voting.

And now we arrive at what many hail as the most beautiful woman in the world. And she was a size sixteen at the height of her career. When Jackie O. become isanely jealous and had her killed. See, thta's what being too thin does to you, it makes you insane.

Most disturbingly I found this blog. There are a lot of these pro-eating disorder blogs circulating with tips on on keeping yourself 'thin'. This particular one I picked though because this dilluted child says that her dream is that she looks like Kate Bosworth in this photo.

Pro-Eating Disorder Blog

What the hell is going on here people?

And on that note, I'm having an Oreo.

Chick-Lit is dead

2006-08-08T19:05:00.000-05:00

Yep, that's what I found out at the conference. $120 worth of panty cookies, hotel room, conference fees and lots of bar tabs and I find out that my genre has gone the way of Katie Holmes career (well, okay, my genre isn't chained in the Scientology basement while it's "man" half is partying on a yacht in France with Sean Combs but you get the idea). Matter of fact, it's SO dead I got this little ditty in the email box yesterday...

Sorry, chick lit is really tough right now.

I've removed the name of the agent.

Professional, no? According to the people at the conference we are now to refer to ourselves as "Women's Literature" and we should be tackling more serious subjects like infidelity, addiction and parental relationship issues. No one want to read chick-lit, light mysetery, anything funny or anything with a gay man in it. Unless you wnat to read about two gay men together which is the hottest download now at Ellora's Cave according to the always fabulous Ralene G.

I...don't want to write about any of that. I don't want to read about any of it either. Who are you people who want to spend your free time hearing about spouses that cheat and alcoholics and people who hate their parents? Don't you have enough of that going on on television without having to slap down ten bucks to read about it? Not me. Not this chick. So the book of my heart is...not marketable at this point. And I'm devestated. And at a loss as to what to do. And wishing I had another all consuming passion like scrapbooking I could turn to. Normally I mock the scrapbook set. I'm so sad about it. And I actually have three agent and an editor request sitting here but I don;t even have the heart to send it since I'm afraid they'll be like OHHHHHH, nooooooooooooooo we're not doing that anymore. Sorry. It's all very disheartening.

So the question of the week is what should Novelchick now do? Oh, and NovelChick hates yoga so don't suggest that.

Oh, but just in case you are interested it's all about NASCAR and EROTICA. And...no.

Too Far Lost...

2006-08-04T15:28:00.000-05:00

A little last minute Friday Fun for you. Or it will make you sad. I'm not sure which. Anyway, I was combing through to see if there were any new LOST spoilers and I found this Blog by some scary Lost addict guy. Which at first I thought was pretty good and the spoilers listed for season three look very promising. Then I began reading the rest of the blog, which is entirely devoted to this man's quest to "solving" LOST.

Now I can't decide if he's really just kidding about all of it (and some parts he MUST be) or his mother (who I'm guessing he lives with) just needs to monitor his telelvision viewing more stringently.

The Return Of Friday Fun

2006-08-04T10:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, for your amusement. This link will take you to a stockade pile of backstage riders for over 200 bands. You can see what bizarre clauses are in their contracts governing the color of their couches (Lopez), the flowers (Dixie Chicks), the temperature of water (Everyone) and what sort of boxers some poor schmo has to run out and buy for Kid Rock.

See what you're missing...

Watch that first step off the wagon...it's a doozey

2006-08-03T13:05:00.000-05:00

Well, let's get to it shall we?

Mel Gibson. What's up with that?

Anti-Jew? Drunk? Victim of gross elaboration?

As you all know, my husband and I are great adorers of Nancy Grace. And I'll discuss her later. But last night I was sort of pissed that she had on not only the Mel Gibson story but that her take was that he had been given special treatment by being...arrested?

I like Mel Gibson. He's handsome, he's made some excellent movies, he's funny. I got no Mel issue per say. Now let me say that in my job, I know a lot about DUIs. WAY MORE THAN ANYONE SHOULD.

Mel Gibson was arrested for
DUI and open container. That's what the warrant states. Feel free to mosey over to TheSmokingGun.com and check it out yourself, the complete warrant is up. There's not mention of say, obstructing and officer, simple battery, terroristic threats, public disturbance, resisting arrest or anyo f half a dozen other charges that he could (probably would) have been charged with if the story that is circulating were completely true. I've read a lot of warrants and if you're insulting a police officer, it's in there. If you try it, they'll charge you with things you can not imagine.

So, what did he say? Who to? What's been embellished? Who knows. We'll never know. But here's the thing. Last night Nancy had on a Rabbi who was slashing old Mel in to ribbons. But here's the thing. Mel Gibson was hailed as the man who brought God back to hedonist Hollywood three years ago. He was beloved in the eyes of many of the same religious "leaders" who are bashing him now. In the time in between he's given plenty of money, his name nad some time to these various causes. So why is it that suddenly they are turning on him? Oh Hollywood, why has thou fosaken Mel? Why is it that you are taking the word of police officers over his without question? Especially when none of it appears in the official documentation? I'm not saying he didn't say it, I'm saying is there any evidence that this story wasn't SLIGHTLY embellished. I mean HOLLYWOOD, what are the odds? Maybe he said horrible ugly things about Jews and they should be ofended by that attitude. Maybe he called a woman sugartits. Honestly, I doubt this expresses his contempt for all women and I do get called way worse at work daily. Actually, are we sure he wasn;t just humming the lyrics to an Eminem song? Oh, wait, he would have called her Ho-Bitch instead and then followed that up with a threat to kill his ex-wife. And as for his claim to own Malibu...that may be true actually.

And even more disturbing, why are we so in a tizzy that it's Mel Gibson? Hey, famous people get arrested for a lot of crap ALL THE TIME. Are we by chance more shocked because he made a movie about Christ? That soemhow in our minds this made him better than other Hollywood movie mogul? Have we confused reality and entertainment? I'm not saying Mel Gibson isn't a religious person. For all I know he was tieing one more on before taking a plane to Italy and sequestering himself in a monastary. Or maybe he is a bigot? I don't know that either.

But I do know that Mel Gibson is an actor. He's a producer. He's a director. He's in the business of making money via movies. Jim Cavezial is not Jesus (??). I'm fairly sure Samuel L. Jackson does not really want snakes on his plane (??). Unless otherwise notified I'm going to plant my flag firmly on the ground that Heath Ledger is not only NOT gay, but not an aging shepard who lives in a trailer.

So why is this such a tempest in a tea pot? Are we more upset that he spewed out some ugly things while drunk? Or because he fell off the pedestal?

Incidentally, Nancy Grace, DUI and open container are both misdomeanors. You can walk out of jail any time you're in the mood after you post your $1200.00 bond.

No man is a Hero if his girlfriend is a shapeshifter and his barber is wearing the mask of Loki

2006-08-02T15:50:00.000-05:00

I finally figured out why the new manuscript is warping right along at light speed. It's Vogler. It's a Vogler Thing. For those of you unfamiliar with his theory and need a 101. He wrote a book called Hero's Journey. Allegedly it's the tome of all knowledge, the Holy Grail handed down by God himself upon whatever mount is closest to the Vogler Homestead in tablet form and is THE key to all successful screenplays and novels as it takes into account the elements that Homer used when writing his immortal works. It's a very large amount of stuff (at times mindboggling and sometimes I feel as though it actually is in Arameic) and there are graphs (which Mr. Novelchick thinks are cool).

But I kept writing and I kept thinking this all sounds so familiar and finally I went out to the garage and dusted off Vogler (who I have poo-pooed on his theory for YEARS) and damned if I'm not right in the middle of a Hero's Jounrey using his exact archetypes and model theory. Yes, I got Heros (reluctant and willing), I got Tricksters, Shapeshifters and Threshold Guardians, I have Innermost Caves and Seizing the Sword AND the Elixer. It's so embarressing.

It's too much to explain honestly so if you're a budding novelist or screen writer I'll toss this workshop example questionnaire at you. It's in PDF and licensed as view only. But the examples are solid and I think you can get where he's going. If it floats your boat you can either make your own worksheet, with limitless time and a love of typing. OR you might go down the list of questions and answer on a spreadsheet (The NovelChick Method). If this is the sort of thing that peaks your interest, and you have nothing else to do and you like charts, you may want to pick up a used copy. Happy Journey!

Three Takes on Hero's Journey

We are gathered here to go through your carry-on...

2006-08-01T13:14:00.000-05:00

I miss LOST. I miss it sooooo much. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on. I need Locke. I sense I'm breaking out the DVD's TONIGHT. Although I'd prefer the knife throwing bad ass to Mr. Touchy Feely but I'll take what I can get at this delicate juncture. I'd even be semi-glad to see Jack.

I'm even thinking of...oh it's too awful! I just can't! Oh, okay. I'm thinking of taking myself to the fanfic boards to slack my unholy desires. I know! It's awful. I feel dirty even talking about it. Buuuuttttt...there are some VERY talented writers out there who seem to want to spend their time rehashing others work. There's actually an urban legend (and if you can confirm with documentation) that one of the X-File writer's was discovered via her X fanfic. I have no problem with this as an exercise, I just don't want them not doing their own work and wasting talent. Fanfic. The Methadone of a LOST addict. Damn you, JJ and your weird ARC schedule that will leave me with a gaping hole in my soul for twelve weeks.

So until I make a decision about the fanfic I thought it might be fun to go through my fictional carry on as if I were on the doomed flight. So, here we go.

Rose: Okay, looks like Staci was from Georgia so she probably ate grits and played the banjo. Driver's license has her at 150 pounds and if she wanted to go to her grave thinking that, I have no objections. Although I'll point out I tossed her corpse on the pile and, well, let's say 150? No. Also, note for the record that her roots needed touching up at the time of her demise.

Apparently married for four years. To the same person. There's a wallet full of pictures of dogs, cats and a man holding a stingray. That's...weird. Did anyone think to grab the wedding ring? It was quite a rock. Oh, okay, Kate, good move. I thin kyou're 100% credible in the honesty department.

Lots of credit cards, business cards, like three dollars in change and a bunch of ones. Maybe she was in Sydney on strip club business? No, wait, it looks like she was staying at the Ritz and taking cabs so she had to have at least three hundred dollars in ones to tip everyone for every damn thing they do. I mean who gets a buck for opening a door? She has a Post-It here noting that in the South doors get opened for free because it's called polite.

Um..hey, we got drugs people! Valium, Paxil, Lamictal, Ben Gay, Tylenol, Excedrin, Midol, Tylenol PM, Advil, Benadryl, Afrin, Excedrin Migraine, Tylenol III, Motrin. Was this chick like three hundred years old? What? Okay, sure, Charlie you can hold that stuff until Jack gets here.

Hey, there's three Krystal Chiks in here. No, stop! Hurley, dude, you do not want to be the fat guy stereotype. Give those to Claire, she's eating for two.

Books, Sawyer, I got books! Janet Evanovich, Mary Janice Davidson, Amanda Quick. Maybe she really did have two personalities. So nothing for you. Wait, here's a Harry Potter at the bottom. And my Lord, she paid full price for it! Oh, wait, no she has a Borders Member Card here.

Chanel lipgloss, Chanel mascara, Bare Minerals base. For God's sake Shannon, she hasn't even been burned yet, don't put it on YET.

Stale gum, sticky pennies, a couple of mismatched earrings, three pairs of ugly and cheap sunglasses. Sixty million receipts from Target. A recipe for Lemon Curd Cake from Martha Stewart and a pack of rubber spiders bought for 75% off at Big Lots. My God, what a nut job. Maybe she could put a Post-It with Clean out damn purse on it. Oh, wait, she's dead. Never mind.

Yahtzee! We have an MP3 here and extra batteries. Wait. What is this? A bunch of 80's dance crap? Frank Sinatra? Who the hell is Oingo Boingo? Ru Paul? I guess we'll save that for when we throw a prom. Thanks, dead chick.

You know, to hell with it, let's dump the rest of this in the fire and just keep the bag. It's a Coach and I can gather mangos in it or something. See ya, Staci.

Staci: Hey! What are you doing? Stop going through my crap. I'm not dead, I was checking out Locke's exceptionally cool knife collection, drawing up some architectural renderings so Sayid can build me a cool hut and listening to Boone yammer about his nanny angst. What a whiner. I hope he falls off a cliff. Claire, I will kill you if you TOUCHED my Krystal chicks.